“Am I boring you, Vicky?” he said very suddenly.
To the contrary. “No, not at all, I was just focusing on what you were saying.”
He gave me a weird look. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
And I was okay. I was not feeling nauseated at all and I was on a date with what so far seemed to be a perfect guy. “Yes, I’m doing great,” I said with a big smile. It was the truth.
The entrees came in perfect time. The overflowing plate of Pad Thai steamed as the waitress put it in front of me. Eli’s cashew chicken looked just as good.
“Thank you very much, this looks delicious,” Eli said to the waitress and I just wanted to jump him right then.
My dad always said that the true test of a person is how they treat food servers. Eli had definitely passed that test.
Then he turned back to me and gave me the same kind of smile Dave used to deliver right before he was going to take me to bed.
I blushed and looked down at my plate, suddenly very happy for something to do. Digging my chopsticks into the noodles, I continued the conversation from before, still concentrating my eyes on the food.
“So tell me more about becoming a vet.”
He paused long enough that I had to look up at him to make sure he had heard me.
He was chewing and held up his finger to me, finishing the mouthful before speaking.
God. Manners are so sexy.
Finally, he was ready to speak. He shrugged. “I love animals and I’m a healer. It just made sense.”
“Do you love it? I would imagine it would be hard to have to put animals down and see them suffering.”
He nodded. “It’s the worst part of my job. Sometimes I just can’t shake a case when I go home; it’ll just haunt me for a very long time. You know, sometimes when I get in a tough abuse case, I’ll have nightmares for weeks. I just don’t understand how someone could abuse an animal who looks to them for everything and loves them unconditionally.” His eyes became glossy, but he continued. “But I do love the job. It’s the times when I can make a difference and see a loving family foster one of the abuse cases and bring the dog or cat back that makes it all worthwhile.” His furrowed brow eased, a smile returning to his face. “Or when a beautiful lady comes in with her newly adopted cat; those are good days, too.” He gave me that smile again.
I melted into my chair. This guy really was perfect.
“So how about you? I don’t know what you do.” He seemed suddenly surprised at his lack of knowledge.
“I don’t have much of a career right now,” I said, reluctant to start talking about how my entire life had revolved around my marriage. Wasn’t that the first rule of post-marriage dating? Never talk about the failed marriage. Although under the circumstances, it couldn’t be avoided. “My ex-husband and I owned a dental practice together and I ran the office, but…” I paused, realizing I had never said the word ‘ex-husband’ out loud before, at least, when it came to my own life. It wasn’t actually true that he was my ex-husband since we weren’t actually officially divorced yet, but it seemed more final than ‘legally separated.’
Realizing Eli was waiting for me to continue, I hurried to finish my thought. “Although the split was amicable, we agreed it was best if I left the practice.”
He nodded as he continued eating.
“He bought me out of the practice. And now I work part-time at Zoë’s office. But maybe down the road, I’ll do something different. Who knows?” I shrugged, feeling stupid. I was babbling, but I was so uncomfortable talking about my screwed up life. And I hadn’t even revealed my dirty little secret. Maybe that’s why I was so nervous. It had been bad enough when he had ordered the wine; I had refused in favor of Perrier. Eli hesitated, looking from the waitress to me and I could tell he wasn’t going to have a glass. Maybe he thought I was a teetotaler who would shun his drinking. But I insisted that he have a glass of the red, secretly so I could live vicariously through him. And as he lifted the glass to his lips, I really was jealous.
A glass or two of wine sure would have helped to calm my nerves a bit, maybe take them from frazzled and raw down to just a background hum.
“So what happened with…” Eli stopped halfway through his sentence, forcing me to look up at him.
“What?”
He looked back down at his food. “Never mind, it’s none of my business.”
I knew what he was asking. The sixty-four thousand dollar question: why my marriage ended. He was right; it was none of his business, but now I felt that because he was curious and had put the question out there, I owed him an explanation. But I really wasn’t ready to give it to him.
Put it this way: if I tell him the real reason and he’s totally into kids, I’ve ruined the evening. Why not leave that complicated issue to at least date number two or three? I had to face facts: I would have to explain all aspects of my, eh hem, situation at some point, preferably before I was showing, but until then, I felt I deserved at least one or two enjoyable evenings out. So I did what I had to do: I played dumb and ignored the dangling question. Instead, I asked him one of my own.
“So how come you haven’t been snatched up yet?”
He smirked. Very cute.
“I’ve been building my practice. It took a lot of my time and tons of money to get it going. But I think I’m at a spot where I don’t have to work so much. I can afford not to do evening and weekend shifts at the emergency vet clinic and I’m finding I have a lot more time to myself.”
Please don’t say ‘and I’m ready to start a family,’ I prayed silently. I was having such a great time with him, I didn’t want him to ruin it.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone seriously and you know, all my friends are married or engaged, and are starting to have serious doubts that I’m straight. Maybe I owe it to them to start proving I am.”
I laughed along with him.
After consuming more than was probably wise, I pushed the plate away from me, unable to finish the still formidable mound of noodles.
“Up for some dessert?” he asked.
“Not for me, but you go right ahead,” I said. I was stuffed and awaiting what I was sure was going to be a carb-induced stupor or serious heartburn. I shouldn’t have eaten so much.
“No, I’m full.”
He hailed the waitress over to clear our plates. “Coffee?”
I shook my head, utterly sated.
“Just the check, please,” Eli said politely to the waitress.
How awkward was this? I reached for my purse to get my wallet. Should I offer to pay my half? Or since I had called him, should I offer to pay the whole thing? Although, in fairness, he had been the first to initiate the whole idea of us going out.
“Can I…”
I didn’t get very far before he was shaking his head.
“Please, my mother would kill me if she ever found out I let an eligible Jewish lady buy her own dinner on a date.”
“I think my mother would be just as mortified if she ever found out I paid for my own dinner on a date, especially with an eligible Jewish man.”
“Don’t forget, I can legally call myself ‘doctor.’” He winked.
“Nice touch, my Jewish mother will definitely like that.”
“Mine was surprisingly unimpressed when I pointed out that fact. Apparently, being a veterinarian doesn’t hold the same cachet as being what she terms a ‘real doctor.’” He paused, his smile spreading. “So you’re planning to tell your mother about me, then?” his smile was jovial, but his eyes were asking a serious question.
I relied on my old friend, sarcasm to help me avoid answering his real question. “Are you kidding? Every detail.” I said deadpan as I flicked a piece of lint from my sleeve.
It had been a very long time since I’d flirted with anyone other than Dave. I’d forgotten how fun it was; almost like a sport. Parry, spar, return.
“Good to hear, maybe she can have me over for Shabbat dinner after even
ing services.”
I quickly looked up at him, my eyes betraying my sudden horror. Shabbat dinner? Was Eli of that rare and strange breed: an observant Jew? My mood suddenly lost all traces of humor. “Are you religious?”
He smirked and delivered that killer wink. “Gotcha.”
Damn it all, I’d been had.
“That’s a risky game, Eli. I could have surprised you and said that I was shomer shabbos.”
He glanced down at the table where my plate had been only moments before. “Based on the shrimp you devoured in your Pad Thai, I’m guessing you are not that observant, my dear.”
“Oh, touché. Duh. You sure you wouldn’t be better off dating a shiksa with at least half a brain?”
Parry and riposte.
His eyes bored into mine. “Nah, I kind of like you, Vicky.”
I wanted this guy. No, correct that; I needed this guy. And bad. But it was only a first date. Was it now standard practice to have sex with a guy on the first date? I knew what Jen’s answer would be, but she was hardly a good point of reference by which to judge the dating world.
See how it goes, Vicky, I told myself, getting more and more nervous as I watched Eli pay using the machine the waitress had brought to the table. When he was done, we rose from the table and he held my coat for me to slip into. For a half a second I felt the pressure of his hands against my shoulders and I had a sudden fantasy of throwing him down right there in the restaurant. Damn hormones.
The car ride home was agonizing. He asked if I wanted to stop for coffee on the way, but as much as I wanted to spend more time with him, I was anxious to put this whole first date behind us. I wanted to close the book on date one and begin planning for date two. So I politely declined, blaming my impending morning shift as reason for making it an early night.
“I can’t say I’m not disappointed,” Eli said, glancing over at me as he turned onto my street.
“Next time, I promise.”
“So there will be a next time?”
God, unless I get struck down by lightning, there will be. “I would really like that,” I said out loud.
He pulled into my driveway and a herd of butterflies fluttered in my belly. “C’mon, I’ll walk you to the door.” His voice had a new, husky quality to it. It was beyond sexy.
“No, it’s okay. I’m all right.”
Not that I had a choice since he was already out of the car and walking over to my side.
I hardly trusted my legs. You are not a teenager, Vicky, what is wrong with you?
The door opened and he offered his hand. I took it and rose as delicately as I could. As I stood, I got a big waft of him; cologne, musk, testosterone. I was getting drunk on him. Still holding my hand, he led me to the front door. Reluctantly, I let go of him so I could dig in my coat pocket for my keys.
“I had a really good time,” I said. It felt like a stock answer, but it was completely true. “I would like to do this again,” I added to give my first statement some credibility.
“Me too, on both counts.” Eli smiled as he looked down at me.
Do I invite him in under the pretense of a nightcap? Or do I just give him the straight goods and tell him I want to jump him? My entire body ached for him, and I think he knew it. I got the same feeling from him, like we were two pulsing magnets, needing to come together.
“Would it be okay if I…”
Not letting him finish his sentence, I stepped forward and kissed him. My fingers entwined in his hair as I pulled him closer, devouring him. He kissed back, parting my lips with his until I could feel and taste his tongue in my mouth. My entire body vibrated with longing. “Get inside,” I managed to mumble against his lips.
His mouth moved down to my neck and I nearly exploded with desire. I shoved the key in the lock and opened the door, pulling on his coat to drag him in behind me.
“I shouldn’t,” he whispered into my ear as he resumed kissing my neck.
“Oh my God, Eli, I want you so badly,” I couldn’t believe how hot I was. It had been years since I had felt this kind of wobbly-kneed, blinding need.
Eli groaned in response, finding my lips again with his own. He pushed himself against me and I felt him hard against my belly.
My pregnant belly.
I stopped kissing back and pushed him away, feeling sudden tears rising along with the hard knot in my throat.
“What? I’m sorry, Vicky. It’s too soon, isn’t it?”
I looked at the man in front of me. The perfect, beautiful man. He was still breathing hard as he looked at me, obviously guilt-stricken over what he thought was a case of him taking advantage.
“It’s me. I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. “You’re just separated. You need time, I should have respected that. I’m sorry for being such a schmuck.”
“It’s not that, it’s just so complicated.” Even after one date, I was really liking this guy and just couldn’t bear the thought of starting a relationship based on lies. I had to come clean.
He leaned back on the wall. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Vicky.”
I looked down at my shoes. “I’m pregnant.”
He was silent. I looked up at him.
Confusion contorted his face. “What do you mean?”
“Come in, let’s sit down.”
He hesitated but then after kicking off his shoes, Eli followed me into the living room. We sat together on the big sofa. I turned to face him and took a deep breath before I started my story.
“I’m pregnant. But before you get weird about it, I’m not keeping it.”
He blinked several times before he spoke. I couldn’t blame him, it was a lot to take in, especially on a first date. “So why are you telling me this?”
“Well, I’m keeping it inasmuch as I’m not having an abortion. Well, I mean, I almost did, but there was this couple and my friend Kendra…” this was not going well. I abruptly stopped babbling and took a deep breath. “Okay, hold on, let me start again.”
Poor Eli just stared at me.
“Yes, I am pregnant. No, it’s not my ex-husband’s. I made a big mistake when I was first separated and that’s how I got in this…situation. But I’ve decided to do the lemonade thing and have the baby and give it up for adoption.”
I looked up at Eli for his reaction. His face was blank and impossible to read.
“I don’t want kids of my own. That’s why I’m not keeping it, which is, I’m sure, your most burning question.”
Eli exhaled. “Wow.”
“I know. It’s a big deal, I know. And I don’t blame you if you don’t want to see me again. I just thought if we were going to start something, I’d better come clean first.”
“You really don’t want kids?” A deep line bisected his brow.
“Really, really.” I sighed, gearing up for the next truth. “That’s why Dave and I split up, actually. He wanted a family, I didn’t.”
“And so you’re having this baby and giving it away?”
I nodded, looking down at my fidgeting fingers, filled with shame, terrified he was going to think I was an awful person.
“Vicky?” Eli said, forcing me to look at him. “That’s the most beautiful thing I think I’ve ever heard.”
For half a second I thought he was patronizing me but then realized when I saw his eyes were glassy with unshed tears, he was being totally sincere.
He grabbed my hand. “I really think you’re making a miracle happen.”
That opened the floodgates. I began to cry and then even harder when he took me in his strong arms. How long I had craved the strong arms of a man around me, comforting me in the way no girlfriend could. I leaned into him, absorbed in the clean, musky smell of him, feeling at peace for the first time in countless weeks.
Until several minutes later, when a niggling thought came to me.
I pulled back and looked into his face. “Do you want kids?”
He shook his head. “I never have, althoug
h I’ve never told anyone. I always thought there was something wrong with me that I would rather have a house full of pets than children.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well if you’ve got something wrong with you, then I suffer from the same affliction.”
He kissed me on the lips and then leaned back, smiling. “Thank you, Vicky, for coming into my life at just about the most perfect time.”
“Perfect time? Where were you about eight weeks ago to save me from this mess?” I snorted.
He looked down at my still-flat belly. “Eight weeks?”
I nodded. “Give or take.”
He brought my hand to his lips. “So you’re telling me it’ll be another seven months before I can ply you with wine and take advantage of you?”
I threw my arms around his neck and whispered into his ear, “Who needs wine?”
Epilogue
By the time I realized my water had broken and I had not actually peed the bed, I had already changed the sheets in preparation for my return to much-needed sleep. But then the first contraction hit like a freight train through my abdomen and instinct kicked in: this was it.
Feeling much calmer than I ever imagined I would, I picked up the phone and dialed.
“Hello?” came the sleepy voice on the other end.
“Hon, it’s time.”
“I’m on my way,” Eli said, sounding suddenly very awake.
After I hung up on him, I dialed my brother’s number.
“This had better be good,” Steve grumbled into the phone.
“Steve, gimmie Jen.”
His voice softened. “Oh, hey, Vicky. Is it time?”
Two seconds later, Jen was on the phone. “Hey girl, I’m on my way.”
“Eli’s picking me up. We’ll meet you there.”
“You’ve got everything?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” I was a week overdue so I had my bag and ‘to the hospital’ outfit ready in the corner of my bedroom. I pulled the dress over my head and grabbed the handle of the bag, dragging it behind me as I made my way to the front door.
Ex followed me, probably thinking I was just doing my regular middle of the night walkabout. It had become a nightly thing starting about two weeks ago; I woke up every night and just needed to walk. Most nights the cat would walk along with me, stealing a rub against my leg every so often. And then there were the nights when Eli would stay over and would get up with me and make me a tea. And when I finally became so exhausted and crawled back into bed, he would rub my legs until I fell asleep. I wondered that neither of us talked about what our lives would be like after the baby was born, but it was like we were both holding our breath, waiting for something fabulous and terrifying at the same time.
Life, Sideways Page 22
