by Jack Parker
"It's not a bloody date," she told herself angrily, rummaging around for something to wear.
She was having a hard job remembering that. And, as she worked her way through make up that she hadn't worn for some time and pampered every part of her body until she glowed from head to toe she'd lost sight of it completely.
* * *
The food smelt lovely as it cooked away and Robin took a step back. He brushed his hair out of his eyes. The kitchen was tidy, the food doing well, now it was time to turn attention to himself.
When was the last time he dressed up? He couldn't really remember. He suspected it might have been for his last night in 1995, but since everything he 'owned' in Gene's world made him look like a Blur reject it didn't really count.
He quickly showered and washed his hair, leaving it flopping over one eye as always before digging through his wardrobe. There was that black shirt Kim commented on, all clean and pressed. Perfect. He pulled it on along with some smart black jeans and looked at himself in the mirror.
Why was he doing this? Why was he so bothered? This was Kim – she was a friend… he didn't make this much effort for other friends. Not that he had that many. Was he going overboard he wondered as he splashed on his aftershave. Aftershave – he never wore that. What the hell was happening to him?
He wouldn't even let himself acknowledge that he was wearing his lucky pants.
In fact, he didn't even admit to himself that he had a pair of lucky pants.
He stared in the mirror. There were scars tucked away under that shirt. Out of sight didn't mean out of mind, but at least Kim couldn't see them.
He ran a hand through his hair and then set off back to the kitchen to put the finishing touches to the meal. Culinary skills were the one thing he had on his side.
* * *
Hair immaculate, make-up flawless, draped in silk and smothered in perfume Kim looked at her reflection. Had she gone a little overboard? Maybe, she thought, but she felt good. Wasn't that the main thing?
She looked at the clock. It was half five but she couldn't wait any longer. If she waited anther minute then she was going to lose her nerve. She wrote a note of apology to Linda, gulped down one last mouthful of scotch and started to head down the stairs but as she was halfway down the front door opened and Linda arrived back with the boys. Kim froze for a moment. They were early, weren't they?
Linda caught a glimpse of Kim glammed up from head to toe. Her eyes lit up and her tongue moved around her lips.
"My my," she said, "don't you look the part?" she saw Kim looking slightly awkward. Either she has gone overboard with the blusher or she was embarrassed. "What's all this in aid of then?" Now she noted Kim was looking thoroughly uncomfortable. "The last time I came home to find you all dressed up you whisked me off for our anniversary meal."
Kim bit her lip and cursed herself for picking up Robin's habit.
"Uh, drinks with people from work," she said quietly, "I just left you a note."
Linda froze and her expression of anticipation turned into one of disappointment and anger. Her eyes were fixed on Kim as she said,
"This is all for your workmates?"
"Sorry," Kim said quietly.
"You didn't mention this before," Linda said stiffly.
"It was an impromptu thing," Kim said, her false smile wobbling.
"Impromptu," Linda repeated, "looks like it too. So spur of the moment that you had the time to bleach your roots and paint your nails. Which, I might add, you never do."
Kim took a deep breath.
"Please don't be upset," she said in a hurry, "I'm just trying to get to know them better. To fit in."
"Why would I be upset?" cried Linda, "for me you dress in men's shirts and grubby bloody jeans, then you go out with your new-found work buddies and you're all dressed up to the nines? What do I even mean to you, Alex?"
Kim flinched. She didn't want to be called by that name any more.
"Can we talk about this later?" she hissed, looking at the boys and their anxious faces.
Linda hesitated. She looked from one to the other then said quietly,
"Boys, you go and play in your room. I'll call you when tea is ready."
The boys looked nervous but nonetheless they did as they were told leaving Linda to confront Kim. Her face was like thunder.
"Please, Linda," Kim said quietly, "we'll talk about this later, and you and I will do something this weekend. I promise."
"No we won't," Linda cried, "we never do. we plan to and then something happens and we can't be bothered. Or you can't." she glowered. "How important am I to you, Alex?"
"You don't need to ask me that," Kim whispered, hoping she wouldn't ask again.
"Yes I do," said Linda, "if I knew the answer then I wouldn't be asking. You never make an effort for me, you never make time for me, you lay next to me in bed and I might as well be lying with a block of ice." She noticed that Kim didn't respond. "When did it all start going wrong, hmm? When we moved in together? When we got married? When we had the boys?"
"Linda, I've just been through a lot lately," Kim said quietly, a note of defeat in her voice.
"Oh yea," said Linda, "that's right. That's where it all started going wrong, wasn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
"When I took the boys down to see my family," Linda said quietly, "And I turned on the news to see my wife was on the run." She watched Kim hang her head. "And from there, everything started to go wrong."
"No," Kim shook her head slowly, "it was wrong way before that."
"No, that was it, Linda took a step forward, her anger raging, "after that you just lost interest in me. Los interest in our family.
"That's not true…"
"All you want to do is spend time with that Robert –
"Robin," Kim corrected quietly, her head hanging low.
"Or sit by the bed or that coma woman," Linda carried on, "for hours and hours instead of spending time with me!"
"That's not true."
"Now, I don't care if you think you're helping her by reading her bloody tattoo magazines," Linda carried on, "or if that Robin man is the brother of some long lost friend of yours…"
"Boyfriend, not brother," Kim corrected quietly.
"We're supposed to be your priority! Why do you never put us first?"
Kim slowly raised her head. She looked Linda in the eye. There was a different look on her face now.
"You never listen to me," she said quietly, "do you?"
"What? Of course I listen –"
"You don't," Kim said quietly, "not really." She swallowed and felt a tear starting to roll down her cheek. "You hear but you don't listen. All the things you just said… some of the most important people in my life and you didn't get a single thing right about them. You've never listened to a thing I have said."
"Well maybe I'm sick of hearing about how much you care about other people compared to me and the boys!" Linda cried.
Kim shook her head slowly.
"You're putting words in my mouth," she whispered.
"I can't get two words out of you!" cried Linda, "you won't talk to me –"
"You don't listen when I do!"
"You have no interest in me any more…" her eyes narrowed. "Might as well take a dildo to bed at night for all the good it does laying next to you."
"And that's what you really think is it?" Kim whispered.
Linda stared at her. She swallowed.
"Yes," she whispered, "I get nothing from you any more. Nothing."
Kim swallowed so hard that she could hear herself gulp. She felt a vicious tear rolling down her cheek at speed and wiped it crossly.
"Fine," she whispered, "unlike you, I actually listen. And I heard what you said. So I'll just get out of your life and you can go and enjoy yourself with that dildo."
Closing her eyes tightly for a moment she took in a deep but staggered breath and then walked straight to the door, left the house and stepped out into the ch
illy evening air. She left behind more than an argument in that moment. In her heart, she knew she was leaving her relationship too.
* * *
Robin licked the soup from his finger as it splashed a little. He made a noise of approval and finished spooning it out into their bowls before fetching the crusty bread he'd sliced a minute ago and placing it in the centre of the table.
"Perfect," he smiled proudly just as a knock came at the door. Robin glanced at the clock. If that was Kim she was right on time, but he'd been expecting the buzzer. He wiped off his hands on a tea towel and walked through to the front door. Pausing before it he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His stomach was full of butterflies and his hands twitched with nervous energy.
One, two, three –
He opened the door. There standing outside was Kim, her clothes hugging her body in a way he'd never seen before, her scent drifting towards him and floating through the air and her hair almost glowing with bright energy. But from each eye a long, black line of running make up showed him the route her tears had taken.
"Kim," he breathed, his mouth fell open slightly, partly by the effort she'd made and partly from his great concern, "what –"
"The door was open downstairs," Kim whispered. She was shaking like a leaf. "I came straight up."
"Oh my God Kim, what's happened?" he stepped back a little, "come in. Please, Kim, come in."
Kim took a step inside and looked at Robin.
"We had a row," she whispered, "Me and Linda." Her face slowly started to crumble, "I think we're over, Robin."
Her usually strong and stoic ways crumbled with her expression and loud, wall-shaking sobs came from deep within her. Robin took a moment to gather himself. The move had taken him by absolute surprise and he wasn't sure what to do until instinct took over and he did the only thing that he could, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her head to his shoulder as she cried.
The door was still open and the neighbours were peering through their spy holes or around the sides of their front doors to see what was going on but he wasn't going to let her go until her crying had calmed at least a little. He rocked her gently from side to side, feeling her heartbeat racing against him. His eyes were closed as he held her and despite her horrible situation he felt himself relaxing with her in his arms. It felt natural, like it was meant to be. That was something that disturbed him just a little but he pushed it out of his mind. Kim needed him and he wasn't going to fall apart now. Especially not when she needed him to hold her together.
Chapter Ten
When was the last time anyone had seen her in this kind of a state? Kim wasn't sure anyone ever had. She felt physically numb from head to toe even though her emotions were raw and biting. She felt herself guided by Robin through the flat but her eyes were too blurred from tears to see where he was taking her.
"Come on, come and sit down," he said to her quietly.
Kim wiped at her eyes and blinked a few times, finding herself in the kitchen. On the table were two bowls of tomato soup and there were saucepans on the hob sending beautiful smells through the air. She felt terribly guilty and sniffed a little.
"Oh Rob, you made such an effort," she whispered, "…but I don't think I can eat right now…"
"Oh, sod the food," Robin shook his head, "I'll get the brandy."
Kim wiped her eyes again. They were sore and bleary.
"Thanks," she whispered.
Robin guided her into the lounge and sat her down on the sofa. He placed the bottle in her hand.
"I'll get the glasses," he said quietly.
"Thank you," Kim's voice was so quiet that Robin could barely hear her as he set off for the kitchen. He switched off the oven and the hobs, then collected some glasses and went back to the lounge.
"Here," he said. He handed her a glass but saw her hands were shaking too much to pour so he took the bottle back and started to pour the brandy for them both. He sat the bottle on the table and lifted his own glass. "Kim? Do you want to talk?" he asked quietly.
Kim glanced at him, her fingers playing around the rim of her glass.
"I think it's over," she whispered.
"What happened?"
Kim stared into her brandy. She could see lights dancing in the glass.
"Linda called me out on a lot of things," she whispered, "and she's right. I don't make the effort with her. I don't spend enough time with her. I'm not 'all there' in our relationship any more. I don't want to be physical with her any more. I…" she shook her head. "I'm not in love with her." She looked back at Robin. "But," she whispered, "she's not blameless. I realised something about her too."
"What?" Robin whispered.
"She doesn't really know me," Kim said quietly, "and that's partly my fault, everything about… you know. That place. I can't exactly tell her." She shook her head. "But when I do try to open up and talk to her she doesn't listen. She only hears the words, she doesn't take in what they mean." She took a sip of her brandy and pulled a slight face.
"You're really not much of a brandy drinker, are you," Robin said with a little smile.
"Sorry," Kim gave a feeble smile and wiped her nose, "I just like my scotch." She looked at the bottle on the table. It was only around a quarter full. For someone who didn't drink Robin seemed to have found a use for most of that brandy in the last few weeks. She looked at him a little concerned. "You alright Rob?" she asked.
Robin ignored her question. His priority was to take care of her.
"So why did things blow up tonight?" he asked.
"Oh," Kim hiccupped a little as the tears threatened to start falling again, "I was leaving to come here. She saw me all dressed up and got angry with me. Says I make more effort for colleagues than for her." She bit her lip slightly. "Because you are kind of a colleague now," she tried to cover up. She didn't want Robin to know about her lie. She didn't want to have to answer questions about why she'd lied in the first place. "But she's said some spiteful things about me lately, Rob." She looked at him with eyes full of hurt, "accusing me of letting myself go, saying I'm getting fat and drinking too much. I know I've had the odd scotch but she's making out like I'm an alcoholic! I used to drink far more than that, back when I was younger." She looked away, "and in another world." She shook her head. "She's made me feel like shit."
"She has no right," Robin said quietly, He reached out and pushed a little of her hair from her face as it started to hang forward, "no right at all."
"She said she's going to replace me with a dildo," Kim was particularly angry with that comment, even though she knew she'd been falling short in that department lately. She took another mouthful of brandy and put down her glass. "I don't know what to do, Rob. I do love her, I always loved her but I'm not… not in love with her. You know?" she looked at him, her eyes intense and deep. "You know when you're in a relationship and there's something that… you're not quite feeling?"
Robin didn't know. He'd only ever been in a relationship with Simon. But he could imagine.
"You can't stay where you're unhappy, Kim," he said quietly.
"But it's so complicated," Kim whispered, "I don't want to lose my boys. And I wish that I could make things work… I'd been trying really hard, ever since…" she bit her lip as she came to a halt. She couldn't exactly say 'ever since you greeted me with Little Robin standing to attention.' "Ever since I started work in CID." She looked down. "She wasn't exactly supportive of my decision."
"I know," Robin sighed sadly.
Kim glanced at Robin.
"Could… could I stay here?" she whispered, "tonight? I need some space away from her. She probably needs some space away from me too."
Robin nodded slowly.
"Of course," he whispered, "any time. You know that."
He came to realise he was still stroking her hair back away from her face. He hadn't even noticed. He felt as though he was under a spell and he couldn't break free from it. He stared at her face, the tear tracks a reminder of her d
evastation. Slowly he licked his finger and wiped some of the make-up away.
"Oh God, what must I look like?" she whispered.
"It doesn't matter," Robin said quietly, "you're still beautiful."
Talk about words escaping. He'd never have let them out if he'd had any say in the matter. They charged out of his mouth of their own accord. Immediately a moment of panic struck him, swelling in his chest. He looked at Kim with his eyes open wide in surprise at his own words but she didn't seem to have heard.
"What am I going to do, Robin?" she whispered.
Robin looked at her seriously.
"I don't know," he said, "but you're strong enough to survive whatever happens. And you have me. You'll always have me." He laid his handover hers and found it stony cold. "Kim, you're freezing," he whispered.
Kim was so numb she'd barely noticed.
"I am?"
Robin rubbed her hand as though to warm it up.
"It is a little chilly tonight," he said, "and I haven't managed to get the heating sorted out here yet."
"It was raining a little outside," Kim whispered, "but not that cold."
"Maybe it's the shock then," Robin said quietly, spotting the goosebumps on her arms. "Kim, I can't let you freeze like this."
"I'm OK," Kim said quietly.
"No you're not," Robin pulled her to her feet and took her to the bedroom where he peeled back the duvet. "Get in."
Kim looked at him in confusion.
"Why?"
"This is the warmest duvet in the world," Robin boasted, "you'll soon warm up."
"I'm not cold," Kim whispered but she was shivering now. Robin guided her to the bed and tucked her in.
"Just get warm, Kim," he said quietly, "you stay there and I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?" Kim asked, a little panicked. She felt as though she didn't want to be on her own.
"I'll be right back," Robin assured her again.
