‘I’m not sure it’s going to be that easy.’ She thought about the way Ben had looked at her just before he’d walked away and her heart contracted. In her panic she’d demanded so much from him. Maybe it was too late.
‘Why ever not?’
‘Because I’m not sure he wants me after all this.’
Eileen pinged Charlotte’s pink, fluffy wings. ‘How could he possibly not want you?’
So many reasons. ‘We want different things.’
‘Rubbish. You want the same things, just on a slightly different timeline. But one thing I’ve learned over the years, Charlotte, is that timing’s rarely perfect. And it certainly doesn’t trump love.’
This cancer gene was going to take away the future as she knew it. It was, possibly, going to take away her chance of motherhood. It had already sapped her joy and pushed itself between her and those closest to her. She wasn’t going to let it take her away from Ben. ‘I need to see him. I need to talk to him, Mum. Would it be really bad if I snuck out of here in the morning and went to Dublin?’
‘I think there’s no limit to what you can do if you really love someone. And if that means sneaking out of a hen weekend in Amsterdam, then so be it.’
It had been another night with barely any sleep, but at least it meant she’d got her speech to Ben rehearsed, and she was awake before the alarm clock. Okay, she was digging deep for positives. There’d been no seats on the first flight out, but she’d managed to secure one for the second.
Now there was just the matter of tiptoeing off the houseboat without waking everyone up. Charlotte slipped out of bed and, as quietly as she could, dressed and packed.
Lissa had had her back to Charlotte all night and had snored loudly for a lot of it, but she was in a quiet sleep cycle now. Charlotte blew her a kiss, promising to make things better between them as soon as she’d seen Ben.
But as she was pulling the door closed behind her she heard, ‘Good luck. But you won’t need it. He’d be a bloody idiot to let you go.’
That woman. ‘You know where I’m going?’
‘Sure. I can read you like a book. Tell him, if he doesn’t play ball, he’ll have me to deal with.’
Charlotte imagined how that scenario would play out. And Ben would definitely be on the losing side. She smiled at her best friend for ever. ‘I love you too.’
There was a warm glow in the air as Charlotte trundled her case up to the footpath. There wasn’t much time before check-in closed so she put a spurt in her step, head down. She was going to Dublin to thrash this out with him. She was going to make this work. She was going to fight for her life, for her man, for her marriage.
She felt rather than heard the person behind her, closer and closer. A hitch in breath sounds.
Weird. That was all she needed… mugged or worse in the early Amsterdam hours. Dumped in a canal. She upped her pace.
The footsteps behind her sped up too.
She daren’t look back; that would slow her down and show her fear. Up ahead there was a family on bicycles, coming towards her. Thank God.
‘Hey!’ A voice behind her. ‘Where’s the fire?’
The soothing tones of an Irish-London accent.
No. She was imagining it. Lissa said she always made such a drama out of things, this was just another one.
‘Charl. Slow down. Stop. For God’s sake.’
‘Ben?’ Here in Amsterdam? What the hell? She whirled round and there he was… standing in front of her, panting slightly. Sweaty. Tired. Post-stag night weary. Beautiful. ‘What are you doing here?’
Beautiful, but he didn’t whirl her in his arms or give her one of his earth-shattering kisses. He jerked a shoulder. Unsure. ‘Your mum rang me in the middle of the night. She said you were all over the place, that you and Lissa had a fight. That everyone knows about everything. Sounds intense.’
He’d come to her. The rehearsed words fled and she was left with an ache in her chest and a mouth filled with shapes but no sounds. He’d come to her. Even though she’d been the one rushing things, pushing things. Being scared and lashing out.
Eventually she managed, ‘Yeah. Not the best hen weekend in the world. How was Dublin?’
‘Ach, you know.’ He stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‘Not the same without you.’
Which was all lovely and everything but she had to do what she had to do. ‘I’ve been thinking. And talking. And thinking. And while I’d absolutely love to marry you next week, Ben, I’ve come to the conclusion that you’d be a lot better off without me. No drama. No dodgy genes. Boobs.’ She pointed at hers, the ones he loved, that they’d both miss, she was sure of it.
He nodded, eyebrows rising. Shrugged. ‘Okay, right you are. If that’s what you want. Your call.’ Then he swivelled on his heels and turned away.
What? ‘That’s it?’ she called to his retreating back. ‘Just like that? You walk away. Again? We don’t get to talk about this?’
He stopped. Turned around. Didn’t make any movement back towards her. His hands fanned out to his sides. ‘You’ve decided, though.’
She frowned, dropped her case and marched towards him, ignoring the stares of the bicycling family. He’d come to finish it. Of course. He was too much of a man to break it off by text or on the phone. The ache in her chest intensified as she thought about facing a future without him. And, in that moment, she knew she’d do anything to keep him. Even give up her dream of having babies. Because she didn’t have a future if she wasn’t with Benjamin Niall Murphy. He was her future. ‘I thought we made decisions together, Ben? I thought—’
‘We were a team?’
‘Yes. A team.’ She thought of their house, and The Plan, and her studio, and the promises they’d made. She thought of marshmallows and salt and vinegar crisps. Of all the things they’d done together. The life they’d shared. Then of the last few weeks when she’d tangented off without him. ‘I love you, Ben. I made some mistakes. I’m sorry.’
‘I know you are. I know you had a rough time. I know you were confused. We were confused.’
‘Yes. And I should have included you in everything.’ Tears pricked her eyes. She’d lost him and it hurt so much.
‘And I should have understood why you didn’t. But I can’t let you die. I just can’t… do you understand?’
Her heart felt like it was about to stop. Or go into some crazy rhythm that would kill her anyway. ‘Oh, Ben.’
He looked at her, then, his face open and scared. Faithful. Honest. ‘If you were me, what would you choose?’
She imagined having to face the thought of him dying. Which she did every day because of his job. How much easier it was to just breathe when she knew he was safe, when he was in her life for one more day. And she understood. ‘You. I’d choose you.’
His lips pressed together and his eyes fluttered closed, just for a second. Then he nodded. ‘Okay. Let’s work it through. Bit by bit. Let’s do it together, as a team.’
Relief flooded through her. ‘You were walking away.’
He smiled, warily. ‘I was letting you have that bit of drama you love so much.’
She swatted his arm, but then grabbed it and pulled him to her. ‘Pig. You nearly gave me a heart attack.’
He nuzzled his nose against hers. ‘Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. That’s the very last bit of drama I want between us. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
Pressing a kiss onto her forehead he smiled. There were tears swimming in his eyes and that made the ache in her chest almost explode. ‘You get one life, Charlotte, and no one knows how long or how short it’s going to be. Not you, not me, not anyone. But with this genetic analysis, you get a chance, you see? You get a chance to do everything you want to do and to defy nature. To live longer and better, and fulfil all that wonderful potential. And sure, we can make plans ad infinitum, but they don’t have to rule our every move. And if they’re our plans, we can change them, right?’
He’d thought about it. Taken onboard what she’d said and was pr
epared to be flexible, for her. Could she love him any more? ‘Right.’
‘So let’s do what makes us happy, okay? Personally, I have to admit, sex with you makes me very happy… So let’s get lots of practice… and we can work through timing and making babies, if that’s possible.’
Her hand went to his chest. ‘We should get a more expert opinion first.’
His eyes glittered. ‘Trust me, when it comes to sex, I know what I’m doing. I am the expert.’
She couldn’t help laughing. Because he was dead right there. ‘I wasn’t talking about sex. I was talking about the gene and the surgery and everything.’
He grinned. ‘Of course. We’ll listen to what they have to say and then we’ll choose what works for us.’
Us. She hadn’t been sure she was going to hear that word, feel that word, again. She was so glad she could. ‘I thought you were going to walk away again.’
‘Never. I’m going to stick by your side for the rest of your life. In fact, I’m going to be a devil to get rid of.’
Just before she kissed him she whispered, ‘That, Mr Murphy, would be no hardship at all.’
Chapter Seventeen
‘Charlotte, I promise to love you for ever. I promise to support you in everything you do, to help you chase your dreams. I promise to share your laughter and your tears. And I promise to stay by your side as your friend and your lover until we are very, very, very old.’ Ben gave a little shoulder shake as he gazed into Charlotte’s eyes. Was that okay?
Perfect, she mouthed to him and watched as his shoulder dipped in relief. It was a big deal to stand here in front of all these people and say things you didn’t usually say.
She glanced over to her bridesmaids, who were all beautiful in their stunning lavender dresses, and all beaming at her and Ben. She’d come to realise that it wasn’t pity they’d had in their eyes, it was empathy. They wanted the best for her and wanted to help her work things through.
She was blessed to have them with her. Even if Amsterdam had become a blubbering mess of tears and fierce hangovers and an awful lot of scolding and you should have told us!
Yes, she should have.
Father Lukas smiled. Nodded. ‘Your turn, Charlotte.’
Okay. She gripped Ben’s hands. Just the slightest of trembles, because this wasn’t something to be scared of. This was her solemn promise.
‘Benjamin, my very best friend, I promise to be honest and faithful and true to you. I promise to keep an endless supply of salt and vinegar crisps and marshmallows…’ A flutter of laughter and just a little bit of bemusement floated around the cool, dark church. Charlotte paused and let the words come from her heart. ‘…And to never stop loving you, whatever, whenever, however. I promise to keep you in my heart and in my thoughts and to walk hand in hand with you, wherever this journey takes us. Living and loving, together.’
There was a ripple of applause.
Music. A kiss. A slow walk down the aisle where she noticed not sixteen but close to sixty of her dance pupils sitting in her side of the church. As she glided past they cheered and her heart lifted. This was her family, right here.
And all too soon they were called to take the dance floor for the first dance. She took hold of Ben’s hand, but he shook his head. ‘Oh, come on, Ben. I know you’re allergic but it’s just one dance.’
‘Yes. This one.’ Off came his jacket. His waistcoat unbuttoned and within the first four bars of the song he was on the dance floor with Mouse and the other groomsmen. Shaking his leg. Waving his arms. All of them dancing together! A routine they’d clearly rehearsed. So funny. So… slightly out of rhythm… so brilliant.
Lissa sidled up with a secretive smile. ‘Didn’t know your man could dance.’
‘Yes, you did.’ Charlotte joined up the dots. ‘This is why you were both at the studio. Is this the overtime?’
Lissa pursed her lips. ‘Yep. He wanted to keep it secret. But I guess now everything’s completely out in the open.’
‘You… you had me worried there.’
‘Hey, really not my type.’ Lissa pointed over to a dark-haired, sleeve-tattooed, eyebrow-pierced Adonis who was tapping in time to the music and laughing as Mouse did a moonwalk across the floor as the others clapped. ‘Mr DJ, however…’
‘Hubba bubba?’
‘Exactly.’ Her chief bridesmaid wrapped her arm round Charlotte’s shoulders and drew her closer. ‘Have you decided what you’re going to do… baby or op first?’
‘No. No, I haven’t decided, but that’s okay. I think we’ll be okay. I’ll be okay, whatever happens.’
Lissa pressed a kiss on Charlotte’s cheek. ‘Of course you will, lovely. But I’ve known that all along…
Charlotte didn’t get to hear any more because Ben appeared in front of her, his hand outstretched, beckoning her to join him on the dance floor. And heck, she was the bride, a professional dancer, so who was she to resist a dance with a handsome man?
It was about this point that he began to lose his rhythm and forgot the rest of the steps. ‘Don’t think I can do this any more.’
She couldn’t control her laughter, so she let him pull her into his arms and let the warmth of their love flow over them. After a couple of minutes back to his usual rocking from side to side he asked her, ‘What did you think of the routine?’
‘Awesome! You can be the lead in the Christmas show.’
‘No way. No way at all.’
‘Actually, no. But thank you for making such an effort. It was spectacular.’ Her heart filled. ‘I’m so proud of you. Thank you for doing what you’ve done. For learning to dance and surprising me. For being my rock. And I’m sorry—’
A finger over her mouth. ‘No more apologies. I won’t go anywhere. I’m here. I choose you. Always and for ever.’ His arms tightened around her and she knew he meant it, because this kind of love just stuck. ‘Hey, you want to get away from this crowd? We could run away and eat marshmallows and salt and vinegar crisps…’
‘And drink chardonnay from the bottle. Oh yes, please.’
But as they swayed slowly round the room, she looked at her friends. Sonja had started singing – out of key – about falling in love in mysterious ways. Lissa was whispering to the enigmatic DJ, Ryan. Shelley was playing with the wedding flowers.
As she passed them by, one by one, they all stopped what they were doing and waved. Lissa made a heart shape out of her hands. Mia blew a kiss. Shelley touched her heart. And Eileen just smiled her lovely, motherly smile.
And Charlotte knew, deep in her soul, that despite everything, or maybe because of everything, she didn’t need to share anyone’s DNA to belong. She had everything she needed right here. Whatever happened to her, whatever choices she made with Ben, they’d be fine with these people by their side. Whatever life threw at her – at them – they had a deep love, a strong love that would survive anything. ‘You know what, Ben? I think we should just stay here, like this, for ever. You and me, our lovely, lovely guests, and… whoever else comes along. If they come along at all.’
He smiled his beautiful smile. ‘In that case, baby, that’s exactly what we’ll do.’
Copyright
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First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2017
Copyright © Louisa George 2017
Louisa George asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
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This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
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E-book Edition © September 2017 ISBN: 9780008221614
The Other Life of Charlotte Evans Page 21
