“I don’t want to let him go,” she whispered. “I love him so much.”
It stung so bad to hear her say that, but I pushed it down and cupped her face. “I know, babe. No one is saying you don’t. But it’s not healthy to hold on to a ghost. You have to let him be at peace, or he’s going to haunt you.”
She snorted at that. “You believe in ghosts now, Luca?”
“No,” I said with a grim smile. “But that doesn’t mean his memory won’t haunt you until you really do go crazy. Let him go. Give yourself a little peace.”
“I can’t.” She pushed away from me and sat up. Placing both her hands on her belly, she rubbed them over the baby bump. “This little girl will never know how much her daddy loved her. I can’t let him go because I need to hold on to every memory we made together so I won’t forget and can tell her all about him.”
“Letting him go doesn’t mean you have to forget about your time with him.” I tried to reassure her. “And it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving him. But you can’t stay locked in the past, Violet. Not when your baby girl needs you to move forward with the present and the future.”
Her purple eyes were full of confusion and so much pain, my heart clenched as she looked down at me. “I know she deserves that, but it’s so hard. It hurts to breathe right now. Like my heart isn’t even in my chest anymore.”
“It will get better, babe. Maybe not right away, but eventually, it will start to hurt a little less until you can draw a deep enough breath again.” I covered one of her hands on her rounded belly. “And we can tell this little love bug all about her daddy.”
“W-we?” she husked out.
I felt the baby kick against me and I smiled, brushing my thumb over the little foot as it pressed against the inside of her momma’s tummy. “I told you, Violet. I’m here for you and your baby. I promised Remington I would watch over both of you until you no longer need me.”
I just prayed that day never came.
She was quiet for a few minutes as she absorbed my words, and I lay beside her, rubbing at the active baby beneath her heart. When the baby started pushing against my hand more and more, I moved closer and pressed my ear to her belly.
Violet’s hand touched the back of my head, and I glanced at her, silently begging her with my eyes not to make me move away. With a tiny lift of her lips, she stroked her fingers down my neck before releasing me, and I turned my face into her expanded belly.
“Hey in there, Love Bug,” I murmured quietly. “I bet you’re missing your daddy reading to you, huh?” I waited for another kick and grinned when I was rewarded with it. “I don’t have a book with me right now, but your momma taught me a few stories when we were kids. If you want to hear one, kick me again.”
When I immediately got another kick, Violet released a startled little laugh. Turning over so my head was in Vi’s lap, I started the story without giving it a second thought. “A million years ago, there was a crazy old rocker who fell in love with a beautiful girl with the most amazing violet eyes…”
She slapped me on the top of the head. “That is not how the story starts, and you know it,” she scolded with a roll of her pretty eyes.
“It’s how I start it,” I argued.
“Dad will kill you if he hears you calling him old.” She bit her lip as if she were fighting a smile and glanced at the door as if expecting Shane Stevenson to barge in and kick my ass.
“I locked the door,” I reassured her. “Didn’t want anyone disturbing you so you could not be okay for a little while.”
“I’m okay now,” she murmured, her fingers stroking down my cheek unconsciously. When she realized what she was doing, she dropped her hand and looked away, a flash of guilt entering her eyes.
Pretending I wasn’t affected by the all too brief touch, I continued the story. “The rocker fell in love and fell hard, but the violet-eyed girl was skittish and didn’t trust his feelings at first. The old rocker was stubborn and wouldn’t take no for an answer, so he worked hard at winning her heart and convincing her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“She is,” Violet whispered.
“So is her daughter,” I whispered back before continuing the story. “The rocker finally got the beautiful girl to marry him, but their happily ever after was still not complete. Because they wanted a baby. But the violet-eyed girl had a curse put on her that wouldn’t allow her to have the baby she wanted more than anything in the world. The rocker searched everywhere, trying to break the curse on his love, until one day, he met a special fairy who put a beautiful little girl in his wife’s tummy.”
Violet sucked in a deep breath when the baby kicked out harder than before, and a tear leaked from the corner of her eye. “And then the rocker pulled his violet from her mommy’s tummy and dashed her with all the hope they had always had for her. And that’s how Violet Hope became the sweetest, most beautiful little girl the world had ever seen.”
“I used to love hearing my mom tell me that story every year on my birthday,” Violet said as she rubbed her belly. “I can’t believe you remember so much of it.”
“It was your favorite fairy tale,” I said with a shrug. “Of course I remember it.”
She grunted when the baby kicked her harder. “Well, tell her another one before she puts her foot through my navel.”
Winking up at her, I spent the next half hour telling the love bug a few more stories Violet had told me over the years. She huffed when I would get something wrong and make me tell it all over again the right way. A few times, I did it on purpose just to see if she was paying attention and because I liked getting a reaction out of her.
As I finished the latest story, there was a knock on the bedroom door. “Violet?” Shaw called. “You’ve been up here a while. Everyone is starting to worry about you.”
Violet gave me a deer caught in the headlights look, and I knew she didn’t want to have to face our family. Pressing a kiss to her belly, I stood and walked to the door. Opening it enough to look at Shaw, I asked her to let the others know Violet was okay but resting.
Relief filled her blue eyes. “You’re sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. I’ve been taking care of her all afternoon.” I glanced back at the bed before returning my gaze to Shaw. “I promise she’s fine.”
“Is she hungry? Thirsty?” She bit her lip for a second before sighing. “I feel so helpless, Luca. I don’t know how to help her through this. How are you able to do any of this?”
It wasn’t easy. Comforting the girl I loved more than life as she mourned the man she’d loved enough to marry—a man who wasn’t me—was torture. But it wasn’t anything less than I deserved after fucking up with her so royally to begin with. If this was the price I had to pay before I could one day get her back, then I would pay it a hundred times over.
She needed me, and I wasn’t going to abandon her or her precious baby. The past no longer mattered to me. All I wanted was the present and the future, and I prayed that eventually she would love me again. Even if it was only a little, I would be okay with that. I could and would love her and that baby enough for the both of us.
But I couldn’t tell Shaw that, especially with Violet listening.
“If she decides she’s hungry, I’ll feed her, I promise,” I told her best friend instead of answering her last question. “Maybe you could start hinting that the family needs to head to their own homes soon.”
She grimaced. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises they will listen. They want to smother her in familial love. And for most people, that would be just the medicine they would need right now. But Vi is wired differently.”
“Hey,” Violet called out with a pout in her voice.
“It’s true, and you know it,” Shaw called back to her. “You won’t let yourself grieve with other people watching.”
“Luca’s been here, and so have you,” she argued.
“We
don’t count,” Shaw told her as she backed away from the door. “You know you can be at your worst and we won’t break. You still haven’t learned that about anyone else. I’m going down to try to urge the parentals to leave. Wish me luck.”
I nodded and shut and locked the door again before returning to the bed. But instead of putting my head back in her lap, I lifted her and arranged her so she was lying down once again.
“You look tired,” I explained when she glared at me. “Let’s take a nap.”
“I am kind of sleepy.” She turned onto her side with her back to me. She yawned then closed her eyes. “But don’t go anywhere.”
“Never,” I vowed as I put my head on the pillow beside hers.
“Because the baby kind of likes your stories.”
I bit back a smile. “The baby. Okay.”
She turned her head enough so I could see her roll her eyes before a soft sigh left her lips and her lashes lowered. “Yeah,” she muttered sleepily. “The baby.”
Chapter 48
Luca
The next few weeks were a lot of the same thing. Violet stayed in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom. Shaw and I brought her food and reminded her to drink plenty of fluids. Between Shaw, Krush, and me, we took shifts cuddling with her and keeping her company.
Her parents stopped by every couple days and I let them spend time with her, but they understood that she needed space and never stayed long. Each night, I let her cry herself to sleep in my arms and then stayed awake most of the night just watching her and feeling the baby kick against my hand.
She had a doctor’s appointment three weeks after the funeral, so she had no choice but to finally leave the house. Shaw had to handle something for work earlier that morning and said she would meet us there, so it was just Violet and me in the back of the car while Jenner drove us.
Violet sat with her head against the window, watching the scenery go by on the drive.
“It’s weird,” she muttered, seeming to talk to herself. “My world stopped, but everyone else’s kept moving forward.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I just grasped her hand and held it firmly in mine.
At the doctor’s office, we left Jenner with the car, and I stayed beside Violet while she checked in with the receptionist. The woman’s brows lifted when she saw me, but she didn’t comment on it as she told Violet they would be right with us.
I glanced around the waiting room, looking for a place for us to sit with three chairs together for when Shaw arrived, but the place was fairly crowded. Picking the first two empty seats we came to because Vi was already tired, I helped her sit before taking my own chair.
“Is it always this busy?” I asked her.
She shrugged. “Sometimes.” She touched her forehead. “I have such a bad headache.”
“Here, babe, let me rub it for you.” I stood and moved close so I could massage her temples.
Behind me, I heard someone whispering. “Look how loving her husband is. You never take care of me like that.”
Violet must have heard the woman too, because her eyes widened and she jerked back. “I-I’m good. Thanks.”
I knew she wasn’t, but the guilt I saw on her face told me I shouldn’t force the issue. Shaw coming through the door at that moment was a welcome distraction, and I continued to stand so she could have my chair.
“Sorry I’m late,” she muttered as she hugged Violet. “Remind me never to agree to a shoot with photographers I don’t know.”
Violet frowned. “Why? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you later.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m debating how much pain I want this guy to feel, though. Maybe I should leave him breathing, so I can tell my brother. But if I want him in the ground, I would have to tell my dad or Jagger.”
“Want me to take care of it?” I asked her with a smirk.
“Nah,” she said with a grin. “It will be more fun if my brother gets a few convictions under his belt.”
“Offer is always on the table.” A nurse appeared in the doorway.
“Mrs. Sawyer?”
I helped Violet to her feet then let her and Shaw go ahead of me as I followed them. Violet stepped on a scale and then had her blood pressure and temperature taken before the nurse gave her a little plastic cup to pee in. While she went to the bathroom, Shaw and I were told to take a seat in one of the exam rooms, but I stayed outside the bathroom door waiting.
When she came out a few minutes later, she was surprised to see me. “Did you hear me pee?” she whispered, her cheeks filling with pink.
I laughed and touched my hand to the small of her back as I guided her to the exam room I’d seen Shaw go into earlier. “It wasn’t the first time.”
“Really?” She glared up at me. “I can’t believe you listened.”
Hiding my grin, I helped her up onto the exam table just as the doctor walked in behind us. The woman’s eyes went huge when she saw me, but she quickly recovered as she greeted both Violet and Shaw.
“How are you feeling, Violet?” she asked as she took out a little doppler thing along with a bottle of gel and placed it on Violet’s stomach when she lifted her maternity shirt.
“Tired,” Violet muttered.
“Remington didn’t come with you this time?” she asked, and I realized the doctor didn’t know about Remington’s death. Everything had been handled low-key, so the paps hadn’t found out about Remington Sawyer’s passing. I didn’t know if that was because he’d had things set up so that no one outside Violet’s family would know or if Aunt Emmie had pulled a little magic, but there hadn’t even been an obituary in the papers.
Tears instantly filled Violet’s eyes, and she quickly turned her head away. “N-no,” she whispered. “He won’t be coming with me anymore.”
“O-kay,” the doctor muttered when she didn’t elaborate, and Shaw and I shared a look before she shrugged, telling me we should play this how Violet wanted. “Well, let’s check on this growing girl.”
A moment later, the room filled with the sound of the baby’s heartbeat, and I felt my knees go weak. “That’s amazing,” I murmured as I moved closer to Violet and reached for her hand. Her fingers trembled, but she clasped mine tightly and gave me a brave little smile. “She sounds so strong.”
“She is definitely an active baby,” the doctor agreed. “Everything looks good, Violet. You’re measuring right on schedule. Your urine and blood pressure are good, and I don’t see any signs of swelling. Do you have any questions for me?”
Violet shook her head as she sat up and fixed her clothing, but then seemed to change her mind. “Can I travel?”
I blinked at her question, not liking it one bit. “Vi—”
“I don’t see any reason for you not to right now. Just make sure you are moving around frequently on any long trips.” She smiled. “But I don’t recommend it at all once you get into your eighth month.”
“Okay, thanks.” She started to stand, and I rushed to help her to make sure she didn’t fall.
“Make another four-week appointment on your way out,” her doctor instructed. “You’re doing great. Keep up whatever you’re doing to stay so healthy.”
As we waited for Violet to make another appointment, Shaw stood beside me, looking as uneasy as I felt. “Where do you want to travel to, Vi?” she finally asked as we stepped onto the elevator outside the doctor’s office.
“I don’t know,” she said as she leaned back against the far wall and closed her eyes. She looked so tired, and with the way her brow kept scrunching up, I knew her head still must have been hurting. “I just wanted to make sure the option was available.”
Relieved that she wasn’t planning on running away from me, I wondered about the possibility of taking her on a small vacation to get away from everything. Even if it was just for a few days, it might do her some good.
The idea took hold and stuck for the rest of the day. That evening, Sha
w went to her parents’ for the evening, and I was glad for the alone time with Violet.
“Remember the summer we spent at Shaw’s West Bridge house?” I asked as we ate dinner together.
A small smile lifted at her lips. “Vividly.”
“I bought a house close to them,” I told her, and her eyes began to sparkle. “Figured if I was going to be there for the time being, might as well settle down a little. Have a permanent place to call my own since I didn’t want to have a lot of nosy neighbors in an apartment building.”
“When did you buy a house?” she asked curiously. “I didn’t even know anything was on the market. At least, there hadn’t been when she and I stayed there last summer.”
“I closed on it just after the first of the year. I’ve been taking my time moving in, arranging one room at a time.” I toyed with my fork, more interested in her reaction to my next question than my food. “Do you want to take a trip and check the place out? We don’t have to stay long. You just seem like you need a break from everything around here.”
She slowly set her own fork down. “You wouldn’t mind me making a mess in your new house?” she asked shyly.
“I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to move in and stay with me forever,” I told her honestly. “It’s a huge house with five bedrooms and only me there. The place gets lonely at times.”
She bit the inside of her bottom lip and contemplated my offer for a long moment. “I really would like to get away for a little while,” she finally murmured.
“Just say the word, and we’ll go whenever you’re ready,” I promised.
Pink filled her cheeks, and she glanced down at her plate. “Tomorrow?”
“I’ll book us tickets.” I already had my phone in my hand.
“We could just take the jet,” she offered, glancing up then back at her plate. “I haven’t really thought about the damn thing, but it’s just sitting at the airport. Maybe I should sell it…”
“Whatever you want, sweetheart. It’s yours to do with as you please. Just let me know, and I’ll make whatever arrangements you need.” I took her hand and gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “Whatever makes you happy.”
Loving Violet Page 32
