“And I will, if you insist,” she assured me. “I’m not backing out.” I sighed, relaxing against her again. Her fingers felt amazing in my hair. “I didn’t enjoy watching as these Noge exhausted you yesterday,” she continued. “And you had your shield lowered all day. If someone had wanted to hurt you, it would have been easy. Not only that, you ate everything offered to you,” she admonished. “You might have been poisoned.”
“No one in this region wants to harm me, M’Tek,” I said, trying to placate her. “They love me.”
“And yet they did harm you,” she countered. “You collapsed the moment we were alone.”
“Don’t exaggerate. I was a little tired is all,” I replied, tucking myself closer to her, sliding my head down to her chest and pressing my ear to the softness there, so I could hear the reassuring thump of her heartbeat.
“No, you were exhausted,” she argued. “My cousin told me you’ve been pushing yourself into a frenzy with your guests at Vilkerdam Palace. She said you even fell asleep during a few council meetings.” I nodded. “That’s not like you,” she observed.
“Really, M’Tek? Those meetings can get horribly boring. Even so, Pet needs to stop filling your head with imagined problems,” I said sharply, shifting my weight so that I was lying on top of her, rather than alongside. “It’s not entertaining my guests that has me exhausted. Part of it’s my inability to sleep without you beside me,” I said evenly. “I think about you constantly,” I added. “I want you, all the time.” M’Tek tightened her arms around me. “And then I try to go through the candidates Pet has collected, my potential consorts, and I start feeling sick.” M’Tek sighed.
“I’m glad you’ve brought that up again. I’ve wanted to tell you for some months now. I was wrong,” she admitted.
“Wrong about what?” I asked, confused.
“Don’t take a consort, Lore,” she said evenly. “Anytime I think about the possibility, it’s as if all the air is sucked out of my lungs. Even just talking about it now, I can hardly breathe,” I swallowed my response, watching her face, and the rapid rise and fall of her chest. “It’s true, your rule won’t be secure without an heir. I was right about that,” she whispered hurriedly. “But maybe I was wrong about it mattering,” she continued. “You’re not Vilken, my love. And the Noge people, your people, they love you. Look at the reception you’ve had here.” I nodded. “And the Fae people are in a fury over you,” she added, grinning. “Why should you care if you lose Vilkerland? Let them find some coarse Vilkerling savage more suited to ruling them,” she finished. I smiled at her. “I’ll share Faeland with you, and we can reunite Nogeland under her true queen.”
“But what about Sim’Nu?” I asked quietly, putting an end to her rosy vision. The smile faded from her face. “She won’t let you go.”
“Lore, you told me you’d rather die than be controlled by the threats of a witch,” she said. “It took me a little longer to see reason, but now, I agree with you.” I shook my head.
“No. You will not die,” I snapped. “I won’t allow that.”
“I would gladly die a thousand deaths rather than see you with anyone else. Promise me, as long as I live, you are mine alone. No more of this separation, where you can’t sleep, and I go crazy imagining those vile, hairy, Vilken nobles flattering you. We’ll be together from here on, for whatever days I have remaining. Promise me that.”
“You really don’t like my people,” I observed. M’Tek raised an eyebrow.
“The Vilkerlings are not your people,” she said sharply. “Your people are the Noge. The Vilkerlings stole a throne, violating an elegant and enlightened culture in the process,” she explained. “They’re hardly more than animals, and no better than Borderlings.”
“And that’s exactly how they see you,” I replied. “Remember, M’Tek, I’m the Vilken Queen, whether I share their blood or not,” I said. “Those are my people.”
“So you’ll take one as consort? You’ll let him touch you with his cloddish hands, and impregnate you?” she asked, surprised by my reaction.
“I’ll do whatever I deem necessary to keep you alive,” I said evenly. M’Tek’s eyes grew wild. She was getting upset. “But hopefully, that does not include joining with a Vilken man.” M’Tek seemed placated by my answer.
“So, this congregation of coarse young Vilken nobles Pet writes of, you’ll send them home?” she asked.
“I can’t make that decision right now,” I replied. “If we don’t find anything to help you here, I’ll need to meet with the witch.” M’Tek’s expression shifted from one of relief to concern again.
“That would be unwise,” she said. “So far Sim’Nu has kept her distance. That’s good. You don’t want her in your life.”
“She’s in my life already. By controlling you, she’s controlling me,” I said sharply.
“She’s not controlling me,” M’Tek insisted.
“Before two days ago, we’d been apart for over three long months,” I replied. “Are you telling me you wanted that, that even without the threat of Sim’Nu you would have been parted from me?” M’Tek sighed and shook her head. “Good, because I certainly didn’t want to be away from you. Also, I don’t believe that, after more than a quarter of a millennium of dormancy, this Diminishing Sickness suddenly has the power to kill you,” I added. “If you die, it will be because that witch wants you dead.”
“She’s the reason I’m still alive,” M’Tek argued.
“And if she wants my cooperation, you’ll remain alive,” I said evenly.
“You’re making me extremely nervous,” M’Tek admitted, her grip of me tightening.
Over the following several weeks, M’Tek and I visited every major estate in the Eastern Noge Territory. My reception was not always as emotional as my first meeting with Dame Frisaine, but my arrival was celebrated with weeklong parties at every stop. M’Tek became nearly irate if I allowed my hosts to push me to the point of exhaustion, so I managed to protect myself from that occurrence for most of the visits.
The Eastern Noge people were enamored with the young monarch they all believed to be Sarane reborn. I allowed them to hold onto that delusion, carefully avoiding any confrontation, despite the way that particular assumption irritated me. My goal was nothing to do with these Noge people, I reminded myself continuously, or even the reunification of Nogeland, for which they all constantly petitioned. I simply wanted access to their libraries. I was willing to subject myself to almost any form of humiliation, even masquerading as Sarane, to achieve that goal. In our spare time M’Tek and I combed through these libraries, finding tremendous knowledge of Old Noge traditions and protocol, even strange religious practices, but no mention of a procedure for blood cleansing. By the end of our tour I was both exhausted and discouraged.
We spent some time visiting the sights of the area. The Abyss Canyon was awe-inspiring. It gaped open several miles at its widest point, and I couldn’t see the bottom. M’Tek told me that, to her knowledge, no one ever had seen the bottom of the canyon, and that it in fact might not be a canyon at all. I thought as I stood at the edge, looking over the dark purple rock, that it was possible there was no bottom, that if someone were to be dropped into that gap, that person might fall forever.
The Craggy Mountains were far more impressive than the Pale Mountains, and the Eponymous Mountains I was used to, reaching beyond the clouds, grasping for the sun, and remaining capped in snow even in that warm season. They were also the intense purple of the canyon, giving them a majestic hue. As magnificent as they were, I couldn’t allow myself to enjoy the sights, because I couldn’t keep my mind from M’Tek and her illness. The last morning of our tour, in particular, left me shaken, when I noticed the first indication of that disease’s progression, in the form of a small line along the side of her beautiful mouth. Aesthetically, the line didn’t bother me. It was simply a sign she’d been smiling often, and that thought made me happy. What troubled me was the idea that this was the firs
t of many changes signaling the end of her life.
We rode in silence that morning after I noticed the line. Every attempt M’Tek made at conversation was met with my abrupt monosyllabic replies, as I failed to focus on anything beyond her health.
“I’m expecting you to attend the Fae season again this year,” she said, trying again to draw me into conversation.
“We’ll see,” I said, refusing to promise. “When do you plan to visit Sim’Nu again?” I asked, finally getting to the point.
“After our return, you’ll stay with me at Lareem for a few weeks, I hope,” she said, trying again to glean some commitment from me, while sidestepping my question. “You might even stay longer if you choose. The season starts in just over a month. You’ve maintained communication with your council while in the Eastern Territory, so I think it shouldn’t be a problem from as close as Lareem Palace,” she said innocently. “I’ll provide all the couriers you might want, if you’d like to remain until after the close of the season.”
“I’d hardly call Lareem Palace close to Vilkerdam,” I observed distractedly. M’Tek glanced over at me with the sweetest expression of hope in her beautiful eyes. “All right.” Her smile set my heart beating faster. “I promise to be with you through the season,” I added.
“Lore, you have no idea what it means to me,” she said, grinning brightly.
Sadly, I did understand. It wasn’t really about the season, but an excuse to delay my return. I wasn’t the only one who saw the signs of that insidious disease emerging. M’Tek knew she was growing weaker by the day.
“It’s started again, hasn’t it?” I asked quietly, and in Vilken. “You’re getting sick again.” Her eyes shot to mine quickly, before she could cover her reaction. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“If I’d told you, you’d have wanted to cut our voyage short,” she admitted. “And I’m not ready to let you go again.”
“You have to see Sim’Nu, now,” I replied. “And this time I’m going with you.” M’Tek shook her head sharply.
“No. I won’t allow that,” M’Tek said with authority. “I don’t trust her near you.”
“And I don’t care what you’ll allow. You don’t command me, M’Tek. Tell Shiroane to change course,” I replied.
“Lore,” she whispered. “Please, my love, you don’t know what you’re asking of me.” I met her gaze, determined she would take me with her, even if I had to threaten her to bring it about.
“That’s just it, I’m not asking you. Tell Shiroane or I will,” I said firmly. M’Tek shook her head, calling me on my challenge. “Shiroane!” I called, looking toward the rear of the company for the head of M’Tek’s private guard. After a moment, Shiroane trotted up next to me.
“Queen Loredana,” Shiroane said evenly. “Is there anything I can do for you?” I smiled at her, and glanced over at M’Tek.
“You can’t command my guard,” M’Tek said under her breath in Vilken. “You’re not their queen yet.” I smiled, happy for once, that almost no one in Faeland cared to learn
Vilken.
“Shiroane, we’ve decided to take a detour,” I said in my most commanding voice.
“Yes, of course, my Queen,” Shiroane replied. “Where are we headed?” I smiled at M’Tek. Shiroane, at least, would follow my command.
“We’re to visit the sorcerer Sim’Nu,” I said innocently. “M’Tek has decided it’s time for me to meet her at last.” I smiled at M’Tek, daring her to contradict me. “Which would be the best route?” I asked M’Tek. She glared at me for a moment as she decided whether to argue with me in front of her guards.
“We’ll cross the border northwest of Lareem and head southeastward toward Tannukyn, and then straight for the rocky coast,” M’Tek replied, likely deciding if she could control nothing else, at least the route would be of her choosing.
“I’ll inform the company,” Shiroane said before turning her horse back to the nearest guard.
“Thank you, M’Tek,” I said. I was genuinely relieved she hadn’t fought me. M’Tek’s pale eyes flashed her fury.
“Don’t ever do anything like that again,” she said in a deceptively gentle voice. “My guard will be yours to command soon enough, but while I still breathe, I’ll not have you forcing my hand, or undermining my command.”
I felt as if I’d been slapped. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was stopping whatever was happening to M’Tek. I was about to tell her that, but she turned Twyneth away from me, and rode up to the front of the company. Apparently, I’d angered the Fae Queen.
M’Tek kept her distance from me for the remainder of the afternoon. When we broke for camp, I tried to tend to Sabea myself, avoiding M’Tek, but Shiroane took Sabea’s reins from me. I wandered over to M’Tek and tried to help her with the tent, but she still wasn’t speaking to me. When she turned her back to me in a pointed manner, I abandoned the busy activities of preparing for the evening, and instead wandered off to think. I found a somewhat flat-topped rock beside the edge of a creek that ran along the distant side of our camp.
I sat watching the water rush between the rocks, wishing life could be less complicated. After what seemed an eternity, I decided dinner must be ready, and shifted to stand. M’Tek’s hand came down on my shoulder from behind me. I remained seated, but turned my head and lifted my gaze to see her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I offered. M’Tek laughed, but it wasn’t a joyful sound.
“I doubt that,” she said sharply. “You got what you wanted, Lore. Why should you be sorry about that?”
“I’m not sorry I accomplished what I set out to do,” I admitted. “I’ll do whatever is required of me to keep you alive, even if it means making you angry. I never want to upset you, though. I wish I’d handled it differently.” M’Tek nodded. “Look, we’re both accustomed to having our way,” I said evenly. “I give in to you when I can,” I added. “This was not a time I could. I understand if you’re angry, but I have a right to go with you.”
“What right is that?” she snapped.
“I love you, M’Tek,” I replied. “If you were to die, I’m the one who would be left alone. I can’t face that.” M’Tek’s expression softened, and she eased me over slightly, so she could sit on the rock beside me.
“You can’t stop what’s happening to me,” she whispered. “It began long before you were born. Regardless of your efforts, you will be left alone. It’s inevitable.”
“You’re wrong,” I stated calmly, not wanting to argue with her, but unwilling to accept even the possibility of defeat. “I can make that creature do what I want,” I added. “The witch will keep you alive. I only need to find her motivation.”
“What makes you think that? You’ve never even met her,” M’Tek pointed out. “Maybe she’s done all she can for me,” she added.
“Why are you fighting me on this?” I asked. The muscles tensed in M’Tek’s arm, and I realized she was terrified.
“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “But I have this sense of dread whenever I think of you confronting Sim’Nu,” she explained. “You don’t understand how powerful she is,” M’Tek added. “You said you didn’t care if she had the ability to kill you by whistling,” M’Tek reminded me. “I believe she’s capable of killing you that easily. And I do care if you’re harmed, more than anything. I won’t see you hurt, not while I live.”
“I’ll be careful,” I offered. M’Tek nodded.
“Don’t confront her, or threaten her,” M’Tek advised me. “She has a dangerous, unpredictable, temper. I’ve seen her kill without provocation or emotion,” she explained. “And if she attacks me, stay out of the way. Allow me to defend myself. I can heal from almost any injury.”
I picked up a round flat rock I found beside my foot, on the bank, while I avoided looking at M’Tek. She’d know if she saw my expression that I had no intention of staying out of any attack against her. I skipped the rock across a smoother area of the stream. It rose four times before sinking.
“All right. I hear you. I understand,” I said, technically not agreeing.
The tension in her arm eased slightly. Her shoulder nudged against mine, and I turned my body to face her. She brought her hands up to my shoulders, drawing me closer as she pressed her lips to mine. I gripped her waist, shifting to lift a leg across her hips before straddling her lap. Her hands came around my back as her lips trailed down my neck. She pressed her face to my chest, sighing as my fingers wove through her hair. She then relaxed her head back to gaze up at me.
“I love you more than my own life, Lore. I never knew, before you, that I could feel this way,” she said. “As amazing as it feels having you in my arms, I only came to let you know dinner is ready. They’re waiting for us,” she added.
“They can wait a little longer,” I suggested. She shook her head, refusing me.
“No. They’re tired, and they’ve already waited too long,” she said, patting my hip firmly to get me moving. “It’s my fault. I stood watching you for about thirty minutes before you knew I was near, trying to find the words to explain why I was so upset. All I can say is that I never knew fear before I fell in love with you. It seems I’m always afraid now.” I eased away from her, surprised both by her admission of vulnerability and that she was pushing me away. She stood and started walking back toward the tents.
“M’Tek?” I called to her. “Are you still upset with me?” She turned and met my gaze, offering a tender smile.
“Does it matter?” she asked. “We’ll talk more later. Come, my love. Everyone’s waiting on us.” She held her hand out to me, and I hurried to accept it.
-CH 9-
It took three more days to reach the rocky coast of eastern Faeland, and the limestone caves where M’Tek had periodically met with Sim’Nu for nearly a century. As we approached the coast, the water crashing against the rocks drowned out all conversation. We rode mutely forward. Finally, after half a day of travel past barren grey rock formations that looked as if acid had been poured on them, we came to the random looking pile of boulders M’Tek associated with Sim’Nu.
The Changeling Page 18
