We were all eager to reach Lareem, and so risking the pass, despite the extreme weather, and knowing the snow might be as high as our horses’ chests in some places. The only benefit of crossing the pass under such conditions was that there would likely be no Borderling raiding parties with which to contend.
Our progress was slow, taking us five days rather than the usual three, but the journey was uneventful. I arrived back at Lareem Palace ready to forget the previous months with their frivolous, empty social events and dark disappointments. As we arrived at the base of the steps to Lareem Palace, grooms appeared to collect the horses. After dismounting and relinquishing Sabea, I glanced back at Kolten and watched as he was carefully helped down from his mount. He was still hooded, and wearing that rope around his neck, but his hands were free. M’Tek was at my side, as always. I turned to her and forced a smile.
“Consider Kolten my gift, M’Tek,” I said, speaking to her for the first time that day. “Do with him as you please.”
That little line appeared between M’Tek’s dark eyebrows as she processed the implications of what I’d just said. Before M’Tek could respond, however, Pet was at my side. I offered a halfhearted smile to my beloved friend, and Pet took my hand between both of hers, leading me off toward the cliffs.
During our journey we had discussed the ritual Pet performed every time she returned to Lareem Palace, a long walk to the beach at the foot of the cliffs, followed by bathing in the cool blue water. I’d told her I wanted to accompany her this time, and she was eager for the companionship. We made good time to the edge of the cliffs, reaching her favorite vantage point in around twenty minutes. Instead of immediately climbing over to begin our descent, she turned to face me.
“What’s happened between my cousin and you?” she asked gently.
“It’s nothing,” I replied evenly.
“I don’t believe you,” Pet said. “She’s as meek as a little bird in your hand, as if she’s terrified you’ll crush her,” she observed. “I never thought I’d say such a thing of my cousin, but I actually pity her.”
“M’Tek doesn’t need your pity,” I said. “I have no intention of crushing her.”
“What did she do?” Pet asked. “How did she earn your anger?”
“I’m not angry,” I said. “I’ve forgiven her.”
“For what has she been forgiven?”
“I told M’Tek we’d never speak of it,” I said sharply.
“And how is that decision serving you, my Queen?” Pet asked, matching my snappish tone. “You really are angry. I’ve never seen you like this before.”
“I’m fine,” I said firmly. “I’ve forgiven her.”
“What did she do?” Pet asked again. “What could she have done? I won’t believe she was unfaithful. The woman adores you. She can’t see anyone but you.”
“You know what she did,” I snapped. “You warned me about it.”
“Deus! Don’t tell me I somehow caused this,” she said under her breath.
“She tried to put a love spell on me,” I replied. “I was fourteen, a defenseless child, completely unprotected. I truly love her, Pet. You can’t imagine how profoundly I love her, but I’m having a hard time trusting her now that I know what she’s capable of, and how she lied to conceal it.”
“Are you afraid you only love her because of a spell?” Pet asked, concern softening her tone.
“No, of course not,” I said evenly. “That ridiculous spell had no effect on me. But every time I trust anyone, they either try to kill me, or betray me in some way,” I explained. “I thought M’Tek was different.”
“Lore, sweetie, she is different,” Pet said gently. “Since she’s known you, she’s not the same woman she was. She’s kinder, and slower to anger. She smiles all the time, or she did until a few months ago. Lately, she just looks like a frightened puppy waiting to be kicked again.”
“I haven’t kicked her,” I snapped. “Stop turning this around on me.”
“You don’t think your manner has changed toward her?” she asked.
“No.”
“Your eyes lit up for her. You looked for reasons to touch her. The two of you were always laughing together,” Pet observed. “Lately, you hardly even glance at her, while her gaze travels over you constantly, as if she’s certain you’re about to disappear. Several times I’ve seen her reach a hand out to touch you, and then quickly draw it back as if in reflex.” Pet sighed. “What did she do that was so horrible? She only wanted you to love her. You’ve said the spell didn’t work. What harm has she done you?”
“She was trying to manipulate me, to use me for whatever power she could gain,” I said.
“Really? Is that what she did?” Pet replied, wearing a sardonic smile. “Because I’ve only ever seen my cousin’s power decrease at your hands,” she replied sharply. “Meanwhile, you’ve gone from that lost little Noge orphan, living like a peasant with those grubby Vilkerlings, to the adored Queen of three nations, in possession of nearly limitless power. My cousin placed a Fae crown upon your head. She made you her only equal, in a land she ruled absolutely for almost a quarter of a millennium. When she believed she was dying, she bequeathed you her throne, bypassing the established succession. And yet she’s your lowly consort in Vilkerland. She handed you the Eastern Noge Territory, wrapped up with a bow on it. Do you know how she fought for that land, and how many Fae died to protect those people from your Vilkerlings? And she gave you the territory, as a joining gift. So don’t stand there and tell me she’s after your power. If you honestly believe that, I overestimated you,” Pet finished in a cool voice.
I felt my eyes start to burn and I turned away from Pet. “You’re right,” I admitted, desperately trying not to cry. Pet’s arms encircled me from behind and her lips brushed my cheek.
“Hush now, my sweet girl. Sometimes I forget how sensitive you are. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” she whispered close to my ear, her tone placating, as if I were a child she had just scolded. I turned around in her embrace, pressing my face to her neck, and her arms tightened around me. “My cousin is far from perfect. She’s made plenty of mistakes, but she never meant to hurt you. Of that I’m certain. You have to forgive her, because obviously you still love her, and she worships you to the depths of her soul.”
“Don’t say that,” I said quickly, as Pet’s words made me think of Sarane. “M’Tek loves me, but she doesn’t worship me.”
“All right,” Pet agreed, before pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Now, do you still want to bathe with me in the sea?”
“Yes,” I said. Pet released me and stepped back, taking my hand and leading me over the edge of the cliff, to the trail down to the beach.
When we returned to the palace my hair was stiff as straw, coated with salt from the Luminous Gulf. I twisted my hair up into a loose knot before entering the palace. I separated from Pet at the threshold, suddenly feeling an urgent need to find M’Tek. I raced up the stairs to our rooms, only to find them empty. I quickly stripped out of my dusty travel clothes and found a light dress. I dropped it over my head, took a moment to find matching slippers, and headed off at a trot in the direction of M’Tek’s office. She wasn’t there either, and I considered checking the kitchens and the stables, but then I did what I should have done to start. I opened my mind to her for the first time in months, and quickly found her. She was in the library.
She realized I was with her, and quickly closed the book she was reading, blocking me from her mind. I hurried down the hall, opened the door to the library, and found her standing, facing the door, her arms across her chest in a defensive stance, with a rather short stack of three books concealed behind her. She didn’t want me to know what she was reading, which likely meant I wouldn’t approve. I walked over to her, noticing how she positioned herself, carefully blocking my view of those books.
“I was looking for you,” I said, deciding to trust her, rather than snoop through her reading material.
“
I realize that,” she said cautiously. “Why? Is something wrong?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “I miss you.” Her expression was skeptical. She didn’t believe me, and she was clearly tense, and suddenly even more protective of her stack of books. “I know I’ve been cold toward you,” I confessed. “I told you I forgave you, but I didn’t, not really. I was fooling myself. I’m sorry.”
“And now?” she asked, a dark eyebrow rising. “Am I to be forgiven?”
“Yes,” I said. “I think so.”
“But you’re not certain,” she observed. I nodded in response.
“No. I am certain, M’Tek. You made a mistake, but you never claimed to be perfect. Let’s put it behind us,” I suggested.
Her chest started rising and falling quickly, and I wrapped my arms around her, pressing my lips to hers. Her hands were in my salty hair in an instant, as she eased me around, lifting me onto the table. Her soft lips pressed kisses all over my face, as her hands cupped my jaw.
“Will you allow me to touch you?” she asked as her hands moved down my legs, seeking the lower hem of my dress. She quickly gathered the gauzy material of my dress, only waiting a moment for me to stop her, as her lips trailed down my neck. “You smell wonderful,” she whispered, before biting my shoulder gently. “I need to taste you,” she said, as her fingertips eased up my legs, finding me naked beneath my thin dress. “You’re hardly clothed,” she said in surprise, as her fingertips brushed between my thighs.
She was on her knees in the next moment, her lips traveling up my inner thigh. Her hands gripped my hips tightly, as she pulled me forward to her mouth, her tongue and lips finding me wet. She moaned, pressing her tongue inside of me as I arched my back. She reclaimed me eagerly, her tongue sending tremors of hunger through me. She rose, taking my mouth impatiently, as her fingers slid inside of me, her thumb pressing insistently where I wanted her. I cried out against her mouth as she moved inside of me, coaxing me further, as I shuddered against her.
When my breathing slowed, she eased her fingers from me, her lips moving along my neck, down to my breasts. She tugged at my dress, trying to reach my breasts, but the material wasn’t loose enough. For a moment I thought she would tear my dress open, but then she raised her pale grey eyes to my face and smiled. She came back to my lips, taking my lower lip between her teeth, biting it softly as her hands spread my legs farther apart. She wanted to have me again. I brought my hands to the sides of her face.
“M’Tek, let’s go to bed,” I said gently.
“Anything you want, Lore. I’ll do anything,” she whispered. “But please, I need this. I need you. Don’t ever push me away again.”
“I won’t,” I promised.
****
Over the following weeks our lives settled back to normal. M’Tek and I were once again desperately in love, with the fragrance of citrus permeating the air surrounding us. We spent more time out at Cliffside than attending to our obligations, but it hardly seemed to matter, as there was a peaceful lull in the conflicts between our peoples. The Noge were focused on building their new capital, Saranedam, and still excited about the reunification, while the Fae were breathing a sigh of relief over having M’Tek restored to them in peak health, and the Vilkerlings were still trying to pretend nothing had changed, that they hadn’t truly lost the valuable Western Noge Territory, and that I wasn’t joined with the Fae Queen.
It was while luxuriating in this little warm bubble of happiness with M’Tek that she brought up a subject I believed closed. We were sitting on the sofa at Cliffside, eating the sweetest of dates and staring out at the glowing blue water, wondering how our life had become so ideal. I was leaning back in the crook of her arm when she took a date and pressed it to my lips. I bit into it happily, and shifted around to kiss her as I chewed. She laughed against my sticky, closed lips, but then she drew back, smiling at me.
“Lore, I’ve been thinking. If you want a child, I want you to have one,” she offered in a gentle voice. “It wasn’t fair, the way I reacted before when you asked about it. It’s natural you should want a child.”
“The idea really upset you,” I observed, sitting back from her. “I’ve thought a great deal about it, trying to understand your reaction. It was unlike you. It was almost as if I threatened you in some way. Is it because of Rad’Ik? Are you afraid desire for power would corrupt our child in the way it did your brother?”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” she said her brow furrowing.
“Then are you afraid my attention would be focused on caring for a baby, rather than on you?” I asked.
“That’s ridiculous,” she said, appearing slightly offended by the suggestion.
“Then maybe because you watched Sarane die trying to bring her child into the world,” I said. “Are you concerned for my safety?”
“No. I hadn’t considered that either,” she admitted.
“Then truly, I don’t understand,” I said. “You’ll have to explain it to me.”
“When you brought it up before, I kept imagining your beautiful body, that only I know, entwined with…” she stopped speaking as that crease formed between her eyebrows again. “I can’t endure even the idea of anyone else touching you. You’ll have to agree that I’ll be the one to carry our baby. That’s my one directive,” she said evenly. “I’m able, now that I’m well. We can even choose a Noge man as surrogate if you like, one of your countless cousins, so the child might look like both of us.”
“No,” I replied, feeling slightly sick at the thought of M’Tek having sex with one of my cousins, simply to provide me with a child. “I won’t agree to that.”
“I know your Vilkerlings wouldn’t acknowledge a baby from my body as your heir, probably the Noge wouldn’t either, but it wouldn’t really matter. You’re not going to die, so you no longer need an heir. And we’d love the child,” she explained, speaking quickly, trying to convince me.
“You can’t possibly believe I’d consent to that,” I said.
“Anyone who dares to touch you, in Faeland or elsewhere, will die a slow, agonizing, gruesome death,” she said evenly. “Do you understand me?” she asked, with such ferocity in her tone that I found it unsettling.
“Of course I understand you. You’re not being vague, M’Tek,” I observed. “I’ve no intention of sleeping with anyone but you. And I feel the same way, well, not the agonizing and gruesome part. You are aware I dislike torture, aren’t you?” I asked, making light of the darkness that had surfaced in her.
“Do you intend to select an orphan then?” she asked, ignoring my censure. Relief was obvious on her face. I shook my head. “Then we’re at an impasse,” she surmised quickly.
“We’re closer on this than you realize,” I replied. “I never intended to become pregnant by a man.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, appearing confused.
“Sim’Nu was able to make my mother, Queen Marania, pregnant. Why can’t I become pregnant in that same manner?” I asked.
“Now you’re looking to get yourself killed again,” she said sharply. “Sim’Nu will kill you if she gets the chance. Why won’t you accept that?”
“M’Tek, I’m not talking about asking Sim’Nu,” I said. “Although I think she probably would help me produce a Noge heir. Regardless of whether she wants me dead or alive, I don’t want to be anywhere near that witch. I’m talking about the Sim’Sci. They have powers similar to hers, but I trust them. They saved your life. I think they might be able to do this for us. My Sim’Sci called me Katarina at first. There has been another like me, even before Sarane. Creating a child is commonplace for them.”
“And if they won’t help?” she asked.
“I believe they will,” I said, with confidence. “Will you accept the child as ours if the Sim’Sci use their powers to make me pregnant?”
“Of course I will,” she agreed readily. I couldn’t stop the grin forming on my face as I imagined M’Tek cradling our child. “I love you,” she said,
her expression softening as she realized I was happy with her answer.
“I know. I love you, too,” I replied, positioning myself in the crook of her arm again. “Now, when should we ask the Sim’Sci?” She pressed a grape to my lips, and I opened my mouth to accept it, chewing as I awaited her answer.
“We should go to them before the season starts,” she said. “They’ll tell us one way or the other if they’ll help us, and then we can decide what to do next,” she said sensibly.
****
We left two weeks later for the northeastern corner of Faeland. We brought only Shiroane and three other guards with us, as we weren’t expecting trouble in that desolate area of the realm. We made excellent time. By the evening of the first day I was within close enough proximity to the compound that I could hear the occasional interaction between the Sim’Sci. When I let my Sim’Sci know we were approaching, a flurry of communication began.
They clearly thought I was only visiting with the intention of keeping that promise I’d made to them, to allow them to observe the progress of my changing physiology. I could make out little of what was said between the Sim’Sci. Their voices were buzzes, rather than distinct words, but the urgency of their preparations was easily detected.
When we arrived at the rocky coast, M’Tek and I separated from our guards, and walked the remainder of the distance alone and on foot. My feelings upon reaching the strange cave were so entirely different than they had been only a year earlier that it was slightly disorienting. M’Tek appeared anxious, as if she feared Sim’Nu might be waiting inside.
I placed my hand on the flat rock, as I’d done the year before, and the opening appeared, revealing the entrance. After we walked inside, the opening disappeared, and I stared at the smooth walls that had replaced the appearance of rock. My Sim’Sci emerged from a door near the entrance, approaching with a convincing smile.
The Changeling Page 35
