The next thing I knew was Ben’s hand on my shoulder shaking me awake.
“Is it lunch time?” I yawned. I didn’t realize I was so tired, but a nap had definitely felt good. The warm sun had lulled me to sleep.
“Yup,” Ben replied, as he grabbed a drink out of the cooler and guzzled it down. He spilled most of the blue liquid on his chest. I sighed. Sticky and sand. I couldn't wait to have to clean that up later.
“What’s for lunch?” I looked at Cee. My stomach made a grumble as if to voice its concern as well.
“Sandwiches, chips, some fruit, and drinks,” he explained, pulling out each items from the cooler and laying them out on the blanket.
“Looks delicious,” I said as I grabbed a sandwich. It was turkey with avocado and bean sprouts. I took a greedy bite. Bean sprouts had started to grow on me.
We sat there in silence, inhaling our food. I had worked up an appetite taking that nap and this sandwich was hitting the spot. We got through our sandwiches and the bag of chips before we finally slowed down and took a breath.
This is what heaven feels like, I thought. I have everything I could ever need: warm feet, a full belly, a happy son, and an amazing man.
I leaned back into the sand and reveled in the feeling. Ben, never to be the one to sit still for more than ten minutes, stood up and wiped the crumbs from his chest and shorts. He burst off to the ocean and splashed around. Cee and I both stared off in Ben’s direction watching as he giggled with each wave that he was chased by.
“This was a great idea to play hooky. I haven’t been to the beach in ages.” I grabbed a piece of watermelon from the fruit bag and sucked on it. The juice was sweet and dripped down my chin.
“It is fantastic.” Cee reached for a piece of watermelon as well. “You really make wearing food look good.”
I quickly wiped my chin to get rid of the juice but wished it were his fingers doing the work instead. Ben started to gesture to us. I couldn’t hear his voice over the waves, but knew he wanted us to come play with him. The ocean could be his only friend for so long.
I finished up the sweet watermelon and tried to remove some of the sand that clung to every inch of my body. I was always a magnet for sand and I would find it for weeks later, still stuck to me. The sand burned my feet as we started to the ocean. I wanted to get to the water fast, but Cee stepped in front of me.
“You might want to take off your shorts.” Cee commented.
I blushed. I had forgotten about the shorts. I hated to take the shorts off and be more naked then I already was. “No, it's fine. It's-”
“-I want to see that beautiful body,” he added in a husky voice, so low that I didn’t worry about Ben hearing him.
With this final encouragement, I removed my shorts. I could feel my cheeks redden more and looking around to see if anyone was looking at me. Cee kept his eyes on me I noticed them darken with desire as I tossed them onto the towel.
“Now that is one hot momma.” He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I squealed like a child. I forgot how strong he was and how light he made me feel. In his arms, I felt beautiful. He sprinted into the water, splashing as he waded deeper. With a flip of his arms he dunked me into the cold ocean, the frigid temperature taking my breath away.
Sputtering, I resurfaced and went looking for blood. I heard Ben howl with laughter nearby. The salt water stung my eyes as I tried to blink them clear. My vision finally cleared and I saw Cee standing in the shallows, chuckling at my distress. I splashed my way to him to seek my vengeance.
“Ben said to do it.” Cee pointed to my son, trying to sound completely innocent. I turned my attentions to my son and paddled back to him, throwing water at him as I went. We splashed water at each other, laughing and giggling so loud I swear they could hear us three beaches over. I got closer to Ben and whispered a plan on how to get Cee back. Ben nodded and we put the plan into place.
He swam over to Cee and asked him to launch him into the water. Cee obliged and wadded deeper into the ocean. As Ben distracted him, I swam underneath the water and tickled Cee’s legs. I knew he would freak out because he hated that he couldn’t see what was near him in the water. He yelped so loud, I heard it under the water.
When I resurfaced, I saw Ben doubled over in a fit of giggles. Apparently, Cee had just jumped out of his skin. Cee was so focused on what lurked in the ocean, he hadn’t noticed that I was behind him. I waited for a moment and jumped on him so he would fall into an oncoming wave. Together we tumbled into the water. Cee sputtered out water as he resurfaced, but eventually joined in our laughter.
It was a never-ending water battle until I finally had to call it quits when my hands were so pruney that I couldn’t tell what was fingertip or knuckle. The warm sand felt good on my numb toes. All I wanted to do was fall into it and absorb all that heat, but knew I would have to rinse out sand for the next few days if I did. I got to our beach towels and wrapped one around me, the heat of the day so comforting that all I could do was bask in it.
The boys finally got out of the water, too. Ben’s teeth were chattering so hard he couldn’t talk. I wrapped him up in a sun-warmed towel and he could only nod in appreciation.
When the sun was low on the horizon, we took one last walk along the beach. Cee and I were side by side while Ben was up ahead, searching for shells. Cee was close to me, but still being very careful as to not get too close.
I accidentally bumped his hand as we walked, and it sent a tingle up my arm. I looked at him, then to Ben, and I realized that this was picture-perfect. This was what I wanted.
No, this is what I needed.
I grabbed Cee’s hand, enveloping my smaller one in his. He looked at me with a surprised look and raised an eyebrow. I smiled and nodded, gently squeezing his hand. He gripped mine and we continued to walk along the beach.
“Mom look at what I found!” Ben turned around and ran toward us.
Cee tried to drop his hand, wanting to keep the relationship from Ben as I had asked before. I kept a firm grasp. I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. It was the first time my head and my heart agreed. I wasn't sure how Ben would react, but I was ready to risk it.
Ben had a perplexed look on his face when he saw his mother and nanny holding hands. He looked back and forth between us for a moment, his brain trying to understand. Finally, a smile filled his face as he realized what it meant. He'd seen enough Disney movies to know where things were headed. I'd have to have a discussion with him later, but I liked that he was happy about it.
I knew he liked having Cee around as much as I did. Ben ran towards us, showing the creatures he had collected throughout the day. He didn’t say a word about our hands, but he had a giant grin on his face.
As the final rays from the sun disappeared, we headed back and packed up the remaining food and stored it in the cooler. We all tried to wipe off all of the remaining sand, but I felt like I was covered from head to toe. I knew I would be finding sand in my car and clothes for the next week. It was worth it, though.
Ben was fast asleep in the back seat by the time we arrived back home. He had a busy day today, and I didn’t want to wake him, so I picked up Ben and carried him into the house with Cee following behind me with the cooler and blankets. With a kiss goodnight, I tucked in Ben and reminded myself that he will need to take a shower in the morning. I'd need to wash his sheets as well. I tiptoed out of the room, and shook my head at all the sand that was already tracked in. There was some serious cleaning in my future.
“That was a fun day,” I said, helping Cee throw the remaining watermelon into the fridge.
“Yes it was. Come over here.” He walked toward the kitchen chair and sat down. He patted his leg and I sat on his lap. He pulled me in close and started to nuzzle my neck.
“I love the smell of you,” he said as he took a big breath in.
“Really?” I murmured, closing my eyes and reveling in his touch. “I smell like saltwater, sand, and sweat.”
/>
“Sounds like heaven to me.”
I giggled as he continued to sniff my neck. I pushed him back and looked at him in the eyes.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Everything. For Ben being happier then he has been in years. For taking care of him.” I swallowed trying to find the right words. “And for me. You made me trust again, and it is so hard for me to trust. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a very long time.”
“I owe you the same thanks. For a long time, I had this hole in my heart. I was missing something until you opened that front door.” He kissed me. I could feel the emotions I had been holding back wash over me. I enjoyed this feeling of trust. He pulled back and sighed. “As much as I want to stay, I do have to go home. I sadly have plans tomorrow.”
I gave him a fake pout. “Can I join?”
He gave a light chuckle, his breath tickling my hair. “No. But I will be able to stop by.”
Cee's phone went off. I tried to grab it from him. My plan was to answer it and see who was calling him this late at night. I got as far as getting the phone in my hand before he stopped me. He ripped the phone from my hands just as it stopped ringing and went to voicemail.
“Jes.” Cee growled. He wasn't playing. There was no laughter in his eyes. In fact, there was a little fear. What was he afraid of? “Don't.”
I slid off his lap, the burn of his admonishment ruining the nice moment we’d shared. Rubbing my wrist, I assessed him with new eyes.
Warning bells went off on my cheating alarm. I tried to ignore them, but it was too close to what had happened before.
I took a deep breath. Just because Richard had done nearly the same thing to me two years ago didn't mean that Cee was too. Still, I couldn't come up with a good reason for Cee to hide who was calling him from me.
I silently walked him to the door, feeling like I should say something. Instead, I gave him one last kiss and just closed the door behind him. I was too afraid what might happen if I pressed the issue. The small security light outside illuminated Cee in a warm yellow light as he walked to his car and started the engine.
I wondered where he went on these excursions I couldn't join in on. I wanted to believe that they were nothing, probably just running errands or checking up on a previous nanny family, but something about them gave me pause. Why wouldn't he just tell me where he was going? Who was calling him after work? What was he keeping from me? Was there someone else?
No, I told myself. He likes me. He wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't do that to Ben.
But, as I watched him drive away into the night, his cellphone up to his ear, I couldn't help but wonder who he was talking to instead of me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Am I being crazy? He keeps getting texts and disappears without telling me where. And, whenever he gets a phone call he takes it in the other room,” I asked my friends that next Thursday. I knew if anyone would be able to help me make sense of him, it would be these girls.
“It’s probably nothing.” Cindy reassured me, patting me on the hand. “You two are a new couple, and it takes time to get to know one another. He’ll tell you when he’s ready.”
“I know. It is just ever since Richard, I can’t help but seeing the similarities.” I remembered the late night phone calls from a number I was unfamiliar with. He would always get out of bed and take the calls in the other room and then disappear for “work”. He always kept his cellphone on him, and answered texts even if we were in the middle of a conversation. As I remembered all the things Richard had done while we were together, my heart started beating faster.
There were so many similarities. I was smarter than to fall for this twice. I had learned my lesson the first time. It made my heart hurt to even think about it, but I couldn't shake the feeling.
“You could always check his phone while he is in the shower or something. Sometimes a girl has got to snoop. You don’t want to be an idiot again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me,” Melissa interjected. She could see I was battling with my thoughts and was trying to help.
“Or you could always ASK him about it, maybe he has a reason,” Cindy offered being the voice of reason.
“As much as I hate to admit it, Melissa is right. You don’t want to get hurt as bad as you did last time. I mean I love what the man has done for you. I haven't seen you this happy in a long time. But how much do you really know about him?” Tricia commented.
The last few words Tricia said made my mouth turn dry. She was right. I knew I was falling in love with him, and all that he had shown me of himself was amazing, but I didn’t really know a lot about him. He never talked about his family, or past relationships. It was really me doing most of the talking while he attentively listened. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I tried to blink them away before anyone else could notice.
“Oh honey, we didn’t mean to upset you. Cee really does seem like a great guy. We are probably making something out of nothing.” Tricia put a hand on my shoulder rubbing it gently.
“No you guys are right. How could I be so dumb? I swore off men for a reason, and then I go and jump into this. I don’t know about it now. I really have to go home and figure this out.” I hung my head in shame.
“Talk to Cee, let him know how you are feeling. Maybe he can calm your fears,” Cindy said trying to help.
I finished off my glass of wine and slapped my cash down to cover my part of the bill.
“I'll see you guys later, I need to go home.” The girls all nodded and tried to offer me smiles as I continued to beat myself up inside. The little pit I had in my stomach had returned.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror as I drove home. I had put makeup on and done my hair, but I looked like a busy, single mom. I didn't deserve a hot, young man like Cee. He was all muscles and I was barely fitting into my jeans. I sighed and pushed the mirror back into position. I knew I should ask Cee, but he could just lie. He had no reason to tell me the truth about what he was up to.
I got home and found Cee and Ben on the couch. Ben was playing a video game while Cee was texting on his phone. I tried to sneak up behind him and maybe catch a glance of his phone, but he turned it off before I could get close enough.
“Your home early.” Cee commented turning around on the couch.
“Yeah, not really feeling it tonight. I’m pretty tired. I think it's time to go to bed.” I kept my eyes on him and held my mouth straight. I didn’t want him to know what I was thinking. What if I was wrong, and screwing this great thing up because of my trust issues? That would be just like me to overreact. But, what if I was right?
“Come on Ben, let's say goodbye to Cee and get you ready for bed.” I motioned with my head for Ben to get moving.
Cee’s brows furrowed at my statement, concern showing on his face. Usually we hung out for a bit after Ben went to sleep.
“You sure you feeling all right?” He stood up and put his hand on my head, feeling for a temperature.
“Yes, I'm fine just tired. I have a long day of work tomorrow too,” I lied, shaking my head away from his touch.
“Okay, well let me know if I can do anything.” Cee walked toward the door and leaned in for a kiss. I turned so he kissed my cheek.
“Just in case I'm getting a cold, don’t want you to get ill,” I explained when I saw the hurt look on Cee's face.
He nodded, picked up his things, and walked out to his car. I sat on the couch as Ben put away his game.
“Ben, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.” He continued to wrap up his controllers. At least he put those away on a regular basis.
“Have you ever noticed that Cee texts a lot?” I avoided looking at him. I hated to bring my son into this, but I had to know.
“Yeah.” Ben shrugged.
“Does he ever say anything about it?”
“Not really.” He paused for a moment and thought. “I sometimes see the name of
Ann flash by on it.”
Ann. My heart sunk.
“Okay. Thanks, honey. Let us get you to bed.”
I tossed and turned that night, begging for sleep to take me so I would stop thinking. My mind replayed every moment that I was with Cee. I noticed that he indeed did have his cell phone at all times, and he did text often. I remembered the nights that he would disappear, or wouldn’t want to stay late. The more I thought about it, the more I worked myself up.
I had to find more proof.
I'll talk to him this weekend, I decided.
Ben was going with his Dad and Cee and I had made plans to be together. That was when I would find out if I was just a worrywart, or if I really did have a problem.
***
After a date night of going to a movie and eating a home cooked meal of spaghetti, I asked Cee to stay over. I wanted some time to talk to him, and was planning to do it as we went to bed.
I tried to ask him multiple times about the texting, and about the Ann woman Ben mentioned, but I couldn’t do it. I had this shred of hope that I was being crazy, and if I said something, I could be proven wrong. If I didn't say anything, then I could continue to live in my fantasy world.
I laid down in bed and Cee laid beside me. He shifted himself so that my head was on his chest. I could feel the constant beat of his heart. He stroked my hair. A cold ache settled in my stomach.
“Are you still feeling sick? You were really quiet tonight?” Cee commented. He tugged out a small knot in my hair with his fingers. The sensation sent chills up my spine.
Walking on Sunshine: A Sweet Love Story (Seasons of Love Book 1) Page 14
