Burn Me Anthology

by Shantel Tessier

  Being on the streets was hard. There were days I thought I was going to die. Between the hunger, the fighting, and cruelty from other people, I was thankful I made it as long as I did. My foster family was awful. I got away and I never looked back. I’d rather have been on the streets than be with them.

  I’m taking in his surroundings, noticing the pictures on his white walls. I step closer and see there’s one with, I’m assuming, his parents and sister, then a few with friends. There’s one with his firefighting crew, and there’s another one that pulls me in. He has his arm around a girl’s shoulders. They’re both smiling and look so young. I think they’re both wearing a high school graduation cap and gown.

  “Who’s that?” I point at the picture.

  Brennan doesn’t look at the picture. He tosses his keys onto the counter and leans against it before answering.

  “Iris.”

  He keeps the answer short and I have a feeling this is someone he doesn’t want to talk about. Maybe she’s an ex-girlfriend…or current girlfriend. I look around and don’t see any feminine touches. Brennan’s home is the quintessential bachelor pad. A big screen television with a surround system and a leather L shaped couch, with no throw pillows, stand out in the warm, neutral colored room with simple decorations. I walk toward the kitchen and it’s massive. My hand goes over the beautiful stove and marble counter. This kitchen is every chef’s dream.

  “Do you like to cook?”

  I nod. “When I was living with a foster family, I was responsible for cooking. It was hard at first, but I quickly learned how to cook for ten people.” My voice softens and I revert my eyes to the sink.

  “Hey,” Brennan’s warm voice soothes me. “Whatever you’re thinking about that’s causing you to feel sad, don’t. Let your demons go.”

  “I’m trying,” I whisper and grip the counter, telling myself to breathe in and out. “Thank you. Your place is really nice.”

  “You’re welcome. Yeah, Amber did most of the decorating. I gave her my credit card and told her to do whatever she wanted.”

  “Are you two close?”

  “Yeah. When our mom passed away, our dad was lost. He went on benders and was drunk all the time. I was the man of the house and took care of Amber, and my dad. When he got his life back together, things got better. I still took care of Amber, but I was able to move on with my life and do what I wanted.”

  “I’m so sorry about your mom. I’m glad your dad is doing better. You sound like a sweet big brother.” My voice softens again. “I never knew my parents. I was left in the hospital. When my parents never came back, the hospital put me in an orphanage. I had a great life until my adoptive parents passed away and I was back in the system. I was fourteen. I didn’t have any biological siblings, but the ones I did have, from my foster home to the girls in the building, I felt like I belonged in this world. They made me feel safe. I miss them.”

  “I know you do, sweetheart. You’ve been through so much in your life. Now let me take care of you. Let me make you always feel safe. I’m sorry for all the loss you’ve been experiencing. It’s not easy to lose someone you love.”

  The word, sweetheart, lingers around me. It’s nice to have a pet name. Usually, I was called by my name, Devan, or something rude and hateful. Most of the girls in the building I was living in called me Dee. I didn’t mind it, but I like my name. Devan. It’s me. It’s who I am. I especially like hearing my name through his lips.

  Brennan takes my hand and we walk down a hallway. He shows me the bathroom, then his bedroom, which is nice—his bed looks comfortable—and we turn to walk a few steps to the guest room.

  “And this is where you’ll be staying. Amber decorated this room. She used to live with me before she got her own apartment. There’s a six-year difference between us.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-eight.”

  “Oh. So, she’s twenty-two?”

  “Yeah. Amber’s turning twenty-three in a few weeks. Her best friend, Patricia, is throwing her a dinner party at her parents’ lodge about an hour away. It’s right on the water. You’ll like it there.”

  “Wait. You want me to go? I don’t want to impose on Amber’s birthday and be the odd one out.”

  Brennan smiles and part of me melts. Goodness he has a nice smile, which softens his features. I’ve noticed he holds a hard, tight expression—a permanent sexy scowl. Then he smiles, his whole face changes, making the color of his eyes seem soft and comforting.

  “Don’t worry. You can tell them whatever you want and I’ll go along with it. Tomorrow my friend, Greg, is coming over. He was one of the guys on the scene, so he’ll know who you are. I need to let my captain know too. Shit, it won’t be easy.”

  This doesn’t sit well with me. It’s been less than twenty-four hours and I’m causing him grief. “Brennan. Please. Just take me back to the shelter. I’ll be okay.”

  He hesitates and looks at me. The way his eyes search for how I really feel is making me feel something. I’m not sure what exactly is going on.

  “No.”

  “What?”

  “No,” he says again. “You’re only asking to leave because you think you’re going to cause me problems, and you won’t.”

  There’s that look again! My heart flutters in my chest and my body feels warm. Very warm. I finally relax and nod. He’s right. I should let him take care of me. Brennan doesn’t look like a man that can be told what to do, and he doesn’t seem to like hearing the word no.

  “Whatever you need; let me know. There are towels in the bathroom. If we forgot to get anything then tomorrow morning we’ll go out and get it. Understand?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” He saunters over to me and I hold my breath because I’m scared he’ll hear the tremble of my breathing. “Sleep well, Devan. If you need me I’m down the hall.”

  “Okay.” I manage to get out.

  I watch Brennan walk out of the room and into his. My eyes take in this room and exhaustion is hitting me hard. A shower right now will do me good, so I grab the pajamas he got me, and head to the bathroom.

  I strip out of the dingy clothes and stand under the shooting warm water. The lavender soap feels nice on my skin and the shampoo cleans my hair. This shower is everything. I don’t have to rush or be afraid someone will come in and hurt me.

  I’m safe.

  Safe.

  Safe.

  Safe.

  Sleep doesn’t find me easily. I’m staring at the ceiling, clinging onto the blanket, and praying I’m not making a mistake by being here. Everything in my life’s telling me there’s no such thing as a happily ever after or finding peace. Everywhere I turn, there’s someone trying to hurt me…take advantage of me. A deep sigh slides through my lips and I turn on my side, still clinging onto the blanket, and do my best to find sleep.

  Maybe this time will be different.

  Maybe Brennan’s my safe burn.

  I fling my body around the bed. Sweat pours from my forehead, down my face, and my hands are clammy. The weight of his body is over my chest. The invasion of his hand inside me makes me want to vomit. I don’t scream. I never scream. My hands repeatedly fly up against the headboard. I’m squeezing my thighs closed. I can’t let this go on. I can’t.

  “Devan!” Strong hands grip my shoulders.

  “No,” I whimper. “Regina, please wake up! Kelly! Theresa! Oh my God, where is everyone?”

  “Devan!” This time I wake up to the familiar voice. Blazing deep brown eyes sink into my own. I fling my arms around his neck and climb into his lap. “Shhh, I got you.”

  “I’m sorry. So sorry.” I can’t stop the quiver in my voice. “Please just take me back to the shelter. I’m too messed up to be here. You don’t need a crazy homeless girl invading your space.” I push myself away from his warm, strong body. As soon as I am leaning against the headboard, my body misses him.

  I miss him

  And I don’t know why. I liter
ally just met him and now I’m living with him. Maybe this missing aspect of my feelings for Brennan is stemming from the fact that I didn’t get any of this while growing up. Since he’s showing me affection and care, my body’s craving it, needing it…wanting it.

  Brennan lifts me from the bed and walks out of the bedroom and into his. I breathe in his clean, woodsy scent, and slowly calm down. The moment he sets me down on his bed, he kneels and places his hands into mine.

  “Talk to me.”

  “I-I can’t,” I stammer and continue to look away from him. The shame of my past fills me, drowning me in the soiled waters. “I-I n-need t-to g-go.”

  “No.” His firm tone scares me. “I brought you here and I’m going to take care of you. I don’t care that you were homeless and you don’t have much. I’m not allowing you to live on the streets again. You’re going to live with me until you can get back on your feet, and even then, I’ll help you find your own place and check up on you. You got me, Devan, so lean on me.”

  “Okay.”

  I hear him sigh. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be demanding.” He’s rubbing my hands with his thumb. It feels nice. Really nice. “I saved you from the burning building, and if I’m being honest, I need to make sure you stay safe. This. My home. Is yours too. It’ll make me feel better to keep you by my side, so I know you have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, and food to eat. Once you get a job and save money, then we’ll look for an apartment for you. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.” My voice is calm. “Thank you for telling me all of this. But, I don’t want to be your project…”

  “No. You’re not. Don’t think that at all.”

  “Okay.”

  “Why don’t you get some sleep…”

  “Please don’t leave me,” I beg. “I can’t be alone right now. I don’t feel safe.”

  “Sweetheart,” he slowly says in a soothing tone. “You’re safe. You can sleep in my bed tonight.”

  I don’t respond because the words are in my throat and refuse to leave, so I get under the covers, lie on my side, and watch him get into bed as well. We stare at each other for a few beats until he tells me to go to sleep, and I do.

  For the first time in as long as I can remember, I find sleep without fear that someone’s going to come into the room and hurt me.

  Safe.

  Safe.

  Safe.

  Chapter 4

  Brennan

  Her warm body pressing against mine kept me awake for the past hour. I don’t want to move and wake her. My mind won’t turn off from the way she screamed in her sleep to the way she’s clinging on to me. Normally, I prefer to sleep alone. The idea of cuddling is too intimate, and intimacy isn’t something I’m used to having. I can’t shake off the guilt inside. It’s festering. Eating away at me. I shouldn’t be like this with another woman.

  Fuck!

  I’m trying to shut my mind off—to forget last night and focus on what I can do to help her. Whenever I close my eyes, I hear her…see her. I feel Iris around me. She’s everywhere. Only, she’s not, and there’s nothing I can do. I bury her in my heart. The sound of Devan’s breathing brings me to look at her. To take her all in.

  After hearing the banging coming from the guestroom, I flew out of bed and grabbed my sweatpants before rushing into her bedroom. What I saw, fuck, that was going to stay with me. It’s burned into my brain. Her face was contorted and she was gasping to breathe.

  I’m getting restless so I gently remove myself from her grip and stand on the side of my bed, watching her, taking her in, and she doesn’t wake up. There are some things I like to do in the morning before I get started with my day. Since I don’t want to leave her alone to go for my six-mile run, I turn on the TV and pop in Amber’s Zumba DVD. The bass from the song has me moving, following the instructor, and dancing my ass off. I prefer running and lifting weights over anything. Zumba’s my last resort. I’m twenty-eight and need to stay in shape. My diet’s strict, with very little sugar and portioned carbohydrates, and I don’t drink as much as I used to. I have a six-pack, everything’s toned, and women never complain about my stamina.

  Forty-five minutes later, I’m doing the cool down, and hear light snickering coming from behind me. When I turn around, Devan’s covering her mouth and shaking her head.

  “What?” I laugh and turn to mute the DVD.

  “You were dancing. And you seemed really into it.”

  I shrug. “When I can’t go out for my usual run, I do Zumba. Don’t laugh until you try it. I’m doing an advanced level that requires lots of shaking, turning, and moving different parts of your body. You want to try? Guarantee you won’t make it through one song.”

  Devan’s body straightens, and she puts a challenging expression on her face while crossing her arms over her chest.

  “Are you daring me right now?”

  “Why, yes, I am. Are you accepting?”

  “I am.”

  I watch Devan come around and stand next to me, so I replay the DVD and watch her from the corner of my eye. There’s no way she can last through this song, especially without any experience. I can’t imagine she’s ever done this.

  Damn. Never judge a girl…ever. Devan whooped my ass and she’s not breathless like I am.

  “Don’t take offense…”

  “My foster sister, Cathy, was sixteen when she came to the foster home I was in. We were together for a year before she ran away. I’ve never heard from her again. She was a dancer. She taught me how to dance anything from ballet to hip-hop to salsa. After she left, I continued to dance. There was a dance school a few miles from my foster home. In one of the classrooms, there was a hidden room, and I watched everything so I pretended I was in that class and danced with the group. It was the best hour of my life. When I dance, nothing matters and my mind’s clear.”

  “Wow. I’d love to see you dance sometime and not while you’re trying to beat me.”

  Her features soften and a slight blush shows on her cheeks. I scan the room, but my eyes are on her within seconds. I notice the way she’s staring at my bare chest—well fuck—that wakes up my cock. The way she’s staring at me, biting her lower lip, and fidgeting with the hem of her tank top, makes me want to push her against the wall and take her right here.

  Fuck. Calm your shit, Brennan.

  “I’m going to hop in the shower. Do you want to go out for breakfast?”

  “You don’t need to take me out for breakfast. We can cook something here. I don’t want you to spend your money on me. It makes me feel guilty and like a child, which I’m not, I mean I’m nineteen. Sure, I don’t have a job, but I’d really like one.”

  This girl’s too damn adorable.

  And too damn young for you.

  “Well, I’m hungry and you’re my friend. I want to have breakfast with you at a diner.” I laugh. “Then after we can go to the mall and you can get more things.”

  “Oh. Yeah. That sounds great. I’ll go take a shower too.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.” She smiles and leaves the room in a rush.

  When we’re done eating breakfast and the bill is paid, I place my hand on the small of her back and lead her outside toward my truck. Neither of us is saying anything. It’s a comfortable silence with Devan. I don’t normally get that when I’m with women. Usually, it’s them talking my fucking ear off and telling me shit I don’t care to hear. With Devan, I honestly want to get to know her more and find out what makes her who she is.

  As I’m helping her out of the truck, I can’t help to notice her perky chest, and the way her blonde hair curves in at the end. Her face turns to me and she gives me the sweetest smile I’ve seen.

  A smile for me.

  “Since I have a sister and know that women don’t tend to enjoy shopping with a man, I’ve brought someone who will hang out with you today while I run to the station. I’ll be back though.”

  “What? Who?” Those eyes that shined brightly are
now full of fear and anxiety. I take Devan’s hand into mine and keep my attention on her. “Brennan…I…”

  “It’s okay. Amber is going to meet us in the mall by the food court. She has instructions to get you everything you want and everything you need. If you don’t get anything, then she has my permission to pick out everything. Am I making myself clear?”

  “Yes.”

  “I want you to be happy and don’t worry about how much you’re going to spend. I have more money than I know what to do with it.”

  “How?” Devan instantly regrets asking me.

  “Our grandparents passed away a few years ago and left us their legacy. It paid for my college education, and I invested some of that money and have made a huge return.”

  “So, then why don’t you spend money on yourself and do more?”

  She’s bold. No fucks given. I like that.

  “I love what I do. Being a firefighter brings me joy. Sure, I’ve lost people to the flames, but when I’m in gear, looking for someone, anyone, there’s this weight that lifts me and helps me complete my job. I say a prayer every time I go into a fire, and I say a prayer every time I come out of one.”

  “That’s amazing. I can see the passion in your eyes when you talk about what you do. Thank you for your service. I know I’m very thankful for you and your commitment to saving people and this community. It’s beautiful.”

  I swipe a strand of hair from her face and sweep it behind her ear. “You’re beautiful, Devan.”

  I pull her away from the truck and we head into the mall. As soon as we get to the food court, my baby sister comes running over and throws herself onto me.

  “Hi, big brother,” she squeals and hugs me tighter. When I let her down, she beams over to Devan.

  “Hi! I’m Amber. It’s so nice to meet you, Devan.”

  “Hi. It’s nice to meet you too. Thank you for doing this. I appreciate it.”

  “You’re welcome. Come on.” Amber extends her hand to Devan and she takes it. The two walk off and Devan turns her head toward me, giving me a smile, and turns back to go into a store.