by Kris Schnee
Park guests were staring at her. The attention was strangely nice, like basking in a sunbeam.
"Hey, miss! How does that costume work?"
It took Jake a while to figure out that the guy over there was talking to her. She blushed. "What costume?"
The tourist laughed. "In-character, I see. Makes sense for a toon."
When the man had walked on, Jake asked herself, "Is that what I am? A cartoon character?" It would explain a few things, sort of. "If that's true then I should be able to..." She pulled out a stone-tipped spear from... someplace. It had felt like reaching into a strange, cold space hidden behind her back. She chucked the spear into a nearby tree and used it as a springboard to vault into the treetops, before realizing she could do that too. She lurked in the branches, tail lashing, thinking vaguely about dinner as she looked down on the park guests.
"Psst." A man in a yellow suit leaned casually against a trunk, twenty feet off the ground.
Jake nearly fell from her perch. "How'd you get up here?" He didn't look like another toon.
He flashed a badge. "Park security. We can go anywhere. Anywhere." The man gave an insincere smile. "Apparently you've been into a spot you shouldn't have reached."
"The ride looked open! At least I saw somebody else going in, and the ride was running. What's happening to me?"
"You saw one of our technicians, working on the special equipment. At Adventure Studios we bring people movie magic. People don't quite understand how sincere we are about that. Usually it's hidden behind animatronics and other stagecraft."
Jake looked down at her glowing body. "So I'm literally a cartoon character now?"
"Of course. Experimental procedure. It was meant to be more subtle, for a new group of park mascots, but you got the full dose when you blundered into the castle. So, you live here now. You're hired."
Jake hopped over to the man's branch, which swayed under them. She was able to keep her balance easily with a single twitch of that long striped tail. "Wait a minute. I never signed up for this. Change me back!"
The security guy said, "We ripped a hole in the laws of physics. It's not that easy to put everything back the way it was. Look on the bright side, though; there are advantages to being a toon."
Jake thought back to all the cartoons she'd watched, all the adventures the characters had had without ever getting hurt for more than a scene. Her head spun at the thought of getting to keep doing what she'd done in the last few minutes, like climbing this tree with nothing but a spear she'd summoned because it fit a theme.
She said, "Am I cursed to be a mouse or a tiger full-time, then?"
The man shrugged. "You can be whatever the park needs. You've crossed over from the toon castle district to the jungle, and noticed the changes there, right? Try walking toward the Mars Mania ride or the Robot Riderz Xtreem Arkayd or Chef Veggie's FableTable Show and you'll adapt."
There was some loony logic to what had happened. "One form per area," she said. "What will I become in each place? Can I control it?"
"This is new 'technology' to us too. It seems to give people forms they're reasonably happy with, so apparently you don't mind too much. You make a fine tigress, I must say."
An angel and a devil, both feline, poofed into existence on Jake's shoulders and started arguing with each other. Jake let them handle it instead of just fainting, which she'd been about to do. Her foot-claws dug into the branch beneath her. "What about when I go outside the park?"
Another smile. "I said, you live here now. The..." He lowered his voice. "The spell doesn't seem to sustain a toon anywhere past parking lot B. But hey, there are plenty of places you can live while you work here, and there are bound to be new attractions built over the decades."
"Decades," said Jake. Stuck here forever? It might actually be forever, so long as the theme park existed.
"Hey, don't feel bad. It'll be fun. You get to participate in special events like the Christmas... uh, Holiday Parade. Why don't you come down and check it out? It should be starting soon by the Congo Cruise."
Jake didn't know what to make of all this. There was a bit of tiger instinct pushing her, though, or maybe cartoon-logic instinct. Instead of calmly making her way back down the tree, she tackled the security guy, pulled out a trampoline in midair, tossed it down, and bounced with him a couple of times before landing on all fours with a big toothy grin and a lashing tail. "Okay then," she said. "If I'm working here, I have free run of the place. Want to dispute that part of my 'contract'?"
The man's suit was disheveled and he was shaking, brushing bits of glowing toon fur off it. "Y-yes, of course. I mean, it's fine."
"And free room and board."
"Yes, though I'm not sure you even need to eat."
"Then I'm off!" She bounded away from him to go exploring without any more hand-holding. There'd be plenty of time to figure this toon thing out. It could be fun.
The jungle land gave way to more fake snow. People in ordinary costumes were lining up to show off in stilts and princess gowns and other boring gigs. Unlike them, she'd get to strut around as a tigress! She scratched around her ears, wondering why her head felt heavy all of the sudden. She got her answer when the antlers came in, and when her fingers turned into hoofy things. No more stripes! Now she was getting an implausible furry dress and sweater that left her legs bare, down to her new foot-hooves. Red-and-white Santa gear on brown fur. "Reindeer!" she said, and laughed. There was a lot of potential here to be something new, to change with the seasons and her mood.
Jake grinned, and hopped into the parade line for the first of many times.
A Family Tradition
"Am I going to be in the family club now?" Andrea asked, as she fidgeted with several sets of clothes in the apartment's bedroom. The sweatpants didn't seem appropriate for her first Christmas Eve on Zeke's family's farm, but the dresses wouldn't be warm enough.
Zeke leaned over her shoulder and kissed her on the ear, making her shiver. "They weren't sure about you. Told me you weren't the one, but you kept proving otherwise. That time with Mom at the hospital especially."
"Then are they going to let me in? Two years since we met, two months since the wedding, and I still feel like they're trying to shoo me away whenever I see them." Secrecy was her worst complaint against the Eisen family. She didn't mind that Zeke was so adamant about having time to himself every so often, but there were inside jokes the family swapped that she never understood, and she hardly knew his parents.
"Ma and Pa said they'd be honored to have you there. You don't have to dress formally though." Zeke grinned as though the very idea were ridiculous.
Andrea grabbed sweatpants after all. "Your great family Christmas tradition involves dancing around the maypole naked rather than in hooded robes, then?"
"You have no idea." Zeke suddenly looked nervous, running his hands through his prematurely grey hair. The rest of him was young and frisky. "I don't know if you'll like it, though."
It was her turn to kiss him. "Just let me see. It's not blood sacrifices to the devil or anything, I hope?" She saw his horrified headshake, no, and added, "Then I'm sure I'll be all right."
* * *
Andrea drove down Harrisburg Pike to find the family's house. Zeke had gone ahead yesterday; he had studying to do for his last year of law school. The Eisen place was one of many farms dotting the land between forested hills. The local church was one of the more permissive Mennonite groups; power lines crossed the fields, and cars with bumpers painted black "for humility" stood on the dirt driveways. Andrea spotted Zeke's beat-up van and turned off the road.
Pa Eisen (or so he'd always been to her) greeted her at the door. "You brought wine! That's good of you. We'll lap that right up, ha ha."
Linda squeezed past the big, bearded man. "There's supposed to be snow tonight. Want me to pick anything else up before that?"
He clapped her on the shoulder, saying, "Don't worry about it. We're in for the night no matter what."
/> The house lacked electricity but for a few hand-cranked gadgets Zeke had bought his parents. Andrea liked the feeling of stepping back in time whenever she visited, especially since Zeke's grandparents had given in and installed toilets a generation ago. The place had a lived-in, faintly animal smell and its rooms seemed arranged to bring people together.
She hugged white-haired Ma Eisen, who immediately took her aside. "There's a privacy curtain we put up on nights like this, in case we want to get to the barn. Mind helping?"
Puzzled, Andrea helped her carry a pile of tarps out to where a set of poles marked the path from the back porch to the barn. Ma explained, "Nobody's nearby to the south, but on the north side we have the Hochmanns, and they're a bit nosy, bless them."
Andrea followed Ma's lead and hung up the tarps to block the view to one side. "You must have some wild parties."
Ma gave a youthful giggle. "I married Pa without knowing much about the Eisen way. Tell me, ah, are you and my Zeke well and truly married?" The woman blushed, so that Andrea could tell what she really meant.
Trying to be equally delicate about it, Andrea said, "Yes, the honeymoon was... busy."
"We're not wasting your time, then. And you can be sure my Zeke won't go running around behind your back. He'd probably trip anyway." She laughed again for some reason.
Andrea forced a smile. She still felt like an outsider. The family was trying to include her, though, and she owed it to them to be patient. "Can I help you with the cooking?"
"Yes, indeed!"
An hour later, Zeke emerged from his little bedroom, the one he'd grown up in. "Contracts, contracts," he said, setting down a law textbook. He perked up when he spotted Andrea. "Sorry to keep you waiting, hon." He turned toward Pa and looked suddenly like a kid. "Do I get to tell the story this year?"
Pa smiled. "Seems appropriate if you're studying deals gone wrong."
"Sun's going down!" Ma called from the porch.
Pa said, "Let's sit. You're going to want a drink for this, miss Andrea."
They had all changed into pajamas and sweatclothes. The living room had no chairs, only large cushions and a few low tables. The decorations added to the room's out-of-place Middle Eastern theme, with framed inscrutable calligraphy and landscapes of desert ruins. Andrea settled onto a cushion next to Zeke with a wooden mug of hot spiced wine. Though he looked comfortable, he was trying to finish his drink quickly. The fireplace crackled, making up for the dimming sunlight.
Zeke took a drink, cleared his throat, and spoke. "Sometimes a man makes a really stupid bargain. But sometimes a man's so inept, he wraps around to being smart. That's how it was with Great-Great-Great-Grandpa Hans. The man lost a card game and gambled away his ticket to ride the Titanic. He fell down a mineshaft and found gold others had passed over. He tried to throw a boxing match, won by accident, then found that his friends had bet on him by mistake. Charmed life, that man. But then, one dark night, he tried to make a deal with the Devil. Something answered him."
Andrea startled, spilling a few drops of wine. "What? Is this another joke?" It wasn't funny.
Zeke leaned closer to hug Andrea. "Hear us out; it'll be all right." He went on: "Old Hans more or less got the wrong number. We've never known quite what force it was that heard him, but it didn't seem interested in hurting anyone. More like playing a prank."
Andrea winced. She'd somehow sat on her foot... no, that wasn't it. She wriggled and felt something slip out from behind her. A stray blanket? The dark fuzzy thing was tough to see in the shadow of the fireplace, but she could feel her hand brushing across it, as though it were attached to her spine.
Zeke let his story drop and brushed Andrea's ears, making them flick. "Ssh."
"What's happening?" she said. The fuzzy thing behind her was growing by the second, curling behind her like a snake. She tried to get a good view of it, and only gradually registered that it was a tail. She yelped.
Zeke hugged him and said, "You're a little ahead of me. But look at Ma for your answer."
Ma was crouching on all fours like an animal, with a similar dark fuzzy mass waving behind her. Her long white hair seemed to have grown so long that it flooded down her shirt and out from her sleeves, covering what Andrea could see of her arms and legs. The woman tugged down the back of her pants to let her own tail slip free. Even so, it all looked tight on her, and she was pulling her shirt off in full view of everyone.
Andrea looked at Pa in fright. His face was changing, pushing outward into a long shape like... like an animal's muzzle. His hair and beard were growing out into a continuous coat of dark grey fuzz.
Andrea yelped, then tried to stand up and run away. Instead she fell over onto all fours too. "My hands!" she said, looking down at them. Her thumbs were shifting around and her skin was prickling with a thickening layer of grey hair like Pa's and like Zeke's.
Zeke brushed little claws down her back and smiled with his growing muzzle. "Ssh. It's still me. Doesn't hurt, does it?"
"What did you do to me? What are you?" Andrea couldn't stand up properly; her hips were bending weirdly now to make standing on her hands and feet seem more natural. Only Zeke's touch kept her from sprinting toward the door.
"Part-time wolves," he said, and nuzzled her. His nose was wet and cold, making her shiver when he brushed against the, the fur that was now covering her. He was having trouble using his hands as they began to change into lupine paws. Even so, he wriggled out of his shirt and pants and began to help Andrea out of hers.
"Werewolves?" she said, shuddering.
"Here." Zeke had used that joke before, and she'd had no idea he meant it this way. "But we don't hurt people."
She laughed hysterically, but the sound came out as a yip. She pinched herself and was surprised to find she still had thumbs of a sort, and that she'd just drawn blood with her claws. She looked around in search of something to prove she was dreaming, but Zeke's parents were almost completely wolfy. Ma looked huge next to Pa. Random colors, random sizes? Andrea ran her tongue along her sharpening teeth and said, "Not monsters?"
"No." Zeke nuzzled her. His voice was growly, oddly cute even in this shape. Andrea looked slightly down at him as they stood together. "There's another part of this change that might be a little uncomfortable, but again —"
She got distracted from his words when a sharp twinge struck low in her belly. It felt like she'd been tugged on, turned inside-out. Ma was going through the same thing, but when the same change hit Pa and Zeke, they started to look... softer, somehow. Zeke shifted his hindlegs, so that she was staring at him, at...
The man she'd married had definitely not had one of those, and the sight of it really should not have been giving her the sensation of a fuzzy sheath rapidly growing between her legs and swelling out, warm and needy. She yipped, hopping back away from him.
Zeke turned toward her. "So you noticed," he said, blushing through his fur. "This happens to all us Eisens. It's... kind of a perspective flip. I hope it's less of a shock than the wolf thing."
Andrea flopped down on her hindlegs, barely getting her tail out of the way. Her husband's voice was even a little higher. "Okay. Wolves. Does this mean magic exists?" For his sake she tried not to panic at the deeper, growly tone of her own voice.
"Seems so," said Pa Eisen, a lean and curvy she-wolf. "We're all sorry for pulling you into this, but there was no good way to tell you. We're private folk, and we don't take relationships lightly." He stood up and stretched from fuzzy ears to heavy tail, showing off his long lupine body. Ma was ogling him.
"Can you forgive me?" Zeke asked. His ears drooped.
Andrea felt her ears do the same thing. "Am I stuck like this? I can't be. I mean you turned back. You were a human. And a man. We can't be stuck as wolves."
Ma nuzzled Andrea. "It was a shock for me, too."
Zeke said, "Around once a month, you'll have to change for most of a day. We'll teach you to hold it back or let it out so you don't sprout a tail and all in pub
lic." Zeke's forepaws kneaded his pillow, making him look as nervous as the day when he'd offered her a wedding ring. "I wanted you to be with family for your first change. You've got Christmas and the day after to learn how to control the curse. And then, if you never want to see me again..."
To calm herself down as well as him, Andrea stumbled back up to four feet and bumped her muzzle against his, trying to kiss him. None of it hurt, and she was with family. "Some advance notice would've been nice," she said. "Why wolves? Why this... other shift?"
Zeke said, "You're not mad?" His ears and tail made him look like an ashamed puppy.
She giggled nervously, and it came out like a low bark. "I'll forgive you if you explain what to do for clothes."
Ma said, "We tend to go without, since it's just us and not in public, but we do have a few of these." She reached into a basket, using her teeth and forepaws, and pulled out a sort of skirt with a large gap for a tail.
Andrea took a few wobbling steps and grabbed it, then wriggled around trying to flex enough to put the skirt on. Her spine was flexible enough for her to reach around herself somewhat, but she had no experience at trying to dress without thumbs.
"Want some help?" asked Zeke.
"Sure."
Her husband slid the pleated cloth over her fur and with some help, buckled it around her tail. Andrea stared down at the ruff of thick fur on her neck, then shuddered at the sight of the bulge between her hindlegs. "I take it you've found ways to do everything you need to do in this shape."
Ma yipped. "I had this conversation a long time ago. How about a family lesson in the barn?"
Zeke walked close beside Andrea, helping her get the hang of trotting around on four feet. Her claws clicked on the wooden floor, and she wobbled whenever she thought too much about it.
"Oh!" she said, looking around. "Where did our wedding rings go?!" Though it seemed silly to worry about bits of silver right now, even their frugal investment wasn't something she wanted to misplace.
Pa grinned, exposing sharp teeth. "You know, I worried about the same thing way back when. Don't worry; they'll be back. Jewelry seems to work differently than clothes. Good thing, considering Ma had pierced ears."
