My throat gets dry as I wonder if I have the mental fortitude to survive that long. I've been at this a month. One month. A whole year might just destroy me. Every day, I'll wake up a drooling mess, Calix will yank me out of the car, and the boys will dial me into the looney bin. I'll doom the whole town—maybe the world—to living on a script, day after day after day.
The movie ends and I pick up my phone, finding a couple texts from Luke and April.
Are you okay? Calix, Barron, and Raz are being weird as hell today. They even came up to me and asked if I knew what was going on with you. Also, they pretty much destroyed Erina this morning out front of the school. What's that about?
I ignore Luke’s text, pausing as Mama Jane knocks on the door and then gently cracks it open.
“Can I get you some tea?” she asks, and I nod. I'm in for a long day and night, as long as I can manage to stay awake.
“Maybe some coffee?” I ask, making a prayer position with my hands. “I'd love you forever.”
“I hope you'll love me forever regardless,” she says with a smile, “but yes, I'd be happy to make you some coffee.” She steps out and the words I want to say die on my lips. I love you, I always have, I always will, and I'm sorry I've never told you how much I appreciate you and Mama Cathy.
I turn on my next movie of the day, Happy Death Day, pausing only when my mom comes back, giving me a kiss on the forehead, and a steaming hot cup of coffee with cream. She quietly lets herself out, giving my notebook a raised brow before she closes my door behind her.
“At least this isn't my fate,” I murmur, scribbling down some notes as the main character in this particular movie gets murdered over and over and over again. Ugh. I sip my coffee with one hand and rub the bridge of my nose with the other. In Groundhog Day, Bill Murray stops the time loop by helping everyone in town who could use a hand. The thing is, I'm not trapped in such a small area, the way he is. It'd take me a week to help everyone in the Diamond Point Mobile Home Park, let alone Crescent Prep or the town of Devil Springs. In Happy Death Day, on the other hand, the main character has to change and become a better person, at one point committing suicide to save someone she loves. At the end, she has to discover her murderer's identity to break the loop.
I finish that movie and switch to a play-through of a video game instead, searching for meaning in fiction. There's always some truth in fiction anyway, lessons to be learned. The game I decide on is The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, an older game that was remastered some years ago. The character in that lives a three-day time loop which seems infinitely more valuable than my one day. But for him, the loop ends when he saves the world.
“Fuck.” I put my forehead on my knee, blocking out the play-through on my computer. Next up on my list: Russian Doll and The Butterfly Effect. After that, I'll likely read Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver. I have a long fucking night ahead of me.
A soft knock sounds on my door and I pause, lifting my head up to glance toward it.
“Karma?” It's Mama Cathy, paint-splattered and beautiful as always.
“What's up?” I ask, exhaling and trying not to let the feeling of hopelessness wash over me. As long as I'm willing to fight, I can beat this. I know I can. I truly believe in the power of the mind, and I'm determined as fuck. Especially after yesterday. Yesterday with the gun and the blood and …
“There are some boys here to see you,” she says, sounding a bit uneasy. “I think they're those boys you don't like, the Knights of the Round Table or something.” A harsh laugh escapes me as I check the time on my phone and see that it's just barely four o'clock. School will have just gotten out.
“Hardly. They're pretty much the opposite of the Round Table Knights.” I stand up and brush my hands down the old tank top and ratty sweats I've got on. A month ago, before I ever entered this shitty time loop, I wouldn't have been caught dead talking to the Knight Crew in an outfit like this. Today, I don't care if they see me naked.
Okay, well I do care, but in a different sort of way.
Stepping onto the porch, I let the creaking screen door swing shut behind me, padding down the ramp that leads to the gravel road in front of our house. All around us, the mountains rise up, covered in trees, trapping us in a little valley of sunlight.
The Aston Martin is parked in front of my house, and all three of the boys are leaning against or standing outside of it.
Jesus.
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask, crossing my arms under my breasts. Raz's red eyes go right to my peaked nipples before lifting to my face. He scowls at me, but the expression is empty, just a gesture he's comfortable with instead of an emotion he truly feels.
“You had a car accident this morning,” Calix says, and the softness in his voice makes me want to lie every day about the crash being an accident. But I hate lies. I can't live to tomorrow on a lie. “Then you threw yourself at me crying.”
“And then you said you were in love with us,” Barron adds, cocking his head to one side. He's wearing that white hoodie again, the hood pulled up over his rainbow-colored Mohawk. He thrusts a lollipop into his mouth that's in the shape of a skull.
“Yeah, how about that shit?” Raz asks, crossing his arms over his chest. His blazer is unbuttoned, his tie loose, dirty blonde hair mussed. “We dealt with Erina today, by the way.”
“Dealt with her how?” I ask, looking between the three of them. I'm shaking a bit from the adrenaline rush of seeing them here at my house, but I'm not embarrassed about what I said this morning. I only get to live one day, so I have to use that one day to say what I need to say, do what I need to do.
“Sonja loaded up on rings, and beat the shit out of her,” Raz says, like it's no big deal to commit a felony assault on another student. My eyes widen as I glance over at Barron and Calix. They're both as stoic as the trees looking down on us from the backyard, soaring sugar maples that shade the house but leave the studio in brilliant golden sunshine. “She confessed to taking the video; we got into her cloud account and got rid of it.”
“Thank you,” I say genuinely, looking between the three boys and wondering if some of the trauma from last night wore off on them, and that's why they're being so nice. Either that, or all the time we've spent together—whether they remember it or not—is having an effect. Although, I don’t know how I feel about using violence on Erina. That can’t be the only way, right? She shot and killed people last night, Karma. Not everything in life can be tied up in a pretty bow.
“Did she hurt you this morning? Threaten you?” Calix asks, taking a step forward and then pausing when Mama Cathy steps out of the front door and beams that beautiful smile of hers down on the four of us.
“Would you all like to come in? I could make tea or coffee? I'm assuming you're all heading to the party after this?”
I open my mouth to respond when Barron beats me to it.
“I'd love some tea,” he says and Mama Cathy grins, turning to head back inside.
“I'll start the kettle!”
“I'd love some tea,” Raz imitates, rolling his eyes in a dramatic fashion. “Since when the fuck do you drink tea, Barron? That's for like, old British people.”
“Since whenever the hell I want,” he says back, voice as depthless as a starless night. He cracks his teeth against the lollipop and steps up beside me, leaning down and enveloping me in that unique scent of his, like mint and lanolin and charcoal. “I want to show you something.” He reaches down and takes my hand, pulling me toward the front door.
Behind me, I can hear Raz cursing as he storms up the ramp.
Barron and I slip inside, and Barron lets the door slam in his friend's face, pausing to take in the art that covers every wall from floor to ceiling.
“Nice, bro, real fucking mature,” Raz snaps, pausing just behind me. I look back at him as he wrinkles his nose, nostrils flaring as he takes in what's got to be a vastly different environment for him. Raz comes from a rich, conservative family while I'm from a poor
, progressive family. We couldn't be anymore different, and yet …
“Don't mock my family,” I warn him, my voice calm but deadly serious. I love Raz—I feel like I'm finally able to admit that to myself—but I will throw him out on his ass if he tears my family or my moms or my sisters down. Or me. Especially me. I'm done just barely standing up for myself; I will actively fight back from now on.
“My parents taught me better than that,” Raz growls with a slight reddening of his cheeks and forehead. “Politics and opinions are best left outside the front door of someone else's home.” I raise my brows, surprised to hear that I actually like something the Loverens taught their son.
“Take a seat,” Mom calls out, popping her head out of the kitchen to gesture at the table. “And don't worry: I'll bring you your tea and leave you alone.”
“Karma!” It's Emma, sprinting down the hall, breathless, her blue-gray eyes shimmering as she takes in the boys standing on either side of me. “Are these your boyfriends?”
“Yep,” I say, and her mouth drops open in shock. Both Barron and Raz look over at me like they're not sure what to make of my response. “There's a third one, too.”
I'm not even positive he's going to come in, but as Emma stands there gaping and Katie creeps down the hall shyly to glare at the boys, I hear footsteps outside and my heart thunders like crazy in my chest.
Calix steps inside, his ebon hair shimmering in the sunshine, his dark eyes taking in the room with a single sweep before landing on Emma's cherubic face.
“You have three boyfriends?” she asks, narrowing her eyes as Calix's widen, almost imperceptibly. “How?”
“The same way a person has one boyfriend; they just love more than one person.” I push past Barron to pause next to Katie. She's frowning and glaring, her eyes fierce and sharp with an emotion I can't quite place. Then it occurs to me: she's pissed.
“These are the bullies,” she says, coming around me to glare up at the three six-foot plus assholes standing in my living room. “You bullied my sister.” Her nostrils flare as she stares them down, her breathing labored with the strength of her emotion. “Why?”
Barron glances back at Raz and Calix, and then turns to face my sister, moving forward and crouching down in front of her. He clicks the candy against his teeth as he thinks for a moment.
“I may have judged your sister against unfair standards,” he replies as Katie returns his stare with an unflinching one of her own. Emma still looks confused, pondering over the triple boyfriend thing while the kettle whistles and Mama Cathy pretends not to be listening in on our conversation. I'm just glad she's in here while Mama Jane's outside in the studio; she's a much less forgiving or understanding person. “But I can see that maybe I was wrong.” Barron pulls two more lollipops from his pocket, offering them up to my sisters. Emma snatches one right away, but Katie doesn’t lift a finger.
“Maybe? You're a jerk. You made her cry.” Katie looks over at Raz and Calix. “You all made her cry, and you should be ashamed.” She turns on her heel and heads down the hallway as I do my best to fight back a grin.
“She's almost as feisty as you are,” Barron says as he stands up and Emma cocks her head to the side in careful contemplation.
“If you date three boys, do you get three penises?” Emma asks, and Cathy groans.
“Alright, go, outside. You can work on your mural.” Cathy shoos my sister down the hallway and then casts the boys an apologetic look. “Tea is on the counter. Help yourself to teacups from the china cabinet. And I'm sorry about her, she's a little … blunt sometimes.” Cathy disappears down the hall, and I hear the giggling of my sisters outside.
“Your sisters look a lot like you,” Raz says, almost like he's confused. “How? Aren't you all adopted?” I give him a look over my shoulder.
“Nope. My moms ordered sperm online, got it delivered on dry ice, and impregnated each other.” I smile. “They made sure to use the same donor for my sisters as they did for me. So, surprise, surprise, we're all blood related!” I grab a set of teacups with little Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland characters printed on the inside and put four of them around the table before I collect the teapot and a tin of homemade shortbread.
Barron takes a seat without being asked, pouring himself a cup of tea, and dropping in a half dozen sugar cubes. Raz is next, sitting on the other side of me and looking so uncomfortable, I'm fairly certain he'd crawl out of his skin if it could grant him an escape from my house. Calix … he hangs back, like he isn't sure he's welcome here. Or if he is, that he isn't sure he should be welcome here.
“Come sit down,” I tell him, pushing out the chair at the end of the table with my foot. After a brief moment of hesitation, he complies, folding himself into the chair like an insouciant faerie prince with a crown of thorns. Without asking, I pour both him and Raz a cup of tea and push the cups toward them.
“This is weird, isn't it?” Calix asks, sounding like he's having a bit of an out-of-body experience. “Us, sitting here in your house.”
“Why? You came to see me, didn't you?” I ask, doing my best to ignore the memories from last night. Erina is clearly unstable, a grenade with the pin dangling precariously, ready to blow. “So my family invited you in, and now we're hanging out. What's weird about that?”
“We've never 'hung out' before,” Calix says, blinking slowly as he stares at me from those crow-black eyes of his.
“And whose fault is that?” I retort, snapping the end off a piece of shortbread with my teeth as I muse over the time loop stories. My eyes scan the three boys sitting at my table. If this had happened on the first day, I'd be shocked as shit. After living through a time loop, nothing so mundane as having tea with my bullies/love interests is going to shake me. “You three treat me like garbage, so hanging out has never really been an option.”
“This is fucking ridiculous,” Raz snarls, but more to himself than to me. He swipes his hand down his face and closes his eyes for a moment before flicking them open and turning his glare on me. “What the hell did you mean this morning? You can't run from that shit forever.”
“You mean about loving you?” I respond, and I swear, all three of them lean back in their seats like they've just seen a nuclear explosion and are trying to avoid the fallout. “I meant it. I wasn't sure at first, but … life is short. Lying to other people is insane; lying to yourself is suicidal.” I push the rest of the cookie into my mouth as something occurs to me, niggling at the back of my mind.
There's one constant through all the time loop stories I just studied.
One constant that I don't want to acknowledge, no matter what.
It feels suddenly sad, sitting there with the Knight Crew boys and not knowing if something good might blossom out of my new relationship with the three of them.
“Why today, all of a sudden?” Raz asks as Barron loads a small plate with heaps of shortbread cookies. He even dips one into his tea before snapping the end off with those pretty white teeth of his. “I thought you were fucking with us, but then, you never did show up to school.”
“She could still be fucking with us,” Barron muses, but Calix is looking at me like he's fairly certain I'm not. That's a surprise, seeing him on my side so easily. I maintain that some fragment of yesterday is haunting him, reminding him that life is temporary. He said he loved me, at gunpoint. The thought is both thrilling and terrifying, the ultimate truth spoken from lips about to be bloodied with violence.
I shiver and pour a bit of cream into my tea before taking a sip.
“I assure you, I'm not,” I say, curling my legs up in the chair and wondering if I ever manage to get past today, if I might have hangout sessions with all three boys more often. They seem so out of place here: rich, cruel, arrogant. Yet … I'm comfortable with them in my space, more so than I expected. “I'm in love with all three of you. What should I do about that?”
“What do you mean what should I do?” Raz snaps, pushing his tea aside and sending hot liquid
splashing onto the surface of the table. “Yesterday, you told me to eat shit in French. Today, you're confessing your love? Sorry if I don't buy that crap. Too sudden.”
“Not as sudden as you might think,” I say, looking down at the decorative black runner that lines the center of the table. It has glittering silver stars and moons; the moms sewed it just for Devils' Day. I only see it out one time a year. “My feelings have been developing for a long time. Maybe since freshman year.”
“What would you do, with all three of us?” Barron asks, his voice as shadowed and dark as always, smoothing over my body like fog. I love the sound of it; I could drown in it and die happy. “That is, if not a one of us actually hated you. If, in fact, we all reciprocated your feelings?” He smiles at me; it isn't a particularly nice smile. “This is all hypothetical, of course.”
“Of course,” I reply as Calix picks up his tea and stares into the cup like it holds all the answers. There are a few loose bits of tea leaf in there, so if he's got some Harry Potter shit going on, maybe he really can read his future in the Darjeeling? “What would I do? I guess I'd offer up a truce. You three play at being devils—and not just on Devils' Day—but every day. You've treated me like shit for years, so … I'd ask you to consider my feelings. Date me, share with each other, and we'd see how things went. Hypothetically speaking.”
“Hypothetically,” Barron agrees, his not-so-nice smile turning into a grin. “That's quite the offer you've presented us with.”
“This is fucking stupid,” Raz says, red eyes burning with fury as he leans back in his chair, balancing precariously on the rear legs. I notice he doesn't stand up and leave though. He's still here, and that has to count for something. “We're not going to share you.” He practically gags on the word.
“Why not? From what I hear, you and Calix were into each other in junior high.”
Silence descends on the table, the tension thickening like fog in the woods, obscuring a clear way out, trapping us all.
Devils' Day Party: A High School Bully Romance Page 36
