“What time is it?” I whisper, and Luke pauses to glance down at her phone. Now that it's morning, the net that held all our phones last night is lying on the ground not far from the parking area.
“It's almost one, holy shit. You should probably call your moms?” Luke says, and I smile as she hands over her phone. I dial up my parents and close my eyes, waiting for Jane's voice to greet me.
“Luke?” she asks, a slight tension in her voice as she waits to hear what's going on. I could die from happiness at the sound, my heart swelling inside my chest, my mind bursting with brilliant color. That’s the only way I can think to describe my emotions in that moment, like a rainbow arching across the darkness of last night and overshadowing it.
“It's just me,” I say, loving the feel of the sun on my face. My hand shakes as I clutch Luke’s phone, happy tears pricking the edges of my eyes. “I just wanted to let you know that … I'm okay.”
“Good. I know how those Devils' Day parties can be,” she says, hesitating briefly. “Don't rush home today, okay? Enjoy your time with your friends.”
“I will, and I love you,” I whisper, hanging up and opening my eyes again.
“There's a video of you two online,” a girl in a witch's mask says, pausing near us and gesturing with her phone toward me and Calix. “Just thought you'd want to know.”
Calix and I exchange a look, and he grits his teeth. But you know what? The universe demands balance. Guess Erina was full of shit, after all, huh? Then again, if that’s the price I have to pay to be awake, to be alive, then it’s a very, very small price to pay.
“Holy shit, Karma,” Luke says as I pass her phone back and she quickly Googles the offending video. She seems upset, but how can she possibly know that I don't care? I'm awake. I'm alive. I'm surrounded by people I love.
“This is from last year's Devils' Day party,” April says, sitting down beside Luke with Pearl by her side. Pearl seems uncomfortable, wearing my dress and sitting around a fire comprised mostly of the Knight Crew, but she holds her chin high and when she catches me looking at her, she forces a smile. April yawns and lifts up her phone to show us all a still of the video, of me and Calix in the treehouse together. “Who the hell would be cruel enough to post this?”
“Someone who’s hurting and doesn’t know what to do with their pain,” I say, exhaling and rubbing both hands down my face. When I drop them to my lap, I’m smiling and Luke, April, and Pearl are all looking at me like I’ve lost my fucking mind.
But not the boys.
I’m pretty sure they understand what I’m going through.
“Oh well,” Calix says casually, taking another sip of the beer and then reaching up to pull the crown of thorns from his head. “There are worse things than having the world see you fuck the girl you love.” He tosses the crown aside as Luke gags and shakes her head, shivering as Sonja appears behind her and kneads her shoulders with long nails.
“Saw the sex tape. What a bummer,” Sonja says, taking the beer bottle from Calix’s hands before it can reach his lips again. He scowls at her, but it’s short-lived. Instead, his attention falls to me again.
“Should we kick the shit out of Erina?” Raz asks, his fingers stroking up my arm, like he has to touch me to make sure I’m real, that I’m alive. I wonder if he can sense how I’m feeling right now? Like there’s a sunrise bottled up inside of my chest, like I’m sunshine incarnate. I’ve never felt so warm or so happy to be alive.
“No, we leave her. Karma always finds a way,” I say, flashing a grin. Barron smiles at me, passing over his sketchbook. He’s drawn me sleeping, with a single butterfly sitting on my cheek, wings folded, resting before it continues on whatever journey has caught its fancy.
“This happened last night,” he tells me. “Just after you fell asleep. If I’d had my phone, I would’ve taken a picture.”
A grin takes over my lips as I study the drawing, listening to the sounds of the partygoers as they come to, groaning about hangovers and missing underwear and mosquito bites.
I wonder if any of them knows how lucky they are?
Because I sure as hell do.
I see you, universe, I think, touching my fingers to the butterfly in the drawing. I see you, and I’m listening.
Go out and fucking live, it’s telling me.
Live and love.
Message received, accepted, and understood.
I won’t truly believe it’s over until I've woken up on a dozen tomorrows, until I've seen enough sunsets and sunrises to know that time is limping along as she always has, steady and sure, unbreakable, immovable, eternal.
But that’s okay. I know how I broke the … curse, or whatever it was.
I had to find a day where I truly and honestly wanted to live. And I don't just mean survive, I had to truly want to be alive in a way I never had before.
I had to need this: the sun on my skin, the wind in my hair, and a smile on my face.
Calix pulls up outside the house in his Aston Martin, Barron and Raz sitting in the backseat. Raz rolls down the window as I stand there in a white pleated skirt and a lavender Crescent Prep blazer, smirking at me like the asshole he is.
“Need a ride to school?” he asks, raising a brow, his blue eyes watching me like I matter behind the dark frames of his glasses. But not just that, like I'm worth fighting for, like I'm worth caring about, worth loving. “Because we just happen to have an extra seat available.”
“How does Sonja feel about that?” I ask as I open the door on the passenger side and climb in, setting my book bag on the floor near my feet. Luke is still pretty weirded out by my seemingly sudden relationship with the guys, but then, I did let her off the hook for lying to me for a whole year, so we're pretty even. Still, it's likely she's going to flip when she sees me drive up in the front seat of this damn car.
This fucking goddamn overpriced ostentatious Aston freaking Martin.
I almost never want to see it again, now that I've escaped the purgatory that was the Gas and Go parking lot. But I'm too excited to be sitting here, heading toward Crescent Preparatory Academy with three guys willing to make something weird, something new work. Or at least try to.
“Sonja's knuckle-deep in your bestie,” Raz growls out, and I roll my eyes as Calix scoffs and Barron groans.
“For Christ's sake,” Barron murmurs. “This is our first day at school with Karma, so can you chill?”
“I can't believe I agreed to this shit,” Raz whispers under his breath, glancing briefly back at me. But for all they did, and all they want from me, they're going to have to deal with it. At least for now. Who knows what the future holds, but I'm more than willing to give it a go. One, because I know that if I get the chance, I'll keep all three boys close to my heart forever. But also because I'm not afraid of anything anymore.
Life is about consequence and choice, about living with the knowledge that every single thing you do affects somebody else in some way. I'm not sure why I was chosen for a once in a lifetime opportunity like I got, but I'm grateful because I know I won't take another step without remembering that what I do matters, who I am matters, and how important we all are to each other, whether we know it or not.
Raz has flaws. Barron has flaws. Fuck, Calix definitely has flaws.
But so do I.
I'm willing to help them realize theirs, but only if they're willing to help me with mine.
“She's with Luke, huh?” I say, thinking about what a wild card Sonja's always been, with her bloodred hair and bright green eyes. She beat the crap out of Erina for me once. Well, for Calix, but still. At the same time, I saw her on days when she was prepared to fuck Luke over the same way Calix had done me. But she is Raz's best friend, and he's not nearly as bad as he seems, so I figure there must be a heart buried in there somewhere. That, and … Luke seems to be in love with her. That’s enough for me.
“They'll meet us there,” Calix says, glancing briefly my way, his eyes hard and dark as always, but with an un
dertone of tenderness, a softness that says our midnight conversation last night was as good for him as it was for me. I climbed out on the roof at night, my glittery stag's mask on my forehead, my phone on speaker and sitting next to me as I looked up at the stars of another night, a different pattern from the same one I lived over and over and over again. And the moon, the moon was different, too. “Some of the others might have trouble dealing with this.”
“And by this, you mean me?” I ask, glancing back to find Raz and Barron watching me. No matter how old I get, or how many things I see and do, how many people I meet, I'll always remember pushing Raz in the ice-cold creek. Looking at butterflies at midnight in the devil's woods with Barron. Listening for ghosts as Calix and I held each other like we were the last people in the world.
“I mean you,” Calix says with a small frown. “Erina, for example.” He grits his teeth as he says her name. Letting the sex tape go, now that was hard, one of the hardest choices I once might've thought I'd ever make, especially since it meant letting Erina off the hook. But only for now. Once Calix's parents find out that she’s the one who uploaded the photos, they'll press charges. She'll pay at some point, even if it isn't today. “They won't want you to hang out with them.”
“Her hang out with them?” Raz asks, shaking his head. “Nope. It's them lucky enough to hang out with us, so if they can't deal, then screw them. They can get fucked.”
“Right,” Calix says with a sideways smirk as Barron grins and hands a purple lollipop toward me. I take it with a smile of my own, our fingertips sparking as they brush, and I take the candy in my hand. “It is the Knight Crew, after all.”
“Right, and it was you who said naming your friend group is fucking weird. Don't act like a haughty king.” Raz kicks the back of Calix's seat and his eyes narrow as he sneers back at him in the rearview mirror.
“God, they're nasty, aren't they?” Barron asks, almost deadpan, but then he smiles and leans back, lifting his chin in a move just reeking of superiority. All three of them are dick-bags, but damn it if I don't like it. They're never going to be nice per se, but maybe they can be nice to me, and I can make an effort to not kick them in the balls and we'll live happily ever after.
“The college fair starts today,” I say, an almost sad smile blooming on my face. I didn't think I'd ever see this Monday, September 28th of my senior year. Even something as boring as a college fair seems exciting now. “Do you guys have any graduation plans?”
“Become Banksy,” Barron says, biting into a cupcake as he grins, and I blush back at him. We're into each other; he draws me too much; but we're new at this, and I'm still getting used to being casual with him.
“Real smart game plan,” Raz drawls sighing and shaking his head. “I have no idea. Whatever college my dad wants me to go to.”
“Pretty much,” Calix agrees, shrugging his shoulders. All three of the boys are dressed in their purple blazers, lavender ties, and white dress-shirts. I love it, a man in a uniform. “Why? What about you?”
“I want to move to New Orleans and live in the French Quarter,” I say with a shrug. “I want to have adventures. College, maybe, but mostly adventures.”
“Want to live in the French Quarter with a trust fund?” Raz asks, smirking sharply. It’s an expression I'm used to seeing. I'm most definitely not used to seeing Raz's blue eyes and the pair of dark-rimmed glasses on his face.
“That's one of the … cutest things I've ever had anyone say to me,” I murmur, completely and utterly shocked. “Où est passée ta langue de pute tête de gland?” In essence, have you forgotten how to have an acidic tongue, dickhead?
“Lui oui, mais pas moi. Tu vas avoir besoin de quelqu'un qui parle français pour toi dans le Quartier Français,” Calix purrs, his voice sliding over me like silk, settling into every nook and cranny of my heart. A whole month of Devils’ Days, of parties, of revelations, and it’s finally over. He has, but I haven't. You might need someone to speak French for you, in the French Quarter.
“I don't speak French, but I can definitely translate bullshit,” Barron says, looking me dead in the face with his beautiful eyes, one blue, one brown. His Mohawk is clean and tamed today, slicked back and vibrant. “I want to make art, and art appreciates experience. I'll go wherever the fuck you go, Karma; you are an experience.”
I snort.
“You don't have to be so nice to me, just because I …” We haven't really talked about my suicide attempt, but it's there, waiting to be brought up, the proverbial elephant in the room.
“Yes, we do,” Calix says, frowning hard and flicking his dark eyes over to me. “But not for the reasons you might think.”
“You mean like pity?” I ask, but I've seen them all at their most vulnerable, stripped down and emotionally bare for me. Their sudden care and affection isn't as surprising as it might've been before all of this. The time loop. One day, I'll tell them about it. But not yet. I'm not ready to talk about it just now. Some part of me is afraid that if I bring it up too soon, I'll go to sleep and wake up at the gas station.
Wake up to a steering wheel covered in blood.
“Pity?” Raz snorts and shakes his head, raking his fingers through his dirty blonde hair. “Not a chance in hell. Do you really think we do anything out of pity? I mean, like, ever?” He pauses for a moment, like he's thinking unbelievably hard about something. “You never know when someone's so full of pain, they might …” Raz trails off, and my lips curve into a smile.
He's repeating what I said to him at the cabin, almost verbatim. He was listening. Even if he doesn't remember it the way I do, some part of that night stuck with him.
“They might snap,” I finish. “One kind word could save someone, and you'll never know. It's always better to be nice.”
“Hey, whoa, let's not take it that far.” Raz holds up his hands in surrender as Barron pulls a box of cereal from his book bag. A whole box, unopened and everything. He tears the top off and digs into the brightly colored Fruity Pebbles inside, popping them in his mouth one at a time. “Nobody ever said shit about being ‘nice’.” He makes little quotes with his fingers, and I roll my eyes.
“We're not treating you differently because you tried to kill yourself,” Barron says in that deep, low voice of his. “We're treating you the way we should've treated you all along. Your suicide attempt was a wakeup call for all of us. You won't be here forever, Karma, waiting around for us to get our shit together.” Barron pauses and glances out the window as we pull up to Crescent Prep. “Life doesn't often give do-overs, now does it?” He glances back at me with a smile, and then tosses his sketchbook my way.
I catch it just before he opens the door and steps out, greeting Sonja with a nod of his chin as she and Luke pull up beside us in the old white Caddy.
I take a moment to flip open the book, smiling at the now-familiar images of myself, lovingly etched in charcoal. As I flip through the pages, I find drawings of our time in the butterfly cave, at Thorncrown Chapel, at the Devil Springs high party … But then I get to the end and discover several new images, ones I've never seen before.
Barron's nude drawing of me in the art studio.
An image of me on my knees in the grass beside the gas station parking lot, head in my hands.
An underwater view of a lake, a rope wrapped around the ankle of a man whose face I can’t see.
Fuck.
“Anything interesting?” Calix asks, and I shake my head, clutching the sketchbook to my chest and closing my eyes.
“Art is always interesting,” I whisper, opening my eyes as Raz hops out of the car and he and Sonja start fist bumping and cackling and acting like assholes together. Calix watches me carefully, reaching out his hand to take one of mine.
If Barron remembers even little things, then …
“I know we're just getting started,” Calix begins, his voice hesitant, strained with an unfamiliar hesitancy. I open my eyes to look at him, finding his raven-dark gaze locked on my face. “
But, if I can be good to you this year, if I can earn this …”
“I'll get lost with you,” I tell him, choking on the words and trying my best not to cry. I've been crying a lot since I escaped the Devils' Day time loop. But not sad tears. No fucking way. Happy tears only. Pearl is still alive; April is alive; Luke is alive. Everyone I love is okay. How could I dare to be sad now, when I've been given the world? “Always.”
“How …” Calix starts, tilting his head slightly as he tries to figure me out. “You knew what I was going to say?”
“Maybe,” I start, exhaling sharply and looking him straight in the face. “But not all of it. Keep going.”
“I …” he starts, and then grits his teeth, shaking his head briefly. “Never mind.”
Calix climbs out, and I purse my lips, surprised when he comes around to open the door for me. Don't rush things, Karma, I tell myself. I don't have to recreate every moment I had during the loop, not all at once.
“Good morning,” Luke says, putting her arms around me and giving me a hug once I've climbed out into the cool fall air. Red, orange, and yellow leaves swirl around us, a leftover tingle of Devils' Day magic in the breeze that kisses our hair and teases it around our faces. “I still can't believe you're here with … them,” she grinds out, forcing a smile as she pulls back. But then, she doesn't know what happened inside the mouth of the Devils' Den.
Only the boys know.
The boys.
My boys.
“I still can't believe you've been banging Sonja for a year,” I retort, and Luke rolls her eyes, glancing back at her red-headed lover and then sighing dramatically.
“Okay, fine, good point. I suppose I should just be happy that you're not mad at me.” She sounds surprised when she says that, like she's mulling over the very idea. I just lean forward and kiss her cheek, moving around her to say hi to April.
“I may very well die if I don't get this kid out of me,” she groans, leaning back against Luke's car, her brunette hair unbraided and dancing in the breeze. “Fucking crotch goblin.”
Devils' Day Party: A High School Bully Romance Page 43
