by Shay Savage
“I’ve got you,” I repeated, wondering if she still believed I could save her.
* * * * *
Dizzy, dark, chilled, dusty…I ached when I tried to move, so I stayed still. Even opening my eyes required far too much effort. My back and arms were chilled, but my chest and legs mingled with the warmth of another body. Had I let some chick stay with me after I fucked her? It seemed out of character, to say the least. I never kept someone in my bed. I didn’t like it.
This felt different. I did like it. Whoever it was, she was warm and soft but very small and felt frail in my arms. I immediately wanted to hold her close so I could keep her safe – protect her from whatever else might have been out there in the dark.
I had to be dreaming because none of this made any sense. I couldn’t be dreaming because I didn’t have dreams about warm, pleasant, feminine bodies pressed up against mine. I had dreams about blood, death, and pain.
There was a strange sound in this dream, if it was a dream. I couldn’t place it. It was a tapping, plopping sound. I opened my eyes to see what it was, but they immediately closed again without focusing on my surroundings. It was easier to stay where I was and hold on to…this body…this woman…this…Raine. It was Raine. That’s who I was holding. If I could just figure out what the damn drippy noise was, I might regain a little sanity. A memory of one of my foster parents taking me camping with two of the other boys they fostered danced around in my head.
We had hiked up to a camping area, set up the tent, and then spent the next three days playing cards while sitting on top of damp sleeping bags. Eventually, the trench we dug around the tent wasn’t enough, and the whole place flooded. The sound was annoying, and I ended up punching one of the other kids for getting his muddy feet all over my pillow. When we got back to civilization, I was sent back into group care again.
I moved my head from side to side, enjoying the tickling feeling of her hair under my chin. Some of the strands were stuck in my beard. That was all right, too. I felt light and…well…kind of happy, which I didn’t really know how to handle. She felt good against me, and I wanted her to stay there. It was probably trying to figure out happiness that made me realize something was really wrong here. It could have been that plinking, plopping, dripping sound as well. It seemed to be a little louder. Raine’s breathing didn’t sound quite right, and her heart was beating awfully fast for sleep. Raine needed something – something important. I needed to know what the strange, reminds-me-of-camping sound was, and I needed to remember what Raine needed. Her name provided me with the single answer to both questions.
“Rain.”
I pushed with my hands on the bottom of the raft while my mind raced in abrupt, sharp focus. If the collection system was working properly, it should be collecting the rain pelting the top of the canopy. We should already have water to drink. Raine needed the water. She was going to die if she didn’t get it, but the muscles in my arms groaned and argued with me, refusing to hold me up.
I dropped back down again, trying to cradle Raine’s body against mine so I didn’t crush her. The rest of my body gave up, too, and I lay on the floor, hugging her to me and feeling the slow rise and fall of the waves underneath us. I tucked my forehead back into her hair and tried to breathe normally. Being here felt good – much better than trying to move. If I just rested here for a little while I could go and get…whatever it was I was supposed to get…or do…whatever. I’d do it later. I needed to rest now.
“Get the fuck up.”
“Screw you, Landon,” I grumbled at him. “We’ve been at this for five hours. I’m taking a fucking break.”
I heard the soft click of his Glock and slowly opened my eyes to see it pointed between my eyes.
“You rest, you die,” he said. His voice was cold and emotionless. “You think they’re going to wait for you to wake up for a fair fight? If you aren’t up for this, just say the word and I’ll end you right now. I’m not going to waste my time on some pussy who needs a fucking nap.”
I shoved against the floor of the raft again, cringing a little when Raine’s head dropped off of my arm and onto the floor. My stomach lurched, and my head pounded. I had to force my eyes open and look down to my legs to make my muscles move. It wasn’t that far to the collection containers, and the first one was already nearly full. Through the haze of the pain in my brain and the shaking muscles of my arms and legs, I switched the valves so water would run to the second container and pulled out the nearly full one.
In the event of loss of cabin pressure, please place the oxygen mask over your head before assisting children or other passengers.
In other words, help yourself first, even if you don’t really want to. You can’t help anyone when you’re dead. I had to have enough strength to help Raine drink, or neither of us would make it.
The hardest part of extreme thirst is convincing yourself that a little water is better than a lot. Your body doesn’t believe you no matter what the logical part of your brain is saying. I sat down slowly, tucking my legs in and holding the cup in my shaking hand. I poured slowly, just the single cup, and took a sip.
My throat was dry enough I don’t think the water actually reached my stomach. It hurt to swallow. I sipped again, swishing the water around in my mouth first and licking my lips afterwards. I drank half a cup, and then sat unmoving for a while. I wasn’t sure how long it was exactly – my “waterproof” watch had stopped working after my second fishing expedition – but I tried to wait at least fifteen minutes before I drank the rest and brought the second cup to Raine.
She wouldn’t wake up, so I had to hold her up by her shoulders to get her head in the right position to drink and tilt her chin up to get her to swallow. Honestly, it was probably easier that way than having to fight with her to keep her from drinking too much at once. I got half the cup into her before lying her back down.
I lay next to her after drinking another half cup. The rain was still coming down steadily, and at this rate, we’d have another week’s worth of water before morning. I refused to lie back down at this point because I was afraid I would fall asleep and I needed to get more water into Raine. I started counting her breaths, and after one hundred and eighty I sat her up and gave her more. Raine’s eyes opened for a moment, and her hand reached up, like she was trying to touch the cup, but it dropped back to her lap instead. At least I didn’t have to tilt her chin up to get her to swallow this time.
We went back and forth like this for a couple of hours. Raine had consumed four cups at that point, and I had drunk five. It was enough for now, and I finally allowed myself to lie back down beside her, immediately pulling her against my chest and holding her head to my shoulder. She sighed and her warm breath tickled my skin.
“I knew you would,” she mumbled against my shoulder.
“Would what?” I asked, but she was already out. I took some more deep breaths, trying to keep my mind from thinking anything before I hugged her to me again, closed my eyes, and let myself drift off as well.
…there is darkness all around and cloth touching me on my shoulders, tickling my skin like spider webs strewn across a forest path. I shudder and try to close my eyes, but then I can’t see the darkness, and I have to watch it. If I don’t watch it, I’ll never know when something comes at me. I hear footsteps and hold my breath, as if that would help. Bright lights fill the tiny room, and a strong arm hauls me out and into the room. Screaming…yelling…fists against my back...I try to curl up into a ball, but he holds me up higher so he can reach more of me…
…blood everywhere – all over me, all over the knife in my hand. I am pretty sure I have been shot near my shoulder – not bad, but it burns like a bitch. I took a good blow to the head, too. How many are left – two or three? There is movement off to my right, and I jump up, ready to face the next one…
…the ring sparkles in the light when I place the little satin black box, lid open, on the dash and drive out of the parking lot. The prisms go off in eve
ry direction, flicking into my eyes through my sunglasses. I can’t stop myself from smiling. I’ll wait until the weekend and give it to her then. I can’t wait to see it on her finger…
My eyes flew open, and I had to stop the scream trying to come out of my mouth. There was sweat on my forehead, which I’m sure I should have seen as a good sign. Before the rain, there wouldn’t have been any moisture on my skin at all. I stared at the ceiling for a while, drank more water, gave Raine a little more water, and then stared at the ceiling some more.
* * * * *
The rain stopped, and the sun came out. It was steamy and hot for a while, then clouded up again and sprinkled some more. Even with the quart and a half we had each consumed, there was still another week’s worth of water in the containers now.
An unlucky seagull bobbed up and down on the waves near the raft. I turned Raine’s swimsuit into a net while she was sleeping, which she did not appreciate in the slightest, and managed to catch it. Raine did seem to appreciate being able to eat something, though. I told her catching birds was all about knowing which direction they were going to fly, along with a little bit of speed. Sea birds weren’t that quick getting out of the water. I liked watching her eyes light up in wonder or awe – if that’s what it was – when I did something that impressed her.
“I never thought something like this would taste good,” Raine said, popping a thin piece of raw, stripped meat into her mouth.
“Starvation does that to you,” I said with a shrug.
“Still, I would have thought it would only be palatable at best, but this actually tastes good.”
“It doesn’t,” I assured her. “It’s just your mind making it taste like chocolate pie.”
“You remembered,” Raine said with a smile.
“Of course I remembered,” I said. “I’m not stupid.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask you about that,” Raine said. I looked over to her sharply. “I mean, you’re very well spoken for a high school dropout.”
“I still got my GED. Actually, Landon insisted on it.”
“That’s it?”
“No.”
“You went to college too, didn’t you?”
“Correspondence schools, but yes,” I said. “I have a master’s degree, actually.”
“Really?” Raine’s shocked expression amused me. I decided to take it a step further.
“In English Literature.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I’m not,” I said. “Do you want me to quote you something?”
“Yes, I do.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. I hadn’t really wanted to be called out on my bluff, but leave it to Raine to want some Shakespeare or whatever recited to her. A couple of sonnets went through my head, but I decided on something a little more fitting to our situation.
“When the waves are round me breaking,
As I pace the deck alone,
And my eye in vain is seeking
Some green leaf to rest upon;
What would not I give to wander
Where my old companions dwell?
Absence makes the heart grow fonder,
Isle of Beauty, fare thee well!”
“Paradise lost?” Raine said, not sounding completely sure of herself.
“Very good.”
“Another one, please?” She looked at me, and her teeth bit into her bottom lip. I took a slow, deep breath and told my cock to cut that shit out.
“I am as a weed
Flung from the rock, on Ocean’s foam to sail
Where’er the surge may sweep, the tempest’s breath prevail.”
“Apt,” Raine nodded. “But I don’t think I’ve ever heard that one.”
“Byron,” I said. “Not a poet I like so much. Too much whining.”
Raine laughed.
“Don’t you know anything romantic?” she asked, “or is it all related to the water?”
“I know a few.” I looked at her sideways. She smiled and blushed, which gave my cock a good kick-start.
“Where true Love burns Desire is Love's pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And but translates the language of the heart.”
“Beautiful,” Raine said, “and it sounds familiar.”
“Coleridge,” I told her. “Had enough?”
“Maybe for now,” Raine said with a nod. “I can’t believe you have a master’s degree.”
“Why not?”
“It just doesn’t…fit.” Raine tilted her head to one side and looked at me thoughtfully. “Or maybe it does. Actually, now that I’ve heard you quote poetry, I think it does fit.”
“You should rest,” I said, shaking my head. “You obviously need some sleep to gain your senses back, and you need to save your strength.”
“I feel like all I have done for days is sleep.”
“It is all you have done,” I confirmed. “That doesn’t mean you don’t need more.”
Raine sighed and gave in, scooting herself to the back of the raft.
“Shouldn’t you rest, too?” she asked.
“I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt,” I said. “I’m going to try fishing again at some point but not yet. We shouldn’t eat anything else again right away anyway – our stomachs need some recovery time. We have plenty of water for now, so it is a good time to eat.”
Raine straightened out the blanket-towel and spread herself out on top of it. I finished the cup of water in my hand, checked the collection system, and sealed up the front part of the raft before I moved to lie next to her.
Once I lay back down, I immediately put my arm around Raine’s shoulders and pulled her to me before I thought about what I was doing. I froze up instantly, not sure how she was going to take the gesture. I had held her for the better part of the last two days, but she had been dehydrated, near death, and scared. She had color back in her face now, and her eyes were bright again. She probably didn’t want me touching her at all.
While I debated what I should do, Raine rolled to her side, wrapped her arm around my waist, and placed her head on my shoulder, just like she had during most of the last forty-eight hours. Her hair spewed out all over me, and I found it oddly comforting.
“Will you tell me something else about yourself?” Raine asked quietly. I could still see the sparkle of her eyes in the receding light.
“I don’t know what else to tell you about,” I said. “It’s all just as fucked up as what you already heard. You have to be some sort of glutton for sob stories.”
“No, I don’t,” Raine said, shaking her head. “I told you – I want to know you.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to understand,” she said again. “If I understand, maybe I can help you.”
“Help me what?”
“You don’t have to live like this, Bastian. There are other options.”
“There aren’t any options,” I said, trying to keep myself from actually snarling at her. “This is what you get, Raine. An alcoholic, mean, fucked up asshole. Once someone finds us, you aren’t going to have any use for me at all.”
Raine’s hand touched the side of my face, and her fingers trailed through my thickening beard. I slowly turned my eyes towards hers and tried to keep my breathing steady.
“You are more than that, Bastian.”
“I’m a selfish bastard as well,” I said, trying to control my voice and even smile a little. Raine’s eyes narrowed.
“If you were, you wouldn’t have testified.”
“I didn’t want to go to prison.”
“That’s not the only reason though, is it?”
I looked at her eyes, glad to see the deep brown irises had light and moisture in them again. I could have run with John Paul in the beginning, and prison never would have been a possibility, but if I had, they would have gotten away with it completely. Besides, I hadn’t been able to sleep at night. I thought
if I helped put them away, I would be able to sleep again.
Fat chance.
Maybe if Franks had gone to prison as well, I wouldn’t have started drinking myself into oblivion. Then again, I would have probably been a drunk either way.
“All of my reasons were selfish,” I told her.
“I don’t think I believe you,” Raine replied. Her fingers started massaging the skin under my beard, and the sensation was almost enough to make my eyes roll into the back of my head.
I reached up and placed my palm against her cheek, slowly tracing her cheekbone with the edge of my thumb. My movements almost echoed her touch against my cheek, and I found both acts similarly comforting. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I understood desire – I knew why I wanted to fuck her – the reason for that was just too straightforward. I wanted to get my cock inside of her so I could have a good orgasm that didn’t involve my own hand. This I knew. This I understood, but wanting to simply…run my hand over her face…I didn’t understand this. I didn’t recognize this feeling. Her skin was soft under my fingertips, and I watched her tongue dart out of her mouth, moistening her full lips.
I’m not sure if I consciously moved forward or if I was somehow magnetically drawn closer to her. The tip of my tongue touched my bottom lip, and I watched Raine’s eyes drop to my mouth and then back up again. I hesitated, not sure how she was going to react. I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want to push her. I didn’t want her to push me away again. I didn’t want her to think I was only interested in fucking her.
Her eyes stayed on mine, and her breathing increased its pace. I moved a little closer, slowly positioning my face just above hers with my lips almost touching her mouth. I stopped, waiting for her to tell me to get away – either with her words or her eyes. Instead, I felt her hand brush through my beard again, her fingers curving under my jaw and applying slight pressure to bring me closer.
My eyes closed, and I touched my lips to hers – softly, gently, slowly. I kissed both of her lips at once, then the top one, then the bottom. I didn’t press, but kept my touch light and unhurried. Each time we touched, the kiss lingered just a little longer than the last.
