The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

by Nagaru Tanigawa

  Koizumi also left with that aggravating, easy smile of his. Nagato had vanished long ago.

  Which left Haruhi, glaring at me.

  “What exactly were you doing today?”

  “Beats me. What exactly was I doing?”

  “That kind of mindset won’t do!”

  It looks like she’s seriously pissed.

  “Then what about you? Did you discover anything interesting?”

  Haruhi bit her lower lip with a light grunt. She might have bitten her lip off if I hadn’t said something.

  “Well, they’re not careless enough to let you find them in one day.”

  Haruhi glanced at me after my follow-up before quickly turning away.

  “The day after tomorrow, we’ll hold a review of today’s behavior.”

  She then turned around and walked off without looking back once, quickly blending into the crowd.

  I figured I should also get going and headed to the bank, only to find that my bike wasn’t there. Instead, there was a sign saying YOUR ILLEGALLY PARKED BICYCLE HAS BEEN CONFISCATED on a nearby lamppost.

  CHAPTER 5

  A new week began. We’d reached the point where the humidity of the rainy season left us sweating early in the morning. If some guy runs for office on the platform of installing an escalator on this hill, I’d be willing to vote for him—once I’m old enough to vote.

  I was sitting in the classroom using a pencil board to fan my neck when oddly enough, Haruhi showed up right before the bell rang.

  She dropped her bag on her desk with a plop.

  “Fan me too.”

  “Fan yourself.”

  Haruhi was jutting her lips out with the same sour look on her face she had when I last saw her two days ago. And I had just been thinking about how her expressions had started to look normal, but instead, she went back to the way she was.

  “Look here, Suzumiya. Have you ever heard the song ‘Bluebird of Happiness’?”

  “What about it?”

  “Nothing really.”

  “Then shut your mouth.”

  Haruhi glared in some upward sideways direction, I turned to the front of the room, and teacher-man Okabe walked in and started homeroom.

  I spent the class period being pressured from behind by Haruhi’s depressing aura of displeasure. Man, the bell signaling the end of class had never sounded so divine. Like a field mouse sensing an impending bushfire, I scurried to the safety of the club room.

  The sight of Nagato reading in the club room had become the default backdrop. It was like she was an irremovable fixture in the room.

  Which is why I spoke to Koizumi, who had arrived just before me.

  “Don’t you also have something to tell me concerning Suzumiya?”

  Only three people are in the room. Haruhi’s on cleaning duty this week and Asahina hasn’t showed up yet.

  “Oh? The ‘also’ would imply that the other two ladies have already approached you.”

  Koizumi took a glance at Nagato, who had her head buried in the book she borrowed from the library. I really can’t stand how he sounds like he knows everything.

  “Let’s move to a different location. We wouldn’t want Suzumiya to walk in on us.”

  Koizumi led me to one of the outdoor cafeteria tables. On the way there, he bought coffee from a vending machine and handed it to me. Two guys sitting at a round table is kind of, you know. I guess it couldn’t be helped in this case.

  “How much do you know?”

  “The fact that Suzumiya isn’t an ordinary person, I guess.”

  “That makes things quite simple. That is exactly the case.”

  Is this some kind of joke? All three of the other SOS Brigade members are making it sound like Haruhi isn’t human. Maybe the heat from global warming has gotten to their heads?

  “Why don’t you start by telling me your true identity?” I asked.

  I’m already acquainted with an alien and a time traveler.

  “You’re not going to tell me you’re actually an esper, right?”

  “I would rather you not preempt my words.”

  Koizumi swirled the contents of his paper cup.

  “It isn’t quite the same. But yes, I would be closest to what you call an esper. Yes, I am an esper.”

  I drank my coffee in silence. I shouldn’t have put in so much sugar. It was too sweet.

  “I actually wasn’t intending on a sudden transfer to this school, but the situation changed. Surely, I couldn’t have anticipated that the two of them would join forces with Haruhi Suzumiya so readily. Up until that point, they had merely observed her from a distance.”

  Don’t talk about Haruhi like she’s some kind of rare insect.

  Maybe he noticed my narrowed eyebrows.

  “Please don’t think ill of me. We are doing everything we can. We mean Suzumiya no harm. In fact, we are trying to protect her from possible danger.”

  “You say we. Which means there are a lot more like you? Espers or whatever.”

  “I wouldn’t say there are a lot, but there are quite a few of us. I’m part of the outer circle so I can’t say for sure, but there are probably ten or so around the world. All of them should belong to the Agency.”

  Now we have an Agency, huh?

  “Its composition is unknown. Same goes for the number of members. Though it appears that the top people call the shots.”

  “… And so, what does this secret organization, the Agency, do?”

  Koizumi wet his lips with the lukewarm coffee.

  “It’s as you imagine. Ever since the beginning of the Agency three years ago, its top priority has been the observation of Haruhi Suzumiya. To put it simply, it was an organization created for the sole purpose of observing Suzumiya. You’ve probably already guessed as much after hearing what I’ve said, but I am not the only member of the Agency in this school. There are a number of agents planted here. I have merely come as additional personnel.”

  Taniguchi’s face suddenly popped up in my mind. He said that he’d been in the same class as Haruhi since middle school. Could he possibly be one of Koizumi’s people, I asked.

  Koizumi quickly dodged that question. “Well, I don’t know about that.”

  “In any case, I can assure you that a number of people are situated near Suzumiya.”

  Why does everyone like Haruhi so much? She’s an eccentric, bossy, self-centered girl who causes trouble for everyone around her. How does she warrant the attention of some grandiose organization? I do have to admit she’s easy on the eyes, though.

  “I don’t know what happened three years ago. All I know is that on that day, I discovered within me what could only be described as ESP. I was in a panic at first. And quite frightened as well. The Agency soon took me in and gave me guidance. Otherwise, I might have been left thinking that I had gone insane and killed myself.”

  “Sure you haven’t actually been insane this whole time?”

  “Yes, that possibility cannot be ruled out. However, we fear a more frightening possibility.” Koizumi swallowed his self-mocking smile with his coffee and looked surprisingly serious. “When do you believe this world came into existence?”

  The conversation had just taken a huge leap in scope.

  “Didn’t it start with the Big Bang explosion a long time ago?”

  “That is the current belief. However, we are unable to discount the hypothesis that the world began three years ago.”

  I stared back at Koizumi’s face. He can’t be sane.

  “That’s impossible. I remember things that happened over three years ago, and my parents are alive and well. I still have the three stitches from when I fell into a ditch as a kid. And what about all that Japanese history I’m cramming into my head?”

  “What if I were to say that all humans, including you, had been born one day with those memories intact? How could you confirm or deny that? It doesn’t have to be three years ago. If I were to say that the entire universe had been predefined and thi
s world was born a mere five minutes ago, you would find it impossible to formulate an argument to prove me wrong.”

  “…”

  “For example, take virtual reality. Electrodes are placed into your brain. If the images you see, the air you smell, and the table you feel are all just data being directly transmitted to your brain, you would never realize that they weren’t real, would you? In reality, this world is quite fragile.”

  “… Let’s assume everything you said is true. The world began three years ago or five seconds ago. How do you twist it so Haruhi’s name comes up?”

  “The higher-ups in the Agency believe that this world is but a dream a certain being is having. We—no—the whole world is but a dream to that being. And because it is just a dream, creating and altering this world we call reality is mere child’s play for that being. And we know the name of the being who is capable of such acts.”

  Maybe it’s because he’s speaking calmly in formal language, but the expression on his face looks irritatingly mature.

  “A being who can create and destroy at will—humans have defined such a being as God.”

  Hey, Haruhi. You’ve even got people calling you God now. Whatcha gonna do?

  “Which is why the members of the Agency are considerably frightened. If by any chance this world loses the favor of God, it could simply be destroyed and recreated at whim. Like a child who doesn’t like how her sand castle looks. This world may be filled with inconsistencies, but I happen to feel some attachment to it. That is why I am assisting the Agency.”

  “Why don’t you just ask Haruhi? Ask her politely not to destroy the world. She might listen to you.”

  “Of course, Suzumiya is unaware of what she actually is. She has yet to realize her true potential. In that case, we are of the idea that she would be better off not knowing and living out her life in peace.”

  Koizumi finally went back to his usual smile.

  “You could consider her an incomplete god. She is still unable to control the world at will. But while her abilities are still undeveloped, we have begun witnessing signs.”

  “How can you tell?”

  “Why do you think espers such as ourselves and characters such as Mikuru Asahina and Yuki Nagato exist in this world? Because Suzumiya wished for it.”

  If there are any aliens, time travelers, sliders, or espers here, come join me.

  Haruhi’s words of introduction in the classroom when I first met her replayed in my mind.

  “She is still unable to consciously wield her godlike powers. She can only use them unconsciously through coincidence. However, we know that during these past few months, Haruhi has clearly been displaying powers beyond human comprehension. I probably don’t need to tell you the consequences. Suzumiya met Mikuru Asahina and Yuki Nagato, and I was also added to her little group.”

  “I’m the only one left out?”

  “Not exactly. Quite the contrary, you are the biggest mystery. Although it’s bad form, I investigated a number of things concerning you. I can assure you, you possess no special abilities. You are an ordinary human.”

  “Should I be relieved or disappointed?”

  “I wouldn’t know. It’s quite possible that you hold the fate of the world in your hands. This is a request from us to you. Please take care not to let Suzumiya lose all hope for this world.”

  “If Haruhi is God,” I offered, “why don’t you capture her and dissect her and figure out how her brain is wired? It might be a quick way to figure out how her world works.”

  “There are, in fact, diehards within the Agency who advocate such a measure,” Koizumi readily assented. “However, the majority is of the opinion that we should not interfere. If we inadvertently sour her mood, there is a high probability that the situation will become irreparable. We wish to preserve the current state of the world, so our only wish is for Suzumiya to live a peaceful life. If we make a mistake, it would be like trying to take roasted chestnuts off an open fire; you’ll only end up getting burned.”

  “So what exactly are we supposed to do?”

  “I do not know.”

  “If theoretically, just theoretically, Haruhi were to suddenly die, what would happen to the world?”

  “Indeed. Perhaps the world would be terminated at the same time. Or perhaps the world would continue Godless. Or perhaps a new God would be born. Nobody knows the answer. Not until it happens.”

  The coffee in my paper cup had grown cold. No longer wanting to drink it, I pushed it to the edge of the table.

  “You said you were an esper, right?”

  “Yes. We call ourselves by a different name, but simply put, that wouldn’t be inaccurate.”

  “So show me some kind of power. Then I’ll believe what you say. For example, reheat this cup of coffee.”

  Koizumi looked amused as he smiled. I think that was the first time his smile hadn’t looked artificial.

  “I’m quite sorry, but that’s impossible. My power cannot be so easily manipulated. Also, I usually hold no power at all. A number of conditions must be met before I can use my power. I’m sure there will be an opportunity to show you.”

  He then said, “Sorry to drag on so long. I’ll excuse myself for today,” and cheerfully left the table.

  I watched Koizumi’s back until he was out of sight as he lightly walked off. Then I had the sudden idea to pick up the paper cup.

  It goes without saying that the contents were cold.

  When I returned to the clubroom, I found Asahina standing in her underwear.

  “…”

  Asahina held the frilly dress and apron in her hands as she looked at me, frozen with my hand on the doorknob, with large, shocked, cat-like eyes. Her mouth slowly widened in a scream.

  “Excuse me.”

  I stepped back outside and shut the door before she made a sound. Thankfully, I didn’t have to hear her scream.

  Damn. I should have knocked. Wait, if you’re going to change, you could at least lock the door, right?

  I was considering whether to transfer the image of her white skin from my retinas to my long-term memory when I heard a timid knock from inside. “Come in,” she said in a frail voice.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No…”

  I stared at the swirl of hair near the middle of Asahina’s head as I apologized. The skin around her eyes became faintly flushed.

  “I should apologize for putting you in such embarrassing situations all the time….”

  Totally fine with me.

  It appeared that she was obediently abiding by Haruhi’s request. Asahina had finished changing into the maid outfit and was blushing.

  She really is cute.

  If my eyes were to meet hers, my brain would be overcome by the images I’d witnessed a moment earlier, and I would really lose it. As I mobilized all of my reason to suppress my libido, I sat down in the brigade chief chair and turned on the computer.

  I sensed someone’s gaze and looked up to see, oddly enough, Nagato staring at me. She pushed up the bridge of her glasses and returned to her book. Her behavior looked strangely human.

  I started up the HTML editor and opened the homepage index file. I was trying to think of something to do with this Web site that still hadn’t been updated yet, but I had no idea how or where to start. I just wasted my time as always before closing the file with a sigh. And then I started wondering why I even bothered. Because I was bored and getting pretty sick of Othello.

  As I sat groaning with my arms crossed, a teacup was placed before me. Asahina, in her maid outfit, was carrying a tray with a smile on her face. I felt like I was being served by a real maid.

  “Thanks.”

  I had just been treated to coffee by Koizumi, but obviously, I gratefully accepted the tea.

  Asahina then gave Nagato her tea and sat down next to her. She blew on the tea to cool it down as she began sipping.

  In the end, Haruhi never showed up in the club room that day.

 
“Why didn’t you show up yesterday? Weren’t we going to review our behavior on Saturday?”

  Same old, same old. I was talking to the occupant of the seat behind me before morning homeroom.

  “You sure are annoying. I did the reviewing by myself.” Haruhi, sprawled on her desk with her chin propped up, sounded annoyed.

  Upon asking, I learned that after school yesterday, Haruhi had gone back over the course her team had taken on Saturday. “I thought we might have missed something.”

  And here I thought that detectives were the only ones with the habit of repeatedly returning to the scene of the crime.

  “It’s hot. I’m exhausted. When do we change uniforms? I want to change into the summer uniform as soon as possible.”

  “We change in June. There’s only one week left in May.

  “Suzumiya, I’ve probably said this already, but how about you give up on looking for mysterious things you’re not going to find and try having fun the way a normal high-schooler does?”

  Her head popped up as she glared at me… at least that was how I thought she would react, but contrary to my expectations, Haruhi’s cheek remained glued to the desk. She must really be exhausted.

  “How does a normal high-schooler have fun?”

  Her voice sounded resigned.

  “You know. Find some nice guy and conduct your search around town with him. You could even call it a date. Kill two birds with one stone.”

  I offered this suggestion as I recalled my conversation with Asahina from the other day.

  “Besides, you shouldn’t have any trouble finding a guy. At least, if you suppress that eccentric personality of yours.”

  “Hmph. Men are worthless. Feelings of love are just temporary lapses in judgment. Like a kind of mental illness.”

  She said this lethargically as she rested her head on her desk and stared out the window.

  “Even I get in the mood for that stuff every now and then. I am a healthy young girl, after all. My body has its urges. But you know, I’m not stupid enough to let a momentary slip-up leave me saddled with a huge burden. Besides, if I start shopping around for guys, what will happen to the SOS Brigade? I just made it.”