“I had Damien, my owner, soul-locked inside me.” I tossed the bone back into the campfire. Gristle sizzled and spat. “Akil said it was possible for Damien to come back, even though I’d burned his body to ash. Akil hooked that evil bastard out, destroyed him for good, and planted his own soul in me to help control my…urges. Without his intervention, I’d have been an all-types-of-crazy she-demon by now.” Whatever way I said it, it still sounded wrong on so many levels. I shifted on my stone, avoiding Jerry’s keen gaze. “He was acting weird, saying…things.”
“What kind of things?” Jerry plucked at a cooked haunch. Amber firelight washed over his tattooed face.
“He—er—he started telling the truth.” Jerry stopped chewing. His brow arched up. “Yeah, I know. It freaked me out too. He admitted he’d always known what I was supposed to become, but he talked about caring, and…” Jerry stared wide-eyed at me, as if I had three horns instead of two. “Anyway, long story short, when he blocked Dawn’s power, she killed him.”
“Wait. Back up there. Who’s Dawn?”
Despite the topic, Jerry’s very human speech patterns summoned a smile. I couldn’t deny it was good to see him, especially in this nightmare of a world. “The little girl I burned a street full of enforcers for. She slept on your couch.”
“That little thing with the stuffed bunny killed Mammon? I thought she died?”
“Yeah, half bloods aren’t that easy to kill, despite being mortal. Anyway, I—”
“She’s alive?”
“Yes.”
“You’re sure?”
“Adam Harper has her.”
Jerry’s human-suit rippled. His tattoos shimmied across his skin, slithering, like leeches, before resettling. He didn’t smile, didn’t blink, barely moved at all. “We have to find her,” he growled. “She is chaos.”
“Well, yeah. She’s chaos all right. That’s how she killed Leviathan and destroyed the Boston Institute and Mammon. But he isn’t all dead. I can get him back. Can I get him back?”
Jerry didn’t reply. He stared somewhere over my shoulder, his gaze rigid. “She can make this right.”
“Dawn?”
“She is queen.” He blinked slowly and refocused on me. “Will be queen.”
“Wait, what? No. Hell, no. She’s not even ten years old. She hasn’t lived. I thought she was dead, but Adam—that bastard—squirreled her away. She might be okay. I might be able to bring her around.” He glared hard. “She can’t come here, Jerry.” The netherworld was no place for a nine-year-old girl. “It’d ruin her for good.”
“This is not debatable. She is chaos to my control.”
“She’s a little girl.”
“She’s an immortal killer. She controls chaos. The elements are chaos, Muse. She doesn’t have a choice. None of us do. She must come here, to me. Only with her by my side can we permanently restore the veil from inside these stones. Chaos and control. You must find her, and bring her to me.”
“No.” I couldn’t hand her over to the netherworld. After everything she’d been through, she didn’t deserve to be the queen of the demons. They’d kill her the way they had the old queen. “Find another chaos demon.”
“Chaos elementals are anomalies, born at random when demons of opposing elements ruck.”
“But she’s half-human, so she must have a chaos demon for a parent somewhere?”
“Yes. In my long life, I’ve only ever met three. We do not have time to scour the netherworld for another chaos elemental. She is close.” He paused. “She was always close. Carol-Anne kept her in an elementally protected cage right around the block from me.” He spat an old-language curse. “It has to be the girl.”
“No.”
Jerry frowned. “Would you rather see your world perish? The elementals will not stop. The veil must be irrevocably repaired.”
“Take me. I’ll be the damn queen. My flavor of destruction is pretty chaotic.”
His sad smile only further angered me. “You are destruction.”
“I don’t care about the ridiculous demon names. I can be chaos. That little girl doesn’t deserve you or the netherworld. Everyone she’s ever known has used her, lied to her, betrayed her. No. She should have a chance. One chance.” A fracture split my voice. I covered it with a growl, but Jerry was too perceptive not to notice.
“Dawn isn’t you,” he said, his voice so deep it permeated my thoughts.
“No, she’s not,” I growled back. “There’s still hope for her.”
Lips pinched tight, he scowled and shook his head. “You must do this. We can restore the veil for good, Muse. No more demons in your world. Your cities, your people, will be safe. And here, balance will return. Peace. The netherworld will heal. If she won’t come of her own free will, you must make sure she comes. You don’t have a choice, and neither does she.”
This was wrong. So damn wrong. “Can you repair the veil and then give her back?”
“No. Once my element combines with hers, the veil is sealed for as long as we both live.”
Half bloods don’t get happy endings. “She’s a half blood though. Mortal. She’ll die.”
“Your Prince of Wrath enjoyed near-immortality. There’s no knowing what a union with my element would do to her half-blood body. There are risks. But the result outweighs the risks.”
The King of Hell was right. I sighed, bowed my head, and swallowed back the anger. “If she doesn’t want to come with me, she won’t. She’s already tried to kill me. Twice.”
“It is the only way. I cannot leave this sanctum. The second I do, the princes will tear into me. Without my queen, I am only a demon.”
How could I lead her like a lamb to the slaughter? I wasn’t Akil. I wasn’t demon enough to think this way. “Jerry, you don’t understand. I betrayed her once—”
“No Muse, you don’t understand.” His voice rumbled deeply enough to quiver across my flesh. “No discussions. No bargains. There are no other chaos demons. She is strong, stronger than most, possibly stronger than the previous queen. That half-blood girl is our last hope, and you are the only one who can reach her.”
“Jerry…” What could I say? Certainly not no, at least, not with conviction. My humanity demanded I protect Dawn, but for the second time, I was going to deliver her into the hands of demons. She’d hate me if she didn’t already. What was the hatred of one little girl compared to the restoration of the veil? Could she be saved? Not if I shoved her back into the netherworld. She’d be demon, a terrifying, chaos-wielding queen of demons. Her humanity would wilt and die. It wouldn’t be Akil delivering her to her enemies. This time, it would be me.
“If you wish for me to resurrect Mammon, you must give me your word you will bring the half-blood chaos girl to me.”
I lifted my gaze. “She’s called Dawn.”
Jerry stared right back, his tattoos squirming. “Your word.”
Akil’s resurrection had nothing to do with my decision. This wasn’t about me or him. It was about the life of one little girl weighed against the rest of humanity. “Yes,” I hissed. “Fine. Yes, you have my word. Damnit. Of course I’ll do it. But so help me, Jerry, you’d better look out for her.”
He nodded. “I’ll protect her with my life.”
“The way you did the last queen?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Speaking of which, you intend to resurrect the architect of her death.”
I blinked and managed to keep a perfectly neutral half-smile on my lips. “Mammon killed the previous queen?”
Jerry didn’t buy my nonchalance. “The queen was chaos. Her element poisoned her mind. She attacked me, as she often did, but this time, the Seven Princes retaliated. They did so for their own selfish reasons. They coveted her power. Using the elemental blade, they carved her element from her body, tore her asunder, and absorbed her chaos into themselves. Your beloved Greed orchestrated it. He wanted her chaos. I suspect he even had a hand in my queen’s insanity.”
“But he saved yo
u?”
Jerry chuckled. “Not out of the kindness of his heart. He’s no fool. If you think you know Ahkeel, you’re wrong. He always has a plan. Understand that, and you understand Greed.” My expression must have revealed too much because Jerry’s tone softened. “I don’t blame him, and you shouldn’t either. You cannot blame a creature for being true to its nature. He is what he is, as are we all. He saved me because he knew— should the loss of the queen unbalance the netherworld, as it has—we’d need a way to repair the damage.”
Everything went back to the slippery and sly Prince of Greed. “He’s changed.” The conviction I’d started out with had vanished.
Jerry’s laughter massaged the quiet like a wicked thing with a life of its own. “Changed?” His chuckles sent flutters shifting low in my belly. “Chaos does not change. What you’ve witnessed in Ahkeel is an elaborate masterpiece of lies. He knew his fate, the same as he knew yours. Valenti surely told him he would die on that battlefield. There was only one way he could ensure the survival of his soul.” Jerry’s chuckles turned dark. “He used you. Are you sure you want him returned? He may not be the demon or the man you think him to be.”
The doubts I’d harbored since Li’el had left matured into fully-fledged fears. Akil had hand picked my mother and delivered her to the Prince of Lust. He’d watched and manipulated me since the moment of my birth. He’d lied, cheated, and betrayed. He was every part the Prince of Hell, and yet… Jerry didn’t know him the way I did. Neither did Li’el, or Adam, or Stefan. Nobody knew him. I wasn’t even sure Akil knew himself. He’d deceived me. He’d used me. He probably had planned to soul-lock me to ensure his existence, but everyone seemed to forget his sins weren’t all of him. He’d plucked me out of Damien’s hands and taught me how to be human. He’d killed to protect me. He’d stopped me from going nuclear, stopped me from killing, and saved me from myself time and time again. He’d helped keep Boston clear of demons. He’d fought alongside Jerry and Stefan and driven back the netherworld. And when Dawn had been about to tear me apart, he’d made the ultimate sacrifice.
I met and held Jerry’s stare. “He died for me. It’s time to bring him back.”
Chapter 18
Jerry sat close enough that I could pick out delicate flickers on the trailing edges of his tattoos where they hugged his otherwise brutally masculine face. The campfire crackled to my right, and somewhere outside our circle, a lesser demon snarled, but all of my thoughts were filled with Jerry and what was to come.
“Akil told me there were two ways of removing a soul lock.” I spoke softly, but I still feared the breeze might carry the words into the netherworld and to the princes. “The first would likely kill me. The second was like surgery. He said it takes great control.”
Jerry’s lips curved into a smile. “You’re in safe hands.”
“When he removed Damien, he used my—erm—my talent for lust to hide the pain.” I gulped and flicked my gaze between Jerry’s hands as he slowly raised them level with my cheeks. At least he was human. Had he not reverted to his demon-self, I wasn’t sure I could have sat so close and looked him in the eyes.
“What I am about to do could kill you, but given your resilience, I doubt you’ll succumb.”
Oh, lovely. He touched his warm hands to my cheeks and splayed his fingers wide. My smoldering skin had no effect on him. My little demon heart galloped. Peering into the King of Hell’s eyes with mere inches between us was no mean feat. I knew, without looking, that my fiery veins blazed. My element was trapped beneath the press of the symbols, but inside, it churned, sensing apprehension.
“Will it hurt?” This was the netherworld. I already knew the answer.
Jerry’s lips ticked. “Do you remember when I hypnotized you?”
I huffed a small laugh. “Yeah.”
“This begins in a similar way. I will be attempting two things. The first is a summoning, to gather Mammon’s immortal soul to one specific point inside of you, a focal point, if you like. It’s similar to how you would use a flame to summon a demon through the veil.”
My face tingled. Something moved beneath his touch. A fluttery chitter sounded at the back of my throat. I wanted to pull away but held fast. I could trust Jerry. Trust the King of Hell! When did that become okay?
“The second is more trying.” He swallowed, but his gaze didn’t waver. “I must remove his grip on you. He’ll fight my attempts. Souls are stubborn and Mammon’s even more so. Once I’ve pried him out, the summoning will anchor him here, and if all goes well, Mammon will manifest. But Muse, it may take time for his memories to settle. He is an immortal chaos demon. You are a blink in the span of his long life. He may not immediately recognize you.”
Way to make a girl feel special. “What do I do?”
“Sit still, and keep your fire alive. The fire—your element and his—will fuel his return.”
“And if it goes wrong?”
His lips twitched again. “Don’t let it. Close your eyes. Remember Ahkeel. Remember Mammon.”
Eyes closed, I listened to my breath and Jerry’s. My heartbeat galloped. The sounds of the netherworld night soaked into my thoughts. Before Mammon, I’d witnessed the netherworld through the bars of a cage. The netherworld had been a nightmare to my young demon mind, pure terror. My cage was safe. My owners protected me. I’d thanked them for their kindness even as they beat me, for what was I? A half-blood slave. A lesser thing diseased with human and weak. But Mammon, he’d found me. He unlocked my cage. He taught me about the human world and gave me the tools to survive. He set me free. When I’d first seen him, I’d thought him a truly magnificent beast: skin, obsidian black, veins alight with fire, and wings so broad, so powerful, he could embrace a world—or so it had seemed. He was the one who’d taught me how to wield fire as a weapon. In Boston, Akil had taught me how to be human. How to live. How humans fought for their beliefs. How to laugh, to cry, to feel…to love. He was my world, my everything. Without him, I’d still be in that cage. I’d still be that wretched half-blood plaything with no hope but to die.
Human emotions overwhelmed my demon body. Molten tears escaped my closed eyes. Jerry’s touch sank through my skin and dove inside. I opened to him. As the fire flared bright and hot, I let him sink deep into my center through the fear, the doubt, the love, the regret… Through everything. The fire hissed and spat against the intrusion of control. Emotion. I let it happen, let myself feel the things I’d kept hidden for so long. I let it go: the disgust for what I had once been, the regret for a demon life I’d left behind, and the love—the wicked, destructive love for a Prince of Hell. Yes, I loved him. It was a dangerous, dark love. It wasn’t wrong to love Akil. Love could never be wrong. But it could be poisonous if I let it.
The rich scent of cinnamon and the warm, spicy hint of cloves laced my nose and throat. Memories blasted. So many memories. Akil driving a sword through Sam’s chest. Akil standing on the harbor’s edge, watching as I plummeted into the cold, dark waters. Akil striding through a fleeing crowd as a dragon-demon scorched the skies over Boston. I remembered punching him, biting him, the salty taste of his blood in my mouth. And I remembered how he’d pleaded with me not to leave him, how he needed me, and how I’d tasted him anew. How his touch had trembled, how he’d whispered ancient words as his body moved inside mine, how he’d pulled me close, how I’d slept cradled against him, his arm curled protectively around me. He had always been there. Always so close when I’d needed him. He’d only ever been himself. A manipulative, deceitful, powerful, Prince of Hell. I could never blame him for being who he was, what he was. If anything, I’d been the one who couldn’t decide who or what I was.
Fire—his—flooded my veins. Pain danced through my body. I jerked, teeth clamped, back arched, but Jerry held on. He spoke softly, quickly, his smooth voice serene inside the chaos. I heard Akil’s luscious accent, the way he threatened and teased in the same breath. There was nobody and nothing like him in the netherworld or on earth. He had to co
me back. Even if it had all been for himself.
“Muse…”
The fire cooled, spluttered. What if I was wrong? What if I was bringing back a monster? What if it had never been love?
“Muse, hold the fire. Don’t let it go.” Jerry’s words fluttered like moths. What if Akil was a lie? All of him. The smile, the sex, the promises, the confessions. Li’el had warned me. Jerry too. I knew what Akil was capable of. He was the Prince of Greed. He got his wants, and he’d had an immortal lifetime to perfect his tactics. What if I was blind to the truth? This was on me. If I brought him back, and he—“Muse, this is not the time for doubts”—was entirely demon. What if he stood beside my father?
“Muse, if you pull back now, he’ll be gone. You’ll never get him back. Do you hear me? Don’t falter. You haven’t come this far to fail now. You made a choice. Live with it.”
I had. Jerry was right. Come back, you lying bastard. Come back, and face me. Good or bad, truth or lies, come back, and answer to me, Prince of Greed, of Lies. Mammon, death does not absolve you.
The moment he vacated my soul, a cool blast of relief surged through me, tingling through muscle, cleansing my body from the inside out. I doubled over, almost taking Jerry with me, and braced myself against the earth. Lightness breezed over me, a sigh in recognition of something fundamental, and for a few seconds, I couldn’t begin to understand it. I’d never known it before…
Freedom.
I. Was. Free.
No owner. No soul-lock. Just me. In my own demon skin.
I started laughing, even as Jerry urged me to stand. He sounded agitated, his orders urgent, but I couldn’t think about him. The little half-blood creature who’d cowered in the dark had finally risen from the ashes of an old life. I was new. I was me. Complete. And free. Finally, wholly free.
A huge black hand scooped me up. Fingers locked tight around my throat and dangled me at arm’s length. Mammon grinned. His saber-fangs gleamed. He fanned his lava-veined wings and eyed me with hungry flame-filled eyes. Like a damned rag doll, my legs flailed uselessly in the air. What the hell?
Ties That Bind: A Muse Urban Fantasy (The Veil Series Book 5) Page 11
