“Muse…” An ice-encrusted hand appeared in front of my eyes. Stefan shone like the Winter King he was, but for the two black handprints branding his chest.
“You have to stop them.” I reined my heat in and settled my hand in his. He tugged me to my feet. I was ready to go back into the fray and stop Jerry, when Stefan blocked my path. “Get out of my way,” I snarled.
“No.” His wings opened wide. “You have to let her go, Muse.”
I pushed by him, ignoring the sparks where we touched. Any demons in my way, I incinerated. Stefan’s icy touch coiled around my leg. Bars of ice locked together directly in front of me, and Stefan’s presence burned cold against my back. I could melt his ice. I could melt him. I flicked out my claws. I could fight him, but I...wouldn’t.
“Muse, she can’t be saved. But you can.”
“What?” Slowly, I turned.
A lesser demon flew in from Stefan’s right. He launched a dagger at it. The beast cried out and collapsed at Stefan’s feet. He kicked it aside without taking his eyes off me. “She’s chaos. If you save her, she’ll create chaos in Boston—wherever she goes. She can’t go back. Ever. She belongs here, but you don’t. Jerry’s restoring the veil. For good. No more calling power from beyond the veil, no more demons in Boston. Once the veil’s up, it’s over. Anything this side stays this side, forever. The most important thing you can do right now, for her and for you, is nothing.”
Walk away? Leave? But Dawn… “They’re killing her.”
“No, they’re controlling her.” He held out his hand. Behind him, Akil’s house shimmered like I was looking through a mirror into a life I’d fought so hard to protect. A real human life. My life.
Jerry’s deep and powerful voice rippled through the air, and the veil quivered. Chaos lashed above. The demons hunkered down, caught between fleeing and obeying their king. He spoke in the old language with an accent deep and rich. On the walls, inside the surface of the table, and all over Jerry, the symbols throbbed and twitched.
“Muse, look at me,” Stefan said. “Look at me, just me, not Dawn, not the demons. See me.” I did. He stood close enough for me to see how his ice armor sparkled, how honesty warmed his eyes. “Let go of the netherworld.”
“Muse, save me!” Dawn shrieked. “You said I’d be free! Don’t leave me here.”
Guilt sliced through me. I couldn’t leave her. I couldn’t let her go through this alone, surrounded by monsters. If she stayed, I stayed. Nobody should be alone in the netherworld. Stefan must have seen the horror on my face. He snatched at my hand and yanked me after him.
“No!”
He dragged me behind him and ran for the hole in the veil. I pulled and jerked. Ice latticed around my forearm, pushing into my flames. It locked around my wrist like a manacle. He yanked me through the hole, and from one step to the next, I was back in Akil’s house, naked, steam rolling off my pink human skin. Behind, the veil fizzled, and Dawn’s bloodcurdling screams went on and on.
“Don’t.” Stefan panted, turning on me, eyes wide with fear. “Don’t go back.”
“I…” I swallowed. She cried my name. Over and over and over. “Save me. You said you would. You promised. Don’t leave me. Don’t go!” Stay with Stefan, or fulfill the promise to a lost little girl?
“Muse…” Stefan rushed me and clutched my face in his cool hands. “There’s nothing you can do. Let her go. Please. I can’t let you go back. I won’t let you sacrifice your freedom.”
She couldn’t be saved. But I could. Walk away. It was the right thing to do. “You’re right...” I panted. “You’re right, Stefan.” I had to leave her. I’d known it since Jerry had asked me to save her, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. She’d trusted me. I’d betrayed her as Akil had betrayed me. I would have to live with that.
“Wait—” I tore free of Stefan’s grip and spun to face the breach. “Akil?”
Stefan gripped my shoulders, fingers digging in. “No.”
The edges of the veil fluttered and wove themselves together. Healing. Once it closed, there was no going back. Inside the hole, demons quivered, Jerry loomed over the table, and Dawn thrashed—screaming my name. Mammon stood at the foot of the table, his eyes not on Dawn, not on the demons, but on me.
“Stefan, let me go.” I fixed my gaze with Mammon’s. Stefan’s grip tightened. “You said everything this side stays this side. Forever?”
“Don’t—”
“I can’t leave him like this.” I twisted out of Stefan’s grip. He snatched at my arm, yanking me around to face him, and held tight. “Dammit, Stefan.” I pushed against him. “I have time. I can get to him. Don’t make me fight you.”
“Muse.” He growled, eyes sharp. He’d fight to keep me here. He always fought for what he believed in, right to the very end. “You’d said you’d always be here.”
“I will.” The pain on his face struck at my heart like a dagger. He thought I’d chosen Akil. My determination fizzled but didn’t die. An honest, hopeful smile tugged at my lips. “I’m coming back.” I touched his face. I wanted to explain that this wasn’t about leaving him, but there was no time. He didn’t believe my words. And when I pulled back, he let me go.
I turned to face the netherworld, took a sharp breath, ready to dive back into the storm.
“This is what he wants.” Stefan’s words captured my heart in ice.
“What?” Inside the churning madness, Mammon glared back at me.
Stefan said, “When we fought Akil outside the Institute, I’d have killed him, Muse. I wanted to. But the words he said... He said it had to be this way. That I didn’t need to kill him because he’d make sure this was the end. He told me to tell you, that when the time came, you have to let him go.”
I froze. My gaze burned Mammon’s, and while the storm of chaos raged around us, I read the naked truth in his demon eyes. This was his final goodbye. “No.” I stepped through or tried to. But Mammon appeared an inch from my face and shoved me back into Stefan’s iron grip.
Caught in Stefan’s arms, I snarled, “Mammon, you son of a bitch, you let Akil make this call! Don’t shut him away like this. He’d want to be here. He’s Greed. This is his choice. Don’t take his freedom, Mammon.”
“Freedom?” Dark laughter rumbled from Mammon’s throat. His wings flexed. “I am Akil. He is I.” His skin quivered and peeled apart.
Stefan’s grip relaxed, and I blinked away for a second. When I looked back, there stood Akil on the other side of the veil. I sighed, thank god. “Ahkeel, step through. Quickly, before it closes for good.”
He looked down and adjusted his cuffs as though he had all the time in the world. A muscle fluttered in his jaw. It was absurd. While chaos churned the throne room into madness, while the demons howled and Dawn’s screams punctured it all, he stood there, immune to it all.
“Akil?” I whispered, my voice so quiet inside the empty house. But he heard me. While the netherworld crumbled around him, he heard me. His dark eyes met mine.
“Before you saved my soul,” Akil said, “you spoke of freedom. Do you remember?”
“What? No.” The ragged edges of the veil constricted, shrinking ever closer. He could still step through. There was still time. “Quickly… Please.” Move, damn you! “It’s closing fast.”
“You said, ‘To be free, I cannot be with you.’”
I had a vague memory of saying something like that, but now was not the time to quibble over words. We could argue about it to our hearts’ content once the bastard stepped through the veil. I held out my hand. “Take it, Akil.” He didn’t even look down, just peered into my eyes while I glared back at him. Amber burned the fringes of his black pupils. His lips quirked in his typical sardonic smile. You stubborn, impossible bastard. Tiny lines gathered at the corners of his mouth. They hadn’t been there before. It was as though he’d aged—changed.
“You were right,” he said softly. “You are not meant for a creature such as I. I am demon. You would never escape
my hold, and I would never let you go. I am greed.”
Tears blurred my vision of him. They fell, cool against my cheeks. I didn’t want to hear, to understand, to know. A sneer masked the quiver of my lips. “You can’t do this,” I growled. “I won’t let you do this!” I reached inside the veil, but he twisted away. Stefan rested a hand on my shoulder and held me back. I could have fought him. I already knew he’d let me go, if I chose it. But Akil would keep pushing me away. Dread and a hollow fear, the likes of which I’d never felt before, seeped through my chest, my body, leaving me numb. I couldn’t do anything to stop this. He was wrong, so very, very wrong. “Akil… If you’re greed, you can’t do this. Don’t you see? A creature of greed wouldn’t do this.”
His smile said it all. He knew it. He knew. In that moment, he was more than demon, more than his name, his purpose. No demon could ever care enough to let go.
It was too late. The hole in the veil shrank to mere inches. Threads of blue and black chaos wove and knotted between us. The howling netherworld dulled to little more than a background din. And Akil looked back at me from hell, an infinite sadness in his eyes, but stubborn triumph too. “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
“No! No, don’t be sorry… You’re never sorry. You don’t have it in you to be sorry!”
“Remember me.”
My heart broke apart, and the fragments crumbled to ashes and dust. I lifted my hand, wanting to reach through the veil and touch him one last time. “How could I forget?”
“Love her, Stefan.” Akil’s gaze stayed fixed on me, only on me. “In every way, love her better than I ever could.”
Stefan’s grip tightened. I am greed, Akil had said after his return. I’d asked him to stop lying to me, to tell me the truth, and he had. He’d said he would always be greed. Why hadn’t I seen this coming? I should have known. I should have guessed something, anything. I could have talked him out of it. I could have stopped him. “You were always the same Akil, weren’t you?” I whispered. “After I brought you back, you pushed me away to save me…from you.”
“Goodbye, Muse. You will forever be the half blood who changed chaos.”
I held his stare—his beautiful, fire-kissed eyes—until the veil knitted closed. The wound between worlds healed. And I stood, staring into Akil’s abandoned living room with a hole in my heart that could never be filled. “No.” I reached for the veil, sending out a sharp mental swipe, but nothing happened. I reached again. And again. I couldn’t even sense the veil. It was gone. And so was Akil. Forever. “No!” He’d live on, so close, just a veil away, but forever out of reach. I’d never see him again, never feel the warmth of his gaze. I’d never touch his fire again. He’d been my protector—to the very end.
I turned to Stefan, face wet. I wanted him to tell me it wasn’t over, that we could find a way. We could get him back. But the words wouldn’t come. With a gentle shake of his head, Stefan told me all I needed to know. It was over.
I fell into his arms and broke down. I cried for the little girl who would be the Queen of Demons. I cried for the Prince of Hell who’d saved me from everything and everyone, including himself, the same demon who’d set me free. I cried for a love recognized only when it was lost. And I cried because, for the first time in what felt like forever, I could hope, from that moment on, that I was truly free.
Chapter 31
A day after all the wounds in the veil had simultaneously sealed themselves shut, the press speculated as to whether the demon invasion was over or not. On the news channels, various professionals shared strong opinions. Only a handful of people knew the truth.
I’d called Sabine at the Institute and given her a rundown of events. She’d asked me to go in and debrief their team. I’d refused. It felt good, telling her no. She’d then asked me if I’d seen Adam. Considering Yukki’s twenty-four hour deadline had come and gone, I suspected she’d gotten to him.
By the end of the week, news channels were already covering normal stories with no mention of demons. Sure, there were a few pockets of lessers left. I’d spent my evenings walking some of the abandoned netherworld zones and killing any netherworld leftovers. Freedom was…weird. I could do anything. Go anywhere. And nobody was going to stop me. Demons weren’t going to appear at my door or smack into my window. I slept every night, comfy and safe, knowing the nightmares would eventually fade. But one thing hadn’t waned. A few times, I’d expected a knock on my door and to feel the creep of heat. Or I’d picked up my cell, expecting to see Akil’s name in my missed calls list. I’d had a call from a lawyer, who wanted to meet to discuss Akil’s estate. As his only living relative—his ‘niece’—his assets passed to me, should events arise such as those explicitly detailed in his lawyer’s instructions. He’d planned it all, right down to when he would no longer be around. I hadn’t yet processed that information but planned to discuss it with Stefan that evening.
I spent the day tidying my apartment, and getting ready for our date—a real, actual, date with Stefan. The last date I’d been on, Akil had shoved me into the Mystic River at Boston harbor. I stopped those thoughts before they dragged down my mood. Nope. This was the new me. The free me.
I fretted over what to wear. Bizarre, considering Stefan had seen me naked and demoned up more times than any other man this side of the veil. Maybe that was why I agonized over what to wear: because this was new. I settled for an above-the-knee plum dress with knee-high boots, of course the kind with killer heels. I’d even pinned my hair back and applied makeup the way normal girls did. Lacy helped because I was more used to the finesse of wielding daggers and claws than mascara and lipstick.
“You’re gonna do just fine.” Lacy planted herself cross-legged on the edge of the bed while I tugged on my boots.
“I’ve never been on a date. Not a real one. I mean, there was Sam, but he was fake. And then there was Akil, but his idea of a date ended in attempted murder. In college, Akil stared in that way he does at anyone who dared come near me. Then they’d mysteriously vanish and reappear...in therapy.” I wrinkled my nose. “Come to think of it, that happened a few times. I dropped out, and problems like that went away.”
Lacy chuckled.
The zipper on my boot jammed. I gave it a tug, but the sucker wasn’t budging. Memories of Akil blurred in front of my eyes. I bit my lip and fought the zipper.
“Hey, you know this is good for you, right?”
She didn’t mean the boot or the date. I stomped my foot down and flicked my hair out of my eyes. “What?”
“He’d want this.”
I’d told her about Akil—all of it—right down to how he’d told his enemy to love me better. I planted my hand on my hip and avoided my friend’s glare. “He chose for me, Lacy. That’s not fair.”
“He chose because you weren’t going to. He did the only thing he could. He let you go. And he was right.” She paused, maybe wondering how to word whatever was on her mind. “You think I don’t really know him.” She bit into her lip a little but held herself together. “But I know enough. He could never have loved you the way you deserve. He wouldn’t take you on dates or go to movies.”
“I didn’t want those things from him,” I said quietly.
“Muse, since I’ve known you, all you ever wanted was a normal life. Akil could never do normal. Ever. What about when you’re growing old gracefully, and he’s still thirty-something sexy-as-sin Akil?”
I picked at an imaginary bit of fluff on my dress. “Age was never an issue.”
“He’d never be there when you needed him.” Lacy’s sad smile humored me. I was reaching, and we both knew it. “He’d always fuck you up or screw you up because that’s what he was. There was never going to be a Happy Ever After with Akil. You must have known that?”
I did. I’d told him it could never happen—we could never happen—but not for the reasons Lacy thought. Trust was everything. Relationships hinged on trust. It would have been wrong and foolish and destructive to trust Akil. He k
new it. I knew it.
I met Lacy’s sympathetic gaze. “I’ll never see him again.” Tears swam in my eyes. An ache bloomed through my chest. I’d always thought heartache was a myth, but I felt it. I was missing a vital piece of me. If I lingered on thoughts of Akil, the empty pain grew. If I let it, grief would swallow me down.
Unable to meet Lacy’s tear-filled eyes, I cast my gaze out the window, seeing nothing outside of my own thoughts. “Does it ever stop hurting?”
“I’ve never really lost anyone. But my mom has. She said it gets easier, but it never really goes away.”
It might have been easier had Akil stayed dead. At least then, it was final. But to know he was just a veil away... I’d tried to summon him. When the summoning failed for the fifth time, I’d cursed his many stupid demon titles until my throat burned, and my voice failed.
In the fortress, he could have stepped through. He could have been in Boston and played at being Akil Vitalis. It could have worked. I would still have hated to love him. We’d have fought because that’s what we did. He’d have driven me crazy with his veiled truths. I’d have told him where to go as I had once before. Five years, I’d lasted on my own, but I’d gone back. I’d always go back to him. And that was why he’d chosen for me. He knew I’d never let him go. Why did the bastard have to be so damn right?
“I hate him.”
Lacy’s smile warmed. “I know you do.” She climbed off the bed and threw her arms around me. I froze as I often did when hugged. She laughed, gripped my upper arms, and peered into my eyes. “He gave you your freedom. Now go live it.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Lacy swaggered to the doorway, paused, and glanced back, “If Stefan messes with my Charley, I’ll kick his tight, icy ass.”
“I’d like to see that.”
“I know Jujitsu.” She waggled her hands and burst into fits of giggles then demanded an update in the morning. I watched her leave, wiped my face dry, and zipped up my stubborn boot.
Ties That Bind: A Muse Urban Fantasy (The Veil Series Book 5) Page 20
