Mouth quirking, Gus said, “Maybe ten…It’s hard to judge out here.”
Nodding, Cam said, “Yeah. That’s what I thought. Around ten.”
“If all things are equal,” he said, “and we didn’t fly too far from the last position on my HUD, that village should show up sometime tomorrow evening if we can keep the same pace as today.”
Cam shoved the end of the long, sturdy stick into the ground and surrounded it with large rocks, leaving the rabbit at just the right height to sizzle over the flames. Getting up, she scoured the area illuminated by firelight to find more pieces of dry wood for their campfire. With mesquite shrubs growing nearby, sticks were easy to locate. Gathering them in her arms as she walked, her boots crunching on the yellow sand, Cam looked up.
The sky was darkening swiftly now; only a hint of the peach-colored sunset remained, a thin rim on the western horizon. Just above the eastern horizon was a glowing white star. Turning back toward Gus, Cam said, “That’s got to be Venus in the east. Isn’t she beautiful?”
The cave opening faced east, so it was easy for Gus to see where she was pointing. His gaze moved back to Cam as she placed the fuel near the fire. “What I’m looking at is beautiful. In fact, she makes the planet Venus pale in comparison.” All day Gus had wanted to establish intimacy with Cam. But their dangerous situation hadn’t warranted it. Now, he hoped, it would. When Cam lifted her face, shadowed by the flickering light, he saw the surprise in her features.
“You’re prettier than any star or planet,” he said, giving her a slight, one-cornered smile. No matter how he sat or what position he tried, Gus couldn’t relieve the pain in his arm. It was growing worse, but he wasn’t going to tell Cam that. She was worried enough, and knowing her, was probably feeling as if the responsibility for the loss of their Apache rested solely on her shoulders. All day he’d seen her waging an internal war between sadness and guilt over the incident.
“Thanks…” Cam said, giving him a shy look. “I’ve never had a guy see me like that before.” And she hadn’t. Gus had a very poetic and romantic side to him, a side she loved….
There was that word again. Frowning, Cam picked up the stick with the meat on it and began to rotate it slowly over the flames once more. The crash had shaken loose all her suppressed feelings toward Gus. Did he love her? Could he love another woman who took risks? She had no answers. And she didn’t have strength to devote to anything but their survival right now.
Somehow, Gus wanted to take Cam’s guilt and worries away. He understood where she was coming from, and he knew there would be a military inquiry into the Apache being shot down. But that didn’t mean Cam would lose her C.O. position and be drummed out of the army, as she feared.
“Tell me something,” he said. “What would you do in your life that you haven’t done already if you could?”
“Uh-oh,” Cam said with a quiet laugh, “the philosopher is coming out. Are you bored, Gus? Sitting over there, helpless? Feeling like you should be helping me or doing this?” Cam pointed at the rabbit on the skewer.
Forcing a smile, Gus felt buoyed by Cam’s laughter in spite of the relentless pain that moved like grinding waves up and down his arm and shoulder. “Yeah, you’re right on all counts. Are you a mind reader, querida?” He purposely used that endearment. Instantly, he saw Cam’s narrowed eyes soften. Her mouth relaxed, too. How he wanted to take her into his arms and hold her, and whisper to her that all would be well. But he couldn’t….
Shaking her head, Cam tested the meat. “If I was a mind reader, I’d have known that that helo was armed with rockets.” The meat was dark brown and oozing with juices now. Cam peeled back a piece to see if it was done inside. It was. Good. Getting to her feet, she took the rabbit over to Gus. Sitting down on his right side, facing him, she held the rabbit between them.
As she pushed the end of the stick into the ground so that the meat hung between them and they could peel off chunks to eat, he gave her a thoughtful look.
“Thanks. You’re saving my neck, yet again.”
“You owe me, Morales. Big time.”
Enjoying her teasing, he popped the first bit of meat into his mouth. It was hot and delicious, just what he needed. “I like owing you,” he teased back. He saw her grin. “This is good. You’re a great chef, Ms. Anderson. Five star, if I don’t miss my guess.”
“Let’s stick to the owing one another, shall we?” Cam forced herself to eat slowly and savor every bite of meat. Her stomach had been in knots all day with worry and anxiety. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until just now. But maybe it was the company she was keeping, too. Eyeing him tenderly, Cam saw that several strands of his hair dipped onto his brow. With her left hand, she pushed them back into place. She liked touching him.
“I’ll write you an IOU,” Gus said with a grin. “And you can collect it from me once we get back to base.”
“You’re on,” Cam chortled. And then she became serious. “You know, the only good thing about this,” she confided, “is that I can touch you whenever I want. I don’t have to worry about prying eyes or military regs getting in the way.”
His flesh tingled briefly where Cam had slid her fingertips against his brow. “I agree. We should use this time productively.” Catching her hand as she lifted it away, Gus pressed a long, slow kiss to the back of it and then released it. The surprise in her eyes made him feel good. Without a doubt, Gus knew he loved her. Fiercely. Without compromise. Wanting to broach the topic with her, but not knowing when would be best, he watched a look of languor come to her eyes for a moment after he’d kissed her hand.
“You are so gallant,” Cam whispered. Her skin tingled where his strong mouth had caressed her flesh. No other man had kissed her hand with such a flourish. No other man had kissed her hand at all. Gus was a throwback to an age where gentlemen were truly that, and treated women with remarkable respect.
“Me? What about you, querida? I don’t think gallant is a word reserved exclusively for men, do you?” He ate another chunk of the meat and held her gaze. “Gallantry is like chivalry.”
“Is that how you see me?” Cam wondered out loud.
“As a heroine? Yes. Courageous. Fearless.”
“Forget the fearlessness,” Cam growled. “I was scared as hell up there last night. When that rocket was fired, I about died. I just wasn’t expecting it. I should have foreseen the possibility, but I didn’t. I was too focused on getting the numbers off that first plane.”
Shaking his head, Gus wiped his greasy fingers on the thigh of his uniform and then reached out. “Stop it, will you? I’ve never seen anyone savage themselves like you do, querida.” He stroked her cheek in a loving gesture. Maybe he couldn’t come clean with his feelings toward Cam yet, but Gus wanted her to know that he cared deeply for her, anyway. Judging from the softness in her eyes after he caressed her cheek, he knew he could lift her spirits and stop her from worrying so much. It was a wonderful discovery. A powerful one. Maybe he couldn’t help her gather firewood, make a fire or find meat, but he could tend the garden of her heart and emotions. In that way, he could help her.
“I just can’t shake it, Gus. I screwed up with Maya. I’ve screwed up here. All I do is screw up.”
“No, you don’t,” Gus growled. “I don’t think any board of inquiry is going to hold you accountable for what happened last night. We lost a rotorcraft, but we survived. They can replace the Apache. We’re a lot harder to replace.”
Pursing her lips, she saw that the rabbit was pretty much eaten. Taking the carcass off the skewer, she picked delicately at it and found a few more morsels, handing them to Gus. He needed it most because pain was stealing his energy, sapping his strength.
“Maybe you’re right,” she muttered.
“I know I am.” Thanking her for the last bits of meat, he made sure she got half of them, anyway. Cam had already dethorned more cactus, skinned it and cut it into bite-size chunks. He handed her some. It served as a vegetable with their meal.
“I can’t say I’m thrilled with prickly pear,” she told him, chewing on a small piece to get the fluid out of it. The water from the small pool they’d found earlier was gone and Cam knew they had to get as much fluid in them as possible.
“No, it’s not exactly a Starbucks mocha latte, is it?” He smiled.
“What a die-hard sense of humor you have.” Cam looked out of the cave mouth. The darkness was complete. Above them, a canopy of stars twinkled overhead. From somewhere out on the desert came the lonely, serrating cry of a coyote.
“I don’t like the other choice,” Gus told her.
Cam turned around, her back to the wall, only inches away from him. She needed his closeness. His optimism. Tipping her head back against the rock, she sighed and closed her eyes.
“You’re my counterpart,” she told him in a low tone. After wiping her fingers on her flight suit, she opened her eyes and found his hand. Slipping her fingers into his, she closed her eyes again and sighed. “You make me happy, Gus. You have a way of pulling me out of a tailspin of darkness.”
“Isn’t that what people who care for each other do?” he asked, squeezing her hand.
Right now, in that instant, Cam wanted to turn to Gus, seek refuge in his arms. It was impossible under the circumstances, so she focused on feeling the warm strength of his hand around hers. “Yes…it is….”
Frowning, Gus took a deep breath. Just getting to talk to Cam helped ease some of the pain he was in. “Listen, I need to talk with you, querida. I don’t know if this is the right time or not, but here goes….”
Cam opened her eyes slightly and slanted him a look. The firelight outside the cave highlighted Gus’s sharp, strong profile. She saw that his brows were knitted. “Okay…”
“The crash,” Gus began in a low tone, “changed a lot of things for me, Cam. Before it…well, I thought I had my life pretty well figured out. But now I find I don’t. Maybe I never did, and I was just fooling myself.”
Her heart beat a little harder. Feeling his hand tighten around hers a little more firmly, she whispered, “Go on….”
“When we were falling out of the sky,” Gus said, “I thought we were going to die. And I had only one regret.”
Heart hammering as she felt his tension, she asked, “What was that?”
Lifting her hand, he kissed the back of it tenderly and held her probing gaze. “That I hadn’t told you I love you, Camelia Anderson. That I was too scared because of my past to say anything. I didn’t think I could ever put my heart on the line again with a woman who had a dangerous profession. I found out that wasn’t true, querida. As we fell out of the sky, I was crying inside because I’d never said those words to you. I didn’t want to die, or have you die without knowing that I love you….”
Gulping, Cam sat up and turned toward him. Gripping his hand, she stared into his smoldering cinnamon gaze. “You love me?”
“Yeah. Why are you asking it that way?” His mouth hitched up slightly. “You’re looking at me like I’m an alien from outer space who just landed in front of you.”
“Well…” Cam hesitated, looking to the right, then the left, and finally back at Gus. He had such a tender and patient expression on his face, filled with love for her. That was how he felt. An incredible warmth spread through Cam’s chest and moved downward.
“I never thought,” she began lamely, “that you could…well, like me, much less love me. I just never expected that, Gus. I knew your past. I tried to tell myself that because of it, there was no place for me in your life.”
“And where did you want to be in my life?” he whispered, holding her sparkling green gaze, which glimmered with tears.
It was put up or shut up time, Cam realized. Gus was being brutally honest with her. He deserved no less for his bravery. She held his hand between her own and stared down at it.
“I didn’t dare dream that you could love me, Gus, the way I was falling in love with you.” Her voice broke. “From the moment I saw you, my heart was doin’ crazy things. You seemed unreal to me.”
“Why unreal?”
“Because—” Cam cleared her throat nervously “—you seemed too perfect, like the guy I always dreamed about meeting and falling in love with. But I always thought that guy was a dream. That a man like you could not exist in reality.” Cam managed a self-deprecating smile as she looked up and connected with his heated eyes. Her body responded hotly to that look.
“Dreams can come true,” Gus told her. “I ought to know. The woman I never thought would exist is here right now with me, and holding my hand.”
“Oh, Gus…”
“We’re both knee-jerking from our past,” he said. “We’re both fearful, for different reasons.”
“Yeah…” Cam muttered. “There’s that word again—fear.”
“Amazing how much fear runs our life, eh?” Gus grinned a little through the haze of pain. Despite that, he felt his heart opening and the resulting warmth turn down the pain a few notches. It was a miraculous thing. Moving his fingers along her slender wrist and long fingers, he whispered, “I think we’ve faced the worst fear of all—death. And we’ve survived, Cam. Maybe we oughta reorder our attitudes and tell fear to get the hell out of our lives so it doesn’t muck up anything else for us.”
“How long have you felt like this toward me?” she wondered, her flesh tingling wildly as he traced each of her fingers and then the palm of her hand.
“Since the minute I saw you.”
“Then…we both—”
“Yeah, got knocked over the head and heart by one another.”
“Only,” Cam said wonderingly, “neither of us had the guts to admit it to ourself, much less to one another.”
“Yep,” Gus said. “But air crashes have a way of leveling the playing field, you know?”
Nodding, words choking in her throat, Cam slowly got to her knees. She faced Gus, her thigh against his as she gently placed her arms around his neck. Taking care not to put any weight on his left shoulder, she smiled at him. Their noses were inches apart. She could feel the warmth and moisture of his breath against her skin.
“Your courage deserves to be rewarded, darling….” And she leaned down and found his mouth with her own.
Gus raised his right hand and slid it across her strong back as he cherished the feel of her tentative, searching lips against his. Groaning softly, he whispered, “I wish I could love you right now, querida. We’d lie down here, together, in one another’s arms. We’d make this night sing with our happiness….”
Moaning his name, Cam drowned beneath his poetic words. Truly, Gus was a romantic of the most wonderful kind. She felt his hand graze her shoulder and then move in a slow, exploring caress down her spine. Oh, to be loved by him! Her body ached to be touched, tamed and molded by his hands. That was impossible, so Cam simply absorbed the feel of his mouth claiming hers strongly and hotly. As she ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp and memorizing everything about him, Cam’s joy soared. Gus loved her. She found that amazing. Wonderful. Humbling.
Gus didn’t want their kiss to end. Cam was being so careful not to bump him or touch his left shoulder as she kissed and caressed him. When she eased away, he saw the rose color in her cheeks, the brightness in her eyes and the love that shone in them—for him.
“What we have,” he told her huskily, “is so rare….” Taking her hand, he kissed it tenderly. “Life is so tenuous, querida. I want to take every minute I have and live it with you.”
“I feel the same, Gus,” she whispered, her voice off-key. Cam’s mind went to all the sordid possibilities that could destroy what they’d just admitted to one another. Gus was right: life was so tenuous. Last night they’d nearly died. Today they had professed their love to one another. Feeling beat up inwardly, yet glowingly alive, Cam knelt at his side, unable to speak.
“Come on,” Gus urged her gently, “let’s get ready to go to bed. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow, and a good nigh
t’s sleep will help a lot.”
Biting back her worry, Cam nodded. “I wish I could sleep in your arms.”
“So do I, querida. Someday. Soon,” he promised.
Worry edged out her joy as she released his hand and slowly got to her feet. Things had to be taken care of around their camp before she could join him. He slowly moved from his sitting position and laid down on his right side, placing his right arm beneath his head as a pillow.
Cam smiled down at him. “I’ll be there in a little bit. I want to get rid of this rabbit carcass first. We don’t need a pack of coyotes coming to visit us tonight.”
Gus nodded and smiled. “You’re a great outdoors-woman, querida.”
Cam had other worries other than coyotes, but she didn’t mention them to Gus as she moved out of the cave. How did she know for sure that the druggies who’d shot them down wouldn’t try to find them? She’d underestimated them once. She wasn’t about to do it again. By tamping out the fire and sleeping in a cave, they were less likely to be found.
No, life was tenuous, as Gus had said. And they weren’t out of danger yet—not by a long shot.
Chapter 16
Gus staggered drunkenly against Cam as she supported his full weight. Her cry of relief at the sight of the Yaqui village, not two miles in the distance, made him continue putting one foot in front of the other. The sun was low on the western horizon, sending long shadows through the brush and cactus that littered the hard sand surface around them.
Cam could barely contain her joy, though she forced herself to continue the same, slow pace. Gus was sagging more and more against her as the day wore on. He had a fever and that worried her greatly. That meant infection from the compound fracture. Now, more than ever, the urgency to get him to a hospital for treatment and surgery thrummed through her.
“We’re going to make it!” Cam said, her voice breaking with joy. The Yaqui village was small and laid out in a circle around a main flat, dusty plaza. Squinting, she saw a number of women in long, colorful cotton skirts moving about the adobe buildings.
An Honorable Woman Page 18
