by M R Field
My boots halt as I stare at the family portrait that hangs by the doorway. The last portrait I was in was when my mother was alive, and I would have been a toddler. I remember the photo where I sat on my mother’s lap, her smile directed at the camera, while Ko sat stiffly beside us.
This portrait is completely different. The family sits in front of a tree and, instead of posing in stiff positions, they are casual. Ricardo looks at the beautiful woman next to him, who I presume is Aria. Her gaze is cast down at her hand, which holds a pink carnation. My sisters, who look a lot younger here, are both staring at each other, laughing.
“Ugh, that picture is so embarrassing. I have the worst haircut. I convinced mum to let me cut it short, and it was horrible. So frizzy.” She scrunches her nose before hooking her arm with mine and dragging me down the corridor. “This is the walk of shame. You’re not going to stop and examine each one … no way, José `.”
I laugh as I tug on her arm, pretending to look at the photos until we are near the doorway, where I see one that makes me pull on her arm abruptly.
Peering closer, I see a graduation ceremony where the presenter is handing out the diploma to … me.
“What?” My voice rises slightly in confusion. “How did you … not even Ko came … what the …?” I falter, adjusting the grip on my helmet as it almost slips through my elbow.
“I was there.” Ricardo ’s rich voice greets me from the doorway. I turn and find him with a snifter glass in his hand. He takes a sip and studies me for a moment. “Buenas noches.”
I blink rapidly and turn back to the photo. My neck feels hot as I tug at my collar quickly. The ceremony was only a year ago, but Ricardo and I weren’t in proper communication then. Judging from the image itself, he was pretty close to the front.
Pointing to the image, a frown lines my face. “So, you took that photo?”
“I’ll explain over dinner. Aria has prepared a delicious paella. I hope you like seafood.”
My stomach betrays my confusion by grumbling, but luckily no one hears it. What was he even doing there? How did he know?
“Come.” He extends his hand and pinches my cheek affectionately. I only flinch a little, but he flattens his palm to touch my face. “Don’t look so shell-shocked, Theo.” His eyes darken with mischief. “So much to learn still. Lucky we have all night. Now, hurry up and enter our cocina before we all starve to death.” He winks as his lips curve up, and then he walks ahead of us.
I don’t understand his need to grin at me when I’m freaking out.
“Papá¡ Eres insoportable!” Elly scolds as she leans into me. “He’s a pain. Don’t worry, he will explain it later. For now, let’s go and eat in the dining room. Just pop your stuff on that small table there.” She points to a side table. I drop my helmet on it, but take my bag with me.
I follow her through the wooden doorway into the dining room, with an exposed brick wall. A fireplace flickers behind the dining setting as Ricardo stands by the mantelpiece, his arm relaxed against it. Cool as a cucumber. I slide my backpack off and hold it in my hand as the clicking of heels comes quickly from the other side of the house. A short, dark-haired woman wearing a bright red apron over a knee-length dress briskly walks over to me, and I quickly see her resemblance to my sisters. Her dark eyes light up when she reaches me, holding out her arms, and before I can move, she has me in a firm hug. A rich laugh reverberates against my chest, and I’m curious to why she’d let a product of her husband’s affair enter her house. For a pixie, she sure knows how to hold on tight.
“Theo.” She straightens and holds the sides of both of my arms, taking a long look at me. “It’s so good to meet you! I have heard so much about you. Gosh, you look like Ricardo in his younger photos. You are a spitting image! Just a little leaner. With short hair, of course.” She grins and squeezes my arms before stepping back. I bite the inside of my cheek to dispel the nerves. Her eyes move to Elly. “Where’s your sister?”
“I’m here! Just had to finish my Math Method’s revision questions. Why I chose to do that math, I’ll never know.” Anastasia strolls in and waves to me shyly as she stands by the dining table, her other hand tucked in her back jean pocket. Unlike Elly, who wears a dress and boots, Anastasia has her Avengers Converse with a Spiderman T-shirt. If I were still in high school, I would’ve hung out with her.
“I was pretty good at methods if you want me to take a look at it?” I offer, understanding the same shyness, but trying to not be an awkward dick tonight. She brushes the hair that covers her face to the side and nods. It’s like seeing me ten years ago.
“Come.” Aria raises her arm towards the table. “Let’s take a seat. Normal people would go sit on the lounge, but Ricardo is an impatient man and likes to eat as close to six o’clock as he can.” She turns her wrist and peers at her watch and smiles. “As it’s six twenty-five. I’m sure his stomach is protesting and probably trying to eat itself!”
“Amor.” His voice rumbles. “I’m old and impatient. You’ve put up with me for twenty-two years. You should know that by now.” He steps over to the table and gestures for us to take a seat. Twenty-two years? I’m relieved he never cheated on her with my mother.
I unzip my backpack to bring out two bottles of wine that I had Robbie recommend. Fuck knows if they’re any good, but I wanted to make a good impression. Putting my backpack on the side table, I stroll back and hold out the bottles to Ricardo, and he puts his snifter glass down to take them from me.
“You didn’t have to bring anything.” His voice softens slightly.
“I wanted to.” I shrug.
His head lifts, and his eyes reach mine, holding my gaze. “We’re just happy that you came. That you’re finally here.” His voice chokes slightly, and I clear the ball that’s suddenly lodged itself in my throat.
“I think the rosé will go well with the paella.” I point to the bottle. “At least, I hope it will,” I chuckle.
“Excellent choice,” he concedes, as we stare at each other.
“Hey, Theo.”
I turn, relieved by the distraction of Elly patting the seat next to her, making me move quickly to sit there.
“Eloise.” Ricardo chuckles. “Let the man choose for himself.”
“I was saving him from your appetite; you might try to eat him.” She raises her eyebrows, and I chuckle softly beside her. I haven’t been here for even ten minutes, and the warmth isn’t only coming from the fireplace. I am enjoying the banter and strangely feeling like joining in, too. But mostly, I want to talk to Ricardo more. Find out about that picture. Work out why Aria is glad to have me here.
Gone is the forceful businessman. Instead, here is the family man who works hard for them. Watching him talk to his daughters kindly, praising Anastasia’s work efforts while complimenting the pasta dishes that Elly recently served at her work strikes a chord with me. I can see and feel the sense of pride that he feels for them. Sure, he chastises Anastasia for pouring water with her left hand, but aside from that, he is interested in them. Watching Anastasia pour the wine at the table while chatting to Elly and Aria as they walk in with plates in each hand, causes a pang of jealousy in my chest. I never had this from my father. My grandparents tried, I guess, in their own way, but it was slightly strained. Could my mother have gotten this if she’d left Ko? My mind wonders for a moment to what it would’ve been like if I had been part of this family from the start. But the strain of that thought causes a dull pain to thump in my forehead. If that had happened, if she had fallen in love with Ricardo and left Ko … then there’d be no Elly or Anastasia. That thought itself is enough to have me sit up straighter in my chair. Sure, my home life isn’t the best, but no fucking way would I substitute it. I would never change a thing if the alternative was losing my sisters.
I tuck my knees under the table as I slide the chair closer. Ricardo watches me with a fascinated look on his face. I tilt my head up to the exposed beams on the roof, and I admire how similar our tastes are. “
You have a lovely home.”
“Thank you.” He grins knowingly. “You’re a thinker, and I can see the architect mind has not switched off tonight. You seeing flaws in my structure?”
I shake my head and rub my hands along my legs. “No flaws, but I have a habit of noticing the details about everything.” Especially you. Your smile, the wrinkles around your eyes when you tell a joke …
“Those who are observant learn the most.”
“Probably,”
Elly reaches out for the bottle of rosé as Aria sets the plate down in front of me.
“I hope you enjoy this,” Aria says, grinning as she makes her way to the kitchen for the other plates.
“Should I go help her?” I offer, but Anastasia shakes her head.
“No, not tonight. We’re not allowed to get up either. Mum is a proud woman and wants to treat you. So, enjoy. When she’s not feeling so showy, she’ll get you in the kitchen as her kitchen biatch.”
“Hush.” Aria narrows her eyes playfully at Anastasia as she sets the last plates down. She takes a seat next to Ricardo as we all sit patiently, and her smile beams at me.
“¡Que aproveche!” Ricardo announces, and I look to Elly. She whispers, “Enjoy your meal,” and I smile.
“You’ll learn all these phrases soon,” Ricardo says, as he lifts his fork. “It’s in your blood; I can feel it.”
I dig into the paella and feel a change in the room. For once, I’m not trying to fight against it. Instead, I can’t help but think, bring it on.
The evening continues with more delicious food, including a flan made of baked custard. Trin is going to be super jealous she missed this.
“What did you say?” Elly asks, and I look up at her in confusion. “You said someone would be jealous.”
“Oh, I must’ve been talking aloud. I said that Trinity will be jealous when she finds out what I ate here tonight.”
“She could’ve come, you know.”
“She wants to give me a little more time with you all. Besides, I haven’t told her everything.”
“I noticed. Seems that my subtle hints about having a brother who recommended her to my friend didn’t work. Mind you, Virginia’s antics tend to distract easily.”
“Soon. I’ll tell her eventually.” I spoon the flan, but my stomach quivers. Who knows how she is going to take knowing she’s already met my sisters and even read my novel?
“She might already know. Women tend to have a sixth sense about these things,” Aria chirps, as she reaches for the wine. I fumble with my spoon while she fills her glass and places the bottle on the table before adding, “The girls talk about you; they told me about her. She sounds delightful.”
“She’s awesome.” Anastasia’s eyes light up. “The dress she made me is so cool. I got my shoes this week, so I promised I’d come in and show her what the whole outfit looks like.”
“She did a great job. I should get her to make my gala dress.” Aria looks thoughtfully as she sips her wine. I groan. All I need is for Ricardo to go in there, and I will have more explaining to do. Considering my sisters have successfully infiltrated my love life, I am on borrowed time until I tell her. Will she be thrilled? Annoyed I kept this to myself as well? The secrets themselves are all beginning to pile on top of each other, and it is only a matter of time until they topple down.
“Anything she can design for me?” Ricardo jokes, as he rubs his chest and pouts his lips. “I’d look beautiful, no?”
Aria grabs her napkin and swats his arm as we laugh. I remember my backpack with the gifts I brought and slide out from the table to retrieve it. I unzip it quickly and put out the shirts that arrived earlier this week. Walking to Anastasia, I throw one at her.
“Here you go, short stack.” I smile as she unfolds it, and I toss the other shirt at Elly. “Oh, yeah, you too, I guess.” I wink as she laughs and opens it.
Anastasia squeals, and I flinch, surprised that she can be loud.
“Theo … oh my God!” she shrills, turning it in her hands. “It’s awesome.”
“What is it?” Aria’s bubbly voice breaks the giggling.
“Give me a second.” Anastasia rises from her seat. “I’ll be right back.”
“This is freaking cool.” Elly turns to me. “You did good, Bro.”
My chest warms, still getting used to being a brother but enjoying seeing the mirth in her expression.
“Ta da!” Anastasia returns with her hands outstretched, wearing the black T-shirt I had specially designed. On the front, a panel with the tree of life is in the centre, and my headlining couple, Adam and Mila, are in the middle of the tree, their faces turned to each other. I have another guy obscured behind her, though, with only his arms and the top of his face visible. Her left arm is outstretched towards Adam, as the stranger extends his arm to her, not quite touching. His silhouette is faded slightly, his look of anguish capturing every moment of the pain I felt while Trin was sleeping around, before I made her mine. The words “Shatter Till I Fall by TTE” sit underneath them in a bold white font. Anastasia turns, showing off the back of the T-shirt, featuring the dark cloud that I use to depict my fear of losing Trinity, painted silver with the phrase “Another embrace, another headache. When will she see me?” underneath. I also printed the addresses to my social media profile and website underneath. A living billboard, of sorts.
“I am going to wear this all the time. Gonna sleep in it too!” Anastasia brags, as she does a little twirl, her shoes squeaking against the floorboards. Her eyes meet mine, and she stops abruptly, biting her lip in embarrassment.
“I’m glad you like it,” I grin, as Elly holds hers up in the air.
“I might order some and make my staff wear them. We can be your promo girls.”
“No, you don’t have to do that.” I shake my head, feeling a tad embarrassed. “I will be uploading them onto my webpage, but I thought they’d be good for Comic Con.”
Elly holds her shirt outstretched and smiles. “You need about eight designs, but I’m going to wear mine around and say, ‘This cool dude is my brother, so go out and buy his books.’”
My neck heats as the tickle of embarrassment raises the hair across my skin. I rub the back to cool it down, but it doesn’t help. My heart beats erratically against my rib cage as I try to stiffen the nerves. Even when my agent contacted me initially, I still found it hard to take compliments. Architecture work, fine. Doing this—where I hang my heart out to dry, month after month—is different. It still takes a while for me to believe I have actual fans.
“Theo,” Ricardo calls out. “Those shirts look excellent. You should be proud of your successes; I know I am.”
All the breath that I didn’t realise I was holding in leaves my body in a massive whoosh. Not once has Ko ever said that, even when I excelled at all my piano exams, or got perfect scores on tests, or won a completely paid-for fucking scholarship to do my degree in Melbourne.
Nothing.
“Thank you,” my voice pitches, before picking up my backpack and feeling the sudden pressure gripping my chest. Too much. “I better go,” I hastily add, my heart sinking as the familiar feeling of disappointment shrouds me. Still I hang on for the moment for Ko to give a shit, even when I have my real father here, really caring. “Thank you for a delicious meal.”
I turn abruptly and head to the front door, grabbing my helmet as I stroll along the rug. I reach the door to hear Ricardo behind me, his breath laboured from following me. “Theo, stay. Talk with me. We still have so much to discuss. I need to explain—”
“I can’t.” I fumble with the locks until I swing the door open. I chance a look over to him and find his features tightening. Great, now I’m letting him down too. “I realised that I need to get some work done. See you at the restaurant next Friday.”
I push through the door and whip my backpack over my shoulder before slamming my helmet on. I’m sick of being the weak idiot. Caught between the crossfire of a family so different to what I’m
used to, and my adult self, too torn from my past to know how to cope I start my bike quickly and race out of there. Needing the distance. Needing to get to Trin in the hope that she can restore this shell of a man.
“Sometimes you have to take that leap, honey. Are you ready to jump?”
Love, Mum
TRINITY
As the steady beat of the song plays, my hips sway, my hands moving up and down my sides as I close my eyes to the smooth sound of her voice. The guests have left my dress-up party and now it’s only me and … him under the disco lights in the dimly lit room. Long gone is the belt that was wrapped around my waist, as well as the heels that were on my feet.
Each lyric sends a seductive pulse to my chest as the heat of the intensity trails a single bead of sweat down my chest. I am alone on the dance floor, but I can feel his eyes on me. His gaze might be hidden under the mask of his sunglasses, but his stare causes ripples to cross my skin. I slide my arms upwards along the smooth leather, and it forms a swell of need across my heated body. I move my fingers to the centre of my chest, no longer in hesitation. We have danced our last dance. Now, it’s time to tumble.
Slowly, between my thumb and forefinger, I tug the zip down between my breasts, smiling as my chest is bare underneath. My lips curve seductively as my nipples bead under the strain of wanting him.
My nipples have been aching for his touch all night. Waiting for him to stop staring at me and use his hands to do what his eyes have been telling me they want. Lust, heat, passion—I am tired of this dance. I want us to collide. Stumble and fall.
I lower the zipper some more. My eyes remain closed, and I shift my hips to the slow beat of the song. I feel every strum as a caress against my clit as my thighs rub together, the friction causing me to gasp as the cool air from overhead suddenly hits my chest. My frustration heightens as I want to feel his hands dig into my skin and set me alight.
Sudden movement to my side causes my head to turn, as his breath now lingers at my neck. Relief sweeps through me. His lips lower behind my ear as they taste my skin. His hot tongue flicks out, and my clit pulses. My face turns towards his, but his lips go behind my neck, caressing me along the way. “Kiss me,” I beg.
