by Patty Blount
“Cocoa-Pop,” he said, his voice choked. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks, Daddy. Thanks for my dress, too. It’s beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful.” He held out the corsage to her, helped her slip it onto her wrist.
A horn honked outside.
“Okay. You better get going before your table is given away.” Lia shooshed them toward the front door.
When Kimberly took her puffy jacket off Lia’s couch, Lia shook her head. “Sweetheart, you cannot wear that jacket with this outfit.”
Her expectant face fell. “But it’s all I have.”
Lia grinned. “Your cloak, my lady.” She opened her closet with a flourish and took out a black wool walking coat.
Gabriel took it, held it out for Kimberly. She slipped it on and ran a hand over it. It was a little large for her, but it would work. “It’s so warm.”
“There are gloves inside the pockets in case you’re cold. Have you got your little bag?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, away with you both before somebody turns into a pumpkin.”
She met Gabriel’s eyes as Kimberly joined him at the door. Thank you, he mouthed.
Giggling, Kimberly spun around to wrap Lia in a hug. “Thank you, fairy godmother!”
Lia shut the door, tears stinging her eyes. Something inside her went pop and she was afraid it just might be her heart.
*
Next door in Gabriel’s apartment, Lia couldn’t seem to shake that feeling that everything had just changed.
Permanently.
“Right, Lia? Right?”
With a start, Lia tuned back in to Maddie, who was regaling her with tales of the holidays that had just passed. She smiled when baby Emmy curled up against her with a book and her favorite blanket. And she smiled when Olivia, her harshest critic, kept asking her questions about Supreme Court justices and women in Congress.
“I think I might want to do that. When I grow up, I mean.”
“Run for public office?” That completely jerked Lia out of her spiraling thoughts. “Admirable. But I see you in a lab somewhere, studying things under a microscope.”
Olivia shrugged. “I’m not into microbiology. I like science at more general levels and I especially like science’s impact on our society, like cleaning up the water in Flint, Michigan.”
Lia’s belly fluttered. “Public health is definitely a worthy endeavor.”
“Not just health, though. Safety, too. And technology.”
Intrigued, Lia wondered what programs she might find to encourage Olivia’s passions. “Technology? What kind?”
“Oh, maybe solar panels and wind farms. That sort of thing.”
There it was again. That tiny flutter inside her core. Beside her, Emmy yawned so Lia decided it was time to put Gabriel’s youngest daughter to bed. “Come on, little one. Time for sleep.”
“Where Dad-dee?”
“He’s out. Is it okay if Lia tucks you in?”
“Eee-uh.” Emmy put her head on Lia’s shoulder, wriggled her butt and clutched her blanket.
“Night, Emmy! I love you.” Maddie waved.
“Good night, Em.” Olivia waved, too.
“Kiss.” Emmy held out her arms. Lia walked her to her sisters, who dutifully kissed their baby sister good night.
Lia took the toddler into the bedroom she shared with Maddie. The crib and twin bed were gone now. Only the bunk beds remained. She knew Gabriel had made them himself. Across the room, only one of the dressers remained, the one he’d used as a changing table. But Emmy was doing super well with potty training. Lia took out pajamas and training pants from a drawer, changed Emmy and helped her use the bathroom. The baby was uncharacteristically quiet tonight and went down without a fuss. She was asleep before Lia left the room.
Back in the living room, she found Maddie on the sofa, humming to herself. They found a movie to watch while Olivia browsed the internet with Gabriel’s tablet. Lia kept an eye on that screen throughout the evening, making sure the little girl wasn’t accessing inappropriate sites. She sent Gabriel’s in-laws the videos she’d recorded of Kimberly, had Maddie in bed at nine o’clock and Olivia by ten, just like Gabriel always did.
Lia sat in Gabriel’s living room by herself, uncomfortable thoughts irritating her, pinching like clothes that were too tight. She got up, considered making coffee, changed her mind and sat down again. Seconds later, she was up, made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and took it back to the sofa to eat it.
As she ate, she scanned Gabriel’s new built-in on the short wall in the living room. It was a work of art. She hadn’t yet slept in this bed. Oh, they’d used it a number of times since he’d built it. But she left as soon as he was done.
The man was fast.
Not that she had any complaints. He was thorough, too. Talented hands, those full lips—he could—and usually did—have her sweaty and boneless in a matter of minutes. And yet…
She sighed.
She felt restless. There was a buzz of…of what? She couldn’t quite name the discomfort deep inside her, that flutter of anxiety or something. Sighing in frustration, she studied the new wall unit.
The deep walnut wood gleamed in the low light. There were four tall cabinets. The two center cabinets hid the bed. They were slightly forward compared to the end units. All four had doors on the bottom and shelves on the top that Gabriel had filled with books, framed photos and albums, figurines and toys. Lia examined the books.
She’d never seen Gabriel read. When did he have the time? But the books on his shelves were as interesting as he was. Repair manuals on everything from his SUV to appliances, novels from best-selling authors to classics including, she noted with a happy smile, Austen, non-fiction titles on potty-training, encouraging gifted children, and…and grief.
That restless flutter of hers became a damn tornado.
She straightened, scanned the rest of the shelves, picked up a photo of Gabriel holding a tiny wrapped bundle with a look of utter astonishment on his face. It had to be Kimberly in that bundle. Similar photos of Gabriel holding more bundles with more children at his side appeared. Olivia, Madison, and then Emerson. His look of astonishment had transformed in each photo until in the last, it was clearly one of pride. She tugged out one of the photo albums, almost fumbling it when she understood what it was.
His wedding album.
She almost put it back. But morbid curiosity stopped her, compelled her to look. She opened it and gasped. The first picture was of Janey in her gown, a grown-up version of Maddie. Snowy white tulle framed her face and all that luxurious dark hair looped and coiled low at the nape of her neck in a style as romantic as the one Lia had just arranged for her oldest daughter. A sob caught in her throat. Linda and Stuart beamed at their daughter in another photo as bouquets were admired, and in another, father and daughter stepped into a limo.
Lia was six pages into the album before she found Gabriel. He stood at the altar beside Mike, of course. They wore tuxedos in classic black, with straight ties rather than bows. His blond hair was short, almost buzzed, and his jaw smooth. He looked like a boy playing dress-up, she decided. The next photo stopped her heart.
Gabriel’s first glimpse of his bride.
His face was split by one of those sudden smiles of his, the one that flashed like lightning and heated everything in proximity. His eyes glimmered with hope, with anticipation.
With love.
Oh, God. The buzz, the flutter, the tornado inside her finally broke and she understood what she’d known for some time now at some subconscious level. She wanted this. There! She’d admitted it. She wanted more than a few stolen minutes when the mood struck. She wanted more than an afternoon of babysitting. She wanted more than a glimpse of Gabriel as he walked past her window. She wanted to be part of his world, his life, and his future. She wanted to sleep in his bed, beside him. She wanted to be the person he called when he had a problem, the person he thought of when life was rough and
when it was easy. She wanted to matter just once in her life. She’d never mattered to her father. She certainly hadn’t mattered to her former husband. It was all here, right here.
All she had to do was believe him when he said he was in love with her.
Her phone, sitting on the coffee table, vibrated. She glanced at the screen and went still.
Jared.
What could he possibly want?
She should have blocked him, deleted him from her life. She wasn’t entirely sure why she hadn’t.
With a sigh, she picked up the phone, tapped the text message, and slapped a hand to her mouth.
Jared’s baby was here. He…she…they’d had a girl.
A daughter.
Emma Rae, seven pounds, ten ounces. Oh, look. He’d included a picture.
The sob welled in Lia’s throat. She was all chubby pink cheeks and a rosebud mouth with delicate tufts of hair Lia knew would grow into the same lush waves her mother had.
They’d named her Emma.
Damn it, damn it, damn it. Damn him.
Her name. Hers. How could he do this to her? How?
She fell to Gabriel’s sofa, covering her face and doing her best to stifle her sobs. She couldn’t find an explanation, couldn’t justify Jared’s cruelty to…to rub her face in her loss like this.
Chapter Twenty
Kimberly’s head rested against his shoulder on the ride home. The blizzard had shut things down Thursday, but today wasn’t half bad. Still, Gabe was happy he didn’t have to drive.
They’d had a great time. His little girl’s eyes shined as she stared out the window at the city sights on their way into Manhattan. They’d gone to The Steak House, one of the best restaurants in New York where Kimberly, to his total shock, ordered a steak and lobster. She’d told him she was growing up so it was time she stopped eating only chicken fingers. She got tons of compliments on her new dress.
Gabe had to admit, it looked amazing on her. When Lia had first suggested ordering a custom-tailored dress, he’d balked. She’d wear it once. But, as usual, Lia was right. You only turn thirteen once so why not? Besides, it hadn’t been expensive. Not like this dinner was gonna cost him. Jeez, sixty bucks for one steak? He could have fed his whole family for that price.
He’d ordered cocktails and an appetizer. Wine for him, Shirley Temple for her. She seemed to like the shrimp appetizer they’d presented with a flourish. He made a little toast to her and to her birthday and her pretty blue eyes sparkled. Then, he took a small box out of his pocket and slid it across the table to her. With a little gasp, she opened the box and found the small diamond heart necklace inside. While he fastened it around her neck, he told her it used to be her mom’s. He’d given it to her right after she was born, thirteen years ago.
Kimberly’s little chin wobbled as she thanked him for the best birthday ever. Their server took pictures of them and even arranged for some music. Gabe had asked Kimberly to dance but she was embarrassed. She didn’t know how and he promised to teach her.
After dinner, they’d ordered dessert and Kimberly’s arrived at the table with a single candle and a chorus from the wait staff that made her cheeks turn pink.
“This was a pretty great idea, Cocoa-Pop. I think we should do this on every birthday.”
She thought about it for a minute and shook her head. “No, ’cause then it’s not so special. But once in a while, getting you all to myself like this, yeah. That’s special.”
His heart twisted. “Sweetheart, you can talk to me any time you want. You don’t need a special occasion for that.”
She lifted one shoulder. “I know, but…well, you’re busy. I don’t like to—”
“Kim. Never too busy. Never.”
She met his eyes and nodded once, reminding him so much of Emmy, he grinned. “Okay, so let’s talk right now. In three more birthdays, you’ll be able to drive. In five more birthdays, you’ll be starting college. Do you have any ideas what you might want to study?”
“I kind of want to be a teacher.”
“Sounds good. Education is always important.”
“What about you, Daddy? What do you want to be when we grow up?”
The fork had frozen on the way to his mouth. The question sounded so profound. He’d never thought about it like that. Most of the time, he mourned who he used to be and didn’t much care what he would be after Janey died. It didn’t matter. Nothing did, except for the young lady sitting in front of him and three more like her at home. But Kimberly was waiting for his answer.
He’d shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Sure it does. You should do what makes you happy. You really liked building bridges and tall buildings, didn’t you?”
“Yeah but—”
“So you should be able to go back to work if you want. Do you like your part-time thing?”
“Mm-hmm. But I have responsibilities.”
“Daddy.” Kimberly put down her fork and squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to worry about us. I’m old enough now to watch Emmy and Maddie. Mrs. Morgan’s really nice and oh, Mrs. Vella told me to tell you she’s home all day with Mason. He’s just a year older than Emmy. And then there’s Lia.”
Lia.
“You love her a lot.”
Damn it, he did. He lifted his glass, sipped some wine, not at all sure he was a fan of this growing up business.
“You’re wasting time again, just like with Mom.”
He coughed on his wine, staring at his daughter.
Kimberly rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. Uncle Mike said you were hopeless.”
He’d deal with Mike another time. “I’m sorry.”
His daughter swallowed another bite of her chocolate cake and gave him one of those don’t-be-an-idiot looks her mother had patented. “Daddy, you don’t have to say you’re sorry. Olivia and I talked about it and we think Lia would be a great stepmom so you don’t have to worry about us at all. You love Lia. You’re happy when you’re with her. You don’t get mad and yell at us. And you try all of her ideas to save time because it makes her happy to help you.”
“What about Mom?” he asked after his gut stopped churning.
“Daddy, remember when I didn’t want to go to school after Mommy died? Grandma told me she was sure Mommy wouldn’t want me to cry every day for the rest of my life and that the only way to stop crying was to do all the things I used to do, like school and stuff.”
He remembered. Linda and Stuart had stepped in, consoled his girls when he’d been too numb to get out of bed.
“At first, I was mad but Grandma was right. It got easier every day and now I don’t feel guilty when I laugh.”
That was a bullet straight through his heart. “Sweetheart, you shouldn’t feel guilty for living.”
Another don’t-be-an-idiot look. “I know. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I miss Mommy all the time. I still cry sometimes. But I’m trying to be happy and I think you should try harder, too. You love Lia. Grandma said it and so did Uncle Mike. Olivia could see it too and even though she was kind of mad about it at first, she really likes Lia now. And everybody knows how Maddie feels.”
That made him laugh. Yep, everybody knew. He leaned closer. “Wanna hear a secret?”
He grinned when she nodded.
“I already bought the ring.”
Kimberly clapped both hands to her open mouth. “Oh my God! When are you gonna ask her?”
“When the time is right. I have to be sure.”
Kimberly wrinkled her nose. “How do you know that?”
Yeah, good question. “It depends on a lot of things. When all of those things line up, I’ll know.”
Kimberly was quiet on the trip home. The limo slowed to take an exit and he tightened his hold on her, everything she’d said during dinner worming into his brain. How the hell did his kid become so wise?
Marriage.
A shock wave rippled over his body. The last time he’d tried marriage, it hadn’t ended well.
With a smothered laugh, he shook his head. What a stupid thing to think. Marriages aren’t supposed to end. That was the damn point.
*
Gabe unlocked his front door and found Lia on the couch. She was sound asleep.
Holding a finger to his lips, he motioned Kimberly inside toward her room. She pecked him on the cheek and obeyed.
Gabe quietly closed and locked the door, not wanting to wake Lia. He crept closer, saw her face streaked with tears and a balled-up napkin clutched in her hand. What the hell happened tonight? He watched her sleep, her misery slicing through him.
Okay. Whatever it was, it could wait until morning. He’d open his bed, tuck her in and hold her all night. He’d fix it. Damn right he would.
He shifted the coffee table out of the way, slid the shelves apart and lowered his bed. Just then, Lia’s phone vibrated on the coffee table. He couldn’t help but glance at it. It showed a list of text messages from Jared.
Her ex-husband.
Is that why she was crying? Dread took root in Gabriel’s heart when he grabbed the phone and scrolled through the list of messages. What the hell…the messages were full of baby pictures. Snap after snap of a newborn. Emma Rae, seven pounds, ten ounces.
Oh, hell. Christ in heaven, the idiot actually gave the name Lia picked for a baby they’d lost to the daughter he had with his mistress.
Rage flooded him and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to pitch the phone at the wall. He kept scrolling through the long list of messages.
It was a group message.
Okay.
Maybe, just maybe, there was the slimmest chance Jared didn’t actually realize Lia was in the group message.
Whatever. Didn’t matter. All that mattered is that it wrecked Lia.
Son of a bitch. He bit off a vocal curse, scrolled through her phone again and blocked Jared’s number. He knew he had no damn right, but he couldn’t bear seeing her like this—mascara smears under her eyes, nose red, tears leaving white tracks through her makeup.
