by Patty Blount
She sent Mike a text so he’d know what was happening though he probably wouldn’t see it until he woke up. There was nothing she could do, not a damn thing more she could do, except wait.
They’d put Maddie in a curtained area that was quiet, relatively speaking. Lia asked for chairs; they were dragged over. Mrs. Morgan looked ready to collapse and Lia wasn’t sure she could handle another emergency so she directed her into one while Kim and Liv sat huddled together in the other. Lia paced back and forth, rocking Emmy on her shoulder. From time to time, Maddie whimpered and Lia cringed. She must be in such pain.
Gabriel, where are you?
Finally, close to an hour after they’d arrived, her phone buzzed. “Gabriel!”
Kimberly and Olivia bounced up.
“Christ, Lia. Jesus Christ. What happened? What’s wrong? How is she?”
His voice shook and Lia’s heart crumbled. “She’s in so much pain, Gabe. They want to do surgery.”
“Oh, Jesus. It’s definitely the appendix?”
“That’s what they’re saying.”
“I never should have left. I knew she wasn’t feeling well. I never should have left her and then my phone wasn’t getting a signal. God, Lia. When the foreman rushed over to me with that radio call, I—”
“Gabriel, listen to me. You are needed here. Maddie is going to be fine as soon as she’s through the surgery. Get in a cab and get here.”
“Yeah. I’m on my way. One of the crew is driving me. We’re almost to the tunnel. Lia,” he said. “Please. Please hold on to my girl. Don’t let her die. Please, Lia, I’m begging you. Don’t you let her die.”
What could she say to that? God, how could she promise him that? “Gabriel, the girls want to talk to you. They need to hear your voice,” she said with meaning.
She heard him curse and sniffle and curse again. “Yeah. Okay. I got it. Put them on.”
“Daddy!” Kimberly cried. “I went to get Lia. Maddie was screaming so bad and I didn’t know what to do. I’m scared, Daddy.”
Still rocking Emmy, her arm numb, Lia heard Gabe’s deep voice speak in that soft soothing cadence she’d come to love. He was doing it. He was shoving aside his own fear to do what he did best—take care of his daughters.
“Dr. Kuo!” Lia called out. “I’ve reached her father.”
The doctor hurried over, held out her hand for the phone. “Mr. Ivers? I’m the pediatrician on call…yes, yes…she’s sleeping now. We’re giving her antibiotics and pain medication. Does she have any allergies I should know about? Yes…yes…that’s fine. Yes, her white count is extremely high and she’s showing some abdominal swelling…no, not yet, but yes, all indications lead me to believe our safest course of action is surgery but we can’t do that until you arrive and sign the consent because it’s not life-threatening yet…of course. I will not let that happen, Mr. Ivers…yes…yes. Okay.”
Dr. Kuo handed the phone back to Lia.
“Gabriel, I love—” she began but heard the dial tone.
He’d ended the call.
*
It felt like hardly any time had passed and at the same time, it felt like an eternity. Gabriel ran into the ER wearing his safety vest and outdoor gear, carrying a hard hat. “Lia!”
Lia opened the curtain, waved. “In here.”
“Daddy!” Both Kim and Liv ran to him, wrapped their arms around him as if they’d been parted for a lifetime.
“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Let me see Maddie now.”
Immediately, they released him and he fell to his knees beside her bed. “Hey, Maddie. Hey, Ducky. Open your eyes, baby.”
“Daddy.”
Gabriel’s face was white, but his hands were gentle as he stroked the sweaty hair from Maddie’s face. “You’re gonna be fine, Maddie. Just fine.”
“I’m really sleepy but it hurts, Daddy.”
“I know, Ducky. I know. But Dr. Kuo is going to fix that. Close your eyes. Don’t worry about a thing. I got you.” His lip quivered and Lia’s heart did a long, slow roll. She moved to him then, gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze. His hand immediately lifted to hers.
It was ice cold and still shook.
He stood up slowly, pressed a kiss to Maddie’s head. Emmy was dead weight in Lia’s arms now and never stirred. “I’ll take Emmy.”
Lia shook her head. “No. You need to sign forms. I’ve got her.”
“Where’s the doctor?” Before she could answer, he strode out of the curtain, raised his voice. “Dr. Kuo? I’m looking for Dr. Kuo.”
A curtain down the hall opened with a soft snick. “Right here.”
“Gabriel Ivers.”
Dr. Kuo walked to him, shook his hand. “Let’s talk privately.” She turned to Lia. “You all can wait in there.” She indicated a waiting area just across the hall from where Maddie rested.
Lia held out her free hand to Mrs. Morgan, helped her to her feet, and headed for the waiting room. Kimberly and Olivia collapsed to a few empty chairs near a TV that played quietly in a corner. The room was empty. Mrs. Morgan sat down and after a minute, so did Lia, her arm screaming in relief when the weight of the sleeping baby in her arms was redistributed.
It was quite a while before Gabriel reappeared. The lines in his face went deep and Lia tried to stand, but he lifted a hand and shook his head. He sank to the chair beside hers, and ran his big hand over his youngest daughter’s back. “They’re taking her up to surgery now.” He scrubbed both hands over his face and jerked in alarm when Olivia jumped up.
“Daddy, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”
“It’s okay. She’ll be fine.”
Frantically, Olivia shook her head. “I hate when Maddie talks all the time and won’t shut up and then she wakes me up. I get so mad at her, Daddy, and sometimes I wish…I wish she’d never talk again and now—” Her face dissolved just as the horror of what she’d left unsaid registered in Gabriel’s brain.
Gabriel scooped her into his arms. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. That’s just anger. You didn’t really mean it.”
“I didn’t, Daddy, I swear! But now Maddie’s—”
“Going to be fine,” he finished for her with conviction. “I’m not mad at you. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I should have made arrangements for emergencies like this. I thought my cell phone was good enough. I’m sorry.”
A nurse came in, told them they could move up to the sixth floor and wait there for Maddie to come out of surgery. Lia cleared her throat. “The grandparents are on their way. Can you help them find us?”
“Yes, of course.”
“You called Linda and Stuart?”
Lia nodded. “And I texted Mike.” She shifted to the edge of the seat, tried to get up. Gabe stood first, carefully transferred Emmy to his arms. “I didn’t know what else to do. I can’t make medical decisions for her. I’m not family.”
Gabriel looked at her sharply and then turned away. “Let’s go.”
The girls were asleep on their feet. The sixth-floor waiting room was carpeted and had comfortable furniture instead of hard plastic chairs. Gabriel directed Mrs. Morgan into a rocking chair and Lia into the center of one of the plush sofas.
“Girls, come lie down.” She patted the cushion. Olivia immediately curled in to her. After a minute, Kimberly sat on her other side. Lia covered them both with coats and rubbed their backs. Gabe stood with Emmy on his shoulder.
“Gabriel, let me have her. Sit down.”
He ignored her.
“Gabriel?”
“I’m fine, Lia.”
She studied him for a minute, saw the tension in those long, lean muscles, the worry lines etched in his face. She knew him so well now. She could tell he was holding it all inside, being the strong comforting father figure he thought everybody needed. Fine was the last thing he was.
But she let him be.
“Mrs. Morgan, are you okay? Anything I can get for you?”
Gabe’s head shot up at that. “You just can’t help
yourself, can you?” he asked, his tone biting.
Lia stared at him, bewildered. “What?”
“Helping. You can’t help helping, which is funny, because if you really wanted to help me, you’d have given me an answer. Maybe if you had, we could have avoided most of this drama tonight. You’d have been able to make the decision they waited almost an hour for me to make.”
Okay. Lia took a deep breath. Maybe she’d deserved that. She knew he was upset, knew that was his anxiety talking, and she refused to react. His need to blame someone gave him an outlet for all his guilt, so she didn’t reply.
But oh, it stung.
“Amelia.”
Bracing herself, she lifted her eyes to his.
“I’m sorry. That was mean. You asked for time. You have it. I…fuck…” He broke off and shook his head. “I have no excuse.”
Before Lia could reply, Linda and Stuart rushed in. Gabriel brought them up to date on Maddie’s status. The girls continued to sleep and Gabe continued to pace. Another hour passed.
“Mr. Ivers?”
Dr. Kuo stood in the doorway. Without a backward glance, Gabe followed her, still holding Emmy against his shoulder.
“Gabriel. Give Emmy to me.” Linda held out her arms.
He looked at the baby like he’d forgotten she was there, put her carefully in her grandmother’s arms before disappearing with the doctor.
“Lia, honey, thank you for calling us.”
“I’m so sorry to drag you down here in the middle of the night. I didn’t know what else to do when I couldn’t reach him.” Lia looked down at the two heads resting against her. She smoothed the hair back from Kimberly’s face and tucked a jacket higher around Olivia’s shoulders.
“How is he, Lia?”
“Scared.”
Linda shook her head. “No. It’s more than that. He seems unusually tense.”
Lia lowered her head. “That’s probably my fault. He…he proposed.” At Linda’s knowing look, Lia shook her head. “You knew?”
“I figured it would be coming soon. I’ve seen how he looks at you, Lia. I’ve seen him look that way before and I’m so damn happy he’s looking that way again because I love him like he was my own.”
Lia’s mouth fell open. “I…oh, God, Linda. I think I made a terrible mistake. I told him I needed time. I was married before and I…it was a mistake. I have to be sure this time. Not for me, but for him. And for four little girls who’ve been through way too much already.”
“Lia.” Linda crouched in front of her and took her hand. “I think it’s admirable that you’re trying to spare them more hurt. But, honey, sometimes you have to go with your heart.”
Lia pressed a hand to her heart and knew the answer it wanted so badly to give.
*
Gabe followed Dr. Kuo through the corridor into a large room sectioned off by curtains hanging from tracks in the ceiling. She flicked one curtain back and he froze in his tracks.
His daughter, his precious Ducky, was so still, so lifeless in a bed that was way too big for her, wrapped in blankets, a tube strapped under her nose, that he had to stop and watch her chest rise a few times. Christ. Jesus Christ, when he thought about what could have happened… Damn it, he had one job.
One job.
Take care of his girls.
That was all. And he’d done nothing but fuck that up since Janey died. Kimberly’s first period and Olivia skipping school and Maddie’s appendix. This wasn’t a pile of construction materials that collapsed, it was his family.
He moved slowly to Maddie’s bed, took her tiny hand in his. “She’s so cold.”
“It’s the anesthesia. We’ve got her under some warming blankets. She’ll be fine, Mr. Ivers. The appendix hadn’t burst but it sure was ripe. She’ll stay here for a few days and be driving you crazy again in no time.”
Gabe sank into the chair next to Maddie’s bed. He stroked her head, her pale little face, her hand. Good thing Lia knew what to do.
Lia.
Hell, he’d messed that up, too. Allowed her to worm her way into his life, his plans, his heart, where he’d vowed never to let anyone since Janey. He’d listened to her. He’d believed her when she told him he owed it to his daughters to make himself happy, believed her when she assured him he could balance everything. Believed her when she told him she loved him.
Not enough, he concluded. Nowhere near enough, or she’d be wearing his ring already.
He watched Maddie’s chest rise and fall for a while. He kissed her head. “Ducky, wake up. Daddy’s here, sweetheart. Can you wake up for me?”
Her eyelids fluttered but she didn’t stir. His wild, impulsive, loud little girl was none of those things and he wanted her back. “Come on, sweetheart. You need to tell me everything that happened while I was at work. I promise I won’t tell you to be quiet. I won’t tell you that ever again.” He swallowed hard. “Lia called me but my phone was broken and it took me a while to get her message but as soon as I did, I came right away, Maddie.”
He inched his chair closer to her bed, dropped his head to the mattress and squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t cried since he’d lost Janey. Yeah, he often had nail polish on his fingers and barrettes in his hair and there was even that one time he’d let Maddie dress him in a skirt and tiara but tears were where he drew the damn line.
They didn’t help.
But they burned at the back of his eyes and all down his throat. He was choking on them, choking on the string of mistakes he’d made and as he fought to suck in air, they almost strangled him.
“Oh, God, Maddie. Baby, I’m so sorry. Never again, sweetheart. I’m not leaving you girls ever again.”
“Daddy.”
His head shot up at that sweet, sweet sound. “Maddie, baby. It’s okay. I’m right here.”
“I’m thirsty.”
Thirsty. Shit, that had to be a good sign, right? “Thirsty. Okay. Okay, hang on, Ducky.” He stood up on legs he could barely feel, lurched out to the nurse’s station and called for help. A few minutes later, they brought a cup of water with a straw.
“Here, Maddie. Little sip, okay?”
He guided the straw to her pale, cracked lips, held it steady while she sipped.
“How do you feel?”
“Sleepy.”
“Okay. You sleep. I’ll be right here.”
“I want my bear, Daddy.”
The laugh burst out of him. Of course she did. “I’ll go home and get him for you.” He’d go to the damn moon if he had to.
She shook her head weakly. “He’s in Lia’s bag.”
Lia.
His spine straightened. “I’ll find Lia and get your bear and come right back.”
“No! Stay.” She reached out for his hand with both of hers. His gaze shot to the IV needle in that tiny hand. She must have been so scared. And he hadn’t been here.
That was when the first tear finally fell.
He sat beside his girl for a long time, thinking, praying, beating himself up. He’d fallen in love with Lia…against all his promises, his better judgment—hell, even against his will. She was amazing. She was all the things he wasn’t—patient and kind and so beautiful. He knew he didn’t deserve her, but damn it, he wanted her with the kind of bone-deep desire he’d been sure he’d buried with Janey and for a minute, just for a minute, he’d let himself believe he could have it all again—happy kids, work he loved, and a woman who loved him.
He’d believed all those sappy clichés about love conquering all.
He was an idiot. Yeah, that was the only thing that was clear. He was a colossal, card-carrying, grade-A, crackerjack, first-rate, world-class idiot and even though Lia may think she loved him and his daughters, he knew the truth. Love meant pain and he was fucking done with pain.
He pressed another kiss to Maddie’s forehead, slipped his hand from hers, and dragged himself back to the waiting room.
*
“Gabriel.”
He stopped ins
ide the waiting room door, the image of Amelia covered by three of his girls seared forever into his brain. Kimberly was curled in a ball, her head on Lia’s lap. Olivia slept, half-sitting up, tucked against her side and on her lap, Emmy, with her thumb in her mouth.
Slowly, he walked toward her, dread filling his gut, every step killing him.
“How is she, son?”
Linda and Stuart stood up, joined him near the sofa where Lia was trapped. A strong hand clasped his shoulder and he looked around to find Mike there, too. Christ, when had he gotten here?
“Groggy. Thirsty. Not much pain now but she’s still working off the anesthesia. She wants her bear.”
“Oh! In my bag.” Lia’s giant purse was on the floor at her feet. He opened it, found the bear and spotted his car keys. He gripped them tight, hating what he now knew he had to do. He sighed heavily. Best for everybody if he just ripped off that bandage.
“I need to talk to you, Lia.” He pocketed the keys, put Maddie’s bear down and gently transferred Emmy to Mike’s arms and Olivia to Linda’s where she resettled almost instantly. It was going on four a.m. and he obviously wasn’t the only one feeling it.
Lia looked at him with concern. Mike, who knew him better than most, shook his head. “Gabe. Don’t.”
Gabe spread his arms apart. He had no choice. “Lia. Thank you for all that you did.”
“Of course.” She reached her hand to take his. He recoiled like it was poisonous. “What can I do? Tell me what you need.”
“I need—” The words almost choked him. “I need you to leave. Please.”
Mrs. Morgan’s mouth opened in an O of shock. Stuart shot him a look of pity that he didn’t need or want.
“What?” she asked in a tortured voice, the word a white-hot lash of pain against his already battered heart.
“I can’t do this, Lia. I love you so much.” His voice cracked and he shook his head. “But it’s not enough. I did everything I could to make you believe it. I tried to give you time, but we have to face the truth. Time can’t fix this.”
“No, Gabriel!” She rushed forward, clutched his hand. “I was scared, I was just scared but I’m not now. My answer is yes because I love you, I love the girls.”
He jerked. He’d wished for—prayed for her to say those words and now they shot through him like bullets. Why the hell couldn’t she say it when he’d asked? Now it was just another kick to the nuts. He pulled his hand free and dropped his head. “I tried, Lia. I tried so hard, but you keep measuring me by mistakes I haven’t made and can’t fix. You want certainty and you want guarantees and I can’t do that. I can’t give you that. So I’m asking you to please leave.”
