by Nicole Nwosu
“You give good hugs,” he mumbled while hugging me back, and for some reason that made me laugh. That was Caleb, managing to find humor in any situation. Pulling back, he wiped under his eyes. “I’m glad we became friends with you and everyone else.”
“I’m glad I’m friends with you guys too. Even with your weird antics, theories, and love of Disney movies,” I admitted with a teary smile. “Wait, how did the book—your book—end? Who did she end up with?”
“It’s unknown,” Caleb said. “I wrote that she went on to focus on her career. It made sense at the time when I wrote it, and it would still make sense if she were still here. Bethany wasn’t made to stay in this town.” He stood up and placed the notebook on his desk. “Wherever she is, I like to imagine that she achieved her dreams and is happy. That’s all that really matters, no?”
Cedric and I were in the dining room of my house two days after I had spoken to Caleb. We’d been focused on chemistry for the past hour, with me answering anything he needed to know for his upcoming test. I must’ve made a face at the mess of our schoolwork on the table because he pointed at the disaster. “Most of this is your stuff. You’re messy.”
“I’m messy? Have you seen your room?”
“You’re the one who had a pizza box under your bed and didn’t even know.”
“Andrew left the pizza box there!”
I pulled out another chair, laying my legs on it to get more comfortable.
“Have you spoken to him?” he asked, surprising me.
“No,” I said cautiously. “He hasn’t come to school.”
“Yeah, I’ve been getting his schoolwork. He’s taking time off. He’s been talking with his family back home a lot. Mum’s also been with him, and Phillip and our cousins keep him company.”
My fingers tapped against the table as we fell into silence. Then Cedric abruptly said, “It was Sam.”
My heart pounded irregularly in my chest. It was clear he wanted the truth. “Yes.”
“He told me last night. Apologized and everything.”
My fingers stopped tapping against the table, curiosity urging me to ask, “What did you do?”
“I told him to fuck off and get out of my room.” Cedric’s tone was scornful. “I should’ve known something was going on anyway. It’s the little things. You guys become friends when he refuses to give anyone else the time of day. And he was in Redmond when you were in Redmond—I realized it must’ve happened during the break.”
“I’m sorry. I really am.”
Finally looking up at me, he shrugged. “It’s fine.” What?
“You seem to be taking this very well.”
“You’re my friend, Mace. It’ll be okay.”
No. There was more to it judging by his nonchalant expression. “You just . . . seem very calm. You’re not telling me something.”
“Mace,” he sighed. “Sam and I aren’t exactly the type of relatives to argue and forget about it by making jokes the next day or week. We hold on to grudges for a long time. And this one has gone on for years.” I said nothing, waiting for him to keep going.
“Mum had put me in a little soccer league back in Bath and I loved it. I remember being the little captain and I was the best of the team. Sam was in the same league but in a different group until he got switched to mine.” Cedric paused, looking to find the right words to use. “He upstaged me because he wanted to show everyone he was the best, and it’s been like this since then. Grades? He was better. Always better even when he didn’t try. Girls? That was the worst. I remember one summer we went to this overnight camp up north. I liked this girl and was going to ask her out only for her to say that she wanted my cousin. And it was the same every time. Listen, I did like you a lot at one point, and when Austin said you had a thing for me, I thought here’s my chance to finally have the kind of girl who . . . who—”
“Who Sam would never go for.” I felt myself go cold, and then suddenly heat up with anger at the realization of what he was saying. “That he wouldn’t go for a girl who didn’t wear makeup? Who dressed like me, whose majority of friends were guys and loved soccer?
“You thought that Sam wouldn’t go for a tomboy. You thought that Sam wouldn’t fall in love with me because I was completely different from what he would usually go after. You were wrong.” Cedric’s eyes widened. “He said he loved me.”
Cedric sat right up now. “He what?”
“It’s still hard to believe. Not impossible.” Cedric looked away, but I wasn’t finished. “And Sam trying to upstage you? It’s not his fault that you took everything that way and ended up turning everything into an argument. Thinking that Sam trying to one-up you made you turn to rugby, and you love playing rugby, Cedric. You’re one of the best flankers I know.”
I punched him softly in the shoulder and he smirked. “I’m pretty sure I’m the only flanker you know.”
“You’ve got to stop thinking that everything between the two of you is a competition. Sam has no idea why you two have such a strained relationship but he cares about you. He loves his family and I know he wouldn’t trade any of you—even you—for the world.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” Cedric mumbled. “Used you, I mean.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I tried to block out my feelings for Sam by being with you. I’m sorry for pulling you into a relationship that never would have worked out in the first place.”
“I’m sorry too.” There was sincerity in his voice.
“Maybe you and Sam could talk too? I know he has a lot to be sorry for, and maybe you could set right all those stupid arguments you two have had for years. He feels guilty for what he did, Cedric.”
“I know he does.” He looked hesitant before saying his next words to me. “Are we okay?”
“We’re okay.”
“Are you sure?”
I fished a Pop-Tart out of my backpack and handed it to him as a symbol of peace.
That night, I spent most of my time scrolling through my phone at my desk. Jasmine’s contact name would occasionally pop up as she procrastinated by sending me the latest posts she had found. Ignoring the yelling down the hallway from Justin’s room as he was probably engaged in a video game with one of his friends, I received a text message.
Drake: I heard you won. Congrats, captain
I was ready to type back to him when he sent another.
Drake: Sam apologized by the way. Had a feeling you had something to do with it. Thanks, Mace
30
Change
It was a normal day at Wellington and my friends looked content. The chatter at our table during lunch only got louder when Austin said something funny, everyone around me bursting into laughter. Stevie took a seat between Jon Ming and Brandon, and Caleb’s relaxed expression faltered at Stevie’s frown at him. “What?”
Her index finger was pointed in his direction. “This weirdo—”
Caleb looked offended. “Rude.”
“—decided to come to my apartment to watch High School Musical.”
“Because it’s a classic.”
“Caleb, you’re seventeen! And then thought he should make me watch what felt like every other movie in one evening.” Stevie huffed before turning to me, lowering her voice. “Anyway, I was just in the bathroom and people were talking about you and Cedric.”
It was bound to come up anyway. “It’s whatever.” Clearly it wasn’t, because someone approached me from behind and Jasmine stiffened next to me, giving me the impression that we knew who it was.
“Caleb, Sam’s not here today?”
Caleb mumbled no as I turned around to meet Beatrice’s condescending stare. It didn’t help that her group of followers stood behind her. “Macy, I heard that Cedric dumped you.”
“How does that concern you?”
“It doesn’t,” she claimed.
“I knew he would anyway. Probably came to his senses.”
“Okay,” Jasmine spoke up. “You’ve said enough.”
“Beatrice,” I said, exasperated, “Sam’s not even here. Go. Away.”
“Tell us the truth, Macy: he just didn’t want to date a freak.”
“You realize what a horrible thing that is to say, right?”
“Beatrice.” Caleb looked as tired of her as we were. “I’m sure the rest of your friends are waiting for you somewhere. We’re trying to eat before lunch ends and we can’t do it if you’re attempting to fight Macy here. Do you mind?”
A snort came from Austin and Jon Ming. Beatrice glared at the three of them.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” she sneered and by this point, like always, our voices carried throughout the cafeteria because like always people in this school found the need to stop talking among themselves and listen to others’ conversations.
“What do you want to talk about?” I dropped my fork and turned to face her from my seat. “Me with Cedric? Or do you want to talk about Sam? Because I really don’t care.”
“Just admit that you only came here to stir up trouble, Beatrice,” Austin mumbled.
Beatrice gave him a pointed stare and didn’t think twice when she said, “At least Macy can admit that Cedric dumped her.” I never said that. “You can’t even admit that you’re gay.”
Everything shifted. My heart dropped as Austin stiffened and the color drained from his face. Caleb’s lips parted in surprise, the twins froze, and Andrew looked at Beatrice in disbelief. The worst part was that Austin wasn’t ready.
And even if he was, it hadn’t come from his mouth.
People heard, judging by the quietness of the cafeteria. Stevie, who was the only one in our friend group who didn’t know, shot up the second Beatrice had spoken. She was already rounding the table in her direction when Brandon reached out to hold her back. “Are you serious?”
Jasmine stood up in equal disbelief. “What the hell, Beatrice?!”
Andrew held her arm as Jon Ming disdainfully said, “That was a shit thing to do.”
“Guys,” Austin started but my own anger got the best of me and I stood.
“You don’t fucking do that.” Beatrice flinched, not expecting that word to come out of my mouth. “You had no right to do that.”
She’d tried to spite me and Jasmine for as long as we’d been in this school, trying to put us both in categories we didn’t need to be put into. We didn’t deserve that, and Austin didn’t deserve this. No one did.
Whispers scattered around the cafeteria and all eyes were on our table, but Beatrice didn’t care. “Maybe next time don’t kiss guys at parties if you don’t want to be—”
“No,” Jasmine hissed, getting in Beatrice’s face and trying to keep her voice low. “You don’t out someone.”
Beatrice looked ready to argue with Jasmine and I was ready to speak up when Austin rounded the table, getting in Beatrice’s face. “You really don’t see a problem with what you did? I’m gay!” he declared. His eyes flickered around the cafeteria before he turned back to Beatrice again. “I wanted to be able to tell people when I wanted to. It’s the twenty-first century and it may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me. And you clearly knew that. So fuck you.”
He walked out of the cafeteria. Jon Ming grabbed Austin’s things and followed him, as did the rest of the guys and Stevie.
“Why?” Jasmine surprised me, her question directed toward Beatrice. “You don’t have to act like this. Earning the reputation as the mean girl isn’t a great accomplishment, and you don’t have to live up to it. You could do better.” Beatrice didn’t say anything—it looked like she couldn’t even think of a response.
Jasmine’s words inspired my own and I said, “I never thought I would say this but I forgive you.” Jasmine tensed. “I do. Only for what you’ve said to me—not for all the insensitive and frankly racist things you’ve said to Jasmine. If she wants to forgive you in the long run, that’s her choice. Austin too. It’s not on them to forgive as much as it’s up to you to apologize.”
Jasmine linked her arm with mine and we exited the cafeteria to find our friends while the rest of the school stared at us in silence. Jasmine didn’t say anything but the smile she gave me as we pushed through the doors made me grin back. When we found our friends at one of the staircases, I said to Austin, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” He sighed. “She’s—”
“We know,” Jasmine said, sitting down on the stairs next to him. “Don’t worry about her or what anyone else says. We’re here for you.” Jasmine’s promise to Austin made me beam, and a part of me knew that she knew we would always be here for her as well.
“She’s right.” Jacob extended his hand for a low five that Austin hit with his own.
“Only two more months in this place,” Stevie pointed out.
Austin dramatically sighed. “Can’t fucking wait.”
If you’d asked me a few months earlier about anything involving change, I would’ve focused on changing the topic.
On a very bright spring day after school, on a day when I didn’t have practice, as we strolled through the park I listened to Jasmine and Andrew on the other side of me discuss the latest show she had forced him to watch. The rest of the guys were attempting to show Stevie how to properly kick a ball while Caleb, with my camera in his hands, tried to capture everything.
My friends were constantly changing, especially with the school year coming to a close. For the first time, I wasn’t scared about it. I wasn’t scared when I pulled out the official letters I had received the day before on my phone. One letter presented the details of my enrollment at the university I would be attending in the fall. Andrew patted me on the back with a grin as I showed them the other letter, from the scout who’d come to the tournament, informing me of my place on their soccer team and the scholarship I’d earned. “Have you told everyone?” Andrew asked.
Jasmine stopped Stevie’s training session, grabbing the attention of our friends with my news. She took my phone, showing my friends the documents with excitement in her voice as she explained. Everyone came over to congratulate me, and Andrew said, “Your first goal in first year is to become a starter.”
I hit my best friend lightly on the chest. “Let’s not get our hopes up.”
“You never know, Mace,” he teased.
Minutes later, the boys and Jasmine were playing around with the soccer ball when Austin took a seat on the bench near the maple tree. The maple tree. The memory of almost falling right in front of here, and what happened after made me shake my head. “You doing okay?” I sat down next to him.
“I’m good, Mace. What about you?”
“I’m doing okay too.” He looked at ease despite what happened today. “How did it feel? When you told off Beatrice?”
“Besides amazing, the ‘fuck you’ part felt especially good.” A pleased look crossed his face. “Someone needed to say it to her, to be honest.”
“She shouldn’t have done that.” My fists clenched at how Beatrice hadn’t thought twice about it. “Taken this away from you.”
“I know that. You know that. But there are probably a million people like Beatrice out there. I’m happy I got to say something like that to one of them.” Austin was beaming, knocking his knee against my own playfully before saying, “She’s wrong, by the way. About you and Jasmine, she always was wrong about how she saw you two.”
“I know.”
The familiar click from my camera cut through the air. Caleb moved it away from his eyes. “I should be a photographer.”
Stevie looked at the picture as Austin got up to join her. “Stick to writing.”
I cracked a smile, my eyes falling back to the tree as Caleb sat down next to me. “What are you thinking about?”
> He followed my gaze, taking a picture of the tree.
“That’s where Sam and I met.”
“Really?” Caleb wasn’t looking at the tree anymore; instead he pointed ahead at the figure walking toward us in his leather jacket. “Speak of the devil.”
Andrew attempted to kick the ball over to Sam with his good foot and Sam was quick to set it down with his feet, raising a hand in acknowledgment. Our friends greeted him with a pat on the back, a handshake, or, in Jasmine’s case, an overeager hug.
“Look who’s back,” Caleb said, getting up from the bench as Sam approached us. “You got my text.”
Sam reached forward, giving Caleb a hug his best friend easily reciprocated.
“Better?”
Sam nodded. When they let go, his eyes fell on me.
Even if Caleb hadn’t asked him the question, it was obvious that Sam did look better. His eyes were brighter—his usual confidence was present, including his ability to look at me once and make me forget everything around us.
Sam picked up the ball, his smirk making me want to roll my eyes at whatever he had to say—but this time I was too happy to see him.
“Rec center?” Brandon suggested and they all headed in that direction. The two of us hung back.
“Hazel.” Sam tilted his head. “I’ve rendered you speechless.”
“Shut up.”
“There she is.” I didn’t know if that smile on his face would ever come off—I hoped I’d be seeing it more often.
“You mean what you said to Caleb?” I asked him.
“I mean it.” I linked my arms around him in a hug he was quick to reciprocate. “I had a lot of time to think. I talked to Drake and Cedric.”
“I talked to Cedric too.” With the mention of his cousin’s name Sam released a long exhale. “He’ll speak to you eventually,” I said.
“How do you know?”
“Because even through everything he’s your cousin. He will.” Sam looked down. “What’s on your mind?”
“My mum, dad, and Greg,” he said. “We all talked a lot over the past few days. I told them I didn’t want to disappoint them. That I wasn’t going to act out like I did. I mentioned what we talked about that night. They’d like to meet you.” He grew amused at my surprised expression. “They’ll be here for graduation.”
