by Michael Todd
Lucifer sighed and shook his hand. “If you can’t win, you shouldn’t play the game. So don’t play fucking games on Earth. Do you get it?”
Beelzebub nodded. “Of course. As you wish, Master.”
Lucifer waved him off. “You can go, but remember, I am keeping an eye on you.”
Beelzebub bowed but paused before he left. “Did you wish to see Baal as well?”
Lucifer chuckled. “No, of course not. I know what Baal is up to, which is nothing. The demon follows orders and stays in the background. He is the least of my concerns right now.”
Beelzebub bowed again and turned to hurry from the hall. As he walked out of the Dark Lord’s chambers, he smiled. He had actually gotten away with something for once.
Lucifer took a deep breath and leaned back on his throne. Mania came back into the room, a smirk on her face. “Are you all right, my lord?”
Lucifer glanced at her. “As always, I am on top of everything. Silly Beelzebub. You would think by now he would know I see everything. I run this realm from top to bottom. One day he will remember that. It might be too late when he does.”
Mania took his hand and sat on the empty throne beside him. “As your advisor, should I worry about him heeding your warning?”
Lucifer shook his head. “I don’t think so. I have dealt with that fucking fool for millennia. He knows what I am capable of. The thing is, he gives zero fucks.”
Mania sighed and crossed her legs, petting the crow on her shoulder. “Do you think that he will listen?”
Lucifer smirked, not speaking a word but saying volumes. Mania began to laugh, her crow calling out and flapping off. “I have dead to lead down here.”
Lucifer lifted an eyebrow. “Straight to hell?”
Mania chuckled, standing up with her staff. “You know I must lead them to the fork. They will choose their path based on their souls’ need. I’m sure death will keep you full.”
Lucifer scoffed. “Human greed and fucking egos will keep me in business for the rest of time. They can’t seem to get their shit together, even when faced with annihilation by demons. I am not worried in the least. If nothing else, we should see an influx in the coming years. Have you seen the hate going on up there?”
Mania smirked. “That I have. And you are welcome.”
Lucifer smirked and kissed Mania’s hand. “See you soon.”
Mania stepped down and waved, disappearing from sight. Lucifer finished what was in his cup and walked to the pile of torture devices. He picked up the club and swung it, laughing loudly. He looked around for a demon to try it on, but they knew better than to remain close by. He shrugged and carried it back to his throne. “Sometimes you have to handle things old school. Right, Beelzebub?”
Katie soared over the village. All of the bodies had been cleared from the streets below, and the lava had finally hardened. It looked like a sea of asphalt with crumbling structures protruding through the black waves. Fires still smoldered in some parts of town, and smoke was billowing upward. Pandora did her best to clear the air Katie breathed.
As they approached the church in the center of the village, Katie slowed down. There is the main church. We checked the smaller one, but we didn’t do this one. The troops are approaching it now.
Pandora sniffed. You should probably slow them down. We both know that these days holy ground doesn’t hold the same weight it used to. They can be havens for lost souls, or they can be sanctuaries for the innocent. You don’t ever really know until you enter.
Katie sighed and dove to fly in front of the soldiers. She touched down, folded her wings back, and spread her arms, stopping them at the front steps. “I think it would be best if you guys stopped here. We aren’t sure what is inside, and I want to make sure that you stay safe. Wait outside until I have a chance to do an inspection.”
One of the older soldiers stepped forward. “We were instructed to watch your back.”
Katie smiled. “And you will, just from outside of the church. You have seen me fight. I would much rather take care of any riffraff first than have to jump in when one of you finds yourself in a sticky situation. I’m sure it’s clear, like the rest of the town. I’ll just check.”
The soldier nodded. “And how will we know if you need us?”
Katie’s wings disappeared, and she pulled out her pistols. “I will yell for you. If you hear fighting, hold off until I holler. I know it will be hard for you to do, but it is the smartest thing. The distraction could get all of us killed. Can I have your word on that?”
The soldier looked at the others. “We will do the best we can, but we won’t make any promises. I’m sure you understand about orders.”
Katie chuckled. “That I do.”
Pandora sniffed. There is something strange about this place. It’s almost a familiar feeling. I just can’t place it.
Katie turned toward the door. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Pandora snickered. With my track record, I wouldn’t bet on it being a good thing, that’s for damn sure. Get ready for whatever creature may be behind those doors.
Creature? Well, shit. Katie groaned and readied herself. I am not excited about this, especially when you’re describing it as a creature.
Katie shook her head and kicked the door hard. It flew open, snapped off its hinges, and crashed to the ground. Katie rushed in with her guns drawn and looked around the entryway. She grimaced as her feet caught in muck. She raised her foot, which was covered with a stringy gray substance. Ew, gross. What the fuck is that?
Pandora laughed. Like you are afraid of a little stickiness!
Katie wrinkled her nose, ignoring Pandora. She walked around the corner and stopped dead in her tracks. Along the walls of the chapel were piles of dead bodies. In the center, hanging from the crucifix, were four large gray cocoons. They swayed slightly. Katie stepped forward, watching whatever was inside those cocoons move and pulse. What are they?
Pandora sniffed. Wait, what? Holy shit. That’s Brock and his team!
Katie’s eyes went huge. What?
Pandora sniffed again. Go! The one all the way to the right is Brock!
Katie rushed over, pulling her knife from her belt. She jumped up on the altar and sliced through the thin gray webbing. Ooze plopped to the ground as the cocoon split open. Katie grasped the sides, ripping it apart. She pulled Brock from the disgusting thing, both of them falling to the slick floor. Ooze covered him from head to toe. He grunted, then heaved, coughing as he hacked the crap from his lungs.
Pandora was getting nervous. Oh, man. This is not good. Not good at all. You need to get these guys out of here pronto.
Katie cupped Brock’s cheeks and her eyes glistened blue. He was alive. Before she could say a word, the strange sound of galloping horses echoed in the space. Katie stood and looked around. A piece of long gray webbing shot down and hit the floor in the center of the church. Katie’s eyes slowly moved up as Sasha dropped to the floor and landed on all eight of her legs, her four arms waving.
Katie jumped, pointing her knife at the thing. “Holy shit, what the fuck are you?”
Sasha raised herself on her lower legs and tossed her hair. Her bright yellow eyes flashed, and her lips curled into a smile. “Why, I am Teyollucuani, also known as Sasha. And you are that angel with Lucifer’s wife in you. How cute.”
Pandora growled. Ex-wife, you fucking freak.
Katie’s eyes went wide. Oh great, another goddamn weird-ass creature.
Pandora snarled. Don’t hesitate. Attack her now!
Katie pulled Tom and shot at Sasha, striking her in the chest and neck. The bullets slammed into her thick purple hide and fell to the ground. Sasha’s lip twitched into a snarl, and she saw something shining on the ground—Brock’s sword. She grabbed it with two of her arms and swung around, then scurried quickly toward Katie.
Oh, balls, balls, balls.
Katie holstered her weapons. Sasha slashed at her with Brock’s sword, a hard, cruel blow.
Katie summoned her angel armor. Gold armor gleamed on her body, and her angelic sword appeared in her hand. Katie brought it up to block Sasha’s blow just in time.
Katie swung low, trying to hit one of her legs, but the spiderwoman used her webbing to lift her off the ground. With another of her arms, she slapped Katie across the face. Katie grabbed her cheek, her eyes flashing from blue to red and back again. “You fucking freak.”
Sasha charged her and slashed at her again. Again Katie blocked the blow, but Sasha did not relent. She used three of her arms to push down on the sword, forcing Katie to one knee. Pandora gave her a spike of energy, and Katie pushed herself back to her feet. Sasha fell back. The creature growled and hissed, jumping back up and charging Katie with all her might. She knocked Katie’s sword aside and slammed into her, sending the angel flying back into the pews.
Pandora growled. I’m coming out, Katie. Fuck this.
Before Katie could say a word Pandora stepped out, her skin so dark the red scales were almost black. “No one fucks with my human and gets away with it, bitch.”
Sasha chuckled but stopped when Pandora summoned her angel. Her wings were white, with threads of silver and gold running through them. Her robes were pure white, and the crown of thorns on her head was gold.
Katie looked at the feathers and grunted as she pulled herself from the pile of wood that had been a pew. “You could have given me a moment.”
Pandora chuckled. “Sorry. I just want to take this bitch down.”
Sasha moved fast. She bolted to Pandora and grabbed the angel by the throat, smiling at her. “Which bitch are we talking about?”
Pandora gasped as Sasha pulled her close, wrapping her legs around Pandora from head to toe. Sasha’s eyes glimmered bright yellow as she took a deep breath, pulling the energy from Pandora’s body.
Pandora’s eyes wavered between blue and red. She was being drained, and fast. She gasped and gurgled, trying desperately to free herself. “She…is…some…sort of succubus. My energy—it’s my demon…energy.”
Katie’s eyes went wide, realizing that not only was the creature pulling the demon energy out of her, she was quite possibly killing her.
The sword fell from Pandora’s hand, clanking to the floor. Her body began to twist as she attempted to push away. “Get…off…me, bitch!”
Sasha’s ecstatic moans echoed through the church and Katie grimaced at the sound. She dusted herself off and swung her angelic sword around in front of her, and the blade shimmered. It was now or never. She couldn’t let Pandora die, not when she had just achieved her redemption. Demon or an angel, it didn’t matter. Pandora was her friend, and she had vowed to protect her.
Katie stepped forward, eyes flashing blue. “Hey, bitch, you forgot something.”
Sasha smirked. “What’s that, little human?”
Katie growled. “Consent.”
4
Juntto looked like Channing Tatum again. He had his feet on the coffee table and his arm around Angie. She gripped her controller, smashing the buttons while her tongue stuck partway out of her mouth. Her whole body was into the game. She moved to the right and left before throwing her hands up in the air. “Dammit, he came out of nowhere!”
She set the controller down next to her and looked down at her naked body, realizing she had a bit of an orange sheen. She was confused for a moment, then saw the dozen empty bags of cheesy poofs. Right. Cheese dust.
Juntto cursed as he finished his game with a loss as well. “That guy is good.”
Angie glanced up. “Who? Onion4578? Yeah, and he’s probably twelve fucking years old.”
Juntto reached over and groped Angie’s breast. “I guess we should turn the camera off then, huh?”
She grabbed a pillow and pulled it in front of her. “What?”
Juntto chuckled. “Just kidding. I’m the only one who gets to stare creepily at the goods.”
Angie hit Juntto with the pillow, chuckling. “Not if you keep that up.”
Juntto gave her a pouty face and leaned over, kissing her on the cheek. As he rose, he flicked her nipple. She gasped and slapped him on the arm, wiping the cheese poof dust off her boob. “We really should pick some other snack when we have a naked day.”
Juntto popped another cheese poof in his mouth. “But you taste extra good this way. And I like leaving cheesy fingerprints on your body.”
Angie giggled, shaking her head. “I guess it’s better than bruises.”
Juntto grimaced. “Sorry about that again. I got a bit carried away. It’s the Leviathan in me.”
Angie smirked and jumped up on her knees, pressing herself against Juntto’s side. “Don’t apologize, I liked it.”
Juntto looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Oh, yeah? Don’t tell me that. I need a rest.”
Angie laughed and sat back down, grabbing the controller. “How about we go head to head on Destiny instead of playing teams? I’ll go easy on you.”
Juntto scoffed. “Please, I could beat you with my eyes closed. What do I get when I win?”
Angie clicked the game on. “If I were you, I would be thinking about how not to lose so badly that you embarrass yourself. Winning is setting your sights a little high.”
Juntto wrinkled his nose and mimicked her. “You know, one of these days I’m going to stop letting you win.”
Angie’s mouth fell open. “You do not let me win, asshole. I beat the pants off of you, literally.”
Juntto looked down. “That you do.”
As the game loaded, Angie leaned her head against Juntto’s shoulder and let out a sigh. He looked down at her and rubbed her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
Angie shrugged. “I just hope Katie is doing okay out there in Romania by herself.”
Juntto waved his hand. “Of course she is. The last time we were there the threat was almost completely over. I’m sure everything is fine.”
Angie nodded. She hoped he was right.
Everything was about as far from “fine” as it could get. Pandora continued to struggle against Sasha, but the spider-woman was too strong. Six of her legs were wrapped around Pandora, and two of her arms were busy fighting off Katie’s advances.
Pandora mustered her strength and pushed with all her might, which was enough to break the connection with Sasha for just a moment. “Katie, a little help here. I’m literally dying. I’m too hot to die, especially from being killed by some creeper with eight legs and four arms.”
Sasha moaned, pulling Pandora back into her grasp. She pressed her mouth to Pandora’s. Pandora grunted as the creature pulled more energy from her. Pandora broke off the terrible kiss and turned her head to spit. “Oh, fucking…gross, lady. Keep your…mouth to…yourself.”
Katie screamed a war-cry as she slashed one of Sasha’s legs off. “I’m trying!”
As soon as the leg fell, another grew in its place, too fast for Katie to move on it. The newly grown leg slammed into Katie’s chest, clanging against her armor.
“They grow back as soon as I cut them off.”
Pandora wheezed. “Go…for…the gut.”
Katie leveled her sword at Sasha but all those legs moved quickly, pulling Pandora in and out of the way. “If I do that, I just might stab you.”
Pandora shook her head. “Abort…don’t do that. Fucking hell.”
Sasha latched onto Pandora’s neck and sucked hard, pulling an immense amount of demon power from Pandora. Pandora’s eyes shimmered, going gray, and her body went limp. She was losing everything, and Katie was powerless to stop it.
Katie looked at the door and raised her voice. “Okay, boys, now would be a good time!”
Almost instantly some of the soldiers standing outside threw themselves into action. The squad leader put up his hand and waved them in. They flew through the door in a four-man team, their guns pointed ahead of them. As they entered the church they stopped, taking in the madness that was Sasha.
Katie waved her arms. “Shoot her!”
They snapped out of it and began to unload their bullets, but nothing so much as penetrated her skin. Sasha hissed, irritated by the intrusion. She tilted her head back and wrapped one of her legs around Pandora’s neck, holding her upright. She slammed another leg into Katie, throwing her against a pile of bodies. The soldiers continued to fire, trying not to shoot Pandora.
Sasha was not having it; she wanted to enjoy her meal in peace. She gripped the sword in one hand and flung her arm out. It grew in length as it raced across the room. With one large swoop, she decapitated all four of the soldiers. Their bodies hit the ground in a clump, and their guns slid beneath the pews. Katie got herself quickly out of the decaying bodies, gagging as she stood up.
She wiped her arms and sheathed her sword, narrowing her eyes. “Okay, bitch, now you’ve really gone and done it. Hey, Octopussy!”
Sasha’s yellow eyes turned to Katie and the angel bolted forward, throwing herself into the air. She slammed her left elbow into Sasha’s face and kicked her sword-hand. Brock’s sword flew from her hand and slid across the floor.
Katie fell to the floor, then picked herself up and grinned at Sasha. “Please, you think some freak sorority girl dressed in purple leather is going to scare me? You haven’t been to Earth in a while, have you? It’s a fucking frightening place to live.”
Sasha shot webbing at Katie, catching her arm, then pulled the angel across the floor and stuck her to the wall. Katie growled loudly, trying to get her arm back. “What the fuck is this shit? You know, instead of devouring everyone, you could probably market this stuff and make a shit-ton of money.”
Sasha grinned. “I don’t need money. I need fucking souls. Stay there, little angel. Momma’s almost done. You’re next. I’ve never eaten the energy of an angel before.”
