by Dale Mayer
“Don’t worry about it.”
Two voices said the same thing.
She wanted to yell ‘snap’, that silly remnant from her childhood, but was too busy staring in surprise at Kane. He gave her a stone-faced look. She’d never considered how her constant avoidance of him must look. He was no monster; in fact, he was stunning – to her. He had a lean face full of angles and planes. She thought of granite when she contemplated him. Strong. Infallible. Unyielding.
She had no basis for such an assessment. She didn’t know him outside of seeing him the odd time in Jenna’s classes. They were of a similar age, she thought, but he seemed older. It was his demeanor; slightly off-putting in that he almost always had a sneer on his face. As if he was here under duress, but he didn’t truly belong.
But then, she’d been like that in her last therapy class. That she wasn’t now meant she’d grown a little. Maybe he just needed a bit more time. Accepting one had a problem was a hell of a start – and often the most difficult step.
He might not want to see himself as one of the participants here that needed help, but that’s what he was. And being here meant he had issues regardless of his attitude. So he was no better than she was.
But his attitude needed some adjusting if he was going to get any benefit from the class. And considering the money he’d dumped into this, he’d better.
She couldn’t help but wonder at his story. That he had a chip on his shoulder was obvious, and that there was that thin layer of bitterness just below the surface. She had to think relationships were involved. From what she’d seen, there were some pretty screwed-up people in the world, and those here for this session had taken a hit from some of the worst.
It had been good for her to come here and see she wasn’t alone in dealing with her problems, or that her problems were by no means the worst. One of the men was young, like nineteen…maybe. Or possibly younger, considering the sparse bristles on his chin. He had a raunchy humor and dead eyes. Another, Sean, was tall and lanky and seemed seriously-old on the inside. He both scared her and struck a deep cord of sympathy inside. He’d been horribly abused by his mother for years before she finally OD’d on drugs, and he’d been left with a legacy of pain.
And like so many others here, he’d been working on his healing for years. He hoped this retreat would get rid of his last stumbling block.
Tania wasn’t so sure it would be. Or that it could be. That look in his eye…
She shuddered, grateful she’d come as far as she had.
Now if only she could kick this fear and go all the way. Yet another school idiom that made her want to chuckle. What was wrong with her? It was as if she had a delayed teenage-hood. Maybe she had. She certainly hadn’t spent it dreaming over movie stars or giggling in groups waiting for the special guys to walk by.
The door opened, admitting Jenna Price, their professor and therapist. She was a mix of ruthless compassion and steely resolve. She was determined that everyone here get something useful from this session. They weren’t randomly accepted into this workshop; there had been a long list, which grew even longer every term, apparently. Money hadn’t been the only criteria. The problems you were dealing with had to be something she felt would work in a group setting and that she could help you move past. That the other participants could help you to deal with your issues, too. She wasn’t about everyone getting along, more about how the interaction would work to benefit everyone involved.
Jenna walked to the empty chair, her hand wrapped around a large china mug with a lid. She was a tea drinker. Apparently, at any time and any place she could always be seen with the mug. She was a stately woman, anywhere from her late thirties to mid forties. Tania had no idea, just that she appeared to be competent. Now if only she held that magical key to getting Tania’s life back on track…
“Good morning.” Jenna placed the mug on the floor beside her. “Last night was basic. Today, we are going to get into the nitty-gritty stuff, and you are going to hurt. It’s hard dealing with the issues we don’t want to look at. It’s painful to step out of our padded cloud and deal honestly and openly with what needs to be dealt with.” She cast that warm but determined gaze around the room. “Remember, none of you are here by accident. You came because you want to deal with something, and you want change for yourself. Today is Day 1. You will have changed by Day 5; I guarantee it.” Her gaze landed on Tania and Robin, a slight softening warming her chocolate-brown eyes. “We’ll be working together as a group all morning. But after lunch, you will be put into groups of two with your week-long assignment.”
Week-long assignment? That was the first Tania had heard anything about that. As long as it was in pairs, she was probably okay with that. She could work with Robin. That would most likely suit both of them.
Taking a deep breath, Tania turned her attention back to the morning’s work.
A long time later, Jenna opened a folder she’d brought with her and handed out sheets of paper to everyone. “This is the outline of the assignment. You will be given all afternoon every day for the rest of the week to work on this, with my help if need be. But let’s make no mistake here: the assignment is not a cerebral one. Each of you must deal with people, the public, and yourselves for this to work.”
A small knot of dread formed in Tania’s stomach as she realized how very difficult such an assignment could be. Poor Robin; she’d have the worst time with this. Already, Tania’s mind was wandering, looking for ways to make it easier on her, and came to a full stop. No. That was not the answer. She’d be enabling Robin. Better for her to deal with the issues that surfaced than to have Tania automatically assume she couldn’t do it.
Tania would have her hands full herself.
She accepted the sheet of paper from Robin and handed the last one over to the silent Kane. At least he’d lost the bored look. She studied his body language, seeing him sit a little straighter and lock his jaw. He wasn’t as comfortable as he was putting on.
Interesting. So, control was important to him. She filed that tidbit away and turned her attention back to class. Jenna had been taking pairs of people off to one side and speaking with them privately. She’d watched as Robin and the abused young male walked out of the room together. Tania was surprised at the compassion on Robin’s face. And on Sean’s. What was going on?
She turned her attention back to the paper in her hand. The project was intended to push her out of her comfort zone while being within the scope of what she needed to learn to do. Given the private nature of her problem, she really didn’t want to have to do anything really uncomfortable. It would be embarrassing and potentially crippling. As another pair of attendees left the room, she realized Jenna was speaking to two more. Leaving her and Kane.
Her insides twisted in on themselves. Please, let her be wrong. She wanted Robin as a partner, not Kane. Maybe this had nothing to do with the project. But God, it really felt like it did. The longer she sat there waiting for her turn, the harder her fingers clenched the paper in her lap and the tighter the steel band around her chest constricted. She stared almost blindly as her knuckles turned white, and her chest struggled to relax enough to let air in.
Oh, God.
If she had to be partners with a man, let it be with a small one. Not Kane. Please, not the six-foot-four, 240-pound man that looked like he belonged with his mitts wrapped around a jackhammer all day.
She had nothing against construction workers, but she so didn’t want anything to do with Kane where her problems were concerned. She was looking for so much less of a man.
And her mind called her on it. Liar. You so want to have something to do with him.
She had to correct herself. No, I want to be able to do something with him. But I’m not there yet. She slid a sideways glance at his massive thighs encased in tight jeans as he sat relaxed in the chair beside her. And, she repeated, I might never get there.
Then it was her turn.
“Tania and Kane.” Jenna walked over
to them and tugged a chair forward so she sat in front, making a triangle of their positions. “Sorry for making you wait.”
It was on the tip of Tania’s tongue to say ‘no problem’, but she couldn’t get the words out. Feeling like a mouse caught in a horrible sense of knowing it was about to get pounced on, she sat, frozen…and waited.
And knew her fate was as bad as the mouse when Jenna said, “Let’s discuss your project.”
Tania felt more than saw Kane glance her way, but she heard his comment clear enough. “Are you sure this is a good idea? Maybe Tania would do better with someone else.”
His smooth-as-chocolate voice sent waves of want through her, but the actual meaning sent rods of steel down her back, making her straighten in outrage.
“I’ll be fine,” she snapped and widened her gaze as she realized she’d just agreed to work with him. Oh, shit. That damn stubborn temper of hers…
“Good. I think you’ll do just fine. Besides, your partnership isn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision. I’ve been working on these pairings since you both confirmed you’d be here, and I think you’ll work perfectly together.” She studied the papers in her hand for a moment, as if unconcerned at the reception of the other two.
Tania knew she had to be perceptive to the change in the air, the tension. But she also had to assume the woman knew what she was about. Except Tania had been to some crazy therapists who should have dealt with their own crap before trying to counsel others.
She didn’t think Jenna fell into this same category.
But who could know?
Hunkering down in the chair, she tried to open her mind to the concept of a team project, actually managing to laugh at herself. It was just for a few days. Like, how hard could this be?
Then she listened in growing horror to Jenna’s explanation.
When Jenna fell silent, Tania could only stare at her in shock.
Thankfully, Kane appeared to have a handle on this and blasted Jenna with her sentiments exactly. “You want us to what?”
He stood up and stormed around the room. “Are you nuts?”
Tania couldn’t agree more.
With his hands out, he said, “Look, I’m here and willing to do the work to deal with my stuff, but you’re putting Tania in danger.”
She what? Tania straightened. “Excuse me? What kind of danger?” Because she wasn’t up for any; not in any way. She wanted a safe, controlled project that would allow her to open the door to her comfort zone and put her big toe in to test the water; that was it.
Danger? Hell no. She’d had enough of that when she’d been raped over ten years ago.
She wasn’t going to be in any kind of danger – ever again.
* * *
Kane had sat through enough today. Watching Tania’s tiny body shift away from him from the moment he’d sat down – hell, probably from the moment he walked into the room, he knew she had some big-time man issues. He didn’t get man-hater vibes from her, but a tiny woman like that would be easy prey for the wrong man. Unless she was a black belt in something, she had no protection from a man’s anger. That she was here in therapy, he’d bet his years of experience that she’d been in an abusive relationship. She was a creampuff for any guy over sixteen. For someone like him, hell, no way could he be around her.
He felt like he’d be slamming a tea cup against the wall if he said anything in a harsh tone.
She was way too delicate for this class. For him. For this project. The damn shrink had this one wrong.
There was no way anyone with his anger issues, his hatred of his ex, should be around someone who he could break in half with two fingers.
As he realized Tania was nodding her head in emphatic agreement, a tiny part of him was sorry for it. In the old days, he’d have loved to have been the knight in shining armor and help her deal with whatever issues she had. He’d seen enough sad cases in his years in law enforcement that he had some idea of what she might have gone through. It could be something completely different…but his instinct said he was close. Damn close.
The shrink smiled at them both, with that damn compassionate warmth that made him wonder if she lived with sunshine and pussy cats all her life to have given her outlook a rosy tinge. Because that wasn’t the reality as he knew it.
She had to know that. They all interviewed to come here. Every one of them had spoken to her privately about their issues, and then they’d all attended her lectures at the university alongside their regular classes. While he might not know all of Tania’s issues, he knew that Jenna did know.
And still she’d paired them together. Wondering what she could possibly be thinking, he slowly sat back down.
And wondered why?
Chapter 2
Tania watched silently and a bit regretfully as Kane blew through his temper and back into calm. Her father used to do that; blow up, cool down, and then refuel for the next blow. Her mother had always loved to get him going. They’d fought like cats and dogs all the time, but it hadn’t weakened their relationship. They’d argued, debated, and made up with the same passion. Because they blew up often, bad feelings and irritations didn’t build up to the point that they caused damage. They shared what they felt all the time – good and bad. It hadn’t been the easiest childhood, but she’d always known where she stood on any issue. Bottom line – they loved each other and her.
Even after their divorce, she’d never doubted it. They were still friends today.
Kane looked to be of similar ilk.
It made him a little easier to understand. Except, in this instance, she wished he’d blow a little harder, a little louder. And get them out of this.
“It’s only a project,” Jenna was saying in that smooth, what-could-you-possibly-be-worried-about tone of voice.
And that just made Tania terrified. She’d been through too much therapy to believe that. And from the look of him, Kane hadn’t been through enough. He appeared to be falling for Jenna’s line of bullshit.
Tania wasn’t so easily swayed. She leaned forward. “Jenna, you know our history. I’m not sure what Kane’s issue is, but you know mine.”
Jenna smiled warmly at her and waited for her to continue, expectancy on her face for a favorite student about to give the right answer. That should have been enough warning, but just in case Jenna really didn’t get it… “Surely,” Tania added, “I could work with Robin. I’d love that.” And she beamed with relief at the smile on Jenna’s face. This would work. Tania had always managed to get things to work at university and at work. People were accommodating; no one wanted discord.
And then she saw the look in Jenna’s eyes and realized there was to be no easy exit from this one.
“Fine. How hard can this be?” Tania glared at Kane, who just raised an eyebrow at her. He flicked something off his thigh, but it was the mocking look that made her ask. “What?”
“Oh, nothing; just flicking away an irritating mosquito.”
She shot him a narrow-eyed look before turning her back on him to glare at Jenna. “This is a really bad idea,” she said in a dark tone.
But Jenna was laughing. “Maybe and maybe not. So let’s go over what you are going to do.”
And that was when Tania realized she was getting a camera.
She couldn’t stop the smile that broke free, the relieved laughter that rippled throughout the room. “Oh, my God. You should have said something in the beginning.” She laughed and laughed.
When she could stop the giggles, only the odd hiccupping laugh still escaping, she realized Jenna had a wry smile on her face. Kane wore a thundercloud.
“I’m glad this isn’t quite as impossible as you’d first been afraid it was,” Jenna said gently.
And that, of course, had been the crux of the issue. Settling down and realizing she’d let her fears completely override rational thought here, Tania relaxed.
She loved photography, and of course, Jenna knew that. They’d discussed it several times. She wasn’t sure w
hy or how, or if the sensation was real or just another mirage she put up in her world to make something doable, but being behind a camera put distance between her and a situation. Gave her a buffer from the uncomfortable, the too-intense insights, and the world at large.
It gave her a sense of security. Of safety.
Jenna was seriously bright to have done this. And that relief was something that let Tania sit down and let herself settle inside. She was safe. This wasn’t going to be something that was super scary. Super intimate. In fact, she had to wonder if it would do anything for her at all. But her mind immediately clutched at the straw offered and said she could deal with the other stuff later. Down the road, like in ten years’ time.
“Okay. I’m really going to love this project.” Her mind wandered through the camera gear she’d brought with her, wondering what to use first. It all depended on what they had to photograph. And then another tidbit fell into place. “That’s why you told me to be sure to bring my camera gear, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.” Jenna nodded, but she didn’t look at Tania. Instead, she kept her gaze on Kane.
Realizing she’d been awash in her own satisfaction and joy at what she would be doing, she’d put no thought to Kane’s role in all of this. It’s not like she needed him to carry stuff. It was all small, and she’d been packing her gear for a long time.
She frowned as she took in the hard gaze between Jenna and Kane.
And realized she’d missed something.
“Uhm, what’s going on?” She studied the tick on Kane’s jaw and realized instead of a blow-up, he’d gone super quiet. In her dad’s case, that meant he was seriously pissed. She winced. Kane was going to have a monster of a headache after this. Clenching his jaw, his neck was corded, and as her gaze slipped down his chest, she realized his fists were almost white at the knuckles.
“Jenna?” No one could miss the signals in the room right now. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Maybe you could tell me what Kane and I are going to photograph?”
