Yet with her, every kiss, every touch, every conversation we shared drew me to her more. My attraction toward her had spiraled out of control, and with that came a fear that both rooted me to the ground and screamed at me to flee at the same time.
Unfortunately they were mutually exclusive.
It was fight or flight.
Which one would I choose?
I didn’t have a clue. The only certainty right now was that I wasn’t ready to let her go. Not by a long shot.
I felt for her hand in the muted light coming from the streetlights as we sped down the highway. She didn’t pull away, thankfully, but her fingers were stiff beneath my own. I slowly caressed my thumb across her knuckles, and gradually, she relented.
“What was that?” she asked. “What happened back there, Garen?”
I turned my head to find her staring at me with a furrowed brow and a droop to her shoulders that tightened my chest. I’d hurt her feelings, and it bothered me, and I hated that it did. I didn’t give two shits about other’s feelings, so why did I care about Catriona’s obvious distress at my actions?
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly and with an accompanying shrug. I hadn’t sorted through it all yet, so there was little hope of explaining my reaction to Catriona.
She fixed her gaze out the window but left her hand in mine. I took that as a positive sign.
“You’re confused. I get it. If it helps, so am I. A week ago, I would have happily watched you burn in the street. Hell, I’d have lit the match that set you on fire, yet now here I am, sharing my bed with you, enjoying your company. It’s as strange for me as it is for you.”
I lifted her hand to my face and placed her palm over my cheek. “Give me time,” I said. “I’m a man who thinks things through. Carefully, meticulously. I’m a planner, not a reactor.”
Yet my response to her in Walther’s backyard hadn’t been planned or thought-out. I’d spoken from a heart I didn’t think I possessed. I’d allowed my emotions to rule my head, but emotions were fickle beasts. Listen to them at your peril.
“I haven’t demanded anything, Garen. The only one applying pressure here is you.”
I nodded, smiling grimly. “I hear you.”
We traveled the rest of the way home in a more comfortable silence, but as we stepped inside and meandered upstairs, I hesitated at the top. I hadn’t fucked her in days, and my dick was definitely up for a round of sinking into her wet heat and powering to a much-needed orgasm. But at the same time, there’d been a shift tonight, one that had me pausing to wait for her reaction.
She blinked up at me, or rather over at me, given her heels had added a good few inches to her height. “Well, Mr. Full-of-Promises. I’m panty-less and waiting.”
A smile broke across my face, and I reached down, lifting her into my arms. She squealed as I strode down the hallway to my bedroom.
“And soon, you’ll be dress-less.”
I opened my laptop and clicked on the meeting app. Three windows opened. Ryker, Oliver, and Elliot in New York, Sebastian in London, and Upton in Los Angeles. I held up a hand in greeting.
“Sorry I’m late. Lost track of time.”
“Sounds like you,” Oliver said, grinning.
I responded by flipping him off, which expanded his smile.
“Okay, children,” Ryker cut in. “We’ve a packed agenda, so I suggest we get started.”
The ROGUES board took it in turns to chair our regular weekly and monthly meetings. This month, Ryker was on rotation. I actually preferred it when he chaired. We usually ran on time then, and I had a very good reason for wanting this meeting over with as soon as possible. I’d decided to surprise Catriona with a trip to Oeschinen Lake, about three hours east of us by car. Fortunately for me, I owned a helicopter and planned to fly us there this evening, then stay overnight and see the sights tomorrow morning. The hiking around the lake allowed for outstanding views, and at this time of year it should be fairly quiet, meaning I’d get to spend time with her alone. I’d even arranged to have warm clothes, a thick coat, and hiking boots and socks delivered, which should arrive any time soon.
I gave an update on progress with the hotel. Upton had made a flying visit, and I’d had a long conference call with the foreman. Things were moving along nicely, and ninety percent of the build should be complete in three to four months, which was no mean feat, given the scale of the property. Then again, my builds often ran ahead of time. I pushed my workers hard, and they usually delivered.
And if they didn’t… I saw to it that work became a little harder to come by.
Sebastian wanted to know whether I’d made any progress on my bogus business venture. I brushed him off with a few platitudes which he seemed far too eager to accept—and that made me suspicious.
“Okay, that’s the agenda covered,” Ryker said, glancing at his watch. “Ten minutes ahead of schedule, too. Let’s go to any other business and then we’ll close out.”
One by one, Ryker went around the table, first in New York, then to Upton, me, and finally Sebastian.
“I do have something I’d like to raise actually,” he said with an impish grin. He poked his finger at the screen which, given the nature of video conferences, could be aimed at anyone, until he went on to say, “With you, Garen.”
Here it comes.
“Is it true that you attended Walther Meyer’s charity bash on Wednesday night?”
Something in the tone of his voice set my radar off. I remained slouched in my chair, giving off a relaxed air.
“I did. He heard I was in town and invited me. Problem?”
“Oh, no problem,” Sebastian said, his grin widening. “Only that rumor has it you had a pretty little thing on your arm and, by all accounts, you were acting rather smitten.”
I schooled my expression, painting an almost bored look on my face. “I took a date. So what? It’s hardly front-page news. And let me set the record straight. I’m far from smitten.”
“That’s not what I heard,” Sebastian said, getting into his stride and dragging the rest of the board along with him, their postures showing they were much more interested now than thirty seconds ago. “My spies tell me you couldn’t keep your hands off her.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what your spies told you,” I bit out.
“Ohhh,” Sebastian said, outright laughing now. “He’s getting all defensive. That must mean he likes her. Aww, Garen’s in luurve.”
Elliot snorted a laugh.
“Fuck off,” I snapped. “I am not in love. I barely know the girl. We’ve had a couple of dates, and that’s it. And if you must know, I’m already getting bored. Give it another week and she’ll be gone, just like all the rest.”
“And there’s the man we know and love,” Upton said. “You had me worried for a second there, buddy. What with Ryker and Oliver giving up their bachelorhood, I thought you’d fallen for the feminine wiles, too.”
“As if,” I scoffed. “I prefer to eat at a buffet. I just need to find a way to let her down gently.”
“Gently?” Sebastian scoffed. “You don’t let them down gently. You rip the Band-Aid off and enjoy watching them bleed.”
My gaze fell to Oliver, the one person who knew me better than all the rest. He hadn’t said a single word while the others ripped into me. He’d just stared pensively into the camera, his fingertips stroking a couple of days’ stubble, but I saw it right there in his face.
Suspicion.
I heaved a sigh. That grilling I’d expected would arrive soon.
“Yeah, well, her brother’s ill. That’s what she’s doing in Switzerland. He’s at a hospital here. Once I work out the right thing to say without crushing her, then it’ll be sayonara, sweetheart. I’m not a complete heartless bastard.”
“Yeah, you are,” Elliot chimed in. “There’s a concrete slab where your heart should be.”
I flipped him off. “Whatever.”
Elliot was wrong. And the reason I knew was th
at the very heart he accused me of missing constricted so much, I thought I was having a heart attack. I hadn’t meant one word I’d uttered, yet for some reason, Sebastian’s ribbing had hit a nerve, forcing me to put him off the scent by lying about my feelings. Far from getting bored with Catriona, I craved more, but this was a very new experience for me, and I didn’t want my growing attraction toward her examined in minute detail. These five men might be my best friends, but that didn’t mean I desired to bare my soul to them. Catriona was my secret to keep, and until I understood what was going on between us, she’d remain that way.
“And on that note, if you’re all done ribbing me, I have work to do. Speak next week.”
I cut the call and leaned forward. With my elbows propped up on my desk, I covered my face with my hands. For some unfathomable reason, I felt as if I’d betrayed Catriona, when in reality, I just wasn’t ready to share yet. First, I needed to figure out what was going on. Then I’d be ready and willing to have the conversation.
And that conversation would be with her, not ROGUES.
30
Catriona
A few minutes earlier…
Balancing a sandwich in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other, I strolled to Garen’s office. I hadn’t planned to interrupt him while he was working, but Lia had let it slip that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and it was already past four. He must be starving. I also might have an ulterior motive.
I missed him.
Something had changed on Wednesday night at the chancellor’s event. I felt it. He felt it, although the difference between us was that Garen was clearly struggling and fighting against our growing attraction. But like he said, give him time, and I intended to do just that.
As I approached his office door, voices reached me. Several of them. He must be talking to the other ROGUES members. I hovered, wondering what to do with his late lunch. Maybe I should just leave it outside the door. But then he wouldn’t know it was there, and it’d go stale.
No, I’d wait until he finished the call and then interrupt him.
I guessed I’d caught the tail end of the meeting when one of them called for any other business. Seconds later, I heard something that pricked up my ears.
“Rumor has it you had a pretty little thing on your arm and, by all accounts, you were acting rather smitten.”
A grin inched across my face, tightening the skin over my cheekbones. I held my breath, waiting to hear Garen’s reply.
When it came, I’d never wished for a time-turner more in my entire life. The old saying ‘eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves’ couldn’t have held more poignance than when Garen denounced our relationship so viciously, his cold tone splintering my heart into a million pieces. I’d never know how I managed to stagger away from there without dropping his lunch and alerting him to my presence, but somehow, I did.
Shutting myself in my room, I allowed my trembling legs to collapse beneath me. With my back to the door, silent tears tracked down my face, the betrayal too much.
But was it a betrayal? Garen hadn’t made any promises. In fact, he’d been honest with me from the very start of our… whatever this was. He’d never had a long-term relationship, and he wasn’t going to break that habit with me. What happened on Wednesday had been a lie, although I didn’t understand his motives for such a deception. He’d made me think he was changing, but…
Leopards and spots, Catriona.
I pulled myself together, washed the saltiness from my face, and steeled my spine. Placing my hands on either side of the sink, I stared into the mirror.
“You’re in control. You. Do not let him see he’s broken your heart. Stay strong. Own the outcome. Like Grams would say: stand tall.”
And that was the moment I knew exactly what I had to do.
I made sure there wasn’t a trace of evidence I’d been crying, then returned downstairs. This time when I approached Garen’s office, I couldn’t hear a sound. I tapped on the door. He called out for me to enter.
“I brought you a sandwich and a beer,” I said, brandishing both when what I really wanted to was smash them over his duplicitous head.
He greeted me with a smile that showed just what a great actor he was. I had no idea what his game was, but he could play it alone. I was done with him.
He patted his lap. “Come here.”
I remained where I was, inching forward to put the food and drink on the edge of his desk. He frowned, his eyebrows arrowing inward.
“What’s the matter?”
“I need to talk to you.”
He swiveled his chair around to face me, his frown switching to a concerned head tilt. “Is everything okay? Is it Aiden?”
I sucked in a deep breath and went for it. “Yes and no. I came to Switzerland to support my brother in a fight for his life, and yet it feels as though I’ve spent more time with you than him.”
It wasn’t true. Sure, my nights were spent locked in Garen’s arms, or most of them anyway, and we’d gone to dinner and to that charity thing on Wednesday, but the vast majority of the day I spent with Aiden. I’d been with him all day at the hospital on Monday and again yesterday, and in-between, when he wasn’t too tired, we played chess, watched movies, or strolled around the grounds talking about our hopes and dreams for the future.
Garen crossed his arms over his chest. “I see.”
No. You don’t. Not yet, anyway.
“And so I’ve been thinking,” I plowed on. “This. Us. It won’t work. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and my family, and I always will, but Aiden is my priority. I’ve taken my eye off the ball because I’ve been having too much fun with you. But that’s all it is, Garen. Fun. And I’m calling time.”
His jaw slackened, and his brows shot up toward his hairline. “Wait a second. You’re breaking up with me?”
I poked my tongue into my cheek. “I wouldn’t use those words exactly. I don’t think we know each other well enough to attach a term like ‘break up’ to whatever this was. And like you said, you don’t do relationships. As it turns out, neither do I. Not right now when my brother needs me more.”
Inside, my heart cracked open wide, so wide I doubted angels sent from Heaven could stitch it back together. But this was the only way I could escape with my honor intact. I’d always known Garen was ruthless and cruel, yet I’d dared to believe there was something about Switzerland that changed him. Turned out it was just a facade, one that had crumbled when he’d shared his true feelings with his friends.
His eyes darkened, eliminating his soft gray irises until they resembled two lumps of charcoal. Cold and hard. A violent tremor shook my entire body, almost as if someone had walked over my grave, and an icy lump settled in the pit of my stomach.
“Good. I was getting bored with you anyway.”
I gasped, his comment a dagger to my chest. “That’s not true.”
Except it was. I’d heard it for myself all too clearly. Something deep inside, though, had hoped I’d misheard. I longed to be wrong about him, prayed he’d stand up and fight for me. For us. That he’d fall to his knees and beg me to reconsider.
I was a fool. A stupid, gullible fool who’d fallen for a man who didn’t deserve me. Yet that little voice I couldn’t ignore kept whispering that it wasn’t all fake. The things he’d said on Wednesday, that I was his. He’d sounded so genuine. He wasn’t that good of an actor.
A spark of hope lit within me. Maybe he had a good reason to say those cruel things to his friends. I couldn’t come up with what those reasons might be, but I didn’t believe he’d feigned his feelings for me either.
“You said I was yours,” I whispered, more to myself than to him.
He snorted. “Yeah, and the blow job you gave me that night that was worth the lie. Gotta give it to you, sweetheart. You’ve a very talented mouth.”
Air shot out of my lungs on a whoosh. My lungs flattened, and I struggled to take a full breath. A trembling in my legs had me bli
ndly reaching out to steady myself. My palm connected with the cool drywall.
“No… I…” My tongue felt too large for my mouth, and I couldn’t form a proper sentence. My original thoughts about this man were right on. He was a monster, a cruel, heartless beast who used and abused people, then tossed them aside like trash once they’d fulfilled their usefulness.
“And if you recall,” he continued, ignoring my attempts to speak, “I also said I wanted you to give me some space to figure things out. What I actually meant was space to work on an easy way to break things off.” He barked a laugh. “Y’know, I feel sorry for you. You’re desperate and clingy and capitulate far too easily for me to find you interesting beyond what’s between your legs. I got what I wanted—your studio and your pussy—and now I’ve lost interest.” He looked me up and down, his gaze disparaging, then got to his feet, turned his back, shoved one hand in his pocket, and stared out the window.
A sob climbed into my throat. I swallowed it down. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much his vicious words had hurt me.
“We’ll be out of here first thing in the morning.”
“Don’t bother. I’m heading back to Canada tomorrow.” He pivoted slowly, his expression unreadable. “I told you I’d keep my end of the bargain once I grew tired of you. I’m a man of my word. I will continue to fund Aiden’s treatment, as per our original agreement. None of this is his fault, and I want him to recover.”
Relief flushed through me. I’d taken a prideful stance, one he’d thankfully thrown back in my face for reasons unknown. Aiden’s treatment had only just begun, and although I had the money from the sale of the studio, it would only cover the fee for a couple of months, whereas Aiden would need far more to complete the full treatment program his doctors had designed.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Ice poured from his eyes as he held my gaze. I waited for more, but it never came. He just stood there, loathing seeping from every pore. Silence weighed down on me like a blanket with lead stitched into the lining.
Entrapped: A Billionaire Romance (The ROGUES Series Book 3) Page 17
