by Beth Ehemann
“Yep,” Viper agreed. “It’s hard to drive in this shit, and if I go any faster than twenty we lose traction and swerve all over the fucking place. Not to mention, when was the last time you saw another car? It’s like a damn ghost town out here.”
“I know, kinda creepy. And I think we lost Andy.” I peeked into the backseat. Andy had rolled up a hoodie and was sleeping on it against the window, his mouth hanging open. “His mouth is open. Should I throw something in it?”
“Yes!” Viper growled. “I have a box of Red Hots in my bag. Grab them.”
I bent down and picked up Viper’s backpack from the floorboard, searching quickly for the box of cinnamon candy before Andy switched his position. Finally I found it. I ripped open the tab and pulled a couple pieces of candy out before unbuckling and turning around in my seat.
“Hold the car steady.” I shot Viper a warning glare, “And don’t kill me.”
He rolled his eyes but didn’t take them off the road. “Please. I probably need to go more than twenty miles an hour to kill you. At this rate, the best I could hope for would be a broken arm or maybe some internal bleeding.”
Ignoring him, I pinched a piece of candy in between my pointer finger and thumb, aiming it like a dart at Andy’s mouth. I cocked my hand back and let it go, hoping it would land on his tongue and eventually burn the crap out of it, waking him up. Instead, it did go into his mouth, but skipped the tongue all together and went straight down his throat. He sat straight up, his eyes snapping open and his hand at his throat as he coughed and choked.
Once he calmed down, he looked at me like I was insane. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I laughed and turned back around without saying anything.
“Where are we anyway?” he grumbled.
I checked the map again. “Uh . . . Eolia, Missouri.”
“Did you just say areola? Because if you did, I’m fucking packing my family up and moving here.” Viper laughed.
“What do snowmen use to make snow babies?” Viper said through a yawn.
I frowned and looked over at him, “Huh?”
“What do snowmen use to make snow babies?” he repeated.
My eyes shot back to Andy, who shrugged. “I don’t know, Viper. What?”
“Snowballs.” He let out a loud, slaphappy laugh.
I twisted in my seat and raised an eyebrow at Andy. “Think it’s safe to leave him now?”
“Shhhhh! You’re gonna wake the kids!” I scolded in a loud whisper, which only made Michelle and Dani giggle louder. Darla looked at me and rolled her eyes with a smile. She was buzzed, but not nearly as buzzed as the other two.
Once the kids went to bed and we heard from the boys that their plane was, in fact, grounded, Dani and Michelle started tipping the wine back.
Michelle stopped laughing suddenly and stared at Dani, “Okay, can we go back to this wedding thing. Have you guys even talked about it, Dani?”
She shrugged, staring down at her wine glass. “Kinda. It’s weird. I think because we live together already, neither of us are in a huge hurry. It’s not like life is gonna change once we’re married.”
“Psh!” Michelle blurted out. “You guys are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. You just wait.”
“Wait for what?” Dani looked at her with wide eyes. “What’s gonna change?”
I picked up a coaster and threw it like a Frisbee at Michelle’s head. “Michelle, stop scaring her!”
“I’m not, I’m just being honest,” she defended with a giggle. “Is it not true? Do things not change a little bit?”
“Well, sure . . . but that’s kinda life,” I said with a shrug. “Besides, you say it like it’s a bad thing.”
“What changes?” Dani exclaimed, obviously annoyed that we weren’t answering her question.
“Number one—sex.” Michelle took another sip of wine.
“Oh—” Dani shook her head quickly, “—Andy and I are just fine in that department. I’m pretty sure that won’t change at all.”
Michelle swirled her glass around and raised an eyebrow at Dani. “It will. I promise. Eventually, you’ll be so damn tired, you’ll starfish your way through the week.”
I giggled as Dani’s eyes darted from me to Darla, then back to Michelle. “Wait. Starfish? What is that?”
Michelle and I glanced at each other, each of us waiting for the other to speak up. “No way,” I finally scoffed, “you started this with her, now you finish it.”
With wide, anxious eyes, Dani looked to Darla for an answer.
Darla raised her hands defensively, “Don’t look at me. I’ve never starfished a day in my life. In fact, I’m the anti-starfish. I’m the one slapping the starfishes to wake them and tell them to look alive.”
“I swear to God, if one of you doesn’t tell me what the hell a starfish is—”
“Okay, okay,” Michelle interrupted. “So you obviously know what a starfish is, like the sea creature?”
Dani nodded.
“Well, basically, when you’re really tired at the end of the day and he wants sex, and you’re too tired . . . you just starfish it. Meaning you lay there and dream about your to-do list for the next day while he does whatever. Then you get to go to sleep.”
Dani’s mouth dropped open and her head jerked back. “Do you guys really do that?”
“Are you kidding me?” Michelle rolled her eyes. “Viper would live in my vagina if he could. Sex with him is amazing, but exhausting. Sometimes it’s like ugh . . . just do whatever and let me go to bed.”
Dani’s shocked and horrified expression made me laugh so hard my belly shook. “Have you done this too?” she asked me.
I shrugged, trying to calm my laugh. “On occasion, but usually only if I’m really drunk. I want to sleep when I’m drunk, so if I’ve been drinking and he lays me on the bed, it’s like lights out . . . see ya tomorrow. I have to struggle just to stay awake until he finishes.”
“So, since we’re going there and all, can we please talk about finishing?” Michelle sat forward off the couch and set her wine glass down on the coffee table. “I’m serious. Are your boys crazy in that moment, or is it just Viper? Because he is so loud when he comes that sometimes I’m worried the neighbor is going to call the cops.”
“Oh my God!” I blurted out as everyone, except Michelle, erupted in laughter. “We are not going there.”
Michelle frowned. “Why not? I’m serious. We’ve talked childbirth, poop, and everything in between. Why not this?”
“Because as much as I love your husband, I don’t want to picture his O face every time I look at him,” I joked back.
Dani’s hand flew up to her mouth but it was too late. Little droplets of wine sprayed out from in between her fingers, covering the side of my head. “I’m . . . so . . . sorry,” she said through a cough as Darla handed me a napkin. Michelle, on the other hand, was laughing so hard she nearly fell off the couch.
I stood and walked to the kitchen to get a damp dishtowel and clean myself up while Dani followed me, still apologizing. “Kacie, oh my God. Really, I’m so sorry.”
“Dani,” I chuckled, “it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“What is going on in here?” Mom said playfully as she appeared in the kitchen doorway with her hands on her hips.
I turned the sink on and stuck my finger under it, waiting for the water to warm up a little bit. “Well, we started getting a little silly, and then Michelle tried explaining what a starfish was to Dani and all hell broke loose.”
Mom tilted her head to the side and pulled her brows together. “Starfish? What’s that?”
With a grin on my face, I turned from the sink and peeked over the couch at Michelle. “Hey, Michelle!” I called out. “Mom wants to know what a starfish is. Care to come over and explain?”
The next morning—Christmas Eve morning—I rolled over to an empty bed and my heart ached. The bed at my mom’s just wasn’t comfortable and I tossed and tu
rned all night, so instead I opted to sleep at my own house, but that wasn’t easy either. Seeing Brody’s side of the bed untouched and his pillows still smooth made my eyes well up. Over the last few days, he kept telling me to wait and see and think positive, but it was Christmas Eve morning and he was still in St. Louis. There was nothing positive about that. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and opened it, praying I’d missed a message overnight saying he was on the way home.
My text box was empty.
Merry Christmas Eve. I miss you.
He answered a minute later.
Brody: Merry Christmas Eve. I miss you too. You just waking up?
Yeah. I slept over at our house last night.
Brody: Is everything okay?
Yeah, I just sleep better in my own bed . . . but I wish you were in it with me.
Brody: I wish I were there too. Trust me. You smell a lot better than these two idiots.
Any news on a flight?
I held my breath as those three little dots rippled across the screen.
Brody: No, baby. No news. I promise you’d be the first I’d call if we had a flight. So far . . . no plane.
Without answering him, I put my phone down, buried my face in my pillow and sobbed. Shoulder shaking, breath hitching sobs. One of those cries that lasts a long time, but makes you feel so much better when you’re finally done. I knew it wasn’t the end of the world and there were a lot of families who couldn’t spend Christmas together, but I just needed a few minutes to get it all out. After I was done, I took a deep break, took a quick shower and headed next door to the inn. Every year, the girls and I made cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve morning and I promised them, even with a houseful of people, that wasn’t going to change.
A few hours later, after all the kids had eaten, the kitchen had been cleaned and it was time to bake.
“Okay,” I clapped my hands together loudly, “who wants in on this cookie thing?”
“Me!” most of the kids started shouting as their arms shot up in the air.
Logan looked over at Matthew and nodded toward the hall.
“Wait, wait. What was that look about?” I asked. “You two too cool to bake cookies?”
A mischievous grin spread across Logan’s lips as he shook his head. “Not bake, but we’ll come back and eat them when they’re done.”
“Oh, you will, will you?” I teased, swatting him with a dishtowel before they both turned and hustled down the hall.
Lucy, Piper, Emma, Grace, Becca, and Maura stood in front of me with twitchy, anxious hands that were ready to work.
“You guys excited?” I asked.
They nodded like eager little baby birds sitting in a nest.
“Okay then. Let’s get moving.” Being in the kitchen with all those kids and seeing the excited looks on their faces was lifting my mood. I grabbed eggs, sugar, butter, and vanilla, and within seconds, the kitchen was a flurry of excitement and giggles. Thankfully my mom, Dani, and Darla all pitched in and took a station with a couple of the girls, while Michelle sat at the island and watched us, gently rocking back and forth as she nursed Michael.
The time flew by and before I knew it, we were loading cookie sheets into the oven and setting the timer. “We have too many cookies and not enough oven racks,” I said as we closed the oven door. “We’re going to have to cook them in several different batches, but boy will Santa be excited when he shows up here tonight.”
Their eyes all lit up at the mention of Santa’s name.
“Mama! Santa comes tonight?” Emma squealed.
I nodded.
Becca whipped around to Dani. “Does Santa know where we are?”
Dani nodded, her dark eyes smiling at Becca. “Yep. Remember when we mailed him your list? Well, we also added a note with the address here so he’d know where to find you.”
“Okay, because I was really, really good this year and I don’t want him to skip me.” Becca pulled her hands up and scrunched up her face excitedly.
“Wait!” Lucy called out, turning toward me. “Santa is coming tonight? But Brody’s not home yet.”
“I know, honey.” I walked over and put my arm around her, pulling her against me. “They’re trying really hard, but no news on the plane just yet. Don’t give up hope, though, okay? Airports are changing and adjusting all the time.”
I wish I believed my own words.
“How about some tunes?” Dani called out as she grabbed the remote and turned the TV to the Christmas music channel.
“Jingle Bells” blasted from the speakers and it was like an instant adrenaline shot for the kids. I smiled to myself as they all started wiggling and shaking, holding hands as they danced around the kitchen.
“You need the boys for your dance party!” I called out over the music.
Piper gave me a big nod. “Get in line, girls! Follow me!” She shouted. The other girls fell in line right behind her, but the dancing didn’t stop. They boogied and sang their way down the hall straight to the playroom. I waited for the yelling and resistance from the boys, but it never came. Instead, the line reappeared a few minutes later with Logan and Matthew strutting and dancing at the back of the line.
My heart soared. While the last month had been the most unexpected of my life, that moment right there—standing in the kitchen with my mom and best friends, watching as the kids marched and pranced in a big circle around the island with smiles on all of their faces and Christmas cookies in the oven—was one of the best moments of my whole life. It was one of those moments that I knew I’d remember forever.
The second my eyes started to get heavy, Brody kicked me out of the driver’s seat and took over while I switched with Andy and napped in the backseat. A few hours later, I woke up to sunshine coming through the windows landing right on my face. I sat up and stretched my arms out as far as the tiny little matchbox car would let me.
“Where are we?” I growled.
“Just passing through Waterloo.” Andy said. “And the sun is trying to come out. The roads are still total shit, but I’m starting to feel like we might just make this happen after all.”
I rubbed my eyes and looked down at my phone. It was two o’clock in the afternoon.
“So we’ve been driving for what—like thirteen hours already?” I asked.
Brody huffed. “Driving is putting it loosely. A good part of the time you were sleeping, we just sat.”
“Sat? Why?”
Andy turned and looked back at me. “There were a bunch of cars off on the side of the road in a ditch and the big plows were trying to get them out, so we had to sit and wait. Then we stopped for gas and a bite to eat.”
“You fuckers stopped and ate without me?” I complained.
Brody chuckled and shook his head, “No, but we should have. You snore so damn loud. How the hell does Michelle sleep next to you?”
“Easy,” I said nonchalantly as I looked out the window. “I give her so many orgasms before bed every night that she’s exhausted and slips into a deep, peaceful slumber.”
Brody looked over at Andy. “The shit he’s shoveling is deeper than the snow.”
I ignored him. “How long ago did you guys stop, anyway?”
“Why? You hungry?” Andy asked.
“No. I gotta piss, though. Bad.” I turned to look and see if there were any cars behind us but there was no one on the road anywhere. “Here, just pull over.”
“Right here?” Brody exclaimed.
“Yeah. I can’t wait.” I scooted over behind Andy’s seat, my leg bouncing because I had to pee so badly.
Brody sighed loudly as he pulled the car off to the side just a little. “I’m not going any further into that deep snow on the side. We’ll get stuck.”
I nodded “Fine. Whatever. Just open the damn door.”
The car finally came to a stop and Andy leaned all the way forward, pulling his seat with him.
“You’re the best,” I said to Brody as I squeezed out behind Andy. “I’ll wr
ite your name in the snow as tribute.”
I pulled my pants down, barely getting my dick out in time. As I stood peeing in the middle of what was most likely a corn field, somewhere in the middle of Iowa, out of the corner of my eye I saw the car start to pull away. “You’re not fucking funny,” I called out to Brody, unable to stop peeing. I took a big step to my left to try to stay with the car but it began moving faster. My junk bounced up and down as I started side-stepping quickly to keep up with it. “Knock it off, assholes!” The more I yelled, the harder they laughed. Finally I finished, tucked the Viking back into my pants and pounded on the back end of the quarter panel. The car stopped moving but they didn’t stop laughing . . . for a long time.
“I’m gonna call Gam real quick, just to say hello.” I said as I scrolled through my phone looking for her number.
“Hey. Where is Gam this weekend?” Andy looked at me in the rearview mirror. “Did you invite her?”
I nodded and rolled my eyes. “I did, but she had other plans.”
“Other plans?!” he repeated incredulously.
“Yeah. Her and Regina are spending Christmas with Phil and his brother.”
Brody turned his head toward me. “Phil? Isn’t that the guy she was . . . dating?”
“Yeah, I guess. I mean . . . I don’t know. Do old people date? According to her, Phil is her gentleman friend.” I rolled my eyes again at the ridiculousness of the conversation we were having. “And apparently Regina began—dating—Phil’s younger brother, George, so they’re all gonna be together for the holiday.”
Looking back out the front window, Brody shook his head and laughed. “Kids these days are so cute.”
“Hello?” Gam answered the phone.
“Hey, Gam. It’s me.”
“Lawrence! How are you?” Her voice rose with excitement.
“I’m . . . okay. How about you?”
