“I reserve my right to opt out, too,” I added. “To change my mind, I mean.”
Revik looked at me, but only nodded, his expression noncommittal.
"Why do seers have to be such lunatics when it comes to sex?" I muttered.
For some reason, this was the thing to break the impasse.
Revik relaxed next to me, enough that I wondered if he’d been holding his breath. In any case, he was watching my reactions more closely than I’d realized. Leaning back in the leather padded booth, he shrugged, lifting his coffee cup and bringing it to his lips.
I saw his eyes still gauging my face as he took a sip.
"Once the bond is complete, seer marriages are more stable and harmonious than probably ninety percent of human marriages,” he said cautiously. “Mates will give up just about anything to make the other one happy, including their own lives..."
“Everything but group sex, apparently,” I muttered, giving him a pointed look.
He smiled, but I saw that harder look back in his eyes.
"And that's really just biology?" I prompted, picking up my own coffee. I wanted the argument to be over I guess, if he wasn’t going to talk to me. Even so, I noticed his eyes glowed faintly again when he glanced my way. "...You said on the ship that seer relationships were 'largely biological' and that I shouldn't take it personally. Is that really true?"
He rolled his eyes, leaning forward to plunk his elbows on the table on either side of his plate. Even so, his complexion abruptly darkened.
The last trace of that harder scrutiny vanished, even as he let out a sharp exhale.
"Christ," he said. "I'd forgotten that." Running a hand through his hair, he gave me a look that lived somewhere between shame and an apology. "Allie...I'm sorry. I'm really sorry I said that. That's not how it works at all." He made a vague gesture with one hand, the one not holding his coffee. "I was terrified of you. You know that, right? When I wasn't jerking off in the shower to keep from trying to fuck you, I was trying my damnedest to convince both of us that nothing was going on...that the whole thing was just a giant misunderstanding. Or that Vash could somehow 'fix' it when we got to India..."
When I laughed, genuinely that time, he smiled with me. Even so, I felt another pulse of that embarrassment on his light. Glancing at me, he shrugged with one hand.
"...Why you haven’t left me is completely beyond me, wife,” he said. “Most seer females would have knifed me in my sleep by now. You know that, right?"
I smiled, rolling my eyes, even as I bumped into him lightly with my shoulder. In the process I sent him a pulse of reassurance, along with a warmer one from my heart.
"Apology accepted," I said.
“For which thing?” he said, smiling faintly below the seriousness of his eyes. “For me being an dick just now? Or back then?”
“Both,” I said, smiling back. "...More or less.”
“More or less?” He eyes drifted to my lips. “Does that mean I’m going to pay for it later?”
“Yes,” I said, nodding decisively. When his eyes remained on my mouth, I bumped him again with my shoulder. “So how does it work then? If we’re not all slaves to our biology, then what are we?"
He sighed, looking away.
I saw him thinking, even though I could still feel that embarrassment on his light, along with a denser pulse of something else, what might have been preoccupation with sex, more of that fear, or both. In either case, he was pulling on me with his light, that faint glow still in his eyes.
Shifting a little in his seat, he shrugged.
"It's more like we deal with the more animalistic side of things first," he said after a pause, gesturing vaguely. "Our light essentially makes the choice, then our bodies and instincts have to catch up. Really, most of what you see in seer couples who are likely to end up mates...in the beginning, I mean...is resistance to the bond. Our survival instincts fight back. It looks like possessiveness, but that's only the surface reaction. It's really more selfish...the 'me first' principle that's looking for a way out of the bond. It accuses the other person of unfaithfulness, untrustworthiness, duplicity. It worries about them dying, being stolen or taken away, which would endanger our lives. It really looks for any excuse to see the potential mate as someone 'other,' and as unworthy of our trust. A threat...someone who might even destroy us. At the very least, someone who forces us to think of someone's needs other than our own..."
I laughed, staring at him. "Really? You're being serious?"
He nodded, relaxing more as he smiled at me. "Yeah. You have to let go of a lot of that base, survival instinct when you take a real mate."
Watching me think about this, he slid an arm around my waist.
"Back in the early history,” he added. “...When Elaerian were trying to survive after the first Displacement, they made a lot of rules about which couples would be allowed to mate, and why. For a long time, this manifested as a real austerity around taking long-term partners. I mean for thousands of years, Allie...long enough to affect our biology, our very evolution as a species. Mates could only be approved for bonding by demonstrating a higher light connection. The couple literally had to prove, through their aleimi, that they would benefit one another and the community more together than apart. Therefore, most seers just had sex without much in the way of long-term commitments...and we didn't share light beyond a certain point. Children were raised by friends as often as lovers, or else by the community or extended family..."
Thinking about his words, I found myself watching Wreg.
"You think Jon and Wreg might really bond like that?" I said finally.
Revik gave a one-handed shrug. "I honestly don't know. But yeah, maybe.” He pulled me closer. “Wreg told me his aleimi decided it wanted Jon pretty much as soon as I took those structures from the Dreng out of his light. He struggled with it the whole time we were in China, and when we went to Beijing, to find you...and it only seemed to get worse after we got to New York.” Revik sighed a little, also watching Wreg.
“...Dorje felt it. Well enough to get in Wreg's face about it. And who can blame him? All of a sudden, here's this foreign light, and it's Wreg's of all people's, and it's wrapped up in the light of his boyfriend. We were a little worried Dorje might just up and shoot Wreg. It had to be interfering with their sex life, whether Jon noticed or not..."
I grimaced a little, but couldn’t help feeling a wave of compassion for Wreg.
"Yeah." Revik said, glancing at me. “We all felt sorry for him. Honestly, under any other circumstances, Wreg would have been our prime suspect in Dorje’s death. Balidor made him go through a number of scans anyway, since Wreg outranked Dorje by at least three or four actuals. We had to eliminate the possibility that he might have been behind what Dorje did."
I made a face, but Revik waved a hand.
"...Wreg understood," he added. "He didn't fight us on it."
"Still," I said. "Wow. How did I miss all of this?"
Revik tugged on my fingers. "You were with Jon. Taking care of him."
"Yeah.” I grimaced again, staring into my coffee. "I remember."
Revik rubbed my arm, sending me warmth. He lowered his voice again when he next spoke.
"I know Wreg had mixed feelings about Dorje's death,” he said. “None of us could blame him, really, under the circumstances. Both Balidor and I gave him a talking to, but he was pretty far gone at that point. I believe him that he tried...but he couldn't make himself stay away from Jon, not once the agreement he'd made with Dorje was void. I made him promise that he'd let Jon make the first move...which Jon did, and a lot sooner than I expected, frankly."
"Well," I said, smiling a little more genuinely as I took a sip of coffee. "He was smashed out of his gourd. Bonus for Wreg, really."
Revik gave me a sideways smile, but his eyes held a sharper knowing.
"It would have lowered his inhibitions, wife,” he said, his voice gently chiding. “But it wouldn't have conjured an attraction out of nowhe
re. Jon must have been looking at Wreg already. Whether he'd admitted it to himself or not."
"So where was I in all of this?" I said, only half-kidding when I frowned that time. I raised an eyebrow up at Revik before draining off the rest of my coffee. "Seriously. How did I miss this? And why didn't you tell me any of this was going on?"
Revik smiled at me, giving me an apologetic head-tilt. "Honestly? We all figured you'd freak out. Even Balidor."
Staring at him a minute, I snorted.
Even so, I had to concede his point.
"I finally put Wreg in charge of training Jon,” Revik added. “Just so he'd have some time in his light and not spend all of his waking hours getting drunk." He shrugged again, one-handed. "It pissed Dorje off, and I have no idea if it even helped. Wreg tried to push the training job off on me a few times, too, told me Jon wouldn't listen to him...but honestly, I think he just didn't trust himself around him. I can't imagine what that must have been like..."
Snorting a little, he scowled then, averting his gaze even as it turned hard.
"...Well, maybe I can imagine it a little."
I saw a flicker of Jaden's face behind his eyes, right before he took another drink of coffee, motioning to a passing waitress that he wanted a refill. Frowning, I considered following up on that, too, then decided this wasn't the time. Besides, I was a little too relieved that he’d finally calmed down from our last conversation.
"So," I said instead. Glancing at Wreg again, I lowered my voice still more. "...How could Jon not notice any of this?"
"Well..." Revik made a 'more or less' gesture with one hand as he stared at the far wall. He waited until the waitress put two fresh coffee drinks in front of us. She winked at me as she handed me mine, motioning her head and waggling her eyebrows suggestively towards Revik. I laughed, my attention pulled off our conversation long enough to raise my glass to her in a mock toast. I was still smiling faintly when Revik finished answering my question.
"...I think Jon did notice," he said after that pause. "...On some level, at least. Wreg complained that every time he turned around, Jon was standing there."
Remembering how often I saw the two of them together, even before Dorje died, I felt another wave of compassion as I glanced at Wreg.
Revik covered my hand with his.
"There isn't much you could have done, wife,” he said, softer. “Our own issues didn't exactly help. Hanging around me probably only made it worse for Wreg..."
"I thought he was sympathy drinking with you," I admitted.
"Yeah, well..." Revik made another 'more or less' gesture. "The sympathy was mutual, let's say. We each had our nights."
I glanced over at Wreg again, watching him talk and laugh with Jorag. I remembered his irritation with Jon not being around when we got back to the submarine, and couldn’t help smiling a little, clicking softly. Clutching Revik's hand, I tugged on his fingers.
Mates. Jon and Wreg. I forced myself to try and view it objectively, like Revik did.
"Do you think they meet the criteria?" I said. "In the old-school sense, I mean? Jon and Wreg. Do they make each other better?"
Revik shrugged, caressing my fingers. "According to scripture, all mates meet that criteria." He leaned his weight against my side. His eyes narrowed a little as he followed my gaze back to Wreg. "...Anyway, I've noticed things already. Especially since they started sleeping together, but before that, too, really."
"Is Wreg why all of those changes happened with Jon's light?" I said.
"I was actually thinking of Wreg himself when I said that," Revik said. His irises clicked back into focus as he studied my face. "...But as far as theories go, Wreg triggering the crossover thing for Jon also makes sense. The same thing happened with us, if you remember."
But I was stuck on what he'd said before.
"Wreg?" I said. "Wreg's light is different? How? In what way?"
I turned even as I asked the question, falling into the Barrier somewhat as I did. When Revik laid a warning hand on my arm, I felt the caution and only did a light pass, checking him out in terms of his higher structures and leaving the aleimi closer to his body alone. After a few minutes where I sipped my coffee drink and scanned, I clicked out, too.
"He's definitely a lot clearer," I said doubtfully. "But that's probably from him leaving the Dreng, right? I'm realizing I haven't really looked at him that closely in awhile...maybe not since we did that op together for the Registry mainframe..."
Revik gave me a wan smile, caressing my fingers where they lay on his leg.
"I know," he said, softer, kissing my neck. "I know why, too, wife." Pain slid through his light again, right before he seemed to deliberately shake it off. Glancing back at Wreg, Revik added, in an equally quiet but more matter-of-fact voice, "...Anyway, I've been keeping an eye on all of their light...the ex-Rebels, I mean. Balidor knows I do it...he and his team conduct regular scans, too. We even compare notes. Balidor knows I feel responsible for them. More than a few would never have joined Salinse, if it wasn't for me."
He sighed, settling his weight deeper into the padded booth.
"I worry about Wreg and the other old-timers the most,” he admitted. “Most of them were recruited by Menlim, so the problems in their light are different. Unfortunately, they're also more deep-seated and more complex. To be totally honest, I don't trust them completely. Partly because I wasn't the one to put those initial, root structures in their aleimi, so I can't know for certain I got everything out...even though I had Vash's help for most of them...”
Shrugging, he made another light gesture, and I found myself following his hand with my eyes, almost without noticing I did it.
“...I've worked with my memories of seeing Menlim do it, of course,” he added. “But I can't be positive I caught everything then, either. I also worry because the resonance they built with Menlim and the Dreng has been in existence for so long. It will take a considerable amount of time for that resonance to vanish totally. That would be true even if we had the time and resources we would need to work on it the way it should be done. Which we don't."
He looked at me again, his frown deepening.
"It makes them vulnerable," he said flatly. "Exponentially more vulnerable if you're right about Menlim being alive."
Frowning, I only nodded, taking another sip of coffee. Still thinking about his words, I pulled a few more fresh strawberries onto my plate. As hungry as I'd been when we got there, my stomach had shrunk down to nothing from how little food we'd eaten over the past week.
I found my nerves rising as I watched Wreg and Jorag together.
"So you think Menlim could turn them again?" I said after another minute.
Revik made a noncommittal gesture with one hand. Looking at his lean arms, for the second time in less than twenty-four hours, I found myself thinking that he'd lost weight, too.
"I honestly don't know," he said, following my stare. "But Wreg used to worry us the most, given how high up he was in the command structure, first for Menlim and then Salinse. Now, he worries me the least. Balidor, too."
"Really?" I turned to stare at Wreg again.
"Yeah," Revik said, smiling. He motioned with his head once more. "Check out Wreg's light compared to Raddi's...down there."
I shifted my attention from Wreg to the seer at the other end, who was closer to Revik's age. Raddi fought in the first rebellion, too, I knew...as well as the second, under Salinse. Scanning him carefully, I flinched when I saw the dull, heavy, wisps of smoke-like light that hovered over a number of structures in the Eastern-European seer's aleimi.
Looking back at Wreg, I couldn't help making a faint noise of surprise.
"Huh," I said.
"Yeah." Revik smiled as he leaned his elbows back on the table. "Huh."
That smoke-like substance was completely absent from Wreg's light. Instead, his aleimi shone with a dark, subtle, gold color, warm and woven through with more-subtle frequencies, sharper hues and vibrations.
/> "Jon did that?" I said, wonder in my voice.
"We think so, yeah," Revik said. "I thought maybe I was imagining things at first, so I finally asked Balidor and Vash. Balidor was the one who clued me in on the whole thing with Jon." Revik chuckled. "It really blew his mind, actually...maybe as much as Wreg's. Still, Jon’s also probably the main reason Wreg didn't knife Balidor in his sleep."
"And what about the others?" I said, looking at Raddi once more, and Tardek, who had also been in both rebellions. "What does Balidor think about them?"
"He's keeping an eye on them, just like me. But he trusts Wreg. More and more all the time."
I shook my head, smiling. "Balidor as a Wreg advocate."
Revik smiled, right before he knocked into me with his shoulder. "He's definitely got a lot of respect for Jon these days, too. He's said a few times recently that Jon has something really unique in his energy. He has a whole theory about why that is, of course."
"Which is what?"
Revik shrugged again, seer-fashion. "I already told you. He thinks Jon is some kind of reincarnated human master. One of the those who managed to attain some measure of sight on their own...purely through his own effort, I mean. He even meditates differently than most humans, I guess."
"Jon meditates?" I said, still trying to process everything he'd said. "Since when?"
"Since forever." Revik smiled, tugging my hair. "Didn't you know?"
I guess I did know he’d done that back in San Francisco, but it hadn’t really occurred to me that he might still do it here. Besides, before it was all wrapped up in his whole kung fu, San Francisco thing, so I didn’t pay a lot of attention.
"So by 'human master,'” I said, grinning. “What you really mean is, like...a buddha?" I said, smiling wider. "Like a guy who sat in caves, eating bugs and pondering the nature of existence?"
Revik laughed, but his eyes remained serious. "Maybe not quite that extreme. But yeah, along those lines."
"Can we start calling him Buddha Jon?" I said. "Please?"
Revik laughed...loudly enough that a few people looked over.
Even so, he was already shaking his head.
Allie's War Season Three Page 94
