“So she was just some way to escape the horrors of being my husband?” I ask with disparagement dripping from my tongue.
“Natalie, it was a way to escape the horrors of not being man enough. It wasn’t about you. Don’t you get that?” He waits, but I don’t say a word. “It was me who wasn’t able to give you, my wife, the woman I would’ve laid my own life down for, a baby. I was inadequate on every level. She didn’t see that in me. She saw the strong, virile male who wasn’t a failure. I needed her to take the pain away.”
“Was she worth it?”
“It wasn’t about her.”
“Would you go back and do it again?” I ask with raw pain drowning my words.
Aaron looks away and then back again. “She gave me something you weren’t willing to give anymore. She looked at me like a man. She looked at me like a hero. In her eyes, I was someone worth loving. I needed that. I deserved that.”
“Would you do it again?” I ask again.
“I don’t know!”
I look at him, and he knows me well enough to see the hurt, anger, and despair in my eyes. He knows that was the end of any chance he had.
He just lost me.
Completely.
“Fuck!” I scream and throw the glass against the wall. It’s been forty-eight hours since I last saw her face. Two fucking days. I haven’t slept. I can’t eat. I want to rush back to her house and take her and Aarabelle. I need her like I need air.
But I have to stay away.
He’s my best friend.
He’s her husband.
I’m a piece of shit.
“Dempsey, open the fucking door!” I hear someone, but I’m not moving.
“Suck my dick!” I yell back and reach for my glass. Oh, yeah, I broke it. The bottle will be just fine. I grip the neck of the bottle as the vodka pours down my throat. I need the numbness that won’t come.
“I’ll knock it off the goddamn hinges. Don’t think I won’t,” I hear Quinn on the other side threatening me. He’s the last person I want to see. Like I need a talk about why loving her was a bad idea.
“Go away,” I reply, taking another swig of what I’m hoping will give me a break from the hell I’m living.
I hear the wood splinter as Quinn kicks the door in. Asshole.
“You’re going to pay for that,” I inform him.
“If you’d have opened the damn door, I wouldn’t have kicked it in.” He looks around the room, and I sink into the couch.
“Good to see you’re taking it well.”
I open my eyes then flip him off. “If you’ve come here to gloat, you can see yourself out the door. I don’t need anyone’s shit.”
Quinn pushes my leg and sits next to me. He grabs the bottle from my hand and puts it on the table. “No one could’ve seen this coming, man. You didn’t know.”
“I brought him to her. I had to sit on that fucking plane and listen to him go on and on about her.” I want to throw something again. “He wouldn’t shut up about being with her again. I just sat there, and Jackson and Mark didn’t know what to say either. None of us could tell him. None of us could talk. How fucked up am I that I wished it hadn’t been him?”
Quinn sits there quiet for the first time in his life. I reach for the bottle, but he moves it before I can grab it.
“Give it to me.”
“You’ve had enough, Demps.”
“I’m on leave! Give me the goddamn bottle,” I growl as I reach again.
Quinn smirks and I stand, ready to fight him.
“You wanna hit me, buddy? Go ahead. I’ll have your ass laid out before you get your first hit in,” he taunts and sits there lazily.
“Fuck you!”
“Nah, you’re not really my type.”
“Are you enjoying this?” I ask and head to the kitchen before he can answer me. He may have taken my vodka, but I’ll grab the whiskey.
I try to be as quiet as possible while I grab the Jameson. I get the top off and take half a swig before Quinn grabs it from me.
My fist clenches, I go to take a swing, but Quinn’s hand goes up and grabs my hand and twists it. “You wanna kill yourself? You want to be a pussy and drink yourself stupid, or do you want to be a man?”
I don’t say anything. I’m drunk, angry, and I want my girl back.
My other hand flies up, and before I know it, I’m face down on the ground with Quinn holding my arms behind my back. “Pussy it is,” Quinn laughs and uses something to secure my hands behind my back.
“Untie me, you son-of-a-bitch.” My voice is borderline murderous. “I’ll kill you when I get out of this.”
Quinn squats in front of me while I lie on the ground. “I’m not worried.” He pats my back and grabs the whiskey. “Now that you can’t do anything stupid let’s chat.”
I lift my head while glaring at him.
“You have two choices here. You can either let Aaron claim his wife back, or you can show her why you’re worth her time. It’s clear you love her and she loves you.”
I look at him incredulously. This was the same guy who told me to stay away. “She’s married to him. She’s not just some guy’s wife.”
“Did she tell you to leave?”
I close my eyes and see her face. She was so angry and slapped me, but I couldn’t be that guy. I can’t be the one who breaks up a family. It’s not just about Aaron . . . there’s Aarabelle to think about too. She may not be mine, but I love her as if she were. I can’t be the reason that she doesn’t have her father. If Natalie wants me, she’ll have to decide that on her own with no influence from me. I’d never stop wondering.
“No, but she was in shock.”
“You’re clairvoyant now? Wow, okay,” he pauses. “What will the winning lottery numbers be? I could use some serious dough.”
“Untie me,” I demand as I try to move my hands.
“I’m not done talking,” he states as if there’s no issue in this.
“Quinn, I promise I’ll kick the shit out of you if you don’t untie me.”
He laughs then moves to the chair, making himself comfortable. “You can try, but first you’ll need to get out. Here’s the deal. I don’t think you’re capable of making a rational decision right now. You need to sober up and figure out how the hell to claim your balls back. Right now, you’re waving a white flag to a man who cheated on his wife. Yeah, he was your friend. I get it. Are you willing to fight for her? If you’re not . . . then you don’t deserve her.”
Quinn stands and places a knife on the floor, clear out of reach. “You better run,” I warn him.
“You should be chasing someone else. Think about that and then clean this shit. You’re better than this,” he says and walks out the room.
I start to slide against the floor toward the knife.
Each inch I get closer, I think about what he said. The alcohol fog I was hoping for is lifting as the anger sobers me. Natalie begged me to take her away and fight for her. And all I wanted was to whisk her away and run. But the part everyone fails to understand is that this isn’t my fight. It’s hers.
I’ll never be able to push her away. I’ll wait forever if I have to, but I can’t fight this battle.
She has to be the one to choose me.
If she loves me like she says, she knows where to find me.
“Thanks, Rea,” I say as I place Aarabelle in the porta crib at her house.
I haven’t heard from Liam in two days. I’ve tried to get a hold of him multiple times, but he doesn’t respond. He’s starting to worry me.
“No problem. I love waking up at two a.m.” She yawns and nudges me.
Aaron was asleep on the couch tossing and turning. I literally snuck out of my own house. Since the first night, we haven’t spoken much. There’s not much for me to say. He tells me repeatedly that he wants to work on us, but it’s two people fighting to have the other let go. He wants me to let go of resisting him, and I want him to let me go. “I just need to see him. I won’
t be long.”
Reanell takes me into her arms and holds tight. “Go. I’m sure he needs you.”
“I don’t know what to say to him,” I admit.
“Just talk to him. How are things at home?”
Reanell and I haven’t been able to talk except through text messages. Aaron hasn’t left my side except to sleep. “I don’t know. Rocky at best. He’s on the couch, which he’s not happy about. He keeps saying he’s going to prove how much we belong together.”
She looks at me with empathy. “I know this is hard. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling, but I can say I’ve seen you with both men. I know the Natalie you were with Aaron and who you are with Liam. Neither was wrong, but one was definitely happier. I’m here no matter what.” Rea kisses the side of my cheek and swats my ass. “Now, go.”
I turn and head toward the man I’m desperate to see.
As I drive, I debate whether I should let him know I’m on my way. I worry that he won’t want to see me. The pain in his eyes haunts me. The need to see Liam as he was before all this is my only goal.
Guilt over leaving Aaron at home chews at my heart. It wraps around and squeezes me tight. My chest hurts, but I keep heading toward Liam. He’s who I need right now. I miss him, love him, and long to touch him.
I park and check my reflection, already hating the dark circles forming under my eyes. The red, blotchy marks on my skin from all the tears I’ve shed. The acid marks on my skin matching my insides.
I knock twice but he doesn’t answer. It’s the middle of the night and I didn’t call. I shouldn’t be surprised. Regardless, disappointment swells over me. I rest my head against the door, hoping to feel some sort of connection to him. If he can feel me here, he’ll open.
But instead the door shoves forward.
“Liam?” I speak quietly as I enter.
The hinges are broken, but look as if someone rigged the door back up. What the hell happened? I flip the light on in the living room, suddenly unsure if I’m in the right place. It’s a mess. Papers, bottles, and shattered glass is everywhere. There’s a hole in the wall by the television and a bloody towel lying on the floor.
“Liam?” I call out more loudly, but no answer.
When I reach his bedroom, I’m floored at what I find. Liam is passed out in the bed, wearing only his boxers. “Oh, Liam,” I whisper and move toward him. Crouching down by his face, I gently brush his hair back. “I’ve missed you.” He lets out a long, slow breath as if he’s been holding it. “Why haven’t you called me? I don’t want to lose you. I feel so alone, Liam.” My eyes prick as a tear falls. He sleeps as I confess my pain. “The tension is so thick, and I can’t breathe without you. I close my eyes and pretend you’re next to me. I feel your arms wrap around me, but you’re not there. I wish I could be with you and not feel like I’m dying inside. We could be away, making love, holding each other, but you’re passed out, and I’m sobbing on the floor. How did we get here? How do we go back?” My breathing becomes difficult as I let it all out. My fingers rub the side of his face, letting his beard scratch the pads of my fingers.
I need to be closer to him, so I strip down to my t-shirt and climb next to him. I lift his arm and drape it over me, allowing his warmth to blanket me. Tears continue to fall as I cocoon myself into him. I need to be close to him. Liam adjusts onto his side, and pulls me flush against his chest. He’s still asleep, but it’s as if he knows I’m here.
“I miss you, sweetheart,” his deep voice trembles.
My eyes stay trained on his, but he keeps them closed.
“So fucking much,” he says as his hands move down my back. “I need you, Lee.”
“You have me. Take me,” I murmur and press my lips to his. He kisses me with reverence and tenderness. Liam lets out a moan as his hands glide up my back.
He flips me onto my back while his delicious weight holds me beneath him. I’m where I belong. “Are you real?” he asks then crashes his lips back against mine. Our mouths stay fused as his fingers scrape down my sides. Liam doesn’t break, he doesn’t stop touching me, as if I’m going to vanish. His eyes stay glued shut as he gives me all of him. I breathe in every touch and every moment that I’m here with him. He brings me back to life.
My heart feels light, and it’s as if I’m floating.
He stops and gazes at me with so much emotion in his eyes I can’t move. Words fail. My heart stops. And time doesn’t move. All that exists in this world is us right now.
Liam’s strong hand presses against my face. He gazes lovingly at me as I begin to cry. The connection we share is more than I can explain. It bonds us stronger than ever before. I’m his and he’s mine. This one look has cemented our love and forged an unbreakable bond. Even if we will never be together again, I’ll never be anyone else’s.
His voice is thick and husky as he refuses to break from my eyes. “Tell me you’re real.”
“I’m real.”
“Tell me you’re really here.”
“I’m here with you.” My hand rises, and I press my thumb to his lips. “I’m here for you. I’m here with only you. I need you so much.”
His eyes close as I rub my thumb, savoring the rough feel on my skin.
“Stay with me,” he pleads.
Liam’s hands rest on each side of my face as I drag him down further. “There’s nowhere else I want to be.” Our lips meet, and I lose myself.
I may be married.
Aaron may be alive.
But my heart belongs to Liam.
My body is his, and I want him to take me.
My hands roam his thick back, memorizing each dip and ridge along his taut muscles. He hovers above me and his tongue brushes with mine over and over. I feel his hardness against my core, and I need him to fill me and bring me back to earth. To him.
My fingers trail his spine and hook in his boxers, dragging them lower. He becomes frantic and pulls me on top of him. Liam rips my shirt off and then discards my bra.
“I don’t want to wake up,” he says as he squeezes my nipple. I writhe on top of him, wishing I could convince him this is real.
“You are awake. This isn’t a dream.”
His hands slither down and cup my ass. “You’re my dream.” His eyes slam closed, and he groans as I grind down. Only the fabric of my underwear separates us. “But in my dream, you’d be fucking me already.”
My head falls back as he grips my hips setting the pace. Liam rocks me against him. I feel his length rub against my clit. The friction drives me higher and then he stops. I moan in protest. But he rises and his hands hold my face.
Liam stares at me for one beat.
Then two.
Then three.
I need to feel him. I lean forward and kiss him. Our tongues tangle and he bites my bottom lip, holding it between his teeth as he pulls back. My God. He’s killing me. His head drops to my breasts as he runs his tongue along the top of one and then repeats on the other side. My fingers grip his hair, and I tug him closer, needing more. For the first time in two days, my body has come to life. Liam latches on, and I cry out, feeling his teeth, tongue, and the warmth of his mouth.
“Liam, I need you inside of me.” I don’t recognize my own voice. It’s thick and heavy with a need only he can fulfill. “Take me, sweetheart. Take me,” I beg.
He responds with a throaty groan and flips me onto my back. He tears my underwear off and stares at me, blinking a few times. I see the moment he realizes this isn’t a dream. Awareness registers and his hand travels down my side. “You’re here.”
I grip his cheeks. “I’m here. I’m yours. Now prove you’re mine.”
Liam settles between my legs, and our eyes stay locked as he slowly enters me. I refuse to break the connection we share as he fills me. I stretch and savor the feeling of being complete.
We stay together as he glides back and forth. Liam brushes my hair, rubs his thumb across my lips, and keeps his gaze trained on me. My hands gently trail his spine,
his shoulders, and down his arms. He sucks in a breath when my nails scratch across the tattoo on his ribs.
Liam thrusts me forward, and the sound of our lovemaking echoes in the room. Our tangled bodies and heavy breathing mixed with the smell of sex and sweat fill my mind. I want to bathe in this moment. Drench myself in the happiness and love I feel, because I know all too soon that it will end.
“Don’t,” he commands.
Confusion sweeps over me.
“Don’t go there. Stay here. Stay right here with me, Natalie.”
I crush the thoughts that were chasing me and focus on him. My thoughts only memorize his frame that’s covering me, the connection we share right now, soul to soul and body to body.
My orgasm comes out of nowhere and I fall apart in his arms. “Oh, oh my God.”
Liam stops moving and watches me burst into pure ecstasy. I wriggle and he reaches between us, putting pressure on my clit, drawing out all pleasure from my body. “I can’t,” I say, needing him to stop. It’s too much.
“You can,” his voice is strained.
He milks each ounce of bliss my body holds. It lasts forever. My limbs are limp at my sides when he begins to move again. “I’ll never grow tired of watching you come apart.” He pounds harder and I slide up from the force. “I want you to think of how I make you feel when you’re away from me.” Liam slams into me again, and I claw my nails into his shoulder. “When you move, I want you to feel me right here.” He rears back and the slapping of skin rings loudly through the air. “You belong to me. Not him. Not anyone else.”
I can’t speak as Liam sets a punishing rhythm. He growls as he pushes harder and harder. Each time he hits a little deeper, and I bite my lip to fight from crying out. This is rough, but it’s exactly what I need. We had our sweet lovemaking . . . now we’re fucking. There’s no finesse, no love. Just primal and urgent. The need to sink our bodies so deep that we don’t know where I end and he begins.
“Do you understand?” he asks and pushes so hard I can’t control the cry. I welcome the pain from his body. I’d rather feel him hurt me than all the other forms of agony I’m in.
Conviction (Consolation Duet #2) Page 3
