“You know she’s too young to be bought and you’re about to have a whole heap of diapers in your life.”
“But if we can get rid of one of them with diapers that’s a win,” he scoffs and goes back to Aarabelle. “Okay, princess, how does this work? Do you just tell me? Do we stick you on it?”
“Oh, Jesus.” I lean up, and he pins me with his eyes.
“Don’t make me tie you to the couch.”
“You don’t scare me.”
He crawls toward me with a gleam in his eyes. “Oh?” His moves are lithe and catlike. Liam’s mouth is a thin line as he approaches. “I think you like testing me.”
“I think you like to be tested.”
He reaches the couch and he scoops me into his arms. Quickly he places me on the floor and hovers over me. “No more tests. I think we’ve passed them all anyway.”
I smile and thread my fingers in his hair. “I’d say we have.”
Aarabelle stands and lies on top of Liam’s back. “Dada, up?”
He does a push up with her hanging on his back and kisses me when he comes down. She giggles and I hold her sides so she doesn’t fall. Liam goes slow and lingers when he reaches my lips.
“I think you’re enjoying this,” I giggle in between kisses.
“I’ll enjoy it more when you’re my wife.”
I struggle with how fast we’re moving. I want to marry him, give him a life, be his everything, but I also don’t want to hurt Aaron terribly. Aaron’s a good father and he’s trying to be a good friend. The one thing I think both of these men need is their friendship back. Liam saved Aaron’s life, and in a way, Aaron’s death gave Liam something. It’s messy and ugly, but my marriage wasn’t what it appeared.
Aaron and I have worked to find a way to get along for Aarabelle, and Liam will be her stepfather. She’ll live with us, and I want Aaron to be a part of Aara’s life.
“Liam,” I sigh and he stops. Aarabelle climbs into his lap when he sits. She’s so attached to him. “I’m not trying to put anything off, but I don’t think we need to rush.”
He looks away and resignation paints his face. “I’m marrying you before you have this baby. I want to bring our child into the world with two loving and married parents. I’m not asking for anything big. All I want is you, me, and Aarabelle on the beach.”
“This baby will have two loving parents whether we’re married or not.”
“This is going to sound really bad, but I don’t ask you for much. I didn’t push you to choose me because I knew you would. I don’t get upset about your ex-husband hanging around the house because he’s Aarabelle’s father and he was my friend. I’ve sacrificed and lost a lot. Now, though . . . now, you are mine.” Aara moves off his lap and he moves toward me. “I want this because life is short. I want this because if I have to leave again, I need to know you’re set. I need this because I need it.”
My mind spins in circles on how to respond. Before I can answer, a knock comes.
“We’ll revisit this . . .” Liam says and he gets up to grab the door.
I look over and Aaron is standing there. Neither of them speaks and you can cut the tension with a knife.
Aaron steps a little closer and extends his hand. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
Liam grips his hand. “I appreciate it.”
“Glad to hear you’re okay too. I know everyone was worried.”
While this is the most awkward thing I’ve ever experienced, it gives me optimism. They’re talking—civilly. Aarabelle peeks from behind the couch and begins to giggle.
“Hi, pumpkin!” Aaron exclaims and she runs full speed.
“It was a mess . . .” Liam begins but hesitates.
Aaron raises Aara up and kisses her, then turns to Liam. “The mission?”
I breathe a heavy sigh of relief and fight the smile that’s building. Maybe we’ll all get through this sooner than we thought.
Liam starts to tell Aaron about some of the stuff that went wrong on the mission and why they went dark. A lot of it either goes over my head, or I just don’t want to know. These two have been friends for a long time and to see their friendship end was hard. I know that there was a lot of hurt between us all, but I think Aaron and I have come to a point where we also know our marriage was over before he died. Neither of us were ready to face facts.
“Athair,” Aarabelle says, which is pronounced “ah her.” It means “father” in Gaelic. We decided to start pushing that more and more over the last few weeks. We want her to have something special to call Liam, but allow Aaron to be her Daddy.
“I’m here. I’m here.” Liam gives her one of his hands as she gives him a toy.
We spend about an hour just playing with Aara. We talk about work and some of the things the doctors have told Aaron. His PTSD symptoms are gradually getting better and he’s starting to feel like the person he was before the deployment where they lost half their friends.
“Do you think we could step out and talk for a minute?” Liam says and my eyes snap up.
“Sure,” Aaron replies reluctantly.
Liam walks over and grabs my hand. “Trust me. This has to happen.”
“Please,” I beg.
“I’ll be right back.”
They step out of the room, heading out onto the deck. Fear grips me, and my chest tightens. I press my ear to the door but can’t hear anything. Minutes pass, feeling hopeful they’re getting along since I don’t hear anything breaking.
“What the heck are they talking about, Aarabelle?” I ask rhetorically and lie down before I get myself worked up.
She climbs on the couch with me, I nestle her into my chest. I love the moments I get her like this. Usually if Liam or Aaron are around, she’s climbing on them, but when it’s me and her, she’s my snuggle bunny.
“Pretty soon Mommy is going to be so big you’re going to have to lie with me on the bed. You’re going to be a big sister,” I say animatedly. Her smile lights up her face, and although she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, my excitement grows. “You’ll get to be spoiled even more, because if I know your uncles, they’ll overcompensate.”
More minutes go by, and finally Liam walks in without Aaron.
Great.
“What happened?” I ask.
“We needed to talk, Lee. Man to man. He needed to know from me.”
I turn my head and try to hold my anger in. “You should’ve talked to me.”
“Natalie,” he tries to capture my attention. “Look at me.”
I let out a shaky breath and then turn to him.
“I did what I would want him to do. I told him the truth. The more we lie, the worse this will be. I know him. I know you’re afraid to hurt him any more. And believe me, I don’t want to watch him suffer either. He was my fucking friend. He’s going to be a part of our lives forever.” Liam looks at Aara. “He’s her father. Aaron has a place in our family, and that’s the reality we face. So I went to him as his friend and told him I asked you to marry me.”
My throat feels like it’s closing in. All of this is so overwhelming. My future husband is telling my former husband that he plans to marry me. I’ve decided that I’m the only one in the world who has to deal with this shit.
“He isn’t happy, but he respects it. He said he knew it was coming and we talked. Will he be at our wedding? No. Will he be happy about it? I sure as fuck wouldn’t be. But he knows and he won’t be blindsided when it happens. We’re both grown men and I won’t lie, and I sure as hell am not going to hide. This is our life and we have to find a way to live it.”
“I know. It’s just a lot. A baby, a marriage, you just lost your mom. I just want us to be sure. I want to build a solid marriage, not one that you or I feel like is because of something else.”
It’s not me who I worry about . . . it’s him. He asked me to marry me as his mother was dying. I’m pregnant with a very high-risk pregnancy. And that is on the heels of him having major complications on a very d
angerous deployment.
“I know this . . . you and I have been through hell. We’ve come out stronger, in love, together, and a family. I want to marry you and know that when I’m gone, you’ll have the military backing. I’d wait twenty years if it took you that long to be ready to marry me, but that’s not what you’re saying. You keep saying it’s me. It’s not me, Lee. If you don’t want to get married because you need more time . . . just tell me. But don’t turn this on me, sweetheart. I’d pack the car and go today.”
“It’s not me I worry about. But if you mean it, then let’s do it.”
Liam lifts me into his lap then pulls my face to his. We kiss, and I feel the joy coming from his body. It’s as if I just gave him the best gift. Only it’s him who is giving me more than I can express. I really don’t know how I could’ve gotten so lucky.
We head into the kitchen and I start to fuss about how there’s nothing to eat. I swear I never had any cravings with Aarabelle, but this one, all I want is chicken and cashews. I could eat it every meal and be happy. Of course, I don’t, but I try to convince Liam to order out. Aara sits in her highchair eating her tiny pieces of chicken nuggets while I groan and moan about Liam not getting his pregnant fiancée what she wants.
“I have something for you.”
“You do? Is it an eggroll?”
“Oh, I got your eggroll, sweetheart. I think you’ll like this better.”
“Doubtful,” I huff playfully.
Aarabelle and I make faces at each other while Liam taps his foot. “Are you done being a brat?”
“You did not just call me a brat!” My eyes widen, and I drop the fork.
“I did . . . now, I’m trying to be romantic, and you’re killing the mood.”
“Romance in the kitchen? I’m excited now.” I sit up, pretending to be fully engaged. I’m tired, hungry, and feel nauseated all at the same time.
“Brat,” he repeats as he gets down on one knee again. “Now do I have your attention?” Liam’s smile is soft and his eyes are full of love.
I nod as he extracts a black box and then places it on my knee unopened.
“Aarabelle, I’m going to ask you if this is okay . . .” She looks at him while he grins. “Eat, cry, whine, poop, stare off or at me, or smile if you want me to marry your mommy.”
I laugh and she looks at me.
“Sold!” Liam exclaims. “Natalie and Aarabelle . . . I want to be a part of your lives forever. I want to care for you, love you, and be here for you.” He grabs her hand and I cover my mouth with my hand. “I’ll be your Dad even though I’m not your father. You already own me and I’ll do anything for you.”
A tear falls as he addresses the one thing in this world that would’ve stopped me from being with him.
Liam’s eyes shift and he touches my knee. “This was my mother’s ring.”
With shaky hands, I touch the box and open it slowly. Nestled in the velvet is the most beautiful antique ring. It’s white gold with pave diamonds on the band and around the center stone. The large diamond is round and protected by the other diamonds. It’s absolutely beautiful.
“Liam,” I look up as another tear falls, “It’s . . .”
“My father said he thinks she would want you to wear it. She would’ve loved you and he hopes we have as much love as they shared.” He takes it out and slides it on my left ring finger.
“I think we’ll have more,” I press my lips against his. He holds my cheeks and kisses me with so much fierceness it nearly knocks me off the chair. Aarabelle starts to yell for him and bangs on the table.
“I love you too, princess.” He kisses the top of her head and I melt.
He’s going to make me very happy and I’m going to cherish every second I have with him.
“Are you ready to see the baby?” Dr. Contreras asks as she puts the cold gel on my stomach. Liam stands next to me holding my hand.
“Yes,” I nod and look up at him. His eyes are focused on the machine. It’s finally time for my ultrasound and we’re going to see our baby. We had to push back a few weeks with all the craziness, but I’m beyond ready.
“And we’re doing the gender reveal later, so you don’t want to know, correct?”
Liam groans then shifts his attention to me. “They don’t have to know we know. We can pretend we don’t know at this stupid party. Look, I even have a great shocked face.” I glance over and he gives his best impression.
Such a dork.
I ignore him, “No, we don’t want to know.”
“You suck.”
“You’re being a baby. The party is in two weeks.”
“Stupid. I’m the father. I should know before some damn baker.”
“Zip it.”
She laughs and puts the wand on my stomach. I swear I don’t remember being so big with Aarabelle this early. I’m either retaining a lot of water or my body figures it’s already done this so might as well return to form.
The room fills with the wooshing sound of the baby’s heartbeat. Liam’s eyes widen, and his jaw drops as it echoes around us.
“What the hell is that?”
Dr. Contreras smiles. “That’s your baby’s heart. Nice and strong.”
“Our baby has a heart,” he says sounding clearly surprised.
I giggle, “I know.”
“I didn’t mean that literally.”
I twist my fingers with his and listen with a full heart. It’s a miracle we’re standing here hearing our baby or that any of this is happening.
“See that there,” the doctor says pointing. “That’s the baby’s heart. You can see everything looks good there.”
She continues to show us small glimpses of our peanut. Each time she points a new piece out, Liam claims he sees a penis, which she obviously won’t confirm. She goes through all the organs then hands us a few photos.
“I’ll let you get dressed and then I’ll be back to go over everything,” she explains.
“Is there anything to be concerned about?”
“I just want to look at the timeline and set a plan.” Her voice is reassuring, but something has me on edge.
Liam kisses the top of my head, and hands me a towel to clean off.
“I have a bad feeling,” I relay my fears to him.
“Everything looks fine, Lee. I know you’re worried, but from what I saw, the kid’s got all the parts.”
“Says the man who thought he would dent him or her with his giant penis.”
“Can’t help the equipment that was bestowed upon me.”
I stare, waiting until he looks over so he can see my face. He’s smiles then sits next to me.
“All joking aside, if there’s something wrong, we’ll handle it. But you’ve had a rough go at getting pregnant and staying pregnant . . . so, this is good. We’re at twenty-three weeks now. I’m handling everything I can so you can stay off your feet. Let’s just wait before we freak out.”
My head falls on his shoulder, and he wraps his arm around me. There are times in my life I feel so weak. As if all anyone does is reassure me that things will be fine. It’s just this baby . . . this life inside of me . . . is my chance. It’s my chance to prove I wasn’t broken or marred, but that I was meant to be a mother.
We sit here quietly and Dr. Contreras knocks and enters. “Okay, everything looked good. The baby’s heart and all of the organs are great. I’ve sent the gender off to the cake people, so yes, we were able to get a clear picture of that.” She smiles and then looks at the chart. “Only issue I have is your weight. You need to eat a little more. So far, you’re not gaining much and you said you weren’t having morning sickness. Are you eating healthy?”
“I have a kid who has no idea how to sit for two seconds so that could be why.”
She nods. “I want you to make sure you’re taking in enough calories for you and the baby.”
“She’ll eat.” Liam offers his promise.
“I’ll be more mindful.”
Dr. Contreras
smiles and shakes my hand. “Good. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
She turns to Liam and he returns the gesture. “She’ll eat . . . no worries.”
“Thanks, caveman. Go put your club away before you hit yourself on the head,” I say grabbing my coat.
The doctor laughs while leaving the room. Liam and I head to the car, I look closer at the sonogram to see if I can figure out if it’s a boy or girl. It’s going to kill me to wait until the gender reveal. Reanell and her stupid party. I was against it from the beginning, but somehow she tricked Liam into thinking this would be a fun idea.
Aidan returns from Ireland next week and is coming into Dulles, so he asked if he could come for a visit and meet Aarabelle. We figured we could spend the week with him and then find out the sex of the baby.
I groan, “I can’t tell if I see a penis.” I huff and throw myself back on the seat.
“Careful with the pushing on the seat please.”
“You’re kidding me?”
“Sweetheart, Robin has been good to us.”
“Robin can’t fit two kids in the back.” I call this to his attention and the shock ripples across his face.
“That’s not even funny if you’re telling me what I think you’re telling me.”
I turn slightly so I can watch this. “You and Robin are going to need to come to some kind of understanding. You’re going to need a new woman.”
“Robin is mine and I am hers.”
“I thought I was yours,” I raise my brow.
“But . . . you . . . but . . .” Liam splutters and grips the wheel. I wouldn’t ask him to sell his car, but this is almost too fun.
“It’s just not practical.” I shrug and turn my head so he can’t see my smile.
“What if we have an every other weekend deal?”
I swear I’ve never seen a man so attached to a piece of metal before, but this is Liam. The man who fed my child cake and tied her diaper on with rope. He’s the guy who will wax his car by hand for two hours to ensure the paint stays pristine. I really hope we have a girl, because if it’s a boy, he’ll be teaching him this same craziness.
“I’ll think about it.”
“I’ll make it worth your while.” Liam’s voice is full of promise.
Conviction (Consolation Duet #2) Page 20
