by Zoey Parker
Kurt fantasized about grabbing London's hands—feeling the bones in the CO's fingers and wrists snap and pop, hearing his screams. If Kurt applied the right amount of pressure, London wouldn't be able to wipe his own ass for three months, and the other guards would think twice about putting their goddamn hands on Kurt in the future.
Best of all—even after the bandages came off and the physical therapy ended—every time the weather got cold or rainy for the rest of London's life, his hands would be filled with a deep and throbbing agony. And he'd wince and rub them, and he'd remember Kurt.
But no.
The momentary satisfaction that would bring Kurt wouldn't be worth the time he'd spend in the hole, or the extra years that would be added to his sentence for attacking a guard.
So Kurt took a deep breath, waiting for London to move on to the next convict, and the next. One of the Sinners was caught with a tiny packet of coke, and another had a “Manifesto”—which was River Oak slang for a shiv made of paper that had been folded many times and then coated with varnish. Those two prisoners were sent to Ad-Seg as their contraband was confiscated, and the rest were let go.
Kurt brushed himself off and returned to his cell. Wilder was in the top bunk, reading an old paperback of The Count of Monte Cristo.
“Thanks for the warning, man,” Kurt said.
Wilder smirked, tossing the book aside. “No need to thank me. See, I was the one who tipped off the guards that someone in the gym had a shiv.” He dangled the Lullaby in front of Kurt for a moment, then slipped it under his own pillow.
Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Are you going to give that back, or do you and Hawkeye expect me to whack a Sinner with my teeth?”
Wilder laughed. “I wouldn't advise it. Half of 'em probably got AIDS or some shit. No, you had plenty of chances to do what Hawkeye told you today, and you pissed 'em all away. You've made it pretty fuckin' clear that you've got no intention of following orders, but hey, that's okay. Hawkeye's an optimistic dude. He's still convinced he can get through to you somehow.”
“How's that?”
“That's for me to know. For now, all you need to know is that I've got the shiv now, and in about forty minutes, we're gonna be locked in together, the lights are gonna go out, and the guards are gonna take a nice long walk so we get plenty of private time.” Wilder grinned. “Hope you sleep well tonight, Kurt.”
He didn't.
In fact, he didn't get any sleep at all that night.
Chapter 20
Sarah
Sarah pulled her car into the parking space in front of her apartment complex. She was exhausted from her shift, her entire body ached, and she hated the way the scents of River Oak clung to her skin no matter how hard she tried to wash them off. Every time she inhaled, her nostrils were filled with piss, shit, filthy concrete, rusty metal, bland food steamed in plastic, and male musk so raw and pungent it was like being in a zoo.
Sometimes, she imagined she could smell something else hovering above it all—a harsh, meaty scent that was primal and dizzying.
Was it desperation? Hopelessness?
Or just the smell of evil men, thinking evil thoughts and doing evil things until the air around them was a cloud of constant poison?
Hawkeye's threats had been banging around in her head ever since he'd made them. She hadn't been able to eat or sleep since then, and she was gripped by a penetrating sense of dread and despair. No matter what she did or didn't do, it seemed like she was doomed to go to prison, die, or both.
Even if she did everything she was told, how long would it take for Hawkeye to grow bored with tormenting her and start demanding sexual favors from her anyway? Worse, how long would he hold Kurt's well-being—and that of the other Dogs, for that matter—over her head? Could she really live with this level of terrified anticipation day in, day out, indefinitely?
No. She couldn't. She was sure it would eventually drive her insane.
For the first time, she seriously considered going to the police. It was an alien thought—her uncle had been the president of the Black Dogs for as long as she could remember, and he'd always told her, “No matter what happens, never, ever call the cops . You have a problem, you come to me. If I ain't around, you talk to the VP or one of MC's other senior officers. But you call the cops, and no matter what happened or who's in the wrong, you can bet your ass they'll end up arresting all the wrong people and letting the right ones go.”
But she couldn't go to Ron, or any of the other Dogs. Not about this. They were good guys, and she knew how much they cared about her—but their methods tended to be blunt, and no matter what they did to try to fix it, she was afraid all they'd do is make it worse.
Maybe the cops have dealt with situations like this before, she thought. Maybe they've got ways out of this that I haven't even thought of, since I'm so scared. Sure, okay, she'd lied on her CO application, but surely they'd overlook that when confronted with crimes that were so much more serious. She was still basically an innocent person, and that meant they had to do everything they could to protect her.
Didn't it?
Sarah went up the steps to her door and put her key in, but the handle turned and the door swung open before she felt the lock turn over. Her breath stuck in her throat like a jagged bone.
It was open. Someone was here waiting for her.
Why? She'd done everything they asked, hadn't she? Was Gable here to intimidate her again? Was there a gang of Aryans standing in her living room, ready to teach her a lesson over some perceived slight?
She was unarmed. Defenseless. She could turn and run, but where would she go?
Sarah stepped into her apartment and took a deep breath. She tried to keep the quiver out of her voice, but she was unsuccessful. “Who is it? Who the fuck is in here?”
A lamp switched on, revealing Bib. He was sitting in an easy chair in front of the darkened TV screen. Under his bushy eyebrows, his eyes looked sad and concerned.
“Uncle Bib? Jesus, you just about scared me to death! I hope no one saw you, or else they've probably already called the cops to report you as a burglar.”
Ron shook his head. “Nope, no one saw me come in. I was very careful. There's just you and me here, no one else.”
Sarah frowned. “Okay. So what's up? I thought we were going to hang out at the garage tomorrow night, like always. Why did you want to see me before then, and why are you sneaking around in the dark like this? Is something wrong?”
“I don't know, Sarah. Why don't you tell me?”
Sarah forced an uncomfortable laugh. “Have you been drinking? Because I have no idea what you're talking about. You sound weird.”
Ron nodded. “I probably do. That's because, for the first time since you've known me, I am just about terrified out of my goddamn wits. I truly am.”
“I, uh, don't...I mean, I'm not really sure what you could possibly be so afraid of,” Sarah stammered uneasily. “Everything's fine at work, and—”
Ron pointed a finger at her. “Yeah. That, right there. That look in your eyes when you tell me 'everything's fine at work.' That's what's got me so fucking petrified. Sarah, do you remember when you were six years old and you wanted to sit on my bike?”
Sarah was caught off guard. Yes, of course she remembered that. It was one of the only times Ron had ever yelled at her, which made it one of her most unpleasant childhood memories.
“I said no, so you waited 'til I left the garage and then you tried to climb up on it by yourself,” Ron continued. “The bike fell over and got all scratched up on one side, and you tried to feed me a line of crap about how the wind blew through the door and knocked it over. You weren't good at lying then, and you ain't gotten no better at it as you've gotten older. You get that same pinched little rabbit-looking expression on your face, and you've gotten it every goddamn time I've asked you about Kurt and your job at River Oak. I figured whatever was wrong, you were just too proud to let me know, and you'd find some way to fix it yourself.
/>
“But so much time has passed, Sarah, and you've still got that same look on your face. And now I'm starting to wonder if you just feel so trapped and confused by whatever it is that you think it's too late to talk to me, or it won't do any good. But that just ain't true, hon. Whatever's happened, I'm sitting here and begging you to tell me. Every problem in this life has got a solution, and we'll find it together, no matter what it takes.”
Sarah's lower lip trembled, and tears spilled down her cheeks. She wanted to shake her head and insist that everything really was fine. But the look of hurt and worry in his eyes was too much for her to bear.
She told him everything.
Chapter 21
Sarah
By the time Sarah had finished telling Ron everything, she'd gone through almost an entire box of tissues, and he looked like he'd had his heart ripped out. He sat in the chair, utterly deflated, his eyes full of shame and remorse.
“Holy fucking shit,” he breathed. “I can't believe it. I must be the dumbest fuck on the planet, letting you go in there as a guard without knowing what the real score was.”
Sarah shook her head. “It's not your fault. You had no way of knowing.”
“Well, it damn sure feels like my fault. I did a couple of short stretches in county jails here and there, but I never did time in a real prison like River Oak. I guess I just figured it wouldn't be much different, y'know? And now I find out Bear's been lying to me about it all this time...I mean, Jesus, after everything he and I went through together over the years...”
“I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I wanted to, but even if you knew, I figured there was nothing you could do about it. And if you tried, you might even make it worse.”
With a dazed expression, Ron rubbed his temples. “Like I said, every problem's got a solution. But I dunno what it'll be for this one. Just thinking about it makes me feel like there's a six-car pile-up in my skull.”
“I was thinking maybe I could...I don't know, go to the cops.” Sarah's voice was barely above a whisper.
“I know that seems like the best idea, hon, and I wish I could tell you it'd work, but it wouldn't. You'd be confessing to a crime with the application form thing, and the cops won't be willing to do fuck-all to protect you and keep you out of prison unless you agree to give them something big in return.”
“Like what?”
“Like testifying against me. Feeding them info on all the bad shit I've been involved in as the leader of the Dogs. Which would be fine with me, if putting me in prison would be the end of it. It wouldn't, though. It'd mean giving evidence that'd bring down everyone else in the MC too, and I just can't do that. Not when I swore an oath to protect them. Besides, it's not like the cops would just snatch you out of River Oak and put you under protection. They'd want you to help them collect evidence to build their case against Gable and the rest, which would mean sending you back in there with a wire. That's too goddamn dangerous.”
Sarah sighed. She'd never felt so tired in her life. “So what should we do?”
Ron considered this for a moment. “I don't know what to do about Kurt or the other Dogs in River Oak, but at least we can get you out of this mess. I'll have the guys whip up some fake ID papers for you. It should only take a day or two, and then you can just disappear. Maybe we can get you set up a couple of states away for a few months or a year, until the heat dies down, and it's safe for you to come back.”
She thought about it. It seemed like a solid plan, and it was a relief to think that she might not be trapped and helpless after all.
But...
“If I don't show up for my shift, they might figure out that I told you what's going on. They could take it out on Kurt and the rest of the Dogs.”
“Hon, you need to let me worry about what happens with the club,” Ron insisted. “I know how much you care about Kurt. You know I care about him too. But he's one tough son of a bitch, and so are the rest of them. They can stand the heat, at least until I figure out a way to solve this shit. You ain't no outlaw. You're my niece, I love you, and I need to get you as far away from those fucking animals in River Oak right now, before something bad happens to you.”
Sarah was so tempted to just say yes and let Ron fix everything for her. When she thought of working one more shift in that hellhole, her stomach lurched, and she felt like she might faint. She could just walk away from all of it—start over someplace new, work some low-profile job at a fast food joint or a gas station, make new friends, and erase all memories of River Oak from her mind.
But there was something about what Ron said—that he didn't have any ideas about how to fix things for Kurt and the other MC members inside, but he'd figure out a way. It reminded her of Kurt in the stairwell, telling her he'd think of a solution to their predicament sooner or later. Oh sure, both men were extremely confident that they'd come up with something.
Somehow.
Eventually.
But how long would it take them? Would it work, or would men like Hawkeye and Gable have contingencies in place that Kurt and Ron hadn't thought of? And even if it did work, how much damage would be inflicted upon them in the meantime?
Seeing Kurt almost every day as she worked at River Oak had been difficult. Even though he tried to remain stoic, she could see how much being there was sapping his strength, his vitality, his identity. It was in the slope of his shoulders, the hardness in his eyes, the way his arms always seemed tense and prepared to lash out. It nearly broke her heart, especially since she knew she couldn't show him how much she cared about him without endangering both of them.
But how much harder would it be for her to be away from him? To imagine him in that terrible place without her? Running away would keep her safe, but it would also feel like she was abandoning him to his fate.
Sarah felt these conflicting desires pulling at her, threatening to tear her in half.
“I can see the wheels in your head turning,” Ron said. “But there ain't nothing for you to think about. We're gonna get you some new papers in a day or two and get you the fuck out of there, end of story. If I have to tie you up, toss you in the trunk of a car, and drive you across the state line myself, that's what I'm gonna do.”
She nodded. “Okay. But please, please, you have to figure out a way to save Kurt from all this. You should see what that place is doing to him, Bib. He doesn't deserve this.”
“I promise I'll do everything I can to help him,” Ron assured her. “Now I'm gonna go out the back and make sure no one sees me, just in case these fuckers are watching you. Remember, tomorrow you need to go in there like nothing's changed. If they see or sense anything different about you, there's no telling what they'll assume or how they'll react.”
But hours after Ron had left, Sarah was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. All she could picture was Kurt, surrounded by pitiless stone walls and thousands of vicious men who wanted to murder him, with no one to comfort him or look out for him.
No one to love him.
Chapter 22
Sarah
The next day, Sarah tried to follow Ron's advice and act normally. But when she drove past the gate to the CO parking lot and saw the huge metal doors slide shut behind her, she was hit by a panic attack so strong and sudden, it felt like her heart was going to blast out of her ribcage and splatter against the steering wheel. Her hands shook violently, and she found herself gasping for air with each breath.
What if they had been watching her place last night? What if they'd seen Ron enter or leave, no matter how careful he'd tried to be? What if they were waiting to confront her inside—to punish her somehow?
What if they didn't know about Ron, but they still decided that today was the day they'd throw some extra torment her way? What if they followed through on their threats to force her into sex?
What if Ron came up with a plan and decided to act on it today, but they saw right through it? What if they took it out on Kurt and the Dogs?
What if the
y were finally able to prod Kurt into killing for them, and he got caught and sentenced to life? What if he got the death penalty for it? What if he ratted them out, and they had to murder him to shut him up?
What if they...
Sarah heard a hysterical screech of laughter, and it took a moment for her to realize it had come from her. There was so much danger from so many sides, she'd mentally lumped them all together into one vague, faceless, terrifying They—Gable, Hawkeye, the White Brothers, the Nation of Sinners, the other COs. A huge, gray, impenetrable mass of solid dread closing in on all sides, just like River Oak itself. She felt like a single drop of water trying to fight the rest of the ocean.
