“I…”
His lips crash against mine leaving me breathless and with no doubt that I’m not going to be able to argue the point. I allow the flicker of happiness that was ignited last night burn a little while longer as he once again proves his love for me.
I have no idea how he talked me into it, but here I am, standing hand in hand with Gage at the door to an old bed and breakfast in Bay Head that still looks as if Hurricane Sandy was yesterday rather than a few years ago. Its black shutters are chipped and hanging loosely against the worn gray shingles of the three story Victorian mansion and there is debris everywhere.
“Why is it we’re here again?” I ask wondering if it was even safe to be standing on this rickety, weathered porch.
“My family bought this property and the two others in this cul de sac. This one will be a restaurant, and the other two made into bed and breakfasts,” he says nonchalantly and walks over looking in one of the windows as if what he just said is something most families do. Sure, most people in Mantoloking are wealthy, but each one of these homes, ravaged by the storm, are still worth over several million each.
“Um, ok,” I say sarcastically. “How freaking rich are you, Gage?” Oh man, here I go talking before thinking, but this was all just too much.
“I told you I still hold stock in my family business. They need me to sign off on this stuff, but I don’t take part in much else. It’s not usually my thing.” He knocks on the splintered wood and smiles appreciatively. “Although, I may have to be a little more involved in this project. Something like this is much more fun than hotels.”
“How can you do this and be a doctor? Something like this will take a lot of time and energy. When will I ever see you before you leave for Ohio?” My voice is raised and I’m glad his parents are still nowhere in sight.
His deep laugh taunts me, but I can’t resist that playful, predatory smile he gets when he pulls me flush against his body. “Jess, do you ever listen to a thing I say? First of all, I’ve already told you, I go nowhere without you.” He kisses my nose and presses his forehead to mine, “and besides, this place needs so much work, it’d be like surgery putting it all back together, with the added bonus of being close to you.”
“Did you just compare home renovation to heart surgery?” I say trying not to smile, but then the reality of his situation hits me like a ton of bricks. “I can’t be the one to hold you back from your dream, Gage.”
He holds me closer. “Stop it, Jessica. You’ve done nothing but throw up road blocks every step of the way since last night. It’s fine, we’re fucking amazing, and I go nowhere without you.” He grabs me from behind and presses me up against him, letting me know the effect I have on him in the most intimate way. “And as soon as we’re done here, I’m taking you back to my house and proving how perfect everything is before we have to pick up Charlotte.”
He instantly eases my worries when he presses his lips to mine like a cloak of peace. Since the first moment I saw him in the hospital the day Dave died, he was able to touch something deep inside me that let me know things will be alright. And in this moment I think of Dave, and how he had the same effect on me, and can’t help but wonder if I will always compare the two--and if I’ll always feel haunting guilt whenever I let Gage win. My heart is still so tied to Dave, I wonder with the realization of his dreams at his fingertips, if it’s fair to let him give up his future for someone who can’t let go of the past.
Just then a blacked out Land Rover rolls up the graveled street alerting us of their approach before they see us intimately pressed up against each other like a couple of over sexed teenagers. I adjust my hounds tooth pea coat and smack Gage’s shoulder when I hear him growl out his plans for what he’s going to do to me under his breath. I silently scold myself when I think how sexy it is that Gage can be both compassionate and dominant at the same time, and think that I’ve never been so turned on by anyone in my life--anyone.
I’m surprised when I see a giant balding, chubby man emerge from the driver’s seat and wave up at Gage. He doesn’t at all look like the tall, gorgeous man at my side. Gage smiles down at me, and takes my hand in his before leading me to the edge of the porch. “You’re late,” Gage jokes and by the glimmer in his eyes, I can see how much he loves his dad.
I laugh when I notice Mr. Scott turn and give Gage the finger before opening the door for his wife. A gentleman just like his son. When his mother emerges from the car, I instantly see where Gage gets his stunning looks from. Her electrifying blue eyes are the first thing I notice when they meet my gaze with a contemplative expression, watching the way her son has his hand locked with mine. She’s wearing a red wool suit that is tailored to perfection, but quickly reaches back in the car for her jacket when the brisk cool wind picks up.
“Gage, Sweetheart, so sorry we’re late.” She walks up to us embracing her son, but keeping an eye on me the entire time.
Gage still has my hand in his, and when his mother finally lets go of him, he pulls me under his arm and looks down at me with an expression that can only be described as pride. “Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend Jessica that I’ve been telling you about.”
I get flutters in my stomach when he refers to me as his girlfriend. It seems so juvenile, but I love every second of it.
Mr. Scott smiles at me and pulls me tightly into a hug. “You told us all about the amazing things she’s done with her foundation and what a wonderful mother she is, but you left out that she’s a grade-A hottie!” He kisses my cheek and I know I’m blushing.
“For heaven’s sake Mike, give the girls some space. You’ll run her off before you have a chance to show her you’re harmless.” Mrs. Scott turns to me and politely extends her hand. “Please call me Peggy. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Gage has told us so much about you.”
Meeting his parents instantly makes me think of the Bosi’s and the close relationship I’ve always had with them. I try and push away the thought and look back at Gage’s parents feeling more nervous than ever. “It’s pleasure to meet you both as well.” I’m still getting used to the idea that Gage’s parents are as successful as they are. Whenever he talks to me about his family, they always seemed very normal. He’d talk of Christmases and Thanksgivings as if they were the average gathering, and now I can only imagine the extravagance they must entail. But that’s Gage, he doesn’t care about those things, and to be honest, that’s part of why I love him. He made our first date and extravagant affair, but he can also make hot dogs on the deck seem just as special.
“Well son, how about you and I take a walk around and let these two ladies go across the street and get out of the cold?” He tosses a pair of keys to Peggy who catches them with ease and I decide I like her already.
“Alright sweetie, I have a bottle of wine stashed away over there, let’s have a drink and get to know each other.” Mrs. Scott winks up at her son playfully and loops her arm through mine just as Gage kisses my cheek laughing as he and his father immediately talk business.
Yep, I like her.
We walk up to a large trailer and Peggy unlocks the door, escorting me inside. I immediately realize this must be an office for Mr. Scott to work in while making the grounds livable. The walls are dark oak and there is a large round table behind the driver’s seat with computer screens built in. I can only imagine how much money something like that must cost, and they have it in a trailer. Peggy begins sifting through the cabinets and I take a seat on the soft red couch off to the other side of the table. With so many questions spinning through my head, I don’t even know where to start.
“Ah, found it!” Peggy pours two glasses full of red wine into plastic cups and I realize she’s as much a walking contradiction as her son. By appearance, I assumed she was going to be an uptight socialite from Manhattan, but two minutes with her, and I think we could be best friends. “So, I want to hear how it is that you managed hooked my little boy?”
I smile sadly thinking of the first time our
paths truly crossed. It seems like a lifetime ago, and yet at the same time, only yesterday. The way Peggy is looking at me with those same compassionate blue eyes as Gage, I decide to open up. I take a long drink from my wine and begin. “Well, I met Gage, and his wife Cassie years back. He went to college with my husband…” I correct myself, “my late husband, Dave."
She reaches over and takes my hand in hers, holding her glass up for a toast. “May God bless their souls.”
I’m touched by her thoughtfulness and understanding, which gives me even more courage to spill my heart to her. “When Dave was shot, he was taken to the hospital where Gage was on call and was one of the doctors that operated on him.” I take another drink of my wine trying to hold back the tears remembering the way Dave’s body looked in that room--so broken--I never heard his voice again after that day. “Gage was there for me those horrible days that Dave was lying there, fighting for his life. I didn’t realize it then, but the advice he gave me while I sat next to Dave’s lifeless body gave me hope. It gave me hope that Dave could hear me when I spoke with him. But he also gave me hope that I was going to make it even if Dave didn’t.” Tears well in my eyes and I can’t believe I’m saying all of this to someone I just met.
But Peggy tightens her grip on my hand. “I’m so glad he was there for you, Jessica. Sometimes I worry about him because he had closed himself off from all of us for so long when Cassie died. But since he found you, I see the light back in his eyes.” She takes a sip of her wine again and smiles. “How long has it been if you don’t mind me asking?”
Just yesterday is what my hearts feels like. “A little over two years.”
“Gage says you two were the perfect couple. It must be hard to move on from something like that.” I can tell she’s being sincere and not fishing for information and I continue to let my guard down.
“I didn’t want to leave my house for the first year. Everything reminded me of him.” I take a sip of my wine trying not to break down. “Dave was my best friends ever since I was a kid. When my parents died, he became my family. When he died, it nearly killed me. If it wasn’t for Charlotte, I don’t know if I would have ever gotten out of bed again.”
She watches me assessing my words as she drinks from her glass and tops the both of us off without a word. “Gage tells me what an amazing mother you are. I could tell what a big heart you have the second I saw you today.” Her expressions turns sad. “He also told me how spunky and care free you used to be, and are starting to become again. He likes that. He likes it a lot. He needs someone with a lot of spirit and positive energy. Cassie and his relationship was so serious, they were so hell bent on saving the world, they forgot to just be with each other and experience life. He’s doing that with you and it makes me happy to know.”
Her words strike a chord because in my time with Gage, I try every day not to compare him to my perfect Dave, because while in so many important ways they are the same, both kind, compassionate, and loyal, there’s a carefree powerful domination in Gage that electrifies parts of me that I never knew existed. “I’m the one who is happy. He’s made me realize parts of myself that I hadn’t known were there. He’s helped me find my spark again, but I don’t know if he knows what he’s gotten himself into. I can be quite a handful.” I joke. I want that part of me back so badly and sitting here with Peggy, I can feel it flicker alive.
“You and Gage have gone through things that no one should have to. I just hope you’re ready for what he has to offer, because my boy doesn’t fall in love easy, but when he does, it’s forever.” I’m surprised that his mom is telling me that he loves me when he only told me a few days ago himself. Before I can respond she answers my question. “A mother always knows when her child is in love, and sweetheart, there’s no doubt he loves you by the way he watches you and holds on to you like you may vanish into thin air.” Her smile is bright and proud and I match it.
“I love him, too. It’s just hard to move on, it feels like I’m forgetting Dave, like I’m dishonoring him in some way.” I stop myself, wishing I could take the words back.
“That just means you care, Jessica. But you have to let go of the guilt, because moving on doesn’t mean forgetting.” She mirrors Kat’s words from months ago and they’ve never rang truer.
Just then a cold burst of wind sweeps through the room and Gage is bending over in the doorway that’s too small for his tall frame. “Wine? It’s hardly past 3 in the afternoon Mother.” He kisses the top of Peggy’s head and she looks at me with a bright smile that tells me to heed her advice.
“Well, how else do you expect me to get your beautiful Jessica to spill her guts to me?” she winks and we both know how well her plan really did work.
Gage looks down at me with a worried expression and I have to laugh. He knows how private I am about Dave. “You ok?’
I take the lapel of his coat and pull him down to kiss me square on the lips. “Never better.”
Mr. Scott swings open the door letting the cold air once again shoot in. “Did you hear Peg? Our boy is up to be head of surgery at the biggest hospital in the country. How can I bribe him into taking over this place now with an opportunity like that dangling in front of him?”
My heart sinks back to reality, but instead of cheering and congratulating her son, Peggy takes my hand in hers seemingly knowing what I’m thinking. “Congratulations, honey. When will you know?”
Gage slides in next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder. “A few months.” He turns to look at his dad standing proudly above us, “And Dad, as I told you, I haven’t decided a thing yet. I like the looks of this place. I see a lot of potential. A bed and breakfast is more my style than the hotels and you know that.” His voice is firm and unwavering.
However his dad’s face hardens and he rubs his hands over his bald head. “Goddamnit Gage, when in the hell are you going to make a decision for yourself? Lord knows I want you to come back and work with me. Shit, that’s what I’ve always wanted. But…” he pauses and looks down at me and tries to smile. “But I can’t stand by and watch you give up your dream for someone you just met!” His voice trails off as his eyes meet mine with regret.
The sting is deep, but only because he is right. How could I even think of letting Gage give up his lifelong dream for me? Gage slams his hand on the table and Peggy does the same, both directing their attention to Mr. Scott. “Michael Scott, I’m ashamed of you. You know Gage enough to know that he only does things he’s sure of, and he’s obviously sure of this beautiful, kind woman here, so show some respect.”
Gage stands and looks directly into his father’s eyes. “I’m not a kid anymore. I know more than anyone what it means to lose every fucking thing that matters. And now that I’ve been lucky enough to find something so much better than I’ve ever known, so much different than anything I’ve ever known…no job in the world is worth losing that.” He leans over the table and kisses his mother on the cheek, before taking my hand in his and leading me out the door with nothing but an irate glance back to his father.
He begins driving away, still without a word and I begin to feel bad that I’ve caused what had started off as a perfect introduction into something much different. The way Gage defended me back there gave me a peek inside his heart and made me realize how much he truly does love me and how much he appreciates what we’ve found together, but I can’t be the cause for a family argument. I won’t. And I’m most certainly capable of standing up for myself. Maybe I haven’t proved that as much to Gage since we’ve been together, but there hasn’t been much to protest before now. “Gage…”
He cuts me off before I can even begin. “Don’t say it, Jess. Don’t.” He slams his hand against the steering wheel.
“It’s your dream. They even know it. I couldn’t live with myself if…”
“Dreams change Jess.” He reaches over, takes my hand in his, and places a kiss on my palm, making the connection I so badly crave. “Dreams change.”
Da
ve
“What in the Hell were we thinking Dave? I feel like she’s literally sucking the life out of me, just look at her. Does she ever stop eating?” Jess’s bright smile completely contradicted her words when she looked down at our sweet baby. It had been almost three days since we’d slept, although Jess would beg to differ, that all I did was sleep, and we were both going a little crazy I think. Camryn warned us that nothing would ever prepare us for the change the birth of a child would have on your life, and I’d shake my head in agreement, but then ignorantly thought to myself, oh please, sure I do. I soon realized that thinking one knows what having a child is like, and actually living the life altering experience, are two totally different things. In the instant that Charlotte was born, I began looking at life much differently. I was no longer just responsible for Jess and me, but this little person now depended on us for her survival, and nothing could prepare you for that reality until you hold your precious child in your arms.
Another thing that changed for me when Charlotte was born was how I looked at Jess. The way she fought with every last bit of her energy to bring Charlotte into the world made me fall in love with her all over again. But when I held Charlotte in my arms and looked at the sweet face that was the perfect mix of Jess and me, I fell in love with her in a much different way--a much deeper way.
I leaned down and took Charlotte from Jess, ready to burp and change her, but stopped and bent down to kiss Jess on her unwashed hair. It was amazing how beautiful she was to me, thirty pounds heavier, dark circles under her sleepy blue eyes, adjusting herself back into her shirt, and I paused and turned back to her. “Thank you,” my voice cracked a little when I saw her face soften and tears welled.
She reached up, pulling Charlotte and me back down to her side, snuggling tightly. “I should be thanking you. You gave me the one thing I’ve always wanted. A real family.” When her eyes met mine, it was as if the world had stopped spinning and there was nothing in the world but those two girls in my arms. “Don’t ever leave me.”
Wished Away: A Broken Fairy Tale Page 16
