Scott made what should have been a very difficult decision quickly, assuming he could justify his actions in the end. He reached behind her neck to untie the bow he had tied for her only a half-hour before. Her bathing suit top slipped away from her body, falling silently to the floor.
“This is even better than I remembered.” Scott said as she stood before him.
As his hand gently slid across her breasts, Beth watched his face for several minutes before she looked up at the ceiling. To Beth’s surprise, she felt far less hesitant for Scott to explore her than she had expected. The warmth she had felt in her face had now spread throughout her body. It was then she began to take control of his actions by placing her hand over his as she guided his touch. That his hand was gentle and respectful of her, only made her desire grow.
Beth placed one of her hands on his chest. While her trust in Scott was growing by the second, she also began to feel a sense of excitement over an encounter with someone who was new and unknown in her life.
After a short time, the intensity on her face was growing stronger by the moment. Beth placed her other hand behind his head pushing his face into her breasts as she made her demand. “Kiss my nipples.”
For the next several minutes, Scott was taking from Beth everything she offered and giving her everything she would accept. Beth’s sense of control or influence over Scott was a relief to her as she was fulfilling her imaginative predator role. Her sense of control left her with confidence to take there intimate moment further than she had planned. For the next five minutes, neither Scott nor Beth was leaving any part of the other’s body unexplored.
Beth whispered in his ear words that would make Scott question her state of mind. “We have waited so long to be together.”
With his own sense of urgency and intensity growing, Scott set aside any thoughts of her mental state to focus his full attention on Beth.
Their sense of exhilaration was to be short lived as her acts of submission quickly began to turn into a feeling of fear. With a sense of urgency, she pulled away from Scott before asking him to stop.
Scott pulled his hands away from her body showing her neither reluctance nor his disappointment. She sat on the steps with her elbows on her knees and her face hidden in her hands. Scott sat beside her as he stroked the side of her face.
With her face still hidden in her hands, she spoke with a tone of the complete frustration she was feeling. “What in the hell is wrong with me?”
Speaking with a voice of certainty and with the hope of easing her concern, his voice broke the silence with an understated compliment. “There’s nothing wrong with you that I could find.”
She let her hands fall into her lap as she turned to face him. With a brief smile, she replied. “Well, I give you credit for looking in the right places. It was so good and so right for me. It was right for both of us because I know you wanted me just as much as I wanted you. I just couldn’t go any further.”
He waited a moment before he spoke, giving her time to sort out her feelings. “What happened? Did I do something to upset you?”
Her words spoke volumes about her mental state. “I was so close to letting you have it all when I was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and fear, mostly fear. It’s as if I’m not allowed to feel good. I was so close with you and then I screwed everything up. You were doing everything just right and I threw it all away.”
Scott didn’t know what to say and for the moment chose to say nothing. In his silence, Beth felt the pressure to speak. “You must think I am a complete mental case.”
Scott put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. “Don’t be so tough on yourself. You barely know me and it’s normal for you to be confused and reluctant. We both knew before we started that you needed to take baby steps.”
She turned and looked at him. “Aside from all the other guilt I feel, now I have to feel guilty that I’ve used you and we are cheating on Michelle. How can I face her at dinner?”
Trying to abate his own sense of guilt and at the same time offer Beth some sense of relief, Scott made a suggestion. “Let’s agree to call what happened today a friend helping a friend.”
Knowing Scott was likely feeling his own sense of guilt Beth gave him a compassionate smile. “For God’s sake, let’s don’t become liars in addition to all our other personal failures.”
After a moment of silence, Scott looked at Beth and smiled. “Well, at least no one is going to accuse you of trying to gloss over the truth.”
Beth turned her face and looked directly at Scott for a moment realizing he was only trying to reduce the tension and make them both feel better. A slight smile appeared. “You made me feel very good.”
“Well, if we can’t be liars then I would have to make a confession that I enjoyed it too.”
Beth looked toward the bottom of the steps. “I’m not a Catholic, but maybe instead of going to dinner, we should go to confession.”
Scott started laughing. “If I go to confession, I hope he doesn’t charge by the hour.”
Beth’s voice revealed a tone of resignation, but her comment was accompanied by a slight grin. “I know that feeling.”
Beth began to wonder how open Scott would be with her. Perhaps of greater importance, she wanted to know how he felt about their encounter. “Since I have you in a mood to confess, how far were you willing to go with me?”
Scott’s response was made in a way that would allow him to see her reaction. “Neither one of us would have any questions left when we got finished.”
Beth once again turned to question him. “Amie told me you gave her a very loving kiss when you were with her. Can we do the same thing so I don’t feel quite so cheap?”
Beth saw the blank stare she was receiving from Scott as she assumed she needed to explain her actions. “I don’t just invite guys to come in my house and feel me off. Things got ahead of themselves today and I have to convince myself that I can justify what we did together.”
She could instantly tell her words had changed Scott’s mood and receptiveness to her. With her anxiety and fear starting to rise, she pulled slightly away. “I’m sorry I made you angry but please don’t hurt me.”
Scott spoke softly realizing she was afraid. “Beth, will you please look at me for just a minute.”
She slowly turned her head while she watched every slight movement of his body. He carefully put his arms around her and held her much closer. “I will never, ever ever, ever, hurt you. That is not going to happen.”
He took his hands and began to massage the upper part of her arm, which seemed to help her relax. She then spoke in a soft voice. “I’m sorry. I thought I had made you angry.”
He placed his hand on the side of her face. “You can make me angry as often as you like, but I am not going to hurt you regardless of what you do or say. I don’t hurt girls.”
“What were you going to say to me?” She asked.
Scott took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself down. “I want to paint a picture for you. I came to the beach to see if my girlfriend and I can make a go of a long-term relationship. She is sitting very peacefully in a bubble bath basking in the fact that she has gotten rid of me for a few hours so she can have time to herself. On the other hand, I am sitting with the girl next door on the steps to her basement.”
Beth started to speak but Scott held up his finger to stop her. “After what we have just done with each other, you are sitting close to me on the steps with nothing on from the waist up and very little on from the waist down. At this moment, I would be very happy if you didn’t have anything on. It is taking me a great deal of restraint to keep my hands off you.”
Beth was starting to grin as she thought she knew where he was going with the conversation. “Do you want me to put my top back on?”
Scott continued, but did not answer her question. “You are looking for a kiss to justify what we did. Here is the bad news. A kiss is not going to grant us absolution. I’ll be happy
to kiss you, but don’t think a kiss is going to stop the guilt trip. However, we do have one good thing we can say about ourselves. While we went much further than we should have, we didn’t go nearly as far as we could have.”
After they stood up, Beth put both her arms around his waist before she spoke. “It’s my turn now. I’ve accumulated more guilt in the last two days than I have in the last twelve months. I don’t give a damn if you like it or not, or even if you understand it. If you are going to put your hands all over me, then you are going to kiss me. To be quite honest, I expect a very nice kiss. Any questions?”
Clearly surprised, Scott responded with a grin. “I have just one question. Have you been taking lessons from the shark we caught last night?”
She was also smiling. “Yes, and it feels good.”
After sharing a soft kiss with each other, Beth kept her eyes closed for a few moments as the thoughts of what could have been raced around her head. Once she slowly opened her eyes, she spoke in a soft voice. “I see now what you mean about missing opportunities.”
Scott gave her a touch of wisdom as he held her close to him. “Not all opportunities should be taken.”
Remembering her experience helping Scott get the shark back in the ocean, Beth gave him a quick kiss. “The way you were holding my tail in our moment of passion, you must have really believed I was a shark.”
Scott looked away debating if he should share his thought. Beth knew he was thinking about something that he was reluctant to share. “What were you just thinking?”
Still looking away, he replied. “Actually, the way your tail was moving is what convinced me you were a shark.”
Her mouth opened wide suggesting she was shocked by his comment, but her eyes were sparkling. “Scott! I can’t believe you said that.”
After a few moments, she relented. “To tell you the truth, I sort of surprised myself.”
Scott turned to start up the steps. “At least we know you’re not a ghost. That should help us all sleep better.”
Beth reached out at took his arm. “Be serious with me for a minute. Are you mad at me for not letting you go all the way?”
With no reluctance, he replied. “I think you may have had done us both a big favor.”
She looked down at the floor. “I really wanted to but I started to relive all the fear from before. I couldn’t go there with you, but I would have if I could.”
Scott looked back at her feeling he also needed to say something. “Did I push you further than you wanted to go?”
“When we started, I thought we were just going to tease each other a little. I didn’t realize you were going to take me further than I expected. Then again, I didn’t expect to be quite so caught up in the experience either. I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again with you.”
Scott started up the stairs. “Neither would I, and that might be a real problem.”
Beth spoke as he turned to leave. “You do realize something of value comes out of this, don’t you?”
He stopped before he reached the top of the stairs and looked at Beth. “What are you thinking about?”
“When you are walking along the beach to your house, ask yourself how committed you really are to Michelle. You may not like the answer you find, but you may also find the truth sets you free.”
When Scott reached the top of the stairs, he looked back down at Beth who was leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. He wasn’t sure what to think seeing her appear so dejected. After watching her for just a moment, he went slowly back down the steps and stood next to her. “Would it help to talk for a few minutes?”
Without saying anything, she picked up her bathing suit top from the floor before taking his hand and leading him to her bedroom. She took a tee shirt from the dresser drawer and pulled it over her head as she sat on the edge of her bed. “You are going to have a very hard time believing anything I am going to tell you.”
Scott sat with her as she began to speak. “When you first saw me on the beach and put your arms around me after I started crying, something very strange happened. I got an overwhelming feeling that you should not be going out with Michelle. The more we were together, the stronger that feeling became.”
“Were you still mad about me breaking up with Carlie or something?” Scott asked.
Beth decided to tell him the complete truth, even if she couldn’t explain her motivation. “It had nothing to do with Carlie and it wasn’t because I wanted to be with you. I like Michelle and I was not jealous of her. The feeling I have is completely different and I don’t understand it.”
Scott was clearly surprised by her confession and equally confused. “Would it be alright if I was with someone like Amie?”
Beth shook her head. “I don’t think so. I don’t even think you are supposed to be with me. When we were on the steps kissing each other, I felt guilty and it wasn’t because of Michelle. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be with you. This is really strange.”
Scott thought he was beginning to understand at least part of what she was saying. “So you are thinking I am not supposed to be with anyone.”
Beth was clearly frustrated when she spoke. “You are supposed to be with someone, but I don’t know who she is. I don’t know anything about her. I just know it is not Amie, Michelle, or me. I’m sorry because I shouldn’t be doing anything to mess things up with you and Michelle.”
Scott looked at Beth after taking several minutes to realize a possible explanation for Beth’s unusual experience. “Do you think you could be reading my mind?”
She was completely serious with answer. “Sometimes I think I can read your mind. However, my feeling of the need to break you and Michelle up doesn’t feel like that. It’s almost as if the idea is coming from somewhere else.”
Scott could not believe what she was telling him but he could tell from her expression and her body language that she was revealing something that was unpleasant for her to share. “I realize that I sound like a mental case, but I am not crazy. When we were on the steps, I wanted you to kiss me because I am attracted to you. I never intended to take off my top and let you play around, but something was telling me to have sex with you and then go tell Michelle all about it. This is getting scary for me because nothing like this has ever happened to me before.”
Scott was listening and trying to understand what she was telling him while finding her thoughts difficult to believe. “What does it mean when you said you thought the idea was coming from somewhere else? I don’t understand.”
Beth knew if she told him the truth about her feeling, he would think she was losing her mind. Still, she also felt a strong need to explain her actions. “I don’t know how to describe it. I suppose that if you have ever played baseball and someone in the stands was cheering for you, then it might feel the same way. Even though you don’t know the fan, they are in your head. Only in this case, she really is in my head and she is trying to put thoughts into my mind.”
Scott had taken a few classes in psychology and learned just enough to be concerned about Beth. As he sat quietly for a few moments, he tried to piece together the things he had observed about Beth. She possessed a fear of men that was almost irrational, yet if she had been in an abusive relationship, then that might explain her reluctance to be with a man.
It only took Scott a moment to remember Beth’s statement that she had been seeing a counselor for years. Her statement would suggest she had long-standing issues to confront. If she were now having thoughts placed in her head by some unknown source that were directing her to destroy his relationship with Michelle, then perhaps her issues were more significant than he once thought.
There was still another problem for Scott to consider. He had somehow mentally discovered things about her abusive ex-boyfriend that he had no way of knowing. In addition, Beth and Michelle were apparently able to communicate with each other when neither was speaking, just as they had done only hours before. These facts were clearly suggesting something
unusual was going on.
For Scott, there were three likely reasons for Beth’s confession. Either Beth was having psychological problems or she was experiencing some sort of psychic experience, or she was playing some strange game with him. Scott was determined to find out what she was doing. “You said she is really in your mind, so I guess my question is this. Who is she and how do you know those thoughts are put there by a female?”
Beth was watching Scott’s reaction while knowing her story and her credibility was on the line. “Why don’t you just go ahead and say you think I’ve lost my mind. I understand that I sound like I have paranoid delusions, that I am hearing voices and have gone crazy. I wish I hadn’t told you anything, but I thought the truth was better than living the lie.”
“Beth, I am trying to understand what’s going on with you. If you are not crazy, then you of all people will understand why this story is far out in left field. I really don’t think you are having a mental breakdown, but I don’t understand, nor can I explain what’s going on with you. Tell me something I can use to figure this out.” Scott replied.
Beth’s reply was made with more honesty and clarity. “Scott, I feel like someone is trying to use me to come between you and Michelle. However, it is not about Michelle because this girl doesn’t want you with anyone but her. I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions. I am trying to respect you and Michelle and at the same time, I am being pulled to help this unknown person get whatever it is she wants. To make matters even worse, she’s getting stronger. I just proved that fact to you on the steps. She also doesn’t like me having this conversation with you. I’m getting scared.”
Realizing that Beth really was afraid, Scott tried to sort out the details and discover what he could. “You aren’t going to like this question, but I assume you have heard of someone having a multiple personality. Is it possible that you’re expressing two sides of yourself?”
Beth knew Scott was only trying to apply logical thinking to her illogical situation. “I know about multiple personality disorder and I understand why you would have to ask that question. What I am going through is not the same thing. I don’t get any sense that I am coming on to you for my personal benefit. It’s as if I am doing this for her. She wants me to be very close to you so that she can experience whatever I experience.”
Brother Willy's Traveling Salvation Show Page 21
