When he returned, Michelle did not wish to push the matter of Scott’s relationship with Ashley any further.
Michelle got up to fix each of them a Coke. Scott was sure the time had come to shift the conversation. “I thought when we went to the beach you and I would have some better idea of where we were headed. I know less now than before we went off together.”
When Michelle returned to the table, she sat next to Scott rather than across from him. Scott put his arm around her as she leaned against him. “Michelle, what do you want from our relationship?”
She thought for a moment with her eyes closed. “I got engaged to Tom and I can’t explain why I did that. I am very happy with what you and I had together at the beach, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were being thrown together. What we had was nice, but it felt manufactured. I think we made a mistake being pushed together rather than letting things happen on their on. Does that make any sense?”
Scott felt much the same way as Michelle. “Beth asked me if we were in love with each other or did we love each other. I think she had a point. I also agree with what you said about us being pushed together. I think if we had been sitting on a beach somewhere two weeks ago and then decided to sneak off to a romantic place, things would be different right now for both of us.”
Michelle could tell from Scott’s words that she could be very sincere without offending him. “I really enjoyed the sexual part of our being together, but instead of me going to bed with you out of a sense of desire, I almost felt a sense of obligation. It was as if we had to prove that we belonged together rather than just letting it happen.”
Scott once again agreed with Michelle. “For ten years, you and I moved in the same direction, but our relationship was always you and me instead of being us. You and I both went out with other people, yet we still were with each other. In my mind, I think I didn’t really see you and me as being the new us. I saw you and me being the same as we have been for the last ten years. In some ways, I felt like we were the old you and me only we added some really great sex to the way we were.”
Michelle had a slightly different take on their relationship. “I think we are far more than two friends who love each other and who like to go to bed together, but I don’t think we have found each other yet.”
Scott looked over his shoulder at Michelle knowing she was about to solve their problem. “So what is your plan?”
“I need to get away from everything for a while. I need to get over Tom, Beth, William, Betsy, and you. I need to get my head on straight. I need to push my reset button. I can’t get married to you as long as I think of you more as brother and not as the love of my life. We can’t get married just to save our friendship.” Michelle replied.
Scott nodded his head. “I understand and I think we are looking at this the same way. Therefore, I ask you again. What is your plan?”
“William said I could go to Washington and work for the group that funds the Salvation Show. I think I need to do that and over the course of time, we will find out if we belong together. It’s going to hurt to leave you and I already miss you, but I think this is right for both of us.” Michelle replied.
Scott looked away from Michelle for a moment. “You always tell me that I am supposed to be on your side, even when you’re wrong. It’s easy for me this time to be on your side because I think you’re right. If we don’t get back together, then we most likely didn’t belong together.”
“What are you going to do if I leave?” Michelle asked.
“I have a job interview in Asheville on Friday. I don’t know what I will do if they offer me the position. I will feel so guilty not going to see Ashley once a week, but I feel guilty anyway.” Scott replied.
Michelle was confused by his answer. “Why do you feel guilty now? You’ve stood beside her all these years and you should have no reason to feel guilty.”
Scott folded his arms and put his head down on the table as if he were trying to hide his face. “I don’t want to go see her anymore. I don’t even know her anymore. During the past four years, I went to the rehab center thinking that I would see her getting a little better each time. She is not getting better and without a miracle, she never will. I can’t stand to see her frozen in time in a condition I know she probably hates.”
Michelle was astonished with what he said and with the fact that Scott was even talking about Ashley. “Do you still love her, Scott?”
Scott raised his head from the table. “I don’t love her in the way that I love you or will love the person I get married to one of these days. However, I love her memory and I love her spirit. She sits there and fights for whatever little gain she can make each day. No, the girl I loved died four years ago. I’ve just never been quite able to say goodbye to her.”
Michelle was beginning to understand. “Your feelings go beyond Ashley, don’t they?”
Scott looked straight ahead, as he spoke. “I had the world all figured out when I came up with my concept of the Universal Mind. I could explain everything. Still, I can’t understand for the life of me where she fits into the Universal Mind. Sometimes when I go see her, I wonder if she is a symbolic repository for all that is unfair and undeserved in the world.”
Michelle could feel a lump in her throat as she searched for the right words to make Scott feel better. “Sometimes when we search for truth, we don’t find it. Sometimes, all we can do is to throw up our hands and say I don’t understand. Sometimes, events are nothing more than a part of the given order of the universe. I don’t think we are meant to understand everything.”
Michelle got up to refill their drinks. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think this soul searching trip I am going on is going to take very long. I’ve seen a side of you tonight that I have never seen before and I understand you much better than I did twenty-four hours ago.
Scott sat for a few minutes without saying anything until Michelle realized he was not telling her what was on his mind. “This is one of our truth discussions and you are holding back something you need to tell me.”
He hesitated for a moment before speaking. “We went for ten years and never so much as kissed each other. Then, you and I went off to different schools. You were engaged to Tom. We went to the beach and met Beth. In fact, from the first time you met Beth, you invited her to do everything with us, which left very little time for us to be alone. Now you are heading off to Washington to work.”
“What’s your point?” She asked.
Scott put his arm around Michelle and pulled her close. “You and I both know you aren’t coming back from Washington. We’ve had too many chances to make things work for us and yet nothing ever really changes.”
Michelle was concerned with his comment. “Are you saying this is my fault or that I shouldn’t go to Washington?”
He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Even if I thought it was your fault, I’m smart enough not to say so. No, it’s not your fault or mine. It’s just the way things are.”
Michelle was upset knowing how Scott felt. “I don’t think that’s the way it will work out for us. We have too much going for us.”
Scott was quiet for a few moments before he spoke. “When I was driving home Monday after seeing Ashley, something strange occurred to me. Ever since Wednesday, I had assumed that William and his gang were trying to push us together. I realized I was wrong with that assumption. They were only giving us a choice.”
Michelle turned and looked at Scott with some sense of disbelief. “I’m not following you, because it sure felt like to me they were pushing us together.”
Scott then explained his revelation. “Do you remember when we were doing the play in William’s barn and the scene closed right after we kissed each other. Well, it occurred to me that the play never answered the biggest question of all. Did Michelle get on the train and leave or did she stay? The script never answered that question. When you told me a few minutes ago that you were going to Washington, you did answer that question. Michelle makes h
er exit, stage left.”
Michelle chose to argue her point. “Maybe Michelle does leave in that scene, but that doesn’t mean she can’t come back.”
Scott had a dejected expression as he explained his interpretation of the script. “The problem is Scott won’t be in the next scene when or if Michelle does come back. He needs to move on with his life just like Michelle does.”
“Do you want me to stay home and not go to Washington? Would that solve everything for us?” Michelle asked.
Scott was convinced he knew where their relationship was going. “It doesn’t change anything for you to stay here so that we can spend another year being indecisive. By the way, when are you supposed to leave?”
“I leave next Wednesday and have the weekend to get settled in before I start work on Monday. They have an apartment where I can stay for several months until I can get on my feet and find my own place.”
Scott looked at her face seeing a hint of excitement as she talked about moving. “I’m proud of you and if this is what you want, then I hope every dream you have comes true.”
Michelle shook her head showing her lack of commitment. “I wish I had the slightest idea what I wanted. This job in Washington is not a dream job and Washington is not a place I would choose to live. On the other hand, it is a place to start.”
Michelle started grinning. “I think you should get a job fixing broken girls and you could start with me.”
Scott was more serious in his response than Michelle had been with her statement. “You’re not broken and you never will be.”
Michelle also gave a serious reply. “I’ve always been broken and you just never knew it. If our weekend at the beach didn’t prove that to you, then I don’t know what would.”
Scott stood up to once again to go outside and make sure all was well with the equipment. “You could be broken into a thousand pieces and I would never see it. You should go get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow going over the program. Take whichever bed you want and I’ll take the other.”
She stood up and faced him. “Aren’t you going to sleep with me and keep me warm tonight?”
“I would like to keep you very warm, but I have to stay up until four o’clock when Hank takes over. I’m not going to wake you at that hour.” Scott replied.
Michelle was tired not only from the day but from her lack of sleep on Monday night. Weighing on her mind was the fact she their time together was quickly ending. “You can still sleep with me.”
Seeing her expression and feeling his own sense of loss, Scott agreed and left the motor home. Rather than return after his quick look around, he went into the tent where he sat for the next hour thinking about the change he was seeing in his life.
It did not take long for Scott to draw the parallel between losing Ashley and now losing Michelle. He was smart enough to know that his life was going to change and in some respects, Michelle leaving might be the best thing for him. He still had friends in Asheville and going there might be a good thing for him.
He realized it was getting late before he placed a quick call to Amie. He had promised to call and wish her good luck with her treatment program. According to the rules at the facility, she could only talk for three minutes until she had earned more phone time by participating in the therapy program. He assured Amie he would talk with her again at the end of the week and see how she was doing.
Scott knew his efforts to put the best face on Michelle’s departure was his way of playing a game of acceptance which provided him with the ability to move on with his life. This was not what he had expected when they went to the beach only a week ago.
Throughout the night, he would return to the motor home and fix a cup of coffee before going back outside to sit in the warm night air. Finally, Hank relieved him as expected and Scott was in bed and asleep within ten minutes.
CHAPTER XXII
Michelle didn’t wake Scott up until eleven o’clock the next morning when William and Betsy arrived. After lunch, they all spent the afternoon going over the program and making sure each person knew exactly what they were supposed to be doing. It soon became clear that their performance on Wednesday night was more or less a dress rehearsal for their sting operation that would happen on Thursday night.
At seven o’clock that evening, people began streaming into the tent ready to seek the wisdom that would guide their souls to salvation. Throughout the evening, Michelle collected contributions for the group while she watched the proceedings. Scott sat at the sound and light controls in total amazement as he watched William preach to the crowd while Betsy, Nancy, Hank, and Joe brought down the house with their musical performance.
When Hank wasn’t playing music, he was working the video feeds to the large screen behind William. It was obvious they had spent a great deal of time putting the program together and then practicing their timing. They gave a moving program that often had the audience on their feet clapping and singing along.
When their program was over and the crowds gone, Scott got his first lesson in why William had been so successful in his life and with the Salvation Show. They all sat in the tent and talked about everything they had done well and those things they could have done better. Betsy made extensive notes of things they would work on before the Thursday night show.
Before they called it a night, William turned to Scott. “What did you think?”
Scott couldn’t help but smile. “It was the damndest thing I have ever seen. You had them eating out of your hands.”
William grinned. “If you think that was something, just wait until tomorrow night when we end the career of a Untied States Congressman.”
As everyone was leaving, Hank came up to Scott. “You don’t need to come outside and check on things every fifteen minutes. I’m sorry because I should have told you last night. We have motion sensor lights that will come on whenever anything moves around here. Just keep an eye out from the motor home and if the lights come home, then go out and look around. You can sit back and watch TV or do whatever you want.”
Michelle was listening to Scott and Hank talk before she turned and went back to the motor home. With everyone gone, Scott turned on the security system before he went to join Michelle.
As he walked through the door, Michelle looked at him and smiled. “I don’t think either of us had dinner so would you like a hot dog or something. I was going to fix one for myself.”
They stood side by side making dinner in the small kitchen while talking about the performance. Michelle had been just as surprised by the planning and execution of the program as Scott had been. “I can’t believe how well the music went. They are all so talented and they sound like they have played together for years.”
Scott agreed and offered his own assessment. “William was unreal. I would have thought I was listening to Billy Graham or something and Betsy was just as good. She had on that wig with all that makeup while talking in that slow southern voice. I mean I couldn’t believe it was even William and Betsy."
Michelle started laughing. “Betsy had every woman in the house on her side. If they knew she had grown up in the north, they probably would have rejected her outright.”
They took their dinner to the table and sat down before Michelle gave Scott another jaw dropping moment. “We took in over six thousand dollars tonight and they are expecting tomorrow night to be the big money raiser.”
Scott was amazed. “Twelve thousand dollars for two nights work isn’t bad.”
Michelle explained something else Scott was surprised to hear. “They won’t keep a dime of the money they collected tonight. Within a week, it will be given to a local food center or to some other local charity.”
He was surprised by her explanation. “They don’t keep any of it to cover their costs?”
Michelle was very factual in her reply. “They don’t need the money. They have so much money from political contributions and they feel keeping the local people’s money would be like taking money unde
r false pretense. Their only real purpose is political activism.”
Scott was silent for a while as he considered Michelle’s explanation of the Salvation Show. His tone and expression caught Michelle’s attention. “Those people were like sheep. They would have followed him through the gates of hell. That has to say something about how blind we are becoming as a society.”
Michelle was somewhat skeptical of Scott’s analysis. “You and I go to church together sometimes. Religion is important to us and to most other people. I’m not surprised they were so accepting of his message.”
Scott was surprised by her response. “I agree with you and religion is important to me too. But did you listen to the program?”
Michelle was not sure where he was going with his question. “Not really, I had several things I was working on and didn’t hear much of it.”
Scott held his hands up at shoulder height being very animated as he spoke. “I listened to every word. William never said the words God, Jesus, Bible, Heaven, hell or any other words that you would expect in church. His prayer was always a silent prayer. This wasn’t a church service, it was a motivational speech.”
Michelle started laughing. “I didn’t hear the words he spoke, but I know the music was not religious. That fact did catch my attention. When he was talking about how the communities of the state are all neighbors, I was expecting everyone to start singing ‘It’s a Small World’. I wouldn’t have been surprised.”
Scott started laughing. “William and Betsy are amazing.”
After finishing their dinner, they sat quietly at the table until Scott’s voice broke the silence with something Michelle was not expecting to hear. “When you and I were at the beach, you looked pretty good to me in your bathing suit and your tight little tee shirts. I was watching you tonight in your skirt, blazer, and blouse along with that ribbon in your hair and you looked absolutely beautiful. You are going to turn some heads when you get to Washington.”
She stared at him for a moment before her smile appeared. “I don’t think you have ever told me I was beautiful before and it’s a very nice thing for you to say. I don’t agree with you, but thank you for saying so. By the way, I don’t want to turn any heads when I get to Washington or anywhere else.”
Brother Willy's Traveling Salvation Show Page 27
