Monica was innocent in the ways of men and he refused to take from her what rightly belonged to another. His thoughts were abruptly ended when Monica slammed the window shut, practically in his face.
Her eyes glared out at him accusingly.
He shouldn’t have laughed and knew it even as the amusement escaped his throat. As means of an apology, he pressed his fingertips to his lips and then set his open hand against the cold windowpane.
Monica’s angry gaze held his in what little light the moon afforded. After a moment, she pantomimed his action and poised her hand on the other side of the glass against his.
Reluctantly, he dropped his hand and turned away from her while he had the strength. He didn’t know where the relationship was leading and as far as he could see they were striding down a dead-end street, but for the life of him he couldn’t make himself terminate it. Maybe he did love her; he didn’t ever want to think about the consequences of that.
“Young man.”
The voice startled Chet. He was getting sloppy in his old age, otherwise he’d never have been heard cutting through her side yard. Chet whirled around to find a thin man standing on the front lawn, dressed in a robe and slippers, holding a flashlight. It could only be Monica’s father.
Chet drew in his breath and waited.
“I’d like to know exactly what you’re doing on my property this time of night?” Lloyd Fisher demanded, aiming the flashlight into his eyes, blinding him.
It was happening, Leah thought. She woke to the buzzing of the alarm and even before she opened her eyes she realized how queasy her stomach was. Was it possible? Could she be pregnant?
Mentally she tried to calculate the dates of her last menstrual cycle, and couldn’t. Sometime the first part of November, she guessed. It would help if she hadn’t tossed her notebook in the garbage.
It was wishful thinking, she finally decided. Or the flu. Probably a nasty virus, she mused, yawning.
“Morning,” Andrew said, cuddling her. His hand automatically slipped over her abdomen as he scooted closer to her side. Leah savored his warmth. “Did you sleep well?”
“Hmmm.”
“Me too.”
Leah smiled. Their routine was the same every morning. It was these small things, these everyday habits that had become a part of the structure of their marriage.
After Andrew had gone to make the coffee, Leah decided to take her temperature for old times’ sake, not that it would tell her anything.
Two minutes later she was studying the normal reading and calling herself a silly goose, grateful Andrew hadn’t caught her with the thermometer in her mouth.
“I think I’ll just have yogurt this morning,” Leah said when she entered the kitchen.
Andrew studied her. “Are you feeling all right?”
“I’m fine,” she assured him, taking a carton of blueberry-flavored non-fat yogurt out of the refrigerator. The bread popped up from the toaster and Andrew spread a thin layer of butter over the warm surface.
“You look a little pale,” he commented, removing the lid from the strawberry jam. He smeared a thick coat over the toast and carried his plate and cup of coffee to the table.
“I do?” Her voice rose with a dash of excitement she couldn’t hide. She brought her yogurt with her and joined him.
The toast was poised in front of Andrew’s mouth and he slowly lowered it to his plate. He didn’t say anything for several moments. “How late are you?”
“I don’t know. I threw away my notebook, remember?”
“Surely you can figure it out.”
“Can you?”
He shook his head. “I guess not. It doesn’t matter though, does it? If you’re pregnant we’ll both be happy.”
“And if I’m not?” she asked, watching him expectantly.
“Then you’re not,” he concluded, munching on the toast. He made it sound as if it didn’t matter to him one way or another. Leah knew that wasn’t true, not after having had Scotty with them for two days. Andrew was wonderful with children. He deserved to be a father. The familiar ache returned but the intensity wasn’t as strong as it had been. The pain that had been so much a part of her all these years seemed to peel away and disappear.
She’d experienced this sensation only once before—the night she’d met Andrew.
She remembered the first time she saw him. They were both college students attending the University of Washington. Some friends had introduced them and the minute they’d exchanged greetings Leah felt a powerful emotional punch. She wished there was a word to describe the feeling that came over her. It was as if fate had given her a swift kick where she’d feel it.
From that moment on she knew this man was going to be an important part of her life. Afterward she discounted the feeling, chalking it up to the beer she’d had earlier. Andrew was steadily dating someone else at the time and she’d heard rumors that he was close to becoming engaged.
They ran into each other soon after that at the library. Leah was struggling with a chemistry class, certain she was going to fail. The library was the only place she could study and so she made the nightly trek across campus to hit the books.
Andrew had been grappling over a term paper and they’d sat at the same table for nearly two hours without speaking a word. Leah had wanted to get to know him better, but hadn’t exchanged more than a preliminary hello, good-to-see-you-again sort of chitchat.
Andrew left first, whispered something about being glad to see her again, and was gone. But when she’d walked out of the library he was waiting for her. A couple of friends had delayed him, he explained, and besides he didn’t think it was a good idea for her to walk across the campus alone in the dark. So he escorted her back to her dorm.
They continued to meet nightly at the library long after his term paper had been turned in and graded. Later Andrew told her she was the only girl he’d ever dated who helped improve his GPA. He’d done more studying with her than any other woman he’d ever dated.
Leah didn’t know when she realized she was in love with him. The night they’d met seemed a good choice. She just knew.
Just as she knew now, in the deepest most sheltered part of her heart, that she was going to have a child.
Leah didn’t question where this knowledge came from. It wasn’t intuition, or instinct, or anything psychic, but a deep abiding belief that her time of waiting had come to an end.
“I suppose you’re going to buy one of those home pregnancy test kits,” Andrew said, frowning, as he carried his empty plate to the sink. He rinsed it off and stuck it in the dishwasher.
They’d been through this procedure no less than a dozen times over the years. The minute she was a day late, Leah typically ran to the drugstore, needing to know the answer as soon as possible. For all the test kits she’d purchased over the years, she should be entitled to a discount.
“Not this time,” she said.
“Why not?”
“Like you said, if I’m pregnant, great, and if not, well, then I’m not.” She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “I love you.”
He didn’t answer her right away. Instead he carefully studied her upturned face. “Something’s different.”
“It is?” she asked, beaming him a smile.
“I don’t know what, but it’s there in your eyes.”
Leah knew what it was. She was pregnant. Oh, heaven help her, she was diving into the deep end again and she hadn’t meant for that to happen.
She knew she was pregnant. Felt it to the very marrow of her bones, but she’d believed the same thing a hundred times before.
Now was different. The feeling she had now was as powerful as the night she met Andrew, but she couldn’t allow her sanity to rest on something as immeasurable as a feeling.
“You’re sure you’re all right?” he asked, looking concern
ed.
“I feel wonderful,” she said, tightly hugging her husband’s waist. She closed her eyes, praying with all her heart that this wasn’t a sick joke her mind was playing on her.
From the moment she’d received the call claiming Jeff was alive, Jody had dreaded contacting her mother-in-law. She carefully bided her time and waited until Timmy was down for the night. Even then it had taken Jody another half hour to fortify her courage enough to reach for the phone. She didn’t know where she’d find the grit to face Jeff’s mother when she was in one of these moods.
“Hello, Gloria,” Jody said calmly, knowing she’d probably woken her mother-in-law from a sound sleep.
“Jody,” she said groggily, “is that you?” Not giving her time to answer, she immediately continued. “I’m so pleased you called me back. I know this news is as much of a shock to you as it is me, but—”
“Gloria,” Jody cut in calmly, unwilling to listen to any more. Her only chance of reaching Jeff’s mother was when she sounded composed and confident. “Jeff is dead.”
Someone had played the cruelest of hoaxes on them. “Who phoned you?” Jody demanded, and a telltale wobble came into her voice, betraying her slipping poise.
“I didn’t get his name,” Gloria explained. “You see, I was so excited that I wasn’t thinking clearly, but he sounded very professional. He gave me details.”
“What sort of details?” It was clear this line of questioning was flustering Jeff’s mother all the more, but for the sake of them all Jody had to get to the bottom of this.
“I can’t really tell you right this minute.”
“Did he say where he was calling from?” Jody asked more calmly this time.
“Oh, yes, he was in Germany. Such a nice young man. You see, the call woke me in the middle of the night. I didn’t believe him at first and then the more he talked the more I realized he was telling the truth. Jeff is alive. In my heart I always knew he was and now it’s coming to pass.”
“But wouldn’t the authorities have contacted me?” Jody asked.
“I . . . don’t know, dear. Maybe it has something to do with the divorce.”
“But surely they’d want me to know. After all, Timmy is Jeff’s son.”
“I can’t answer your questions, Jody. All I know is what they said.”
“And what was that?”
“I should have written everything down, but I was too excited, and I’m on this new heart medication that makes my mind go all fuzzy at times.”
Jody’s grip on the phone relaxed. “Was this one of those times, Mom?” she asked softly.
“Oh, no, this was all very real. I thought to call you right away, but—”
“But you didn’t,” Jody concluded when the older woman hesitated.
“No,” she admitted reluctantly.
“And why didn’t you?”
“Because,” Gloria said, following a heartfelt sigh, “I knew you wouldn’t believe me, and I was afraid we would end up arguing and I do so hate the thought of us disagreeing. You and Timmy are the only family I have left.”
Left. The details were quickly tallying in Jody’s mind. Her mother-in-law was taking a new heart medication, one that, at times, confused her and she’d been woken abruptly from a sound sleep. The episode was probably a very lifelike dream. Not entirely sure the phone call had happened herself, Gloria had delayed contacting Jody until the following evening.
Because she’d been so desperate to believe her son was alive, Jeff’s mother had clung to the dream, building it in her mind, until she’d convinced herself it was authentic.
“Have you heard from anyone since?” Jody asked softly.
“No. You think I should have, don’t you?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think. What do you believe?”
Speaking on the phone had always been an inadequate means of communication as far as Jody was concerned. She heard the faint intake of breath that came from her mother-in-law and knew Gloria was weeping softly. How Jody wished she could be there to wrap her arms around her and comfort her.
Jody had needed consolation herself the night before when Gloria had first phoned and there’d been a strong pair of arms to hold her. It had helped tremendously.
“How’s Timmy?” her mother-in-law asked in an apparent effort to change the subject. “I bet he’s getting excited for Christmas.”
“Timmy’s great.” Jody couldn’t talk about her rambunctious son and not smile. “We chopped down a Christmas tree this weekend.”
“All by yourselves?”
Jody hesitated, unsure if she should mention Glen or not. This didn’t seem to be the appropriate time to drop the news that she was dating again, although heaven knew it was well past the time she should.
“A friend went along and helped,” she answered, being as diplomatic as she could.
“A friend,” Gloria repeated slowly, thoughtfully. “Male or female?”
“Male.” She couldn’t leave it at that. She’d need to explain now. “Glen’s an attorney who works at the same law firm I do.”
“I see.” Funny how much was visible in those two brief words. “Just how long have you been dating this . . . other man?”
“Mom, it isn’t like that. We’ve only been out a couple of times, but it isn’t anything . . .” She stopped herself in time from saying “serious.” Glen was serious. He’d said as much from the first. He wanted a wife and family. Timmy wanted and needed a father figure. She needed a husband. One who would laugh with her, one who would hold her when she needed to be held. One who would fill the empty spaces of her heart.
“Everything’s becoming clear to me now,” Gloria said stiffly. “No wonder you don’t want to hear about Jeff. You’re involved with another man.”
“Mother, that’s not true.” This was an impossible conversation, and growing more so every minute. The immediate sense of guilt she experienced was nearly crippling.
“The man who called from Germany knew that you’d divorced my son.”
“Mother, we’ve been through this a thousand times or more. I didn’t divorce Jeff because I didn’t love him any longer. It was for financial reasons.”
“I was never satisfied with that excuse and you know it. Both your parents and I were more than willing to support you.”
“Mom, please—”
“The man who called asked me about you and Timmy.”
“Mom, don’t, please,” Jody whispered, her small voice trembling. “It was a dream. It never happened.”
“He did call.” Gloria’s high voice rattled from the telephone receiver. “Jeff’s alive.”
“I realize it’s difficult for you to accept that I’m dating again, but it’s time I got on with my life. Don’t you think I’ve grieved long enough? Don’t you think it’s time?” Despite her resolve not to break down, she was crying. It happened like this nearly every time they spoke.
“I imagine you plan to marry this other man?” Gloria continued, her voice filled with disdain.
“I never said that.”
“You can remarry, you know, there’s nothing I can do to stop you.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Jody said, bewildered and miserable, looking for a means of ending the conversation.
“That would make for a fine thing for my son to come home to, his wife married to another man.”
“Mom, please don’t say that.”
“You know what I think?” Gloria said accusingly, knowing she had the upper hand. “You don’t want Jeff to be alive. You’ve made such a fine life for yourself that it would be inconvenient for you if he did turn up alive.”
“You know that’s not true,” Jody sobbed.
“Do I, now? You have your new boyfriend, you don’t need Jeff anymore.”
“Glen is a friend,” she insisted.
“That isn’t what you said earlier.”
“I think it’s time we ended this,” Jody said, struggling for what little composure remained.
“That’s just fine with me. But I think you should know, I’m going to tell Jeff myself just what kind of wife you turned out to be. He’s going to call me soon, and then I’ll tell him. Then he’ll know the truth about you.”
Chapter 14
Leah walked into her house and was greeted with the fresh, pungent scent of evergreen. The decorator had arrived and set up the Christmas tree, and it was breathtakingly beautiful.
The flocked tree looked as if it belonged in the foyer of a classy hotel. Glossy gold bows were strung in one continuous ribbon from top to bottom. Bright red porcelain poinsettia flowers were symmetrically placed. And then there were the angels. Leah counted twelve. In gold gowns with massive white wings, each one playing a musical instrument. A guitar, a harp, a saxophone, a tuba, and flute. A horn and trombone. It became a game to find each one hidden among the heavy white limbs.
“You’re home,” Andrew said, ambling into the living room from the kitchen. “Well,” he said, his gaze following hers toward the Christmas tree, “what do you think?”
“It’s beautiful.”
“I thought so too.”
She hung her coat in the closet.
“Debbi outdid herself this year,” Andrew said, bending over and turning on the tree lights. Ten strings of miniature red globes glowed, casting warm shadows about the room.
The decorator was a friend of Andrew’s mother. As part of her Christmas gift to Andrew and Leah, Shirley Lundberg had their Christmas tree decorated.
“I love the angels,” Leah said, slipping her arm around her husband’s waist and pressing her head to his shoulder.
“How’d your day go?”
There was far more to the question than what he was asking. What Andrew wanted to know was if she was feeling the same queasy sensation she had the last few days both in the mornings and late in the afternoons. He was asking if her period had started. In sum he wanted to know if she was pregnant.
“My day was great, how about yours?” she asked, smiling up at him.
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