by Jeff Kinney
So Roland told them he didn’t really
BELIEVE in fighting because his parents
always taught him if he was nice to
someone they’d be nice BACK. And the
pixies thought that was pretty hilarious.
After they finished laughing the pixies
said you guys should have weapons “just
in case.”
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Then the pixies brought Garg a giant
spiked club to use for smashing things.
They told Roland they knew where there
was a sword that would be PERFECT for
him but the problem was that it was stuck
in a ROCK.
So they took Roland and Garg deep into
the forest to show them.
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The pixies told Roland that Bampy the
Brave once came through these woods
and drove his sword into the rock. And
legend said that only someone with a pure
heart could get the sword UNSTUCK.
Garg tried to pull the sword out of the
rock but even with all those muscles the
sword didn’t BUDGE.
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The pixies told Roland maybe HE should
give it a try. But Roland knew it wouldn’t
work because he wasn’t even HALF as
strong as Garg.
Roland decided he should try ANYWAY.
And when he grabbed the sword it came
out of the rock just like THAT.
Then Roland realized it meant he was
pure of heart. And that made him feel
proud because it proved his parents
raised him RIGHT.
ef
When Greg read the latest chapter he had
some thoughts on the whole sword thing.
Greg said it was TOTALLY unrealistic
that Roland could pull the sword out of
the rock when Garg COULDN'T. He said
Garg probably LOOSENED it and that's
why Roland got it out so easily.
Then I told Greg the sword was
MAGICAL and it had a whole STORY
behind it. I said the sword was forged in
the fires of Mount Friendly by a wizard
named Walter the Wonderful.
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Greg asked me what the NAME of the
sword was because he said a magical
sword needs a name.
So I said "Jeremy" because it was the
first thing that came to mind. But I
wish I'd taken my time and come up
with something a little BETTER because
maybe then Greg wouldn't have laughed
so hard.
Then Greg asked me what the sword's
magical powers were and I said it had the
power to turn bad guys NICE. And he
thought that was pretty hilarious too.
Greg said maybe the sword should do
something COOL like shoot lightning
from its tip.
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But I liked my idea better because it was
more ORIGINAL.
Greg said if I care about being original
then I can't have Roland pulling a sword
from a stone because there's already a
MOVIE about that.
And I said it's not a stone it's a ROCK so
Greg said well good luck getting sued.
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Then Greg said at least the characters
finally had some WEAPONS because we
could make them into TOYS.
I said I didn't think that was such a good
idea because a kid could get hurt playing
with them and parents wouldn't like that.
But Greg said if they were Nerf toys
then kids could totally clobber each other
and their parents wouldn't even CARE.
CHAPTER 5
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After Roland and Garg said good-bye to
their pixie friends it was really dark out
so it was hard to see where they were
going. And the next thing they knew they
were tumbling down a HILL.
When they finally got to the bottom they
were surrounded by TROLLS. And Roland
would never say it out loud but the trolls
really were kind of filthy.
The trolls took Roland and Garg to their
leader who sat on a giant throne made of
GARBAGE. And Roland thought for sure
the trolls were going to cook Roland and
Garg in a STEW.
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But the troll king was actually pretty
NICE. He said sorry this place is such a
dump but it’s really not our FAULT.
The troll king told Roland and Garg that
every night the pixies toss their garbage
down the hill and it all ends up in Troll
Town.
He said the reason the trolls were so filthy
was because they spent all their time
trying to clean up the pixies’ GARBAGE.
Plus the trolls didn’t really believe in
taking baths so there was that too.
Then the troll king said the pixies brag
that they live in harmony with nature but
they’re really just a bunch of PHONIES
who dump their trash on someone ELSE.
Well if there’s one thing Roland didn’t like
it was LITTERING. So he marched back
up the hill with some trolls to talk to the
pixies.
The pixies weren’t happy to see trolls in
their enchanted village and they weren’t
shy about SHOWING it either.
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Roland told the pixies they had to stop
dumping their trash in Troll Town because
littering is WRONG.
But the pixies said the REASON they
dump their trash in Troll Town is to
get back at the trolls who are always
sneaking up the hill and EATING them.
And when Roland asked the troll king if
this was TRUE he said yes but trolls can’t
HELP eating pixies because they’re so
DELICIOUS.
So Roland came up with an idea to make
PEACE between the trolls and the pixies.
He said if the trolls promised not to eat
any more pixies then the pixies had to
stop throwing their trash into Troll Town.
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And the troll king and the leader of the
pixies thought that sounded fair so they
did a pinky swear to make it official.
Then Roland taught everyone how to deal
with trash PROPERLY and there was
finally peace in the Tangled Forest.
ef
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Greg said he was glad there were finally
some actual MONSTERS in the book
but he wasn't crazy about the recycling
stuff. He said kids don't want books with
MESSAGES in them these days so I was
probably gonna have to cut that part.
But I said I wanted to have a BUNCH
of messages in the story like "say no to
bullying" and "save the planet" and "believe
in the magic of Christmas." But Greg said
kids don't want a bunch of lessons they
want ACTION.
Greg said I should rewrite that last
chapter so it was a BATTLE between
the trolls and the pixies and then we could
make it into an awesome VIDEO GAME.
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But my parents don't let me play violent
video games so
I said maybe we could do
something they'd APPROVE of.
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Greg said OK forget about the trolls
and the pixies and let's talk about what
monsters Garg and Roland are gonna
face NEXT. And he pulled a book off his
shelf about ancient mythology and we
looked through it together.
I told Greg we couldn't use any of the
monsters in the book because that would
be copying somebody else's ideas.
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But Greg said the people who came up
with those monsters died a long time
ago so ANYONE can use them now. Then
he told me there are a lot of OTHER
characters that have been around a while
so we could use them TOO.
So my next chapter is gonna have a
BUNCH of monsters and other new
characters in it. But I hope Greg's not
pranking me on this one because I really
don't wanna get SUED.
CHAPTER 6
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After Roland and Garg left the Tangled
Forest they headed east across the Salt
Flats. And nothing exciting happened there
so let’s just fast-forward to when they got
to the mountains of the Razor Range.
The mountains were much too steep
to climb so Roland and Garg traveled
north toward the Boulder Pass. But
they didn’t get far because there was a
terrible thunderstorm and they had to
find SHELTER. Luckily there was a cave
nearby and they went inside to wait out
the storm.
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It was dark in the cave so Roland lit a
torch. And that’s when he came face-to-face
with a MINOTAUR.
But if you’re like “Uh oh Roland is about
to get eaten by a Minotaur” well guess
what you’re WRONG. It was just a STATUE
of a Minotaur.
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When Roland’s eyes adjusted to the
torchlight he could see that there were a
bunch of OTHER statues in the cave.
Roland didn’t recognize all of the statues
but he did recognize a FEW of them like
Huckleberry Finn and the Cowardly Lion
and even Thor the God of Thunder.
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Roland thought maybe this was a MUSEUM
and they shouldn’t touch anything. But
Garg was pretty eager to try out his new
club and the statues gave him a good
excuse.
Roland didn’t really approve because it felt
like littering and you already know how he
feels about that from the LAST chapter.
Garg was about to smash a statue of a
guy holding a magnifying glass and a pipe
but all of a sudden the statue CAME TO
LIFE. And that’s when Roland realized it
wasn’t a statue at all.
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It was the legendary detective SHERLOCK
HOLMES!
Roland asked Sherlock Holmes what he
was doing in this cave. And Sherlock
Holmes said he was trying to solve the
mystery of why so many people were
going missing in the Razor Range and the
clues brought him HERE.
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Roland asked Sherlock Holmes if he ever
solved the mystery and he said yeah
everyone who went missing got turned
into statues by MEDUSA.
Well that totally spooked Roland and he
told Garg they should get OUT of there.
But Sherlock Holmes said to stay perfectly
still because Medusa was getting out of
the shower right at that MOMENT.
So Roland and Garg and Sherlock Holmes
acted like statues and closed their eyes
real tight when Medusa slithered by.
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But Garg must’ve gotten curious because
he PEEKED right before Medusa went
into her bedroom and he got turned into a
statue.
Sherlock Holmes told Roland they should
HIDE before she came back out so they
snuck into Medusa’s bathroom and closed
the door behind them.
But Roland wished they had snuck out the
front of the cave INSTEAD because now
they were TRAPPED.
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Sherlock Holmes started using his
detective skills to get them out of this jam
and sure enough he found a CLUE. He
said Medusa didn’t have a MIRROR in her
bathroom so that meant she couldn’t look
at her own reflection or SHE’D get turned
into a statue.
Sherlock Holmes said all they needed to
do was find a mirror. Roland remembered
that Garg always carried one WITH him
because he liked to look at his muscles
whenever he got a chance.
So Roland snuck back out and searched
through Garg’s bag for the mirror.
But Roland was making a lot of noise
digging through the bag and Medusa
came out of her bedroom to see what was
going on.
When Roland found what he was looking
for he aimed the mirror at Medusa. But
she must’ve seen this trick BEFORE
because she reflected her image BACK
with a metal shield.
Right at that moment Sherlock Holmes
stepped out of the bathroom to see what
was taking Roland so long. And that’s how
the world’s greatest detective got turned
to STONE.
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