by Abby Brooks
“Aren’t moms supposed to throw a party when their daughters get engaged?” I glanced at Izzy, who shrugged.
“I don’t think that’s a thing. Evie didn’t even have an engagement party and you know Amelia would have thrown one in a heartbeat if that was a tradition or something.”
I couldn’t drop the topic. The Prescotts’ dismissal of Izzy had me up in arms. “Okay, but shouldn’t they at least act excited when their little girl announces she’s getting married?”
“In a perfect world, yes. I’d love to feel like my news meant as much to them as Alex’s, but I mean…I don’t know, Jude. This is just the way it is.”
“But this isn’t how it should be. You’re an amazing woman and your parents should see that.” The surge of protectiveness rising inside me felt similar to what happened when Brennen started sharing stories of his homelife. This urge to do something more than listen. To intervene. To lift up these people who mattered so much more than they were being shown.
“Did you know,” Izzy asked, turning her focus out the window, “when I was really little, my mom took me to get my IQ tested because she didn’t think I was keeping up with Alex? And then, when that came back as normal, she had my hearing tested because she was that sure there was something wrong with me.”
“But why would she think that?” I furrowed my brow. I’d known Izzy for most of my life and could say with certainty there was nothing wrong with her. Out of our friend group, she was the best of us.
With a sad shake of her head, she fiddled with the zipper on her coat. “That’s the thing I could never understand. Why the tests? What was so different about me that I couldn’t measure up? I got good grades. I rarely got in trouble. And now, you know, I’m happy. I have friends who love me. I run my own business and I’m damn good at it.” She shrugged as if to apologize for her last statement.
“Don’t feel bad for knowing your strengths. You’re good at what you do. Take it from me.”
“Then what is it, Jude? What is so wrong with me that I always come second?” She sighed, dragging her gaze from her lap. “I’m so tired of feeling like I’m never enough for people.”
The hurt in her eyes made me want to fight the world so she never had reason to look that way again.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Sweet Snow. Honestly, I think there’s something wrong with your parents for making you believe there is.”
Raising a human being should have weight to it. Meaning. Care should go into every choice a parent made because damn it, the kids didn’t ask to come into this life and it was hard enough when things were going right. Too many people made babies, then went on living as they always had, without thinking about the impact of the choices they made. My dad was a prime example. Mom left him when she was pregnant with me and he was just happy to be set free. He didn’t think about how his absence would affect me, or worse, how his sporadic appearances in my life would hurt me. But, what if Mom hadn’t been strong enough to leave him? What if I’d grown up with him in my life?
He’d been awful for Brennen, gambling, drinking, and doing drugs like the spoiled man-child he was, right up until he passed away. Brennen’s mom only thought of herself and now, here were Izzy’s parents screwing it up just as badly, but in an entirely different way. I used to respect them so much because it looked like they had it all figured out, but they were downright clueless. The whole thing just drove me crazy.
I shook my head, releasing my frustration with a sigh.
“I’m sorry if I made you mad.” Izzy sagged in her seat. “I know it’s annoying to go on and on, complaining about my parents. I try not to be like that…”
“It’s not that, Iz. Not at all. I promise you.” I took her hand and rubbed her knuckle with my thumb. “I’m mad that you’ve spent your whole life feeling like you don’t matter when you do.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
She had said that so many times, I was starting to think it was more to convince herself it was true instead of me.
“It is a big deal. I wish you could see you the way I see you. The way I’ve always seen you…”
Izzy’s brow furrowed. “You mean as Alex’s annoying little sister?” She rolled her eyes and melted even deeper into her seat, pulling her hand from mine.
“No, silly. As a beautiful person with a heart of gold. You’re always the one to punch me in the arm and call me a dick when I need it. You’re always there for Jack when his kids need a sitter. You’re just so special. You always have been.”
Her entire demeanor changed as she rubbed her forefinger over her thumbnail, staring into her lap. “That’s nice of you to say, but it’s not how you really feel.”
“That’s exactly how I feel.” How could she not see that?
Izzy sighed and it sounded like her heart was breaking. “Come on, Jude. Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what? Give you the compliments you need and deserve?”
Gold-flecked eyes bounced across my face. “Don’t lie to me to make me feel better. It’s no good.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Even you chose Alex over me.” Her voice was low, filled with hurt, and so quiet I wasn’t sure she’d spoken. “Back when I was sixteen and you were home from college. That night we kissed.”
“I didn’t…” This was the worst conversation to have while driving. I needed to touch her. To let her see the truth in my eyes. “Do you really think that was about Alex?”
She scoffed. “I know it was. You said it yourself. You couldn’t risk his friendship. I was totally in love with you and ready to give myself to you and you chose him.” Her eyes flashed and color rose in her cheeks.
“I didn’t choose him.”
“Then what happened, Jude? Because I’ve spent the last eleven years trying to forget how much that hurt me.”
Fuck this. I pulled over to the side of the road, put on my emergency lights, and took off my seatbelt, shifting so I could look Izzy in the eyes. “You were sixteen and I was nineteen. Those three years don’t mean much now, but they were very important back then and I took that seriously. You were innocent, and I was…not. Not by a long shot. I was only home for the weekend and then I’d be back to school. You tell me how you would have felt if we slept together, for your first time, and then I was just gone. Are you saying you would have been fine with that?”
Her shoulders slumped. “All I felt was rejected.”
“Fuck. No.” I turned up my palms as I shook my head. “I was trying to protect you, Iz. Yes, my friendship with your brother was part of the equation but damn it, what mattered most to me was not taking advantage of you. You were young. Naïve. And I was leaving…” Suddenly, everything clicked into place. “Is that why you basically wouldn’t be alone with me all these years?” I put a finger to her chin and forced her to meet my gaze. “Because of that night?”
She nodded, her eyes wide and glimmering. “I was so hurt, and so hopelessly in love with you, but I didn’t want to jeopardize everyone else by making an issue of it. You’re Alex’s best friend and I have always been so weak when it came to you. Everyone would’ve been affected if I made a big scene, so I just…did my best…”
“I feel like such an asshole. I am so sorry I made you feel like Alex meant more to me than you.”
She gave me the same sad smile and shoulder shrug she used when making excuses for her parents. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. How can I rant about the way your parents treat you when I did the same thing? I swear, when I walked away that night, the only person on my mind was you. I was protecting you.”
“It’d be nice to believe that.” Izzy stared out the windshield as a car rocketed past, shaking the truck. “Just once, I’d like to feel like I come first. I know that’s selfish of me, but just once, I want to feel like I truly matter to someone. Even this marriage isn’t about me. It’s about Brennen and this baby.” She turned to me, placing a hand on her stomach. “Which is fin
e, you know? Like, I totally understand and I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I just…”
I scooted closer to cup her cheek. “You matter, Izzy. You matter to me. To Alex and the rest of us. You matter to Brennen and you matter to our baby.” I put my hand on top of hers. “Talk is cheap and you’re priceless. I swear to you, I’ll do everything in my power to help you believe it.”
Her eyes met mine and I silently begged her to see that I was telling the truth. That I would spend the rest of our life together proving that she was more than enough.
The sadness in her eyes dissolved into a sweet smile. “For a fake fiancé, you’re pretty amazing at this stuff, you know?”
This isn’t fake for me.
The words were right there. On the tip of my tongue.
But instead of blurting them into the silence and ruining the moment, I shrugged off the compliment. “Yeah. I get that a lot.”
Izzy punched me in the arm. “Don’t be a dick, Charming.”
“What can I say?” I shifted back into my seat and fastened my seatbelt. “You always know exactly what I need to hear.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Jude
Questions spun in my mind for weeks after my conversation with Izzy. How could I make her feel like she mattered? Like she came first in a situation where everything was about everyone else? Our marriage wasn’t about her. It was about getting Brennen out of a bad situation and making sure our baby had the best possible chance. At least, that’s what it had been when we started this whole thing.
Now, it was…more.
How could I show Izzy that she meant the world to me? That she was every bit as important as Alex, or Brennen, or the baby, or anyone else in Wildrose Landing?
When the idea hit me, it was so simple I almost kept right on brainstorming. After a few days of it jumping into my mind, I had to admit, it was pretty perfect.
If Alex deserved a surprise party for simply doing his job, then Izzy definitely deserved one for being selfless enough to marry me for Brennen’s sake. It would be a simple evening with friends at my house. Nothing public. Nothing showy. We wouldn’t be turning on the charm to sell a story about us being in love. We’d just be together, with the people that mattered, celebrating this crazy thing we were doing.
Most importantly? It would be a total surprise.
The night of the party, I pulled to a stop in front of Sweet Stuff just as Izzy stepped onto the sidewalk to lock up. Her face brightened when she saw me and I rolled down the window. “Hey, gorgeous.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, taking a few confused steps my direction, brow furrowed, head cocked, a slow smile tugging at her lips.
I leaned an arm out the window, drinking her in. I couldn’t wait to see her face when she walked into my house and found everyone there, waiting to celebrate her. “I have a little something planned for tonight, and I’m here to personally escort you to the event.”
“Event?” She glanced down at her coat, which hid a Sweet Stuff t-shirt and jeans. “Should I go home and clean up first?”
“You’re perfect the way you are. Now, would you lock up so we can get there already?” I asked, rubbing my hands together with excitement.
Izzy gave me a funny look, then locked the store and climbed into the truck. As I drove home, she filled me in on her day, babbling happily in the passenger seat. Without thinking, I took her hand and pressed it to my lips because this, the two of us together, her chatting away in the cab of my truck…it was such a strangely beautiful feeling.
It was comfort and belonging. It was peace and warmth.
It was…nice, and I wanted more.
I didn’t quite know what to do with that.
She turned my way as I lowered our still clasped hands to the seat between us. “So what’s this ‘event?’”
“You’ll see,” I said as I slowed to make the turn into my driveway.
Her brows drew together as she took in the line of cars on the street. “Is that…” She pivoted to stare at Alex’s Range Rover. “Why is everyone here?”
“You’ll see.” I grinned as she stared, then killed the engine and stepped out of the truck. As we headed towards the front door, I threw an arm around her shoulders and drew her close, breathing in the sweet scent of her perfume, then pushed into the house and flicked on the lights.
“Surprise!” yelled Amelia and Evie while Jack and Austin blew noisemakers and Alex popped a confetti bomb.
Izzy jumped and shrieked, stumbling so hard, I had to catch her. When she understood what was happening, she slapped a hand to my chest. “You could have warned me, you big jerk!”
“But where would the fun be in that?” I asked through a laugh.
Her eyes were wide and her smile was huge. She looked so happy, so beautiful, so fucking perfect, I couldn’t believe I was actually going to marry this woman. Fake or not, I was a lucky man.
“What is this?” she asked as our friends enveloped us.
“A party just for you. Because you’re amazing and you deserve one.”
Emotion swam in her eyes as she pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Thank you, Charming. You’re really working hard to earn that name, aren’t you?”
I ran a thumb along her cheekbone and stared into her honeyed gaze. “Every day for the rest of my life, Mrs. Malone.”
And damn, those words were a promise that took root in my soul.
Music, drinks, laughter, and conversation flowed freely throughout the evening. Every time I saw Izzy’s smile, something soft and wonderful wound a little tighter around my heart. As I watched her talk to Evie across the room, Jack sidled up to me, a beer in hand.
“It’s great to see her so happy, isn’t it?” he asked, indicating Iz with a jerk of his chin.
I watched as she tossed her head back in laughter and that soft and wonderful something in my chest grew a little stronger. “It really is. She deserves it.”
Jack gave me one of his dad smiles and folded his arms, tipping the neck of his beer bottle my way. “You do too, you know. I don’t think I’ve seen you this happy.”
“Thanks, man.” I clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Things are good. Like really good. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I love the idea of being a dad. Like, I look at her and know she’s carrying my baby and…I don’t know, man. I feel like I’d fight a bear for her, for them. She makes me want to be a better version of myself.” I swiped a hand across my mouth to keep from going on and on. “How’re things with Amelia? I’m not gonna lie, I thought you were gonna pop the question a month ago.”
“It’s happening this weekend.” Jack gave me a secret smile. “It’s not gonna be as fancy as what you did, but the kids are gonna be involved and that feels right. Were you nervous? I’m definitely nervous.”
“You have no reason to be nervous,” I replied with a laugh. “You and Amelia are gonna be one of those couples who make it. You’ll be old and wrinkly, with a herd of grandchildren to make up for all the gray hair your kids gave you last year.”
The sound of Izzy’s laughter danced across the room, twining with conversation and music and I wondered about us. Would we make it? Or would our unconventional approach to starting a family backfire, leaving us as just another divorce statistic?
“You know she’s loved you forever, right?” Jack’s question stole my attention and I glanced at him as he eyed me over a swig of beer.
“I didn’t know until recently.” God, that day in the truck. I’d never felt like such an asshole. “But now that I do, I’m going to do everything I can to make her feel as special as she is.”
“Just be careful with her. Marriage is a lot. Raising kids is too. Doing the two together can be so rewarding, but it can also be a lot of sacrifice and worry. I know your heart was in the right place when you asked her to marry you, and she’s an intelligent adult who knows what she’s doing. But just be careful, okay? You both mean a lot to me and I’d hate to see either of you hurt.”
; I nodded, chewing on his words as Izzy sidled over.
“What are you guys talking about so intently over here?” She put a hand on my arm and grinned at Jack.
“Just love. Life. Relationships,” I said, throwing an arm around her shoulder because I was so damn tired of not touching her. You know, the usual stuff men talk about over beers.”
“Fine. Keep it to yourself if that’s how you’re gonna be.” She smiled up at me. “Thank you for throwing me a party, Charming.”
“Not a problem, my little Molotov cocktail.”
“Molotov cocktail?” she asked with a laugh, her eyes wide with questions. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re fiery. Powerful. And exploded into my life out of the blue.”
“Out of the blue?” She feigned disappointment. “You’re reaching with that one, don’t you think? We’ve known each other forever.”
“Yeah, but this? Getting to hold you in my arms whenever I feel like it? This is new. This is good.”
Jack gave me a funny look, his gaze bouncing between me, Izzy, and back again. He opened his mouth to say something, then shook his head and painted on a smile. “When are you guys going to move in together? You do realize you’re getting married in just under a month and married people share a home.”
“Why wait?” I shrugged as I turned to Izzy. “How about tomorrow?” For some reason, the idea made me smile. Though, maybe that was just her.
“Tomorrow?” Her jaw dropped. “You can’t really expect me to pack up my entire life in one day.”
“But that’s the beauty of it all.” Genuine excitement took root. I wanted her with me. Now. Yesterday. As soon as fucking possible. “You don’t need to pack up your entire life. I have everything we need. Just grab your clothes and other essentials and call it a done deal.”
