Her phone buzzes. “Oh, he’s here.”
“Here?”
“Well, outside. The restaurant is only four blocks away so I said we could walk together.”
“Why don’t you have him come up?”
Aria frowns. “Well, I mean, he’d find out about Rose and I thought...”
I play it cool. “Right, of course. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
But that’s a lie. I know exactly what I’m thinking. I’m thinking the last thing I want is for Aria to leave.
But she does. Of course, she does. Because this thing between us is one-sided, and if Rose wasn’t in the picture, she’d never even give me a second look.
She leaves and I’m alone with my daughter. “Hey, there, sweetie,” I say, kissing the top of her head. “You’ll never date guys like Zac, will you?”
Not that I have any idea who Zac is. But I can make a guess and predict he has a shit ton less baggage than I currently do.
I spend the next few hours returning phone calls. My lawyer got back to me about a paternity test. It’s actually not so complicated; he’s sending me a kit that I can take at home for the sake of discretion.
Ellis wants an update. Not that there’s much of one to give, but he’s glad to know I have a test on its way.
“You’re right,” my brother says. “You need the facts before you tell Mom and Dad.”
But that’s not why I haven’t told them. Rose is mine. I have no doubt. But I also know the disappointment they’ll have in me when they find out.
Online, I schedule Rose an appointment with the doctor Jessica recommended and I hope that my lack of paperwork won’t be an issue. The website says I need vaccination history as well as birth records.
For the first time since Ashley ditched us, I feel anger swell up inside me. It was a real shit move. I know next to nothing about her, and from the sound of it, neither does Aria.
When my order for Chinese food arrives, I stress eat the hell out of my orange chicken. Rose must sense my frustration and for the first time since she has been in my care, I can’t seem to settle her.
“Now’s not the time to fall apart, babe,” I tell her, bouncing Rose, urging her to zonk out like she normally does around nine at night. I change her, give her another bottle, but still, she’s still hysterical when I hear my front door open.
“Tatum?” Aria’s voice cuts through Rose’s cries.
I walk from my bedroom, into the hall, and a sense of relief fills me when I see Aria.
“Oh man, she’s a mess,” she says stepping toward us.
“Yeah, she’s all worked up.” I swallow, taking post-date Aria in. God, she’s sexy in her dark denim and silky cobalt blue tank top. “I didn’t think you’d be back tonight.”
“I forgot my bag,” she says coming up beside me so she can kiss Rose’s head. The second Aria is at my side, Rose seems to calm. “Looks like Auntie Aria has the magic touch.”
On both of us, I think. I’ve been getting more and more anxious the last hour… thinking about how shitty Ashley’s behavior has been. But the moment Aria returns to the apartment, I feel myself relax. “So, the date, how’d it go?”
Aria rolls her eyes and grins at me. “Geez, Tatum. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were jealous.”
I frown. “Maybe a little.”
She licks her lips, walking into the bathroom. “Zac is fine. But I don’t know. He kept talking about mutual funds and the stock exchange and my brain just couldn’t concentrate.” She emerges from the bathroom with her large tote bag. And she looks like she’s going to leave again.
I don’t want her to go, so I push her for more conversation, “So, why couldn't you concentrate?”
She exhales, following me into the bedroom. Rose has fallen asleep within minutes of Aria being here. “Honestly?” she whispers as I lay Rose in the portable crib. “I kept thinking about her. You. This.”
We sit on the edge of my bed, side-by-side, looking at Rose as she drifts to sleep. “She’s been in my life for less than a week and it’s like she’s already my whole world,” I say. “Her existence is a complete game changer.”
“I know,” Aria breathes out. “I’m so mad at my sister, but then I see Rose and I see you and...” She looks up at me, our fingers brushing against one another.
“And what, Aria?” I ask.
“I just keep thinking that maybe we can...”
I place my hand over hers. Her skin is soft. Warm. “Maybe we can what?”
“No one would know,” she says, sighing deeply, her eyes closing as if she can see it as clear as I can.
“Just us.”
She nods, her chest rising. Falling. Beauty and grace. Her eyes open. “Do you believe things happen for a reason?”
My hand is on her cheek, our eyes lock. My room is dim and Rose’s breathing is heavy, and my heart is thumping hard. Hard enough for me to hear.
“I don’t know what I believe anymore, Aria.”
She leans into my hand. “Are you always so honest?”
“Yes.”
She smiles. “I like that about you, Tatum Madden.”
“I like a lot of things about you, Aria Ryan.”
Our gazes are locked, and I can feel the tug, the electricity, the connection between us. I’ve never experienced anything like it.
“I need to kiss you now,” I tell her.
She nods.
And so, I do. Her lips are as soft as I remember, but it’s different now. There is no fluorescent lighting, no baby strapped to my chest, no stroller between us. Now, it’s just our bodies in the dark.
I kiss her and I don’t ever want to stop.
Chapter Ten
Aria
Tatum and I lie back, on the bed, and his strong arms wrap around me. It’s the kind of moment I gave up on ever having. A good man holding me, touching me. His big hands running over my back, his lips pressed against my own. Tender and deep and real. And how is that possible with a man I hardly know?
But I know enough to know I want this right now. Tatum is not like any other man I’ve ever met. And I know he’s not going to hurt me. Not like...
I push those thoughts, those memories away and I give in to his kisses. I’m not sure why I came back tonight. I didn’t need to get my bag, but something pulled me here.
Something keeps pulling me to him.
Maybe it’s because I’m confused, upset, angry, even.
But as Tatum’s fingers run under my tank top, I don’t feel like my life’s spinning out of control, like I might lose my business, my apartment, my security.
Instead, I feel light. Free. And tonight, that’s what I need. Even if it’s wrong, even if I know it’ll never go anywhere. I need him. Need this. It’s all I could think about the entire time I was out with Zac. I kept wishing I was back here, with Tatum.
“Aria,” he groans, his heavy cock is pressed against my hip, his mouth on mine, then moving to my jaw, my neck.
I close my eyes, a shiver running over my skin. God, I want this. To give in entirely. “Yes?”
“We should leave the bedroom,” he whispers, his hot breath on my ear.
I nod, letting him take my hand, lead me out. We close the door, leaving it slightly ajar and I am aware that my nipples are hard, my hair is tousled, and my lips are deliciously swollen.
For a moment, with his back to me, I wonder if that’s it, we’re calling it a night. But then he turns and I’m against the wall. His mouth is crashing down on mine and he’s kissing me with heat. Need. This is no quiet kiss, no stolen moment. This is fueled by hunger and desire. Fueled by the last few days of uncertainty and upheaval.
His tongue swirls against mine and his hands run under my top, cupping my breasts, greedily kissing me as if he’s damn near starved.
I know I am. It’s been forever. I’m not a virgin, but for all intents and purposes, I am. I have never been touched like this before. Like I was more than a piece of meat.
Li
ke I was cherished.
I run my hands over his broad shoulders, his height and weight are so impressive. Every inch of him is corded muscle, meant to intimidate. To protect. To defend.
It makes me feel weak, his strength. Not in a small way, in a safe way. Like I don’t need to try to be tough. I can let down my guard; he won’t break me. He won’t hurt me.
No. He kisses me until my knees are jelly, until his cock is so needy, grinding against my belly. And we move to the couch, I’m on top of him and when he looks at me, his eyes are dark yet clear.
“God, you are so beautiful,” he tells me.
I close my eyes. “Shush.”
“It’s true. Look at you,” he says as if in disbelief. His fingers are tangled in my hair and he draws my mouth back to his.
I don’t want him to talk, even though his words make me feel things I haven’t felt before. Like my looks aren’t something to be afraid of. Like they don’t make a target. But I know the truth.
With a shaky breath, I pull back. “Maybe this... God, I’m sorry Tatum. We shouldn’t...” I start to move away from him, but he gently pulls me back to him and cups my face.
“I get how fucked up this situation is.”
I nod, not trusting my voice.
“The last thing I want is to do something that’ll push you away. Rose needs you.” He drags his thumb across my bottom lip. “And I need you.”
I suck in a small breath. “Everything is such a mess.”
“And this complicates things more.”
“Yeah. It does.”
His lips twitch slightly. “Doesn’t mean I don’t still want you.”
“You don’t know me, Tatum. I may not be Ashley, but I still have a lot of baggage.” I mean, just the fact that I’m here, kissing him, wanting so much more from him, is proof of that.
He sighs, takes my hand, and brings it to his lips. He kisses my knuckles, then stops, and pulls my hand back to study the ring I’m wearing. “I’ve never noticed this before, it’s Connemara marble, right?”
“How do you know that?” I shake my head at him.
He gives a small shrug and grins. “I bought my mom a similar one when I took her and my dad to Ireland last year.”
“I’m jealous. I’ve always wanted to go there. See where my family was from.”
“You’re Irish?”
“On my dad’s side. You?”
“My grandparents on both sides came from Cork.”
“My dad’s mom was born in Limerick. She’s the one who gave me this ring.” It’s one of the only things I have that I truly treasure.
In the hell that had been my childhood, my Grandma Ryan was the one bit of sunlight. She’d given me the ring secretly right before she’d passed. It’s nothing much, just a smooth green cabochon cut oval set in gold with shamrocks on its shoulders. But to me, it’s memories of the only woman who ever showed me unconditional love.
“I know it’s not worth much,” I tell him. “But it has a lot of meaning for me.”
He grunts. “Connemara marble is one of the rarest marbles in the world. The stone alone would probably get you four, maybe five thousand.”
I twist the ring on my finger and frown. “My mom always told me it was worthless. Which is why she let me keep it.” I sigh. “And why Ashley never stole it. If she’d known...” I shake my head, knowing she would have pawned it years ago.
I hate thinking about ever losing it, but... four thousand dollars... it could mean the difference of me keeping my dance studio open. I let out a shaky breath, hating the tears that form in my eyes.
Tatum places his palm on my cheek and I feel him studying me.
“See,” I tell him, blinking away the tears. “Baggage.”
“You might have baggage, Aria, but the difference is you haven’t let it snuff out the light inside you. You’re a good person. And strong.”
I shake my head. “I wish I was strong. But some days I feel like it’s all too much. Like I’m just walking through life. Numb. You know?”
“Yeah.” He tilts his head and smiles. “I’ve felt the same way for the past few years. People always think they’ll be happy when they have money or fame. But...”
“It’s lonely in the spotlight.” I shift, so that I’m sitting beside him, and he places an arm over my shoulder.
“Yeah. It can be.” He brushes his mouth against my temple. “So how did you get into show business?”
I tense, and he looks down at me.
“Sorry, we don’t have to talk about it.”
“No. It’s okay.” I relax into him. It’s been a long time since I’ve let myself think about those years. But it’s better than thinking about how much I want Tatum’s mouth on mine again. “My mom had Ashley and me at auditions all around Hollywood before we said our first words. We did our first commercial when we were two, and after that...” I shrug. “Well, I can’t really remember not being in front of a camera.”
“That must have been hard.”
“When I was young, I just thought it was normal, but...” A cold shiver races through me. “Things changed once people started to recognize us.”
“What do you mean?” Tatum asks as he pulls me against his chest. I can tell by his still hard cock he wants to take this relationship further physically, but instead; he wraps an arm around me as I nestle against his chest.
I can’t think of a time I was in a vulnerable position like this with a man.
“The older we got the more interest there was from magazines -- cover shoots for Teen Vogue and Cosmo, People magazine featured us in their Fifteen Under Fifteen issue, we were on the cover. It was a lot of attention when we were just coming into our skin, figuring out who we would be now that we were no longer viewed as children but as teen idols.” I groan. “I’m not trying to say I was an idol, but the show won an Emmy and suddenly it was all getting bigger than life.”
“Is that why you stopped the show?”
I swallow, my fingers running along the edge of his tee-shirt, grateful that I’m not looking into his eyes. “No,” I say softly. “It ended for other reasons.”
“Do you miss it?” he asks. The question catches me off guard. In all the years since Twins Next Door ended, no one has asked me that. They have asked me for money, for exclusive interviews, for inside-gossip on Ward, our older brother on the show. But no one has asked how I feel.
I run my hand under his shirt, wanting to feel his skin, his heartbeat. This man who makes me feel so much and who is still so utterly off limits.
“I miss my sister,” I tell him honestly. When Tatum’s eyebrows narrow, I know I need to explain. “The early years, when we were doing the show, it was a happy time. Ash and I were still best friends. Mom was happy because there was a steady paycheck. I was doing schoolwork on a regular basis because we had a tutor on set. It was the closest to normal my childhood ever got.”
“So why end it all?” he asks.
I run my fingers through his hair. This all-American hero who was raised on meat and potatoes, as salt of the earth as you can get. He would never understand a girl like me who was always one paycheck away from losing it all.
And I did.
“Happiness has a shelf life, Tatum,” I tell him.
He kisses my forehead. “That’s the saddest fucking thing I ever heard.”
I don’t reply. Instead, I just blink away the tears, trying to push the painful memories down with them.
Chapter Eleven
Tatum
Fuck a nut. My eyes scan the headlines and take in the photographs that have been posted to an online news outlet. Just as I’m reading the article that contains as much depth as an acorn, Aria sends me a text.
Aria: Hey, sorry I can’t make it to the appt. I have work stuff to deal with. :(
Me: Everything okay?
I consider asking if she saw the photos of us at the baby store, but before I can, she is replying.
Aria: Just have to cover Cleo’s class. She’s
sick. I’ll see you @4 though.
Me: K. Bc we need 2 talk.
Aria: What’s wrong?
I copy and paste the link to the article and send it to her. Before I can see her response, the nurse calls for us.
“Rose Madden?”
I push my phone back in my pocket and lift Rose’s car seat carrier from the floor and walk through the waiting room. I wear a ballcap and keep my gaze lowered but I feel eyes on me as I move through the pediatrician’s office.
I feel the vibration of Aria’s reply, but I focus on the nurse. Inside a small room, she asks me to remove Rose from the carrier. Feeling awkward as she watches me unbuckle her, I pray to God I am doing everything correctly. As I cradle her in my arms, I realize I’ve snapped her onesie on backward and the words You Are My Sunshine are printed on her back, not her front.
I feel my face redden as I realize my mistake, but the nurse doesn’t comment. “So, it says here you don’t have her immunization records?”
As I’m struggling for the right words to explain the situation, a doctor pushes open the door and greets us warmly. “Tatum, so pleased to meet you. Jessica told me all about you.”
Her emphasis on the word all allows me to drop my guard slightly. The doctor introduces herself as Valerie and excuses the nurse. “I’ll take it from here.”
“So, uh, Jessica told you about Rose?” I ask.
The doctor nods. “She did. And I was able to look through the hospital records for births over the last three months and was able to get information on your daughter’s delivery. She was born right here in L.A. to Ashley Ryan, even though the hospital records had Aria Ryan listed.”
“So, when she was born was there any... any signs of...” I press my fingertips to my forehead as I try to say the words out loud. “Were there any drugs in her system?”
Veronica pulls out her tablet and begins scanning it. My body tenses as I wait, the headache that constantly throbs returns.
“Just tell me,” I say. “I need to know.”
The doctor turns the tablet and invites me to look. “Right here is the Apgar score taken right after she was born. She had an eight, Tatum.”
Game Day Baby Page 6
