‘Ricky married me because he loved me,’ Shay claimed forcefully.
‘Of course he loved you,’ Matthew acknowledged. ‘That was why once he knew about Lyon he knew he had to get you away from here.’
‘What are you talking about?’ she frowned.
‘He guessed that Lyon’s noble gesture where you were concerned couldn’t last for ever,’ Matthew scorned. ‘Saw, as we all did, the hungry looks Lyon gave you whenever he saw you. Ricky couldn’t risk the two of you being here if Lyon got over his scruples where you were concerned and decided to forget all about his ste—’
‘Matthew, don’t!’ Lyon’s protest came out as a strangulated cry.
Matthew looked at him, and so did Shay, shocked by his pallor, the almost feverish look to his eyes, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
‘Doesn’t she have a right to know?’ Matthew challenged cruelly.
‘I’ll tell her in my own good time!’ Lyon grated between stiff lips, tense as if waiting for a blow.
‘After you’ve married her, Lyon?’ his brother taunted. ‘After her child becomes yours?’
‘Damn you, Matthew!’ he cried in a tormented voice.
‘And damn you for putting at risk the life of the woman I love,’ Matthew’s eyes glittered dangerously. ‘You have no right to endanger an innocent—’
‘If you’re going to tell Shay, Matthew, then do it now,’ Lyon ground out bitterly. ‘We can discuss Patty later.’
‘All right, I’ll tell her,’ Matthew said heatedly, turning to Shay with fevered eyes. ‘Lyon takes such an interest in your child, Shay, because he knows he can never have any of his own,’ he revealed harshly. ‘Because he’s sterile!’
She had already guessed this was what Lyon so dreaded her knowing, it was the things Matthew had said about Ricky that disturbed her the most.
‘Ricky had the good sense to leave here before the two of you had a child of your own,’ Matthew grated. ‘After Lyon told us of his sterility, Ricky knew any child the two of you had would be dominated by Lyon if you stayed here. The poor bastard couldn’t know it was going to happen anyway!’
‘Ricky asked for the Los Angeles office after he was told of Lyon’s sterility?’ she croaked, her throat dry, her hands suddenly clammy.
‘Yes!’
‘Are you sure it was after he knew?’ Shay breathed heavily, feeling faint.
‘Lyon told all of us at the same time,’ Matthew dismissed. ‘Almost four years ago.’
‘I thought you had a right to know,’ Lyon bit out harshly. ‘I had no idea you were going to use it as a stick to beat me with!’
Shay looked at him dazedly, feeling faint, sick, hot, cold, all at the same time. ‘Lyon—Lyon—’
‘It’s all right, Shay,’ he scorned bitterly, ‘I’ve got used to the reaction I get when I tell people I can’t father a child.’ He turned to his brother. ‘Thank you, Matthew,’ he said with icy control. ‘If you ever want anyone to kill you slowly just give me a call; I’d be glad to do it!’ he strode from the room, his shoulders stiffly back.
‘Shay—’
‘Shut up, Matthew,’ she ordered sharply. ‘Just shut up!’
‘What—’
‘Tell me you were mistaken.’ She turned to him with blazing eyes. ‘Tell me Lyon’s sterility had nothing to do with Ricky’s and my leaving here.’
‘I can’t tell you that, Shay,’ he frowned. ‘It was only a matter of days after Lyon talked to us all that Ricky asked for an office abroad, any office, he just wanted out. Shay?’ he frowned as she made no response.
‘I have to go and see to Richard,’ she told Matthew jerkily. ‘I—Excuse me.’
‘Shay!’
‘What is it?’ She gave an irritated frown, just wanting to be alone, needing to work out what she should do.
‘I only meant to hurt Lyon.’ He looked at her worriedly. ‘I shouldn’t have involved you. My temper got the better of me—’
‘Matthew,’ she gently interrupted him, ‘we both know you don’t have a temper. If you love Patty you should marry her.’
‘I don’t—It isn’t as simple as that,’ he muttered at her sceptical expression.
‘Loving someone never is,’ she said bitterly. ‘Now I really do have to go.’
She almost ran up the stairs to her room, leaning back against the door, shaking so hard she thought she was going to collapse.
Oh Ricky, my God, Ricky!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE look on her face when Matthew told her he was sterile! First the stunned shock, and then the disgust.
He would have told her himself eventually—it wasn’t something he would have been able to keep secret from her for ever! But he had intended waiting until she was his wife and he was more sure of her. He knew now he would never get the chance.
‘Lyon?’
His body tensed before he turned to face Matthew, pain etched into his face. ‘Come to make another few stab wounds, Matthew?’ he returned harshly. ‘I shouldn’t bother if I were you, the wounds you’ve already made will eventually be fatal. Slowly but surely.’
‘Hell, Lyon.’ Matthew propelled himself fully into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. ‘Sometimes you make me so damned angry I could—’
‘You already did,’ he drawled. ‘Can’t you see the blood?’
He knew Shay would never consider marrying him now, that she believed he only wanted her so that he could make Richard his own. Maybe that was true in a way, but not the way—
‘It was because of Patty,’ Matthew reasoned. ‘She could get killed defending us. How would you feel if it were Shay?’
Lyon had been sure he couldn’t feel any worse than he did right now, but the renewed thought of Shay being dead filled him with cold dread. ‘Matthew, until a few minutes ago I had no idea you were in love with Patty—’
‘I’m not,’ Matthew denied heatedly.
‘You forgot yourself earlier, Matthew,’ Lyon told him huskily, ‘and admitted that you did. But I hired Patty to do a job; I had no idea your boorish temper where she was concerned hid much deeper feelings.’
‘You and Shay think you’re so damned smart, don’t you!’ he glared. ‘Yes, I love Patty. But I’m not going to do a thing about it.’
‘I thought you already had,’ his brother drawled.
Matthew flushed angrily. ‘It isn’t funny, Lyon,’ he rasped resentfully.
‘I couldn’t agree more,’ Lyon sobered. ‘But do you really want to live the way I have the past six years, loving a woman you had denied yourself, seeing her married to someone else?’
‘God, no!’ Matthew groaned at the thought.
‘Then marry her yourself,’ he advised heavily. ‘Before someone else does.’
‘Lyon …’ Matthew said slowly. ‘Lyon, six years ago, why did you—’
‘Go and see Patty now,’ he instructed harshly. ‘And don’t worry about Shay and me. I was never meant to have her.’
‘Lyon—’
‘Matthew, for God’s sake go!’ he rasped forcefully. ‘Unless you would enjoy seeing a grown man cry?’
Matthew looked at him searchingly for several minutes before turning his chair and leaving.
Cry? God, he wasn’t going to—
At that moment Lyon did something he hadn’t done since he fell off his bicycle at six years old, and no one was more surprised than he to feel the dampness on his cheeks.
* * *
‘SHAY?’
She turned to look at Patty, sitting up on the bed to push the hair from her face. ‘Yes?’ she asked sharply, not feeling in the mood to make polite conversation.
The other woman looked uncomfortable. ‘Matthew was worried about you—’
‘So he sent you,’ Shay sighed. ‘Why didn’t he come himself?’
‘I think he’s gone to look for Lyon,’ Patty grimaced. ‘I understand the two of them argued.’
‘That’s an understatement.’ She stood up to check her ap
pearance in the mirror, dampening a tissue to cool her heated cheeks. ‘Why don’t the two of you get married, it’s obvious you love each other?’
‘Yes,’ Patty sighed. ‘But he has the idea that he mustn’t burden any woman by marrying her. I would marry him tomorrow if he would let me.’ Her voice broke slightly.
‘Oh God, I’m sorry I pried.’ Shay was instantly contrite. ‘I shouldn’t take my confusion out on you. Come and sit down and we’ll talk,’ she invited.
‘Is this a private party or can anyone join in?’
Shay and Patty were sitting in the lounge drinking sherry, the two of them having been talking for the last twenty minutes or so. And Shay could cheerfully have hit Matthew for what amounted to his stubbornness in keeping himself and Patty apart, last night a lapse on his part he had assured Patty he didn’t intend repeating.
‘You can come in,’ she told him abruptly, ‘as long as you don’t mention Lyon and you ask Patty to marry you.’ She looked at him challengingly.
‘Shay!’ Patty groaned her awkwardness as colour darkened her cheeks, avoiding looking at Matthew.
‘The only thing keeping you apart is Matthew’s misguided pride,’ insisted Shay forcefully. ‘It’s a trait all of the Falconer men have.’
‘And none of us more so than Lyon,’ Matthew taunted.
‘You just broke the first condition,’ she snapped, her mouth tight.
‘One out of two isn’t too bad,’ he drawled.
‘I don’t—Did you just say what I thought you said?’ Shay gasped.
He was looking at Patty now. ‘I still think you would be a fool to marry me, but if you want me—’
‘Oh, I want you,’ Patty assured him eagerly.
He shrugged. ‘Oh well, at least I’ll have my own personal bodyguard now!’
‘You really mean it, Matthew?’ Shay said excitedly, thrilled that there was at least to be a happy ending for these two people she liked so much.
He nodded. ‘I’ve just seen a man I like and respect very much, totally broken because he let the woman he loves get away from him.’
‘If you’re talking about Lyon,’ Shay derided, ‘I’m sure Marilyn would—’
‘Not Marilyn, you fool,’ Matthew cried.
‘Matthew!’ Patty gasped.
His expression softened. ‘Don’t worry, Shay has heard much worse from me.’
‘That doesn’t make it any more acceptable now,’ she reproved.
‘Looks like I’m going to have a nagging wife,’ Matthew grimaced.
‘Considering you haven’t even asked her yet, you may find you aren’t going to have any sort of wife,’ Shay teased. ‘I’ll leave you two alone; I’m going to spend time with Richard.’
‘Shay!’
‘Yes?’ She looked at Matthew challengingly.
‘I’d like to talk to you some time soon.’ He held her gaze intently.
‘Not today, Matthew,’ she told him harshly. ‘I can’t take any more today.’
‘It’s important, Shay,’ he insisted.
‘So is my sanity,’ she snapped. ‘But I think I’m in danger of losing it!’
As she lay awake long into the night, haunted by thoughts she couldn’t even admit to herself, she knew she would have been wiser to talk to Matthew.
He and Patty had celebrated their engagement that evening, and Lyon had been conspicuous by his absence. But Matthew and Patty looked ecstatically happy, and Neil and her grandfather could have no idea of the trauma that had taken place earlier that day.
She had joined in the celebrations, making her excuses as soon as she was politely able, accepting Patty’s request that she be her Matron of Honour at the New Year wedding she and Matthew were busily planning.
If it weren’t for the fact that she suspected Patty was with Matthew in his suite again tonight she would have gone and spoken to him now, knew she wasn’t going to be able to sleep.
And she knew that wherever Lyon had gone to tonight he hadn’t returned, that his suite was empty.
‘He’s in town,’ Matthew told her at breakfast the next morning.
‘Who is?’ She feigned puzzlement at the announcement.
He gave her a derisive look. ‘Lyon.’
‘Oh?’ she dismissed without interest. ‘Grandy, do you feel like taking a walk this morning? We could—’
‘Lyon hasn’t returned to work, has he?’ Her grandfather frowned at Matthew. ‘He’s been looking so tired lately.’
Matthew shook his head. ‘He had business in town, private business.’
‘Oh?’ Shay’s query was sceptical now.
‘Patrick, was Shay ever beaten as a child?’ Matthew asked him conversationally.
‘Not that I can ever remember,’ her grandfather replied thoughtfully. ‘I thought she deserved it a few times, but—’
‘Grandy!’ She gave him an indignant frown.
‘She looked at you with those huge purple eyes and your heart melted, right?’ Matthew mocked.
‘Something like that.’ Her grandfather nodded.
‘Luckily, I’m immune to those limpid dark pools,’ Matthew drawled.
‘And just what is that supposed to mean?’ she challenged.
‘That it’s time you listened for a change,’ he told her firmly. ‘That you might learn something if you did that instead of stubbornly drawing your own conclusions.’
‘Just because I assumed that Lyon’s “private business" meant the same as it always has—’
‘He’s gone to see Marilyn,’ Matthew cut in bluntly.
Her eyes widened with shock, and then she shrugged. ‘It was only a matter of time,’ she rasped.
‘What was?’ Matthew looked at her with narrowed eyes.
‘Until she realised her mistake, as you said she would, and tried to get him back!’
‘And do you think she’ll succeed?’
‘Do you?’ she returned brittly.
‘She might,’ he shrugged. ‘Lyon is very vulnerable right now.’
‘Lyon has never been vulnerable in his life,’ she snapped.
‘He is now,’ Matthew snapped back. ‘It isn’t every day the woman he loves is told he’s sterile. He—’ He broke off concernedly as Shay’s grandfather suddenly choked over his coffee.
‘Grandy, are you all right?’ Shay patted him on the back as he continued to splutter.
‘Yes, I—’ He began coughing again. ‘Matthew, you’re mistaken about Lyon.’ He shook his head.
‘I realise it’s a shock, Patrick—’
‘It’s also untrue,’ the older man stated firmly.
Shay looked at him as if she had never seen him before. Her grandfather knew. She didn’t know how, when, or why, but he knew!
‘He had all the tests done, Patrick.’ Neil handed him the glass of water he had poured for him.
‘There’s only one true test,’ her grandfather insisted.
‘He was married to Marilyn for eleven years,’ Matthew drawled. ‘That’s test enough.’
All the laughter had gone from her grandfather’s twinkling blue eyes when he turned to look at her. ‘Shay?’ he prompted hardly.
Her breath came in short gasps, as if someone had pushed her in the chest and she was recoiling from the blow. Her grandfather knew she had miscarried Lyon’s baby six years ago!
‘Shay!’ he said again, this time with impatient anger, as if he couldn’t believe she was just going to sit there and say nothing.
‘I—I have to go upstairs.’ She stood up noisily.
‘Shay!’
His voice thundered across the room, and when he spoke in that tone she knew better than to move another step. It was true her grandfather had never hit her when she was a child, his disappointment in her actions had always been enough to stop her doing something she knew he would disapprove of. He was more than disappointed in her silence; he was disgusted!
‘I didn’t realise he thought that,’ she told him pleadingly. ‘I had no idea—’
�
�Until?’ he prompted tightly.
‘Marilyn told me several weeks ago,’ she admitted heavily. ‘Grandy, how long have you known?’
‘Since you came to spend that holiday with me after you and Lyon broke up,’ he told her gently. ‘I know the signs, had watched your grandmother and mother in the same condition.’
‘My god,’ Matthew gasped incredulously. ‘My God!’ he said again even more dazedly.
She turned defensively to him and Neil. ‘He didn’t want me—’
‘Shay, how could you have kept something like that from him?’ Matthew groaned.
‘How?’ Her eyes were feverish. ‘I’ll tell you how, I’ll tell you all how! Lyon told me I was just another affair to him. I now know I was also just another woman to give him faith in his ability to be a lover if not a father. I lost my baby and almost my own life because of him,’ she bit out raggedly. ‘You see, I still loved him more than life itself, had thought that I would have his baby if not him, and when the baby rejected me too, I almost bled to death. I wanted to die. But Ricky saved me, cared for me, loved me. And eventually I loved him too. I hated Lyon with everything in me,’ she told them vehemently.
‘And Ricky fostered that hate,’ Matthew said dully. ‘Shay, you must realise by now that Ricky knew three years ago, knew it wasn’t true about Lyon—’
‘He hated him too,’ she cried harshly. ‘For what he had done to me.’
‘Shay—’
‘Leave me alone,’ she cried desperately. ‘All of you, just leave me alone!’ She ran from the room to the sanctuary of her suite.
She fell across the bed, her face buried in the pillows as she sobbed her pain. She had known yesterday when Matthew told her that Ricky knew three years ago about Lyon’s belief that he was sterile, that Ricky had deliberately kept the truth from his brother. And she didn’t need to question why he had done it, she knew. Even after all that they had shared, all the years they had been together, Ricky had still been frightened of what she once felt for Lyon. Oh Ricky, darling, I loved you, she cried silently.
That last weekend with Lyon she had intended telling him about the baby they were going to have. But when they arrived at Falconer House it was to find that Marilyn intended to stay for the weekend too. Shay had hugged the knowledge of their child to herself, little dreaming of Lyon’s intention to remain married to Marilyn, no matter what. She had felt sick when he told her that she was just another affair to him. She had also known she would never tell him about their baby.
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