by Ciara Shayee
Twisting around, I eye my nephew still dressed in his soccer shorts and muddy cleats. “How’d it go, Matty? Did you give ‘em trouble?”
“I did! I scored two goals,” he tells me, using his free hand to hold down all but two of the fingers on the other. “We won four to two.”
“That’s great, buddy! Well done.” Side-eyeing Dad, I tell him, “Maybe Gamma and Pops will have some treats at home to celebrate.”
Matty’s face lights up, his smile widening when Dad admits there may be a surprise or two in the freezer.
During the short drive from the airport to Mom and Dad’s house, Dad and I listen to Matty as he chatters about everything that crosses his mind; from the breakfast he had with his mom and dad on Monday to the picture he drew which is apparently now tacked to the fridge at his other grandparents’ house.
Just as we pull up onto my parents’ street, my phone pings. Stifling the no-doubt goofy grin on my face, I pull it out of my pocket and breathe a sigh of relief when I read Piper’s incoming text.
Arlo’s much better today. He’s just managed a pancake and a little fruit, now he’s lounging in the bath xx
Before I can reply, another message pops up, this time with an attached picture.
He says to say you’ve been gone so long he’s grown a beard like yours xx
The image she’s attached makes me chuckle aloud. Arlo is shoulders deep in the tub wearing a bubble beard and a silly smile. With a pang, I tell her I miss him too—I miss all of them.
I miss you all so much. I’m already counting down the days until I’m home with you
Pausing, I add a couple of X’s before sending the message as we roll to a stop on the driveway.
“We’re here,” Dad announces, shooting my phone a curious look as he reaches over to squeeze my shoulder before climbing out.
Sucking in a deep breath, I eye my parents’ home with trepidation, hoping this trip will go better than the last.
*
My first few days in Utah go off without a hitch.
Mom is on her best behavior—I’m sure Dad has something to do with that—and it’s surprisingly refreshing being somewhere with such a different climate and landscape to home. There are no beaches here, but the mountain range stands tall and imposing on the horizon. In the evenings, Dad and I enjoy a bourbon together on the back porch while we shoot the shit and gaze out at the Oquirrh Mountains.
Sometimes Lucas joins us, but he’s busy organizing a big merger for his company, so we see more of Sabrina and Matty than him.
Being back in the town where I was raised, being around my family, is nice, but by day four, missing the boys and Piper leaves a familiar ache in my chest and a rock in the pit of my stomach. It worsens every time I remember that I still have more than a week to go until I can have them in my arms again. For now, I have to settle for phone calls and texts.
“Hey, handsome,” Piper breathes, her beautiful face filling my screen.
Grinning, I adjust my pillow and shuffle down the bed a little, propping my phone against a cushion. “Hey, short stuff. How’s it going?”
“Good.” She smiles, getting comfortable. I wish I was in her bed with her, that sweet smile close enough to kiss. She’s too damn far away. I’ve gotten spoiled, having her in bed with me at least a few nights a week. I haven’t slept half as good here as I do when I have her in my arms or wrapped around me. “I’ve got my bed back to myself tonight. Arlo wanted a sleepover with Jax and Finn, so we made them a pillow fort between the beds and they’re all tucked in there.”
“I wish I could see it,” I whisper, rubbing my chest.
Her gaze softens.
Does she know how she owns me? How my mind revolves around her now, her and the boys? I doubt it.
“I’ll send you a picture. How’s it going with your family?”
“It’s nice, actually.”
She snorts, shaking her head.
I smile wryly. “I know, I know. I sound real enthusiastic, right?” I rake a hand through my hair. “It’s nice spending time with them. Mom is behaving so far.”
She had a brief blip this evening when she brought up Shannon again, but I shut her down and we moved on. She accepted the topic change surprisingly easily, actually.
“That’s good, I’m glad you’re enjoying your trip.” Something like nervousness crosses her face. “Just don’t enjoy Utah too much, okay? We need you back here when you’re done visiting.”
“Silly Piper,” I laugh softly, mindful of the thin wall separating my room from my parents’. “I’ll be back on the tenth. It’s just a little over a week to go now.”
“I just miss you. You broke your promise.” I only have to raise my eyebrows to prompt her explanation. “You said you’d be back before we could miss you. Well, we miss you.” She quickly scrunches up her face and shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I promised myself I wouldn’t pile on the guilt, I just…this is hard. I’m such a girl. You’ve only been gone a few days.”
“A few days too many,” I tell her, just as frustrated with the distance and the time still stretched out before us. “Once I get back from this trip, I’m not goin’ anywhere for a long time.”
“We are, though. We’re going to see Jude for a week at the beginning of December.”
My brows furrow, though I try to stifle my grimace. “I forgot about that.”
Her sad smile tugs at my heartstrings. “We’re such saps, aren’t we?”
“I blame you, short stuff. I was all tough and shit before you came back and worked your magic.”
We spend a little while talking, Piper resolutely denying having anything to do with my personality transplant and telling me how she’s looking forward to taking the boys to pick out new stuff for Max tomorrow. Eventually, she yawns more than she speaks and she’s struggling to keep her eyes open.
“Go to sleep, Piper,” I laugh when she apologizes for the tenth time, covering her mouth as her eyes begin to water.
Sheepishly, she blows me a kiss. “I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Let me know when you have a few minutes free and I’ll let the boys speak to you.”
“I’d like that.” More than I can say. Sullivan is flying out tomorrow so I’ll be running interference between him and Mom, but I’ll make time for Piper and the boys. Hell, Sullivan will probably want to speak to them, too.
“Goodnight, Kellan.”
“Goodnight, short stuff. Sweet dreams.”
I love you.
The words hover there, right on the tip of my tongue, but I bite them back and whisper them into the dark room once she’s hung up and I’m lying on my back, one arm under my head as I stare at the ceiling. There’s no rushing ocean to soothe the frayed edges of my mind, no Piper to curl up with, and no boys to sneak away from in the morning. The bed is too soft, the room too quiet.
I sleep fitfully, tossing and turning for the fourth night in a row. When I finally give up and hit the shower before moseying into the kitchen shortly after seven, I’m surprised to find that I’m not alone.
“Morning, KP,” Mom murmurs, shooting me a quick smile between sips of her coffee. Joining her by the window overlooking the back yard and the stunning mountains beyond, I only hesitate for a moment before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
“Mornin’, Mom. You’re up early.”
She shrugs. “I was doing some thinking last night. It kept me up.”
“Anythin’ I can help with?”
I can feel her eyes on me as I slip away, stepping over to the coffee machine to pour myself a cup.
“Actually it was you I’ve been thinking about.”
My eyebrows lift. Me?
“I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, son, but I’ve failed you spectacularly these last few years, haven’t I?”
The inflection on the end of her sentence makes it a question, but she doesn’t sound like she wants an answer. Mom sighs, her gaze sad as she sets down her
mug and turns to face me, twisting her hands in front of her.
“I’m sorry, son. Truly sorry. I know I’ve tried to force Shannon on you, and in the interest of honesty and a fresh start, I had invited her over this weekend.”
Anger ignites my blood. “Mom, that’s not—”
She shakes her head, cutting me off. “I called her and cancelled a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been…blind, you could say.” Waving me over, she takes my hand and guides me into a seat at the table. “Do you know why I kept trying to push you and Shannon back together?”
“No.”
I’m still annoyed, still frustrated with her for meddling, but I want to know where she’s going with this before I lose it, so although my tone is curt, it’s not the litany of curses I’m biting back.
Her smile shifts into a grimace, her eyes apologetic. “I just wanted to see you happy again, honey. You and Shannon were happy once, weren’t you? I don’t understand why you couldn’t find your way back to that again.”
Slowly, I nod. “We were happy, but it never would have lasted. It didn’t last.” Blowing out a breath, I open up to her for the first time since I was a teenager. The trouble Shannon and I were having, it’s news to her; I can tell by the widening of her eyes and the confusion in her gaze. “We were drifting apart long before Willow…” I swallow hard. “Before Willow died.”
Her lips move like she’s going to try to argue with me, but she stops herself.
It’s time.
“Shannon was cheating on me, Mom.”
She gasps, her hand flying to her mouth as tears instantly fill her eyes. “She was having an affair with one of her co-workers for years before we divorced, that’s why she didn’t want to leave Utah. Losing Willow was just the thing that tipped us over the edge. It gave her the out she’d been looking for.”
For a few long seconds, the only sounds in the kitchen are the coffee machine ticking as it cools and the breeze rattling the kitchen window shutters. I turn my head, gazing out of the window at the swaying oak tree at the end of the yard and the clouds drifting across the sky. Then Mom stutters a shaky “I had no idea” and squeezes my hand tight. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Before I can speak, I see the penny drop. I see the very second she realizes what the repercussions of Shannon’s affair might have been.
“Willow…is she…was she…”
Clearing the lump in my throat, I nod, just a dip of my chin. I’m surprised by how good I feel as relief blankets Mom’s features. She doesn’t need to know that Willow might not have shared our DNA. She just needs to know the same thing I do—Willow was mine, she was ours. Nothing and nobody will change that.
Not even death itself.
“I don’t need Shannon to be happy, Mom.”
“I see that now. I’m sorry for trying to force it. I had no idea…she doesn’t seem the type to do that, you were so happy together ever since you got together at high school, but of course I believe you. Everything makes so much more sense now.”
Pulling a tissue out of her pocket, she loudly blows her nose before dabbing at her eyes. “But you’ve seemed like a completely different person these last few days. Well, these last few weeks, actually. Sabrina said you were like a new man when she, Lucas, and Matty came to stay with you.”
For a moment, I consider telling her why. I consider telling her about the woman who has stolen what I thought was a dead heart.
But Piper should hear that first.
I’m nervous as shit for her reaction to what will doubtlessly be an emotional “I love you” when I return, but I feel like the words will explode from me at some point if I don’t willingly set them free.
“I’m happy,” I admit, my mouth curling up on one side. “For the first time in a long time,” since I lost Willow, “I’m really, truly happy.”
Squeezing our hands together with a wide smile and tear-filled jade eyes, Mom sighs. She wants to press me for the hows and whys, but she doesn’t. not yet, at least. I’m grateful. “You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that.”
*
“All right,” Dad says loudly, strolling into the kitchen with his keys dangling off his finger. “I’m heading out to the airport.” Eyeing me, he cocks his head. “Do you want to come with me?”
My gaze darts over to Mom. She’s smiling, but it’s clearly forced. She’s trying though, and that’s what matters. Sullivan is due to land in a half hour or so to spend the next week here, so I know she’s bolstering herself. She doesn’t always treat Sullivan with the respect he deserves, but there’s been a very noticeable shift in the way she acts since the last time I saw her. It fills me with hope that this trip might be less uncomfortable than others previous.
“Yeah, why not?” As I pass Mom, I wrap an arm around her shoulders and plant a kiss on the top of her head. “You’ll be all right here?”
“Oh, I’m fine. I’ll finish getting dinner ready.” Raising her voice, she calls, “Matty will help me, won’t you?”
Matty comes careening into the room on socked feet, brushing his hair out of his eyes. Sabrina is at a baby shower this afternoon, so Mom volunteered to watch Matty. He’s been ‘helping’ me and Dad repair Mom’s greenhouse, getting it ready for the colder winter months. And by ‘helping,’ I mean ‘thoroughly distracting’ us.
“I’ll help, Gamma. Help with what?”
Chuckling, Dad and I head out, climbing into his SUV as Matty and Mom wave at us through the dining room window.
“She’s really glad you came out to stay and seem to be enjoying yourself,” he comments as we head toward the airport.
Glancing sideways at him, I find myself smiling. “I’m glad, too. And I am enjoying myself.”
“Your mom told me you two had a conversation this morning…”
“We did,” I admit, hating that I can feel the sympathy pouring from him. “I didn’t tell you all because I didn’t see any point. There was no benefit to you all knowing.”
“I understand. I can’t say that I’m not disappointed you didn’t feel like you could come to us with it, but that’s our doing. And she really is sorry, son. We both are. I know she can be…overbearing.”
We both grin when a loud chuckle bursts out of me.
Wryly, he continues. “Okay, so that might be an understatement. But she means well, you know that, don’t you?”
There’s no denying it—she does mean well, even if her methods could use work. She infuriates and amuses me in almost equal measure, but under it all, beneath the meddling, scheming, and fussing, she’s just a parent trying to do right by her family. I can appreciate that.
“I know,” I finally murmur, removing my cap to run a hand through my hair before putting it back on my head. “I think we’ve turned a corner.”
Dad nods. “If it’s any consolation, she was already regretting speaking to Shannon when Sabrina and Lucas came back from visiting you last month. They couldn’t believe the changes in you. That solidified it for her, but I am wondering, we’re both wondering, what’s changed?”
Huffing a breath through my nose, I fall silent as we pull into the short-stay parking lot. Dad waits patiently, hunting for a good spot before killing the engine. Turning in his seat, he offers me a small smile, his blue eyes soft but knowing.
“Look, you don’t have to spill your guts to me, son. You’re a grown man and you’ve proven you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself. God knows, your mom and I haven’t done the best job of it, at least the last few years.
“Dad—”
“No, let us own our mistakes, please.” His earnest expression and pleading tone convince me to shut up. His half-smile is apologetic as he reaches over to squeeze my forearm. “We’re going to do better. We thought we were helping by taking a step back and giving you space. I think we were wrong, but something has happened, something has changed. I have my suspicions, but I understand if you want to keep it to yourself.” Smir
king, he adds, “I just hope you’ll let us meet her when you’re ready.”
My ears heat like a schoolboy who’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Dad,” I groan, rubbing the back of my neck.
He finds my discomfort hilarious. Dad chuckles as he removes the key from the ignition and climbs out of the car. “Come on, son. Let’s go get Sullivan before he thinks we’ve forgotten about him.”
*
Frowning, I check my watch again and glance up at the ‘arrivals’ board.
“It says it arrived thirty minutes ago.”
Dad is frowning, too, his foot tapping the floor and his fingers drumming his knee. “Did he give you any inclination to believe he might not come?”
“No, none.”
I mean, that’s a white lie. I know Sullivan wasn’t a hundred percent sure about this trip, but when I spoke to him before I left, he’d made up his mind to come. The fact that I’d be here with him was the deciding factor in the end; he was pleased he’d have me as a buffer.
“Have you heard from him today?”
Pulling my cell from the pocket of my sweater, I scroll back to the last message he sent me.
Piper + the boys are giving me a ride to the airport so I’ll see you soon brother. Ps battery is low – Sully
“He messaged to say he was getting a ride to the airport this morning. I haven’t heard from him since then.”
Deciding to call Piper, because I haven’t heard from her since this morning, I find her number and hit ‘dial,’ mouthing to Dad to keep an eye on the doors as I wander a few feet away.
“Hey, you’ve reached Piper Fitzgerald. I’m sorry I can’t get to the phone right now, but if you leave a message and your number I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks!”
“Voicemail,” I mumble, shaking my head. She’s probably on her way to get the boys from their art class before they head into Jacksonville to restock on dog supplies. Typing out a text to check in with her, I quickly hit ‘send’ and walk back over to Dad, who looks just about ready to explode with nervous anticipation.
