by Ciara Shayee
Kerstin interrupts the conversation with a gentle knock on the door. “Hi there. Sorry to disturb you, I just need to do a couple of checks before we change over for the night.”
“That’s fine,” I tell her with a smile, glad of the brief respite from rehashing mistakes I’d rather forget. I’ll never regret the boys, but if I could forget the years with Richard and just leave memories of my boys, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
When Kerstin leaves, Kellan rakes a hand through his hair and silently pleads with his eyes for me to continue and get everything out in the open.
“I found out I was pregnant with Lo three weeks after I broke up with Richard,” I admit quietly. Jude and Mom are the only two people who knew that.
Or so I thought.
Frowning, I realize Kellan looks more guilty and less surprised by my admission.
“Jude actually told me that. She didn’t say anything else, but she wanted me to be sure that I have nothing to worry about with you and Richard.”
The mere idea of him having to worry about me ever getting back with my ex is enough to make me laugh, even though it hurts. Kellan’s smile is small but his eyes crinkle in the corners.
“Handsome, you don’t ever have to worry about Richard. He’s no competition, okay?” Carefully twisting to swing my legs over the edge of the bed, I let go of his hand to cup his beard-covered jaw instead. His gaze is earnest and gentle as I lean in, resting our foreheads together and breathing in his woodsy, fresh-grass-scented aftershave. It’s new, but I love it. Nerves scatter through my body, worried anticipation pushing a shaky exhale from my lungs.
My mortality has been thrown into stark contrast. I don’t want to wait another day to tell Kellan how I feel about him, how I want more than the sneaking around and casual arrangement we’d fostered up until now.
Pulling up my big girl panties, I ready myself for his rejection, should it come. I know he’s got lots going on and our relationship isn’t as simple as some, but I’ve seen the way he looks at me, the way he looks at the boys. He’s been here every day for a week and a half. He’s made us his priority.
He has no idea what that means to me after being in a relationship with a man who constantly put me and our sons last.
Closing my eyes for a moment, just to gather my thoughts, I smile and slowly open then again in preparation of saying those three little words. I want him to say them back, of course I do, but even if he doesn’t I know he’s on his way there.
I’ve seen them in his heated gaze as we fall into bed at the end of a long day and his soft, sleepy smiles when we wake up wrapped around each other.
I’ve seen them in the grins he shoots me over the boys’ heads as he goofs around with them in the pool and the winks he offers when they’re not looking.
I’ve seen the words hovering on his lips when we video call before bed and he cuts himself off after “goodnight, short stuff.”
So even if he doesn’t say them out loud now, I can be patient.
“Kellan, I l—”
The sudden, harsh sound of my cell vibrating across the overbed table makes me jump.
Our noses knock together as I spring back, hissing and wincing at the pull of my still-healing muscles. My heart thumps hard in my chest, my pulse beating in my ears as I blindly reach out toward the noise.
Adrenaline leaks from my body. It’s replaced by worry when I see it’s Mom calling. She wouldn’t disturb us if she didn’t need to—she promised over and over today to sneak the boys away so we could have some alone time.
Shooting Kellan an apologetic “sorry,” I quickly hit the flashing green symbol and raise my phone to my ear.
“Mom, hey. What’s up?”
She doesn’t get a chance to answer before I hear it.
The wailing is loud enough for me to know that it’s my baby, my littlest boy, and he’s distraught.
“Oh, God, Lo…” I breathe, my stomach falling to my feet. “What happened, what’s wrong? Is he hurt? Is it his ankle?”
I see Kellan frowning, already reaching for his keys on the table as he lifts slightly out of the chair, ready to run to Arlo.
“Don’t panic, sweetheart, he’s not hurt,” Mom finally says, soft and calm even though I can hear the edge of panic in her voice. “He dozed off in the car on the way home so we let him sleep, but he woke up after a nightmare as we carried him in and he’s been inconsolable ever since.”
Every fiber of my being screams for me to get out of this bed and make Kellan drive me there to comfort my boy, then I hear it. A single word in the middle of Arlo’s muffled cries, and my heart stops momentarily before taking off again with a sputter.
Easy.
Tears fill my eyes but they’re made of mixed emotions as I blink them away and mouth to Kellan that Arlo needs him. Him, not me, not his momma.
It breaks my heart but buoys me at the same time. I can’t go to him right now, but Kellan can.
It doesn’t escape my notice that he’s never, not once, cried for Richard. He’s been emotional after a no-show, but he’s never asked for Richard when he’s sick or upset, he’s never woken from a nightmare wanting comfort from the man who should be there for him.
“I’ll call you,” Kellan murmurs, pressing a hard, hot kiss against my head before rushing from the room.
All thoughts of romantic declarations are forgotten as I ask Mom to hold the phone to Arlo’s ear. “Hey, baby, it’s Momma. Lo, can you hear me?”
It kills me to listen to him sob down the phone, but I continue a steady stream of reassurances until I hear Mom say, “Look, KP is here.”
“Keep me on the phone, please,” I plead, torn between gratitude that Kellan’s presence gradually quiets Arlo’s crying and guilt that I’m not there to comfort my son.
When it all falls quiet, only Kellan’s gentle, lilting humming coming through the phone and Mom’s hushed whisper that Arlo is asleep, I breathe out a request for someone to call me if Arlo gets upset again before hanging up and letting the tears fall.
*
The next afternoon, I’m sitting in the sunshine on a bench outside the hospital entrance when Kellan’s Jeep rolls by, turning off into the parking lot.
Jaxson spots me first, but Finley and Arlo join him waving like loons as they sail past, a smile spreading over my face.
It’s been torture, waiting for them to finish school today. After Arlo’s freak-out last night, I wasn’t sure if Mom would end up bringing him in to me instead of school this morning. As it happens, he woke up quieter than usual and a little clingy with Kellan, who slept on the pull-out in the den just in case, but otherwise okay.
A day with Miss Mickey and his friends seems to have done him good though, because he’s grinning so wide his eyes are squinty when he heeds Kellan’s warning to go slowly over the crossing before racing the last few feet.
He’s gotten more confident on his crutches, which in turn makes me more nervous. The kid has no fear.
“Hey, kiddo,” I breathe, wrapping him up in my arms as soon as he’s close enough. The familiar apple, pear, and cookie scent of him makes me relax, his obvious joy only calming me further.
“Hi, Momma. Are we gonna get ice cream?” Jaxson asks, trailing behind Arlo with Finley and Kellan.
“We sure are, baby,” I tell them with a grin, giving them all the same squeezy hug before tugging Kellan down to my level by the front of his tee. The boys groan and make yucky noises as I plant one right on his lips, laughing softly at his wide green eyes and slack jaw.
I see no reason to hide us from the boys now everybody else knows, and judging by the grins on their faces, they’re not unhappy about it.
“Are you Momma’s boyfriend?” Arlo squeals with raised eyebrows.
Kellan runs a hand through his hair, fumbling for his words before sighing and crouching so he’s eye-level with them. “Yes, I am Momma’s boyfriend.”
A silly, girly sigh escapes me at that,
but I can’t help myself. Kellan freaking Patterson is my boyfriend.
He smirks my way before addressing the boys. “Is that okay?”
The boys share a mischievous look. “I need to have a huddle with my brothers,” Jaxson says, and all three of them step away a few feet to create a mini huddle.
Kellan and I stifle our laughter, both perfectly able to hear their loud whispers as Finley points out that he told them we were dating, and Jaxson says it’s great because they’ll probably get to use the pool more, leaving just Arlo wearing a pensive frown.
“We’re cool with it,” Jaxson finally announces. “But you gotta look after her, ‘kay?” he warns, wagging a finger at Kellan, who, to his credit, takes it very seriously. He manages to keep his straight face even when Jaxson flushes and adds, “And us, ‘cause we’re just kids.”
“That sounds like a fair deal, so long as you guys promise to help me out from time to time when I get stuck. I’ve been on my own for a while. It’s going to take me a bit to get used to having a family around again.”
Eyeing me, then his brothers, Arlo hobbles closer on his crutches before tucking one under his arm so he can reach out to squeeze Kellan’s shoulder. He’s so tiny compared to Kellan, but it’s the latter who seems small as Arlo clearly and confidently tells him, sounding for all the world far older than his tender four years, “We’re your family, Easy, and families look after each other.”
Thirty
Kellan
With Jaxson on my back, Finley holding one of my pockets, and Arlo zipping ahead beside Piper in her wheelchair, I swallow a lump of emotion before I can gang up with the tears that threaten to fall.
These boys, their momma…they’re everything.
Being welcomed into their family gives me a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in years.
“C’mon, Easy,” Jaxson cajoles, gently kicking his feet against my sides. “Arlo and Momma are gonna beat us!”
Scooping Finley up under my arm, I chuckle at his yelp of surprise and speed up, but Piper and Arlo have the added advantage of her chair. He slides onto her lap and giggles as she pushes the wheels faster, the chair crossing into the cafeteria a split second before my feet.
“Aw, man,” Jaxson whines half-heartedly, knowing he’s still going to get ice cream even though we lost. Piper said the losers wouldn’t get any, but she’s a soft touch. The woman lives to put smiles on the boys’ faces. I’m proven right when she points to a table by the window, asking the boys to decide what they want before telling them to go sit down.
“This is my treat,” I tell her when we join the small line once we’ve got their orders and watched them settle at the table, content with their coloring books.
Piper’s eyes narrow like she’s going to argue, but she smiles and relaxes when she sees the determination on my face. “In that case, I’ll have one, too.”
Laughing and squeezing her shoulder, I tell her, “You can have whatever you want, short stuff. Anything for you.”
Her gaze softens before turning contemplative, flicking around the room like she’s searching for or deciding something. The businessman behind us grunts that we’re up, breaking the spell, and when she looks at me again it’s to thank me for treating.
“No problem,” I murmur, for the briefest of moments wondering if her hesitation could possibly be because she’s nervous to say the same three words that are on the tip of my tongue.
I love you.
*
Later, while Jaxson and Finley get their daily reading out of the way by sandwiching Arlo between them and forcing him to listen to them read, the doctor comes to see Piper.
The grin he’s wearing as he steps into the room makes my heart skip a beat, hope powering my growing smile.
“You’re all set to go home, Piper.”
The boys excitedly leap off the sofa, abandoning their book to clamber all over their momma and babble over each other. She has suspiciously glassy eyes as she holds them close and murmurs for them to be quiet. “Really, I can go?”
“You sure can,” he confirms, flipping to a different page on his clipboard. He reads for a second, then nods to himself before flashing his pearly whites. “Your test results from yesterday all came back great, and the PT says you did well in your session this morning.”
Piper nods and self-consciously runs a hand through her hair. “I’m getting stronger every day, she said.”
“Then I see no reason to keep you. You’ll need to wait for a bit before your discharge papers and all that fun stuff, but then you’re welcome to head out. I trust you have transport and someone to help you out at home for a few more days…?” he trails off, eyeing me.
“Absolutely.”
There’s no doubting my resolute tone; the doctor taps his pen against the clipboard with a pleased, “Perfect! Well, Piper, we’ll see you for a follow-up in the clinic in six weeks. And don’t forget to attend all your PT appointments. They’re going to be crucial in helping you build up your muscle strength. Take care, all right?”
Piper bumbles her way through her “thank you’s,” the shock of her surprise release all over her beautiful face when we’re finally alone with the boys again. “I get to go home.”
“Yay, Momma, you did it!” Arlo cheers, hands in the air and teeth on show as he grins. “No more icky hospital food.”
We all laugh at that, but nobody is happier than Finley, the fussy eater of the bunch.
“All right then. Well, do you want to call everybody now and tell them, or wait ‘til you’re home?”
Piper chews her lip for a moment. “I want to go get Max, so maybe we could call Gi so she can get him ready, but surprise the others? They’re all over there for dinner tonight anyway.”
While Piper carefully gathers up her things, including all the pictures the boys have colored over the last week and the many cards she’s been sent, I step out to give Gianna a call. She’s excited for Piper and relieved this ordeal is coming to a close, just like I am.
“I’ll get the beast ready,” she promises, whispering so nobody overhears her. I can just make out Danny’s and Carson’s voices in the background, interspersed with peals of Jude’s laughter. “God, I bet she’s relieved. And you! No more back and forth between home, Burger Co., and JBH, although I suppose you’ll still go between your place and Piper’s.”
I hum and agree, but I don’t add that I have a different plan for when we leave the hospital. I just have to get Piper to agree.
Which, incidentally, isn’t for hours. It takes forever to get Piper’s paperwork sorted and then another half hour on top for the doctor to return with an apologetic grimace and her medicine prescription. “You can fill this here or at the pharmacy, whichever is easiest for you. Sorry for the delay, we’ve had an emergency come in and I got caught up in the ER.”
“It’s fine, Doctor,” Piper smiles, waving him off even though her tiredness is a living, breathing entity in the room. It’s nearing nine, way past the boys’ bedtime and later than Piper has managed to stay up in weeks. She’s exhausted; I can’t wait to get her home and tucked up in bed so we can all start to recover from this.
As we finally amble toward the exit, Piper and Arlo in the chair I’m pushing and the twins trailing sleepily behind me, I hesitate before speaking. “Do you want to wait until morning to get Max? One more night with Bass and Gianna won’t hurt him, and I’m sure they won’t mind.”
Piper’s long sigh gives away her disappointment, but she quietly agrees. “We can get him first thing tomorrow. I’ll text Gi when we get to the car. It’s handy that the boys were already having a sleepover with you tonight or someone would have come to get them and we wouldn’t have been here.”
Humming my agreement, I bend to press a kiss on the crown of her head, my stomach tightening at the sweet smile she shoots over her shoulder.
Out in the almost deserted parking lot, I load the boys into their seats and thank Piper for wai
ting for me to help her up into the Jeep. She offers me a sheepish grin and admits she didn’t think she’d be able to climb up by herself; she’s a shorty and the Jeep is kinda high up, even for someone who isn’t still weak from a car accident.
Piper presses a smile against my beard-covered jaw as I scoop her from her chair, one arm behind her back, one under her legs, and hold her to my chest for a moment.
“You’re beautiful,” I whisper, gazing into her shadowed gray eyes and grinning at the way her long, loud yawn makes them water.
“Oh, yeah. I feel really beautiful right now,” she says, murmuring her thanks when I gently set her down.
Shrugging, I make an easy admission. “You’re always beautiful to me. Exhausted, covered in paint or food or whatever else the boys have gotten on you, or all dolled up…you’re stunning, Piper.”
The rosy hue that infuses her cheeks makes my neglected dick pay attention, but sex is so far off my list of priorities right now, it’s easy to ignore. Crouching a little, I cup her face in my palms and lean closer to breathe her in, already anticipating the replacement of the hospital-issue shampoo with her own as I press a gentle kiss against her forehead. The ‘I love you’ is right there, but this isn’t the right time or place, so I bite it back and offer her a smile instead before stepping away to put the wheelchair in the back with Arlo’s crutches.
I start to feel apprehensive as I drive us home. The boys are all out before we leave the parking lot, and even though Piper is shattered, she’s awake enough to notice when we cruise right past her house.
With raised brows, she tilts her head against the headrest to face me. “Uh, Kellan? You just missed our stop.”
Swallowing hard as I pull onto the driveway, the headlights illuminate the garage door as I ready myself for Piper’s reaction.
