‘Do you want to tell me, my son?’
He rubbed his eyes. ‘Later, perhaps, when I have made sense of it all myself.’
Chapter Eighteen
A prolonged bout of tears left Felicity drained and exhausted, but when she had cried herself out and could think rationally, she found she was not sorry that she had told Nathan about the baby. She had no secrets from Nathan now. Her maid arrived at the door, saying that the master had sent her up with a dish of hot soup for m’lady’s supper and Felicity’s spirits rallied a little. Tomorrow, she told herself, tomorrow we will start afresh.
She rose early the following morning and dressed with care before going down to the breakfast room, only to have her burgeoning hopes dashed when Mercer informed her that the earl had already breakfasted and gone out riding.
‘He is not alone?’ she said anxiously.
‘No, my lady, Patrick is with him.’
With this she had to be satisfied, but she had no inclination for a solitary breakfast and went in search of Mrs Carraway.
She found her mama-in-law sitting in her sunny morning room, writing letters.
‘Do come in, my dear, these can wait.’
‘Thank you.’ Felicity stooped to fondle Bella’s ears when the spaniel came up to say hello to her. ‘She seems fully recovered now, Mama Carraway,’
‘I believe she is, and Nathan tells me he is inclined to believe he was mistaken, that there was no poison in the ale.’
‘But Bella—’
‘She is an old dog and may well have suffered a slight stroke. She would have recovered even without Nathan’s pouring coffee down her throat.’ The older woman sighed. ‘We must hope that is the case, for I cannot bear to think that anyone wishes to harm my son.’
‘Nor I, ma’am,’ added Felicity earnestly. ‘But can he really believe this was not another attempt on his life? I cannot credit it.’
‘Nathan and I discussed it last night. He says it is all coincidence and conjecture. He was at pains to assure me that he does not think his life is in danger.’
‘Well, ma’am, I wish he had been at pains to reassure me.’
‘That is difficult, of course, when you lock yourself away.’
Felicity flushed at the gentle rebuke in the words. She said quietly, ‘We quarrelled last night. Did he tell you?’
‘No.’ Mrs Carraway moved over to the sofa and beckoned Felicity to join her. ‘Nathan has never worn his heart on his sleeve. He does not readily discuss the things that matter most to him.’
Felicity clasped and unclasped her hands nervously. She took a deep breath. ‘Then, I think I should tell you. Everything, ma’am.’
Haltingly, and with a few tears, Felicity told her story. She blushed when she spoke of mistresses and hesitated before voicing her suspicions about Gerald Appleby, but Mrs Carraway was not shocked, and merely patted her hands when she had finished.
‘Thank you for your honesty, my dear; I may live retired here at Rosthorne, but my friends keep me well informed about the ways of the world. I do not think you need worry about Lady Ansell. I recognised her as a schemer almost at once, and you may be sure that Nathan knows it, too.’
‘But what of his cousin, Mama Carraway?’ Felicity twisted her hands together. ‘I believe Nathan is in danger and—’
‘I have never thought Gerald anxious to inherit the title. However, I am sure Nathan would not dismiss your suspicions without good reason.’ She smiled. ‘I will talk to him when he comes home. For now, I think we should—’ She broke off as the door opened and Mrs Norton came in carrying a letter.
‘Excuse me, madam, this has just arrived for you. From the earl.’
Felicity did not need to hear the last few words, she recognised the heavy black writing immediately. With a word of thanks Mrs Carraway broke open the seal and unfolded the crackling paper.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘He is on his way to Bath.’
A cold, hard hand clutched at Felicity’s heart. ‘Was there a message for me, Mrs Norton?’ she asked.
‘No, my lady. Patrick brought only two notes, the other being for Lord Rosthorne’s valet. Patrick is having the horses put to the earl’s travelling carriage and plans to join him again tonight. It would appear his lordship intends to be away for some time.’
‘Yes, it does, Norton. Thank you, that will be all.’ Mrs Carraway waited until her companion had retired before turning her attention again to the letter.
‘He is going to Lady Ansell,’ muttered Felicity. ‘You see, ma’am, I have driven him away.’
‘Well, it is Nathan’s usual untidy scrawl,’ said Mrs Carraway, not noticeably disheartened. ‘But he wrote this from Appleby Manor. So that is why he went out so early this morning.’
‘Do you think he went to confront his cousin?’ asked Felicity.
‘He does not say so, merely that he is accompanying Gerald and Lady Charlotte to Bath.’ Mrs Carraway looked up, a decided twinkle in her eyes. ‘That does not sound to me like a man going off to seek his lover.’ She folded the letter. ‘It does seem odd that they should set off today. I suggest you pen a note for Patrick to take back to his master, requesting an explanation. After that, you should put it from your mind, for it is Boxing Day, and we have work to do!’
Felicity made an effort to smile as she carried out her duties as mistress of Rosthorne, distributing the Christmas boxes to the servants and taking baskets of food to the poorest villagers. Somehow she managed to get through the day, but despite her resolve not to allow herself to fall prey to useless conjecture, when she retired to her bed that night her dreams were disturbed by images of Nathan whirling around the dance floor with Serena Ansell in his arms.
‘Three days and still no word from Nathan, save a short scrawl to say he has arrived safely and is staying at the York,’ remarked Mrs Carraway as they sat down to breakfast. ‘One would have thought he might by now have written to explain just exactly why he went to Bath.’ She looked over the rim of her coffee cup at Felicity. ‘Did you write to him as I suggested?’
‘No, Mama Carraway, I did not. I have tried his patience too far—Lord Rosthorne is no longer interested in me.’
‘Oh, my dear, that is not true!’
‘No?’ Felicity put up her chin. ‘When he did not have the courtesy to write to tell me he was going away?’ She pushed back her chair. ‘If you will excuse me, I think I shall take Bella for a walk. I feel in need of a little fresh air.’
She took the little dog out into the park and while Bella spent a happy hour snuffling around the trees and bushes, Felicity wondered how on earth she was going to survive the rest of her life. It was her own fault. Perhaps if she had not told Nathan about the baby he might have forgiven her for running away from him, but they had agreed, no secrets. She had kept to that, but now Nathan had gone to Bath without any word at all to her.
She blinked rapidly. She would not cry, that would do no good. She must make a life for herself as mistress of Rosthorne. It was not so very bad, she told herself—she had a comfortable home and could command almost any luxury. She had every reason to be happy.
Except one.
Nathan did not love her.
Felicity returned to the house quietly resolved to do her duty. She spoke to the gardener about the spring planting for the gardens then went off to see Mrs Mercer to discuss menus for the week. With such activities she was determined to keep herself busy but when the stable clock chimed the hour she realised with dismay that it was still only noon. The rest of her day stretched interminably before her, and with a feeling of despondency she sank down on the sofa in the morning room and wept.
‘My dear girl, whatever is the matter?’
Mrs Carraway’s concerned voice brought Felicity to her feet.
‘Oh, it is n-nothing, ma’am! A mere irritation of the nerves, that is all…’
Felicity went to the window to wipe her eyes. Knowing signs of her distress would still be in her face, she kept her back to the room a
s she heard her mother-in-law murmuring instructions to a servant.
‘Come and sit down by me, Felicity.’
Slowly she returned to the sofa. ‘Oh, ma’am, you must think me so foolish,’ she muttered, kneading her handkerchief between her fingers. ‘Nathan should never have married me, and now—’
‘Hush.’ Mrs Carraway patted her hands. ‘I think you and Nathan are both a pair of very silly children.’ She looked up as the door opened. ‘Ah, Norton. You have brought the box? Bless you, my dear. Put it here, on the sofa between us—thank you.’ She waited until they were alone again, then she put her hand on the box and said quietly, ‘I think it is time I shared this with you.
‘Nathan brought this box home with him from the Peninsula and gave it to me for safe keeping. It contains his most precious mementos: the miniatures of myself and his father; letters from me and from his friends.’ She opened the lid and sifted through the papers. ‘And this.’ She lifted a folded paper and handed it to Felicity. ‘It is a letter he wrote to Adam Elliston the day he marched out of Corunna. I think you should read it, because it mentions you.’ Felicity took it and stared at the heavy black letters of the inscription. Mrs Carraway continued, ‘I know you are convinced that Nathan married you merely to protect you, but I think this tells a very different story.’
Felicity unfolded the two sheets of stiff paper. She began to read.
Adam
Forgive this hurried scrawl and God grant that you read this before you leave Corunna. My orders have arrived. We march today and I know that you will not be far behind us. It was our intention that we should drink a toast together before setting off to join up with Moore’s army marching north from Portugal, but the usual confusions of providing food and billets for so large a force as this, added to the delays and frustrations of our disembarking here, have made it all but impossible to do more than snatch a few moments with you. And of course there is my dear wife now to consider, but you will not begrudge me any time I have spent with her, for you know that she has stolen my heart. Felicity—aptly named indeed, for she has become my Life,
As she came to the end of the first page Felicity gave a little sob and put a hand to her mouth.
‘Oh,’ she breathed. ‘I never knew.’
‘No,’ murmured Mrs Carraway, smiling. ‘And Nathan never told you. You had best read on, although the rest of the letter may not concern you quite so much.’
‘Oh, but it does,’ murmured Felicity, turning to the second page. ‘This concerns me very much indeed!’ Her heart thudding in her chest, Felicity realised she had seen this page before, but not in this context.
my Passion.
You will understand how it is, a new husband has his duties. This unforeseen marriage has made demands upon my purse as well as my time, so I am unable to leave you any coin, but to ease my conscience at abandoning you at this time I enclose my ring, an infinitesimal token of my regard. Wear it for me—or if circumstances dictate and you are in dire need, pray sell it, I know you would only do so out of the greatest necessity and I shall never reproach you for it.
Yours etc, as ever
Nathan C.
‘Adam died in Spain in the year ’11,’ said Mrs Carraway, when Felicity had finished reading. ‘Nathan told me that he was charged with returning Adam’s personal effect to his parents, and this letter was amongst them.’
Felicity handed the letter back to Mrs Carraway. ‘I believe Serena read this letter before Adam saw it. She used the letter and the ring to trick me!’
And Serena was now in Bath. With Nathan.
‘So, my dear…’ Mrs Carraway carefully folded the letter and placed it back in the box. ‘He did love you, and loves you still, I think. Will you not write to him, before it is too late?’
Felicity sighed. She could write to Nathan, but a piece of paper seemed poor defence against the wiles of Serena Ansell.
‘No,’ she said slowly. ‘I shall not write to him.’ She turned to Mrs Carraway, a determined tilt to her chin. ‘I shall go to Bath,’ she announced. ‘This time I am going to fight!’
As Nathan strode away from Bladud Buildings, he thought there was no more dismal place than Bath on a winter’s afternoon. It was no longer raining, but there was a chilly dampness in the air that crept into one’s bones. He longed to be back at Rosthorne, sitting with Felicity in front of a roaring fire. Dear Fee. He had spent most of the night writing a long letter to her and sent it off express. He hoped, once she had read it, that she would understand why he had been obliged to post off to Bath so urgently.
Gerald pounced upon him as soon as he entered the house in Laura Place.
‘Well?’
Nathan shook his head. ‘Doctor Thomas is not expected back until tonight.’ He let out an exasperated sigh. ‘Surely there is another physician we could consult.’
Gerald drew him into the morning room and shut the door. ‘I would prefer to wait for Dr Thomas. He has been Mama’s physician for years. She will be less suspicious if he comes to see her.’
‘Very well, I will call again tomorrow morning.’
‘I will come with you,’ said Gerald, ‘and we won’t leave Bladud Buildings until we have seen him!’ He put a hand on his shoulder. ‘I am very grateful to you for coming with me, Cos. There was no one else I could trust with this. I have not even told the servants here the true state of affairs, only that Mama is not well.’
‘Is that wise? Surely it would be better to bring in a nurse—’
‘As soon as Dr Thomas has examined her and we have his opinion, then I will hire as many people as I need to look after her,’ Gerald interrupted him, looking uncharacteristically grim. ‘Until then I do what I can to prevent the news of her…affliction…from spreading.’
‘Very well.’ Nathan rubbed his chin. ‘I can give you one more day, Gerald, then I must get back to Rosthorne.’
‘I understand, and I appreciate all you have done for me.’ Gerald raised a smile. ‘Will you dine with us?’
Nathan shook his head. ‘Thank you, but given my aunt’s state of mind I think it would be better if I did not stay. Sir James Souden is in Bath with his wife, and they have invited me to dine with them tonight.’
‘Until tomorrow then.’
Nathan gripped his hand. ‘Until tomorrow. And let us hope we can get this matter settled quietly!’
It took Felicity two days to reach Bath. The earl having taken his elegant travelling carriage, she had been obliged to use the more elderly barouche and Mrs Carraway’s equally elderly coachman, who refused to entertain the countess’s suggestion that they should drive through the night.
As they drew up outside the York House Hotel Felicity glanced at her elegant little carriage clock. It was still early and she thought there was a good chance that the earl might not yet have left his rooms. Head high, she sailed through the hotel and up to the earl’s apartment. Her spirits dipped a little when Sam opened the door to her and announced that the earl had already gone out.
‘He is gone to Laura Place, I believe, m’lady,’ said the valet, eyeing the large corded trunk that was being heaved up the stairs under the watchful eye of Felicity’s maid.
‘Laura Place?’
‘To call upon Lady Charlotte.’
Felicity realised she had been holding her breath. She gave a little sigh of relief, but another anxiety quickly crept up on her.
‘Oh. And Mr Appleby will be there, I suppose. Has the earl taken Patrick with him?’
‘No, ma’am. His lordship was walking, and had no need of his groom.’ Sam looked at her closely, then gave a reassuring smile. ‘You’ve no need to worry about Mr Appleby, m’lady. Sound as a gun, he is. Bit of a rattle, but ’tidn’t him who means his lordship any harm, if that’s what’s worrying you.’
She read the understanding in the valet’s eyes and allowed herself to relax a little.
‘I confess, I was a little anxious,’ she said with a rueful smile. ‘Thank you, Sam. I shall walk to Laura Pl
ace and join the earl, if you will tell me the way.’
Sam grinned at her. ‘I think I have a map here somewhere, madam…’
Arriving at Laura Place, Felicity was shown into an over-furnished room while the servant went off to fetch her mistress. Felicity wondered if she had been too impetuous, and if she would have done better to change out of her travelling dress before setting off in search of Nathan. She was sure Lady Charlotte would think so, but Felicity realised with a little kick of pleasure that she did not care what Lady Charlotte thought. A glance in the mirror told her that her hair was still tidily confined beneath her modish bonnet with its swansdown trim and her olive-green pelisse looked surprisingly fresh despite her long journey. Added to this, Nathan had said he liked her in that particular shade of green and that was all that mattered to her. The door opened and she turned with a calm smile to greet her hostess.
‘Lady Charlotte. I understood my husband was here.’
‘He has gone out with Gerald.’ Lady Charlotte regarded her with her cold stare. ‘I did not know that you were in Bath. Rosthorne did not say.’
‘I arrived this morning.’
‘So the earl does not know you are here?’
‘No, madam. I walked here with my maid to surprise him.’
Lady Charlotte gave a flicker of a smile. Could it be a little sign of approval at last? wondered Felicity. The old lady’s tone was certainly a little warmer when she next spoke.
‘The gentlemen are likely to be some time. I wonder, Lady Rosthorne, if you would give me the pleasure of your company in a walk to Sydney Gardens? The sun, you see, is trying to shine, and it would be a pity to miss the best of this short winter day.’
‘I should be delighted to come with you, ma’am.’
‘Give me a moment, then, to put on my coat.’ At the door Lady Charlotte turned. ‘Your maid can go back to the hotel, Lady Rosthorne. You will not need her in the Gardens—we will be much more comfortable on our own.’
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