Grady kisses her forehead, his tears raining onto her pale skin. “Love you, mama.”
I hiccup over the lump clogging my windpipe. My chest is caving in, a hurricane wreaking havoc inside of me. Grady has given up hiding his grief. The streaks flow freely down his face. I open my arms and he slumps into me. His entire body shakes in my hold. My mountain of a man is crumbling.
Seconds bleed into minutes as we share in this wrenching misery. We stay locked together until the tears dry and the clouds part. Grady picks up a remote attached to the bed, pressing the red button.
A flurry of activity ensues almost immediately. Three nurses stride in, followed by a doctor. He nods at Grady on his way to Camilla’s side. “Mr. Bowen?”
He lifts his watery gaze to the doctor. “We’ve said goodbye.”
The man’s expression is polluted with sadness. “I’m very sorry.”
I have a sinking feeling he’ll be hearing a lot of that in the near future. Grady’s features remain stoic. He doesn’t respond. His grasp on my fingers borders on pain, but I don’t wince. I tuck my face into his neck and breathe in a bit of good.
A nurse is flipping off switches on the cluster of equipment responsible for keeping Camilla alive. The screens go blank one after another. All alerts fall silent. Any movement ceases. There’s just… nothing.
I don’t focus on the sluggish rise and fall of her chest. There’s no sense watching life leave her body. I keep my eyes trained to the ceiling. With a final whoosh of air, she’s gone.
And we cry over a life lost too soon.
25
Sutton
Happy something #47: Receiving a spontaneous hug, especially from Grady.
The funeral is a quiet affair.
There’s a small crowd gathering on the peak of Silo Ridge. Rumor has it that Camilla enjoyed hiking up this clifftop as a teenager. Seems as though this is the most appropriate place to set her free. The view is stunning. A direct shot of Spring Falls is in front of us. The lush trees of Wheaton Forest decorate the landscape on our left. Miles of wild flower meadows spread across the opposite side. I’m ashamed to admit this is my first visit. One glance at Grady and I know we’ll be making the climb again soon.
It’s nearly dusk, a warm burst of color is kissing the horizon. The dozen people in attendance are huddling near the rocky edge to watch the sunset. My parents are clutching each other tight. Their glittering eyes are focusing on the vibrant backdrop. Jace hovers nearby, his guarded expression blocking everyone out.
A floating sensation sweeps over me. There’s serenity whisking within the pain. I wipe another set of tears off my sensitive cheeks. My skin is practically rubbed raw at this point. I can’t get the swelling in my eyelids down. No amount of cucumber slices or mud masks alleviate the burn. Grady’s features wear similar evidence of grief. I doubt anyone else can see beyond his fierce exterior. The neglected scruff lining his jaw and grooves crossing his forehead are badges of honor. That’s all he’s willing to display. His face is a blank mask. The purest proof of her impact is soul-deep.
Camilla Bowen wasn’t a saint. The total opposite, in fact. Her choices were often dishonorable. She didn’t treat her son the way a mother should. I hardly had the chance to know her. None of that counts after the dust clears. Her death has changed us. She’s a reminder of how precious life is. As if we could so easily forget.
Grady shifts on restless feet beside me. His gaze is downcast, broad shoulders spanning wide even with the added pressure. The urn trembles in his hold. Camilla was cremated. She once mentioned that her body doesn’t belong in the ground. Her destiny is to spend eternity soaring in the clouds. Grady believes she was high on more than fresh air when this plan was created. He followed through with her wishes all the same.
The blue ceramic matches her eyes, at least that’s what my dad tells me. He knew a different side of her. His memories are full of smiles and joy. I wish Grady had more of those, along with the rest of Silo Springs. A quick glance across the cliff makes me queasy. Not many people in this town were interested or willing to pay their respects. Sympathy for the deceased has been lacking. We predicted this, and don’t necessarily blame them. It makes the few distant friends and acquaintances that are filtering in more meaningful.
Grady’s silence extends wider than usual. The load of these decisions for his mom has been an undertaking. The strain rarely leaves his muscles. There’s a constant war waging in his mind. But he doesn’t push me away. Not sure what would happen if he did. I never stray far from his side. We’ve been relying on one another to share the burden.
I drift a palm over his forearm. “Hey, Gray.”
His lips twitch. My heart leaps at the slight movement. “Hi, Sutt.”
“Is it time?”
He scans the skyline and nods. “I think so.”
A eulogy isn’t in the cards for this affair. My dad spoke earlier, prior to our moment of quiet reflection. Further words aren’t needed. Cicadas serenade us with a melancholy lullaby. Grady exhales a long stream of pent-up jitters. He loosens the lid and shuffles forward. With a slow tip, Camilla stretches her wings. Ashes scatter in dusty spirals and get carried by the wind. She sails in every direction—from meadows and forests and waterfalls. Her final resting place is the sky.
We step off the cliff once the final traces are welcomed up in a breeze. Grady loops an arm around my waist when I shiver. He’s so intuitive when it comes to me. I never have to worry about a thing when he’s within reach.
Our relationship has braved a bitter trial with his mother’s passing. We’re stronger because of it, but the road is littered with rocks. He’s been broody and withdrawn this past week. I recognize the steely armor he slips behind. He resembles the man I found after moving back home. Not that anyone can blame him. But he lets that bulletproof guard off-duty when it’s just the two of us. I crave that intimate connection after watching him stonewall everyone.
I brush against him with my hip, grinning with the flirty nudge. He buries his nose into my hair and drags in a deep breath. The rumble that follows has another shudder wracking my limbs.
“Missed you, Sutt.”
“Right here, Gray. I’m never far,” I murmur.
He kisses my temple. “You know what I mean.”
And I do. Those cherished romantic moments that aren’t tainted with darkness. “The night is young.”
Grady flicks a glance at my parents and Jace. The other guests trickled out after the ceremony. “I want us to be alone. I don’t give a shit if that’s insensitive or selfish.”
I nibble my bottom lip. “You’re excused. Pretty sure you have a pass for just about anything.”
His emerald gaze latches onto my mouth. Grady bends lower and groans in my ear. “Then it’s time to collect.”
I tug on his shirt. “Let’s go home.”
His eyes flash with molten fire. There’s my Grady. “My girl knows just what I want to hear.”
I almost yelp when my father suddenly appears in front of us. His chuckle suggests that he’s been spying on us. I try not to wither while my stomach turns. Dammit.
My dad claps Grady on the back. “You hanging in there, son?”
His nod is delayed. “Doing my best. Sutton helps.”
“I can see that.”
The temperature spikes one-hundred degrees and my face goes up in flames. “Dad,” I complain.
He winks at me. “You kids need each other. I’m not trying to intrude. You’re adults. Be grown and live happy.”
The corners of Grady’s lips curl ever so slightly. “Thanks, Barry.”
Jace nudges his friend. “I’m gonna get piss-ass drunk. Interested?”
Grady strokes his stubbled chin. “That’s tempting, but nah. I need lowkey. We’ll paint the town a different night.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” My brother takes a step backward.
“Are you two interested in dinner at our house?” The question comes from my mother. She’s s
till wrapped in my father’s arms. They’re the epitome of a blissful marriage, even after thirty years.
One look at Grady’s somber expression and I have my answer. “We’re going to spend the evening alone.”
Her smile is soft and kind. “I think that’s best.”
We part ways after a round of hugs. My palm is safely nestled inside of Grady’s much bigger one. We took my car here, but I very willingly let him drive. Handing over the reins to Grady is strictly for my visual benefit. Giving him complete control is drool-worthy. He reclines low in the seat with his left arm hanging loose on top of the steering wheel. Swagger oozes from his massive frame. My inner muscles clench on nothingness. The missing piece is sitting a foot away. I want to straddle his lap and show him how hot he makes me. Not sure that would fly with traffic laws. I tamp down the wanton fantasy and stay planted on my side of the vehicle.
The trip home is quiet, but we find comfort in the silence. There’s been too much suffering. I can sense a change in the cool evening air. Flakes of rust and rot chip away, fluttering out the open windows. We’re releasing the toxins and leaving the pain behind us. All that’s left is good and happy. The sparking electricity between us has me buzzing on a high voltage wire. Our heated stares don’t quit. When we pull into the driveway, I’m rejuvenated and ready to combust.
Grady guides me inside with a searing palm at the small of my back. I lean into him, preparing to claw his clothes off.
“I’m depleted, Sutt.”
His raspy tone is ice across my steaming skin. I release him and glance up. Those bottomless green eyes are shining. “I know, Gray. What can I do?”
His lips dust my forehead. “I need a dozen happy somethings to refill my stock.”
I nod into his touch. “Should we take a bath? I bought more bubble bombs.”
“We can do that after.”
That last word hangs between us. “What comes first?”
“Hopefully both of us.”
There’s no hiding the quiver that ripples through me from top to bottom. I lift a shaky brow. “Oh?”
“Give yourself to me.”
He says that as if I haven’t already handed over my heart, along with everything else. “Always,” I purr.
He crowds my personal space, backing me against the wall. “I need you, Sutt.”
There’s no protest from me. The escape we find within one another is better than a dream. I’ll gladly get lost with him until the sun rises. “Then take me. I’m yours.”
He buries his face into my neck, nipping at the sensitive flesh. “I love you so damn much, Sutt. You’re oxygen in my lungs. The steady beat of my pulse. Sustenance to keep me strong and powerful. I couldn’t survive without you.”
“Love you to the stars, baby.” I kiss across his angular jaw. “I’m getting the sweet Grady tonight.”
“Only you.”
“Good. That makes me feel special.”
Grady scoops me up as if I’m his bride. “You are, Sutt. So damn special. I’ll never quit showing you. Every second we have left in this world, you’ll be treated as a queen.” He climbs the stairs two at once. His feet pound into the wood with an urgency I feel in my core.
Our bedroom has become a sanctuary. Every inch is shared. The space is a blend of fresh pine and savory coconut. Symbols of our lives joining decorate any available surface. Soon the floor will be cluttered with more of us.
Grady undresses me with the utmost care. I return his devotion, removing every scrap with soft kisses and whispers of more. Each layer is peeling away to reveal new truths. There are a few more dents and nicks than before. Those blemishes meld our bond into something more imperfectly beautiful. The grit and grime distorting our appearance disappears with the fabric. I’m left naked and bare for him, just as he is for me.
We’re desperate to erase the space between us. He lays me down in the middle of our bed. My soul sings with the promise of eternal pleasure. I dig my nails into his back and urge him to blanket me. When his body becomes one with mine, we’re no longer alone. Nothing is broken. The sorrow of this last week melts off our entwining limbs. Together we become whole.
26
Grady
Happy something #33: Picturing a life where I’m accepted. By everyone.
Time doesn’t pause when the going gets rough. It’s been nearly a month since my mom died. I’ve been busting ass cleaning up her countless loose ends. All the messes she left behind were suddenly mine. That type of inheritance should stay buried. I wanted to burn it all to the ground and be done. That wasn’t an option—reality will never be so simple.
The bills didn’t quit. A different unpaid notice appeared in my mailbox daily. The debts that woman owed twisted my gut into a pretzel. Sutton is by my side through it all. Her unwavering commitment has been my saving grace. She helps me sift through the piles of shit without complaint. Not sure what I did right to deserve her unyielding loyalty, but I’ll never take that for granted.
I lose myself in her warmth every single night. She gives so freely without hesitation. I probably take too much. But the desperation is imbedded in my roots. Everything inside of me craves her with a fierce hunger that has no limits. Her radiant light recharges me. I can only hope to give her a fraction of that boost in return.
That’s how I find myself on a cushioned stool at Bronco Buck. My girl wanted to dance. I’ll never refuse her wishes. Besides all that, an evening out to let loose is long overdue.
I take another swig of my beer without taking my stare off Sutton. She’s shaking her ass, twirling around with Molly and Lacie. Only a few other girls are brave enough to join them. A horde of slobbering men form a half circle around them. The other women in this bar are probably scared off.
Music blasts from the speakers. The heavy bass pumps into my veins. Sutton dips low, pointing her ass in the air. A growl rips from my throat. What the fuck is she trying to prove? Especially in that sorry excuse for an outfit. Her bandana shirt is barely more than a triangle. Those shorts have more rips and holes than fabric. I’m shocked her thong isn’t fully on display. If that happens, she’s getting tossed over my shoulder and spanked before I haul her ass out of here. My palm tingles at the possibility. She didn’t mind the light tap I gave her the other night.
A groan vibrates my chest when Sutton spins to face me. Her baby blues glitter from the colorful strobe lights turning this place into a chaotic rainbow. I palm my cock and squeeze the hard ridge. My jeans are restricting proper blood flow. Maybe that’s why I’m dizzy just looking at her. The denim has become uncomfortably tight, strangling my junk in a chokehold.
A damn riot is about to ensue. Some dude with a death wish takes a step toward Sutton. Over my lifeless body will that shit fly. I prowl toward her with fire under my skin. Her responding smile tells me she finds this little act very entertaining. I tug her into me by the belt loops of those sinful cutoffs. The threadbare material nearly rips in my harsh grip.
I dip my face into the crook of her neck, nuzzling the soft skin there. “Are you trying to drive me crazy on purpose?”
She wiggles her ass into my dick. “Maybe.”
“You’re doing a damn good job. I want to kick the shit out of every guy staring at you.”
She glances around the crowded space. It’s hazy and difficult to see anything five feet away. But I’m sure she can feel their undivided attention. “They’re harmless.”
I nip the column of her throat. “Yeah? If I wasn’t here, they’d be lining up for a shot at your panties.”
“I’d like to see them try.”
“They’d have broken wrists before getting a chance.” I grind into her, following the smooth flow of her movements.
“No man has the right to roll his hips so well.” I repeat the motion and she moans. “You’re naughty.”
“And you’re mine, Sutt.”
“I know.”
“Say it.”
She peeks up at me from over her shoulder. “I�
�m yours, Gray. Only yours.”
“Come home with me.”
Her painted lips lift with a wide grin. “Well, yeah.”
“Now.” My demand is a boom across the noisy space.
She gasps. “Now?”
“Did I stutter?”
“But I’m having fun.” Sutton pouts, peeking up at me from under lowered lashes. “Thirty more minutes?”
I’m weak for this woman. She knows that indisputable fact, probably too well. I press a branding kiss to her mouth. “Fine. I’m gonna take a piss and step outside for some air. You’ve wound me tighter than a fist. I’ll be back in five. Don’t steal any hearts while I’m gone.”
She shoots me a wink. “I’ll only break them.”
“That’s my girl.” I fuse our lips together once more for good measure. She smiles into me and I grab a handful of her ass. When we split, I’m a tad breathless. Damn.
I stride backward through the crowd, keeping her locked in my sight until the swarm swallows her. The bathroom reeks like an outhouse. My boots stick to the rank floor as I rush to do my business. I don’t want to spend longer than a minute in this pit. After I’m drained, I zip up and rinse my hands. The lack of soap and paper towels doesn’t surprise me.
I shove through the backdoor into the alley, metal hitting brick with a resounding bang. The sound reminds me of when I dragged Sutton out here to get away from Deputy Dipshit. A chuckle rises off my chest. How much has changed. A quick glance in both directions shows I’m alone. I could suggest a quickie up against the wall. Her skimpy clothes would come in handy.
The evening air is crisp and biting. Normal functioning returns to my brain. Half hour. I can wait that long. The fire in my veins has cooled slightly. I’m about to head inside when a figure appears at the alley entrance. Lance Fucking Morris. Did my earlier thoughts summon him? I caught him hovering on the opposite side of the bar earlier. He’s been here with Molly, but was smart enough to keep his distance. That break I was granted is apparently over.
Tempt Me: A First Class Romance Collection Page 105
