by Sage Sask
I again hear the voice in my head telling me to keep my secret. At times, in the orphanage, it was loud, while at others it felt muffled, as if from a far distance. Now I imagine the voice in the room with me, as if it has a place at the table.
“It made sense at the time,” I lie, trying to shake off the sense of foreboding.
“I see.” The man studies me. “Did you think you could hide your gift during the test?”
He calls it a gift and I wonder whether they all believe it to be. I almost laugh, sure for so long it was a death sentence. “I hoped.” I look away. “I had never met anyone like me before.” Always on guard, I refuse to say more.
“And you don’t remember your parents?”
The man who asks looks older than all the others. The nameplate in front of him reads “Leif.” His tone is kind, but I refuse to be swayed by it.
“I’ve already answered that.” The question, the reminder, is a punch to my gut every single time.
“And you’ll answer it again. As many times as we want,” a man says from the entrance.
I turn with everyone to face him. A wire attached to an earpiece wraps around the back of his bald head and disappears into the back of his jacket. When he reaches out to hold the door open, I see the gun holstered at his side.
“I’m Harrison. Head of the agents.” He glances behind him then pushes the door further open. “And this is Victoria.”
Ryan stiffens next to me. His face tightens and his gaze, hard, bores into Harrison. Victoria is the same girl I saw with Ryan in my vision. Her braided long blond hair falls over one shoulder. Glassy blue eyes stare at nothing and everything at the same time. Her blank gaze lands on me.
“Alexia,” Serafina introduces us, “meet Victoria.”
Wary, I watch as she steps toward me. Through unfocused eyes, Victoria scans the area around us. Her loose top bares her shoulders, and her skirt flows around her willowy frame. In comparison, I feel unkempt and graceless.
“Alexia.” Her voice is soft and subdued. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“What are you doing here?” Ryan interrupts. He moves closer to Victoria until the three of us form a perfect circle. Fury fills his words. Before Victoria can answer, he shifts his gaze to Serafina then Harrison. “What are you thinking?”
Surprised by his anger, I wait for their response.
“Not your place to ask.” Harrison barely spares Ryan a glance.
“Then you’ve misunderstood my place,” Ryan replies without missing a beat. He turns Victoria toward him. “Tell me.”
Taken aback by his shift in demeanor, I watch their interaction from the corner of my eyes. He softens when he speaks to Victoria. He’s kinder. There’s an odd tug in my stomach, but I ignore it.
“They asked me.” Victoria grasps his hand and squeezes it once before dropping it. She turns back toward me. “I’m a reader.”
“One of our strongest.” The woman’s nameplate reads ‘Celeste’. “Victoria can get a clearer vision than even our most advanced readers. Her ability to read other readers is unheard of.” Celeste’s face fills with reverence and respect for Victoria.
“I think when I lost my sight, the universe decided to make up for it,” Victoria says as if the reason is enough. “Balance out the deck.”
“I don’t understand.” I glance first at Victoria then the Council members. Their stoicism, mixed with determination, gives me the answer to my question. “You want her to read me.” Dread at what they will learn grips me. A python’s prey, I am frozen in place.
“Yes,” Serafina answers without apology. “We need to know who you are. No matter the cost.”
FOURTEEN
I consider my options. “If I refuse, then you return me to the government. Right?” Silence serves as their response. Scared, I try to delay. “Because you think I’m part of the Resistance.”
No one seems surprised I know their name.
“Are you?” Harrison asks.
“If I was, wouldn’t they have come for me?” The hazy memories, the ones that filter in and out of my mind, make me wonder whether I am one of them. But if they are my family, my people, then why haven’t they come for me?
“Not if they believe you died in the water,” Rochelle answers gently.
I fight the urge to cover my ears and drown out their words. I refuse them my truth –which I hold on to, like a life raft, the hope that my family is out there, searching for me like I am searching for them.
“I never asked for this.” I motion around me. “Being able to read. Being brought here.”
“Many would say the same thing about their lives,” Kenji returns. “But you are no different than the thousands who have to play the hand they are dealt.”
“My hand?” I ask. “I’m at your mercy.”
“If you have nothing to hide, then this will be simple enough,” Serafina answers.
I hunt for a reprieve, but there is none. Cornered, I have only one choice — theirs. With Ryan next to me, I consider each of the members. I search fruitlessly for sympathy, but their faces show a refusal to negotiate.
On instinct, my muscles tense, prepared for a fight or flight. Either one, I lose. My gaze strays to Harrison’s gun. If I run, I won’t get far. But if Victoria reads me, she will see the memories that flitter in and out of my mind. She will learn my secret. She will see that maybe I am the enemy, and as Jackie warned — they will kill me immediately.
“Why don’t you have a seat?” Celeste says kindly.
“I’ll stand,” I whisper.
My mind drifts to the chicken I killed last year. Delivered in a cage, the animal clucked relentlessly. When I opened the pen, the chicken rushed out. I never understood what it was searching for. Now I wonder whether it knew death was imminent. Those last few steps were a final attempt at freedom.
“Her pain,” Ryan injects into the silence, “it’s debilitating. It could hurt her permanently if Victoria reads her.”
Everyone goes silent. Stunned at Ryan’s attempt to save me, I search his face, but he refuses to meet my gaze. Next to him, Victoria’s face falls. Her lips tighten in anger. She turns away from him. If Ryan notices, he doesn’t react.
“That’s a chance we’ll have to take.” Harrison doesn’t wait for the others’ approval. “Let’s get started. Victoria?”
Victoria silently moves past Ryan to close the gap between us. She holds out her hand. My gaze stays locked on Ryan, but his only response is to shut his eyes. When he opens them, they are blank, telling me I am at their mercy.
I slowly lay my hand in Victoria’s. Pain explodes between my eyebrows. I stagger back, bumping into Ryan. He steadies me with hands on my clothed arms. He keeps them there for a second longer than needed, squeezing my upper arms. The act serves both as a reminder to white light and an offer of strength that I don’t have.
Victoria holds my hand tight. Repeating what Ryan taught me, I breathe in and out rapidly. Desperate to lessen the hurt, I flood my body with white light. Nothing. Tears prick the back of my eyelids. Darkness descends, readying to save me. Suddenly, there’s an eerie stillness.
I search the murkiness of my mind, but all I hear are waves crashing around me. Then, slowly, voices start to filter through. I strain to hear; sure I am imagining them, when suddenly I see myself standing on the ocean beach where they found me as a child.
“Who are you?” the patrol officer asks.
“I don’t know.” I hear the words I said repeated. “I don’t remember.”
But when I look down, instead of seeing myself alone and afraid, I see Victoria. She is the one lost.
Victoria yanks her hand out of mine. She jumps back, away from me. Both our breaths come out broken and heavy. Her unfocused gaze searches the room then locks on me. She shakes her head as if she doesn’t want to believe. She opens her mouth,
but no words come out. Ryan takes a step toward her. Victoria holds up a hand, warding him off. Her fingers curl into a fist. Puzzled, Ryan’s gaze jumps from Victoria to me, searching for an answer.
“What did you see, Victoria?” Serafina asks.
In the silence, I try to make sense of what happened. It was my memory, my past. Then how was Victoria in it? And how was I able to see anything at all?
“What did you see?” Harrison repeats on her silence.
Victoria’s pupils dilate as she continues to stare at me. Suddenly she raises her face, defiant. It is as if she is drawing a line in the sand between us. Her face tightens before she turns away.
“Her first memory is on the beach,” Victoria whispers. She waits for the shocked murmurs to die down. “She doesn’t know where she came from.”
Relief from her explanation nearly blinds me. I am safe. The energy shifts in the room as everyone processes Victoria’s revelation. I keep my face neutral as the Council members scrutinize her words then me. Ryan’s gaze searches mine, but I refuse to react to him in front of the others.
“You were telling the truth,” Serafina says.
“Yes,” I exhale, an animal saved from slaughter. Victoria didn’t see the memories filtering in and out of my brain.
“That’s what we needed to know.” Definite in her decision, Serafina addresses the Council members. “She will remain at the Circle and train for the Evaluation.”
I nearly buckle with relief. For now, I am safe. I start to turn away when I catch Ryan’s expression. Concern and foreboding are etched into his face.
“You will be allowed to roam the premises freely during the day. Ryan will continue to train you,” Serafina says, breaking into my thoughts. On her words, Ryan looks away. “Thank you for your time.”
The fear of discovery slowly starts to slip away. I follow Ryan out. Victoria stays behind without a word to either of us. We walk silently down the hall and up the stairs. When we turn the corner and are alone, Ryan stops and backs me into the wall. Stunned, I fight the urge to push him back. His gaze narrows as he searches my face.
“What happened back there?”
My breathing slows. I can sense danger, but I don’t understand from where. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“When Victoria read you, what happened?” he bites out.
“Nothing.” Remembering his help in the room, I consider telling him. But I remind myself I don’t know him. Trusting him is dangerous. I push past him, but he grabs my covered arm and pulls me back. “Let me go. You’re imagining things.”
“I know what I saw.” His hand tightens on me. “Your face changed. Subtle but enough. Tell me.”
I get ready to tell him he’s wrong when footsteps pass by us. We both look up to see Harrison watching us. Ryan immediately drops my arm.
“Congratulations on your arrival at the Circle, Alexia,” Harrison says smoothly, as if he has not just caught us in an argument. “I look forward to getting to know you.” He nods once to Ryan, who stands tense next to me. “Ryan.”
Then Harrison smiles and a shiver courses through my body. The feeling of foreboding from earlier intensifies until it is all I can feel. I carefully observe him as he continues down the hallway and out the exit.
“Let’s go,” Ryan orders.
“You don’t like him,” I murmur, standing in place. I try to make sense of the feeling, but it is too jumbled to put the pieces together. “Why?”
“You’re imagining things,” he says, repeating my words back to me. Then he walks away and leaves me alone to find my way back.
FIFTEEN
“Alexia. Are you here?” Shane calls me from outside the bathroom door. I rush toward it and open it just as he says. “Yoo-hoo, Alexiaaa.”
“Right here,” I tell him.
He turns abruptly. “Finally. I’ve been calling you for hours.”
“I just heard you a few seconds ago,” I correct him.
“Hmm. Well, it felt like hours,” Shane says dramatically. “Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“To town.” He glances around the hall. “Honestly, anywhere but here.” He motions for me to hurry. “The smell here is…” He searches for a word. “Smelly.”
With nothing better to do, I follow him to the outdoors, where the sound of motorcycle engines revving fills the air. Jackie’s group gives me a wave of welcome as they straddle their two-wheelers, ready to ride.
“Do I get one?” I ask, excited at the thought.
“Of course,” Shane answers. He leads me to a small three-wheeler that I imagine senior citizens would ride. “All yours.”
“Seriously?” I stare at it. “This is a joke, right?”
“Have you ridden before?” Phoenix asks, joining us. On my no, she grimaces. “Sorry then. No joke.” She slips on her helmet and like the others revs her engine.
“Gas,” Hudson says, pointing to the right handle. “Brake,” he adds with his hand on the left. “Got it?”
“Yeah.” Biting back my disappointment, I slip on my helmet and climb on. I tilt the bike to either side, but it refuses to fall. All three tires are larger than normal ones, guaranteeing both my safety and a slow ride. I sigh as Hudson and Cassia lead the way with wheelies. Even the usually quiet Henry pushes the pedal to gain speed.
I twist my gas handle to accelerate, but I barely keep up with the others. Rolling slowly behind, I follow them down a road toward a long bridge that leads away from the Circle and toward town. At the entrance, they stop and scan their palms. Here is the protection that Jackie mentioned. Cassia scans her hand twice to allow me through.
Back on the road, we pass large trees and lush landscaping until we turn onto what looks like a major thoroughfare. The group clusters together, riding alongside one another. They push each other to go faster as the wind whistles past us.
Cassia, in the lead, glances back and gives me a thumbs-up. Feeling ridiculous on my three-wheeler, I nonetheless give her a thumbs-up in return. Seeming to understand my misery, she smiles in commiseration.
“You’ll be on one of these soon enough,” she yells back to me.
She charts a path down a narrow road until that forces us into a single file. Cassia remains in the lead, with Derrick right behind her. They lean over their bikes as they focus on the road. The road shifts from concrete to gravel and then dirt. Surrounded by trees that reach the sky, we finally stop. The readers dismount one by one, while the agents remain on their bikes.
“We leave you here,” Jackie explains. “Agents train elsewhere. Have fun.”
They gun their engines again and speed off, throwing up dirt. The readers drop their helmets over the handles.
“I thought we were going into town.” I glance around the desolate forest. The sun filters through the canopy of trees.
“Connection with nature helps reading,” Shane murmurs.
“Reading? How?”
“First by meditation.” Gavin takes a seat on the soft ground. Everyone else follows suit. “Ever meditated before?”
I had heard of the practice but never delved into it. It felt like something elusive, intangible when I needed real. “No.”
“Everyone insists there is a right and wrong way, but I do my best meditating when professors are lecturing in class. Helps pass the time,” Gavin says. He chuckles at himself, and I warm to him.
My body cries out in protest as I lower myself to join them in the circle. Ignoring the aches, I mimic their pose and rest my palms on my thighs.
“‘Meditation’ is the best word to describe connecting to something higher. It’s a bridge to whatever” — Phoenix waves a hand around — “created us.”
The sound of light snores interrupts her. We all turn toward Shane, who has fallen asleep sitting up.
“Shane!” Ian yells. Quiete
r than the rest, he usually doesn’t say much. When Shane doesn’t respond, Ian smacks him on the back of the head. Shane wakes up with a yelp. “Sorry to bother you,” Ian says, not looking sorry at all.
“No worries,” Shane murmurs on a yawn.
“Explain to Alexia how to meditate,” Phoenix orders.
Shane rubs the side of his head. “Breathe in and out. Think about whatever brings you peace then imagine yourself in it. Ask for guidance.”
“That’s it?” I glance around the group for confirmation.
“No,” Ian growls. “But Shane likes to keep things simple. To match his mind.”
Shane smiles broadly, completely unbothered and seemingly pleased with the declaration.
“Go deep inside of yourself,” Melanie adds. She gives Shane a comforting glance. “Quiet all your thoughts.”
“It’s the precursor to being a strong reader. If you don’t know yourself, how will you learn to know others?” Gavin adds.
The group closes their eyes, and I follow suit. I breathe in and out, but every time I search for a place of peace, the ocean’s roar surrounds me. When I try again, the waves pull me deeper into their depths. I give up and watch and wait while the others finish their meditation.
“How’d it go?” Shane asks.
“The universe and I are essentially one.” I cross my fingers in demonstration. “Only took seconds.”
Phoenix laughs. “Sorry.” She reaches for my hand. The second she does, the pain overwhelms me, and I yank back. On my reaction, Phoenix immediately apologizes. “You weren’t kidding about the pain.”
“How did you interact with people?” Ian asks.
“I didn’t.”
“You had to hide?” Melanie asks. “All the time?” On my nod, she visibly shudders. “I take the Circle for granted. I can be who I am.” Sympathy pours out of her. “I’m sorry.”
“Was it hard to live in the zones?” Gavin asks.
I remember Jackie telling me they have never been. Zone One was the only life I knew before now. “People are afraid,” I start slowly. The fear I lived with for as long as I can remember still lingers. It was not of a bomb strike or virus, but of people learning who I was. I was afraid of my own shadow. “Of what can happen to them.”
