by Sage Sask
“He could out eat every one of us,” Cassia says. “And was proud of it.”
Shane leaves the tables and finds an empty spot. From behind, I see his head drop. I wonder if he’s thinking of Sawyer and the randomness of one lucky enough to live while the other falls victim to fate.
Gavin wipes away a tear. “This isn’t ok.” He starts toward the campfire in the distance. “Be right back.”
“Are you going to find them?” Samira asks. On his nod, she runs to join him. “I’ll come with you. Safety in numbers.”
The rest of us watch them leave. I see the worry on both Cassia and Ryan’s faces, but both know that right now, after Henry’s loss, everyone wants to be together, not apart.
“Henry.” I swallow my grief as I turn to Phoenix. “Was he…?” I pause, unsure what I’m trying to ask.
“It was fast.” Phoenix bites down on her lip. “Venue two is known for being nearly impossible. Every year, the most losses are in venue two.”
“Why would Ryan give up venue one then?” I ask.
Phoenix glances toward Ryan and Cassia, who are deep in conversation. “No one knows. But as the lead agent, it would have been his decision alone.”
There’s rustling behind us. First, Derrick walks through the tree line alongside Samira, and then, one by one, the others. Jackie trails near the back with Gavin.
“Look who we found,” Samira announces, a huge smile plastered on her face.
Melanie yelps then runs toward Shane. He catches her then twirls her around as everyone else starts hugging.
“Long time no see.” Derrick bends down to hug me.
I wrap my arms around him and return it. “So happy you could join the party.”
He releases me to move on to the others. I get a few more high fives but keep to myself, watching, as always, like an outsider.
David scans the crowd. “Where’s Henry?” Our group goes quiet as we drop our gazes to the ground. “What happened?” David demands.
Ryan speaks first. “We lost him in a river.”
There are shocked gasps and then tears of heartbreak. They listen carefully as Ryan explains what happened. He leaves out the part that it was one life for another. The tears turn to sobs as people process Henry’s loss. Melanie hunches over in tears. Shane puts his arms around her as tears stream down his face. Everyone grasps someone else as we mourn together.
Zoe steps forward. She grabs a glass of water and holds it up. The rest of us quickly grab one and wait.
“At the Circle, during training, Henry was always a fighter. A lot of you saw that in action.” She waits for the laughter mixed with tears to stop at her soundly beating him. “But it is in battle that you learn who someone really is. Henry always led with courage and strength. He was a friend, a brother, and a comrade.” She holds up her glass in a toast. “To Henry — a true warrior and one heck of a person. We are lucky to have known him.”
Everyone cheers at her toast then drinks to Henry. Afterward, Derrick explains that Ella was hurt in the search for their second crystal. They used a call for her. She was breathing when the capsule took her. That leaves one call for their group.
In the far corner, Ryan approaches Victoria and David. He first holds out a hand to David, who glances at it, then turns away. Ryan says something that makes Victoria put a hand on her brother’s shoulder to stop him. David turns around and briefly grasps Ryan’s hand before heading toward the food. Alone, Ryan cups Victoria’s cheek. When she leans into his touch and covers his hand with hers, I turn away.
Everyone starts to grab a plate and fill it with food. Quiet fills the air as everyone focuses on their meal. Having gone without for so long, I take second and third helpings, eating past being full.
Our clothes are tattered, and fatigue lines every face. After eating, Ryan calls the other four senior agents to join him for a discussion. Victoria stays with them. Ryan slips his arm around her waist. She leans her head on his shoulder while listening to them talk. When he goes to kiss her on the top of the head, his eyes meet mine across the field. He drops his arm before slipping his hand into his pockets. Confused by his reaction, I hold his gaze. Just then, a faint sound, almost like a song, drifts over us.
“Does anyone else hear that?” Derrick hushes those still talking. “The music?”
The slow humming increases until the beat shakes the ground. “Where’s it coming from?” Gavin searches the area. “It sounds like there are speakers.”
Curious, I follow Jackie and Samira toward the trees where it is the loudest. We comb the area but find nothing. Everyone else fans out but also come back empty-handed. A slow, mournful song starts. It speaks of friendship, heartbreak, and loss — everything we are facing.
“We should dance,” Shane says. “For Henry.”
“You’re not worried?” Jackie asks him.
“About music?” Shane considers it for a second. “Are they planning on singing us to death?” He grabs Melanie’s hand and pulls her into the middle of the field. She wraps her arms around him, and they start to sway to the music.
Others start to join in. Ryan takes Victoria’s hand and leads her to the edge of the dance floor. Victoria wraps her arms around Ryan’s neck as they move together in perfect sync.
“Not dancing?” Samira joins me as I watch the group.
“Not my thing,” I admit.
Jackie stands alone, her gaze focused on Gavin. Her yearning is palpable. “You should ask him.” Samira comes to stand between us like a bridge.
“What?” Clearly embarrassed at having been caught, she shakes her head. “No, I’m good.”
“He’d say yes.” Samira nudges Jackie with her shoulder. “One of you has to make the first move.”
“We’re too different,” Jackie murmurs. “It would never work.”
“Agent and reader?” Samira points to Ryan and Victoria. “They don’t seem to have any problems. All that matters is how you feel about one another.”
“He thinks we’re better as friends.” She steals another longing glance at Gavin. “Besides, our differences may be too much to get through.”
“You mean how he’s quiet, you’re not.” Shane, taking a break, joins our conversation. He sips from the glass of water in his hand. “He’s nice, you’re…” Shane pauses, searching for a word. “Not?”
“Private conversation, Shane.” Samira softens her words with a smile.
He glances around. “No problem. No one else is listening.” He offers Samira a wide smile when she rolls her eyes. “It’ll stay just between us.”
“You won’t know unless you try.” Samira focuses back on Jackie. “After the last few days and what happened to Henry and the others…” She shrugs. “You can’t waste time.”
“I don’t care that much,” Jackie insists, though her eyes follow Gavin everywhere he goes.
“Right. And we’re in nice warm beds instead of the middle of the forest.” Shane stumbles back when Jackie pushes him. “Violent,” he admonishes. “He feels the same way, you know.”
“Explain,” Jackie says, all of her attention on him.
“He just mentions you every so often,” Shane says. “Jackie this, Jackie that.” When Jackie starts to ask him for details, he says, “But it’s private.”
“I could torture you,” Jackie threatens.
“Yes.” Shane contemplates it. “You could.” He jumps out of the way just as Jackie reaches for him. He rushes toward Gavin when she tries again. Once there, he acts engrossed in the conversation while sneaking a wave to Jackie behind Gavin’s back.
“I should kill him,” Jackie mutters.
“Then he would be dead,” Samira reminds her. “Besides, he gave you good news, right?” Jackie gives her a withering glance. “Or not.”
“He mentioned you on the plane over here.” I don’t want to talk to he
r or be part of the conversation, but it feels wrong not to tell her. “He thinks he’s not good enough for you.”
Jackie’s eyes widen in disbelief and surprise. “He said that?”
“Yes.” Others join the dancing until there are only a few of us left on the sidelines.
“Ask him,” Samira pushes. She stops talking when Derrick approaches.
“Not dancing?” he asks us.
“Perceptive.” Jackie spares him a glance before returning her focus to Gavin. “You’ll make a fine agent one day.”
“Thanks, Jack.” Unbothered by her ribbing, he asks, “Want to dance?”
I stare at the ground, waiting for one of them to answer. When Samira elbows me in the ribs, I glance up to see him staring at me. Samira and Jackie grin like Cheshire Cats that got their canaries.
“I’ve never danced before.” Touched that he asked, I worry about looking like a fool. “I’m not very good.”
“That’ll make two of us.”
He holds out his hand and waits patiently for my decision. Samira encourages me with her eyes. With nothing to lose, I white-light any pain and slip my hand into his. With our hands clasped, he leads us onto the middle of the field. As the music changes from a fast beat to a slow tempo, he places both his hands on my hips. I instinctively jerk back at his touch, forcing him to drop them.
“Have you really never danced before?” he asks gently.
“No.” I glance around to see everyone is dancing similarly. Embarrassed, I stammer, “Sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Let’s try again,” Derrick says kindly. He holds his palms up first before settling them back on my hips. “You can put yours on my shoulders or around my neck.” I rest them on his shoulders. He pulls me in closer until our toes are touching. He moves left, and I sway right, nearly toppling both of us. He stops and smiles. “Left or right?”
“Right.”
“Right first and then left. OK?” On my agreement, we move together, staying in sync. “You got it,” he says proudly after a few minutes.
Gavin and Jackie join us, dancing only a few feet away. Near them, Shane and Melanie start up a dance sequence that has them bumping into anyone in their vicinity.
When Derrick tugs me closer, I hesitate. A few spaces over Ryan and Victoria continue to sway together. Chiding myself for my reaction, I slowly drop my head onto his shoulder. The soft music washes over us as the setting sun bathes us in an orange glow.
“Why have you never danced before?” Still holding me, he leans back to meet my eyes. “Because of the contact?”
“No opportunity,” I admit. “There were never any celebrations or parties at the orphanage, and our invitations to the outside events must have gotten lost in the mail.”
Jenna often talked about the parties. She wondered who attended and what they wore. Jenna yearned to go, while I was happy to stay away to keep my secret safe.
“At the Circle, Serafina throws a party a few times a year. We dance and talk. Eat, of course,” he says. “Serafina insists we need to have that time where everything stops so we can enjoy ourselves.”
“Is that where you learned to dance?” I follow his lead, letting him set the rhythm for our movement.
“My mom, actually,” he says. “She insisted every man needs to know.” I forget my step and land on his foot. I mouth an apology, but he laughs it off. “How about dating? Ever been on one?”
“No, again.” The dream from the morning remains a constant companion. I force myself not to look at Ryan and Victoria. “I pretty much kept to myself back home.” The word home doesn’t seem right anymore, but I can’t claim the Circle is either.
“If you want, I’d love to take you out when we get back.” Sure I heard wrong, I am about to ask when he clarifies. “A date.”
Nervous, I ready to refuse, when over his shoulder, I see Jackie and Gavin dancing. They hold one another tight as they awkwardly stare forward. A few feet away. Hudson and Samira dance together. Shane and Melanie continue to create new moves. All around us, people are paired off, needing someone’s company other than their own.
What happens if I tell him the real reason? That I can’t go on a date because soon I will leave the Circle? He will hate me. Derrick’s loyalty, now and always, lies with the Circle. Ahead of me, Ryan says something to Victoria. She throws her head back and laughs. He gives her an indulgent smile and pulls her in closer.
“I’d like that.” For just this moment, I will pretend that I can go on a date. Imagine that my life can have some semblance of normalcy.
“Yeah? Excellent.” He pulls me closer. Though I have white-lighted the pain, he is careful only to touch clothed parts.
We continue to dance to the somber music. It serves as the perfect farewell to a friend that we do not have the luxury of time to mourn. The music slows as the full moon fills the sky, casting us in its light. After a few more songs, the music comes to an end.
“This has been nice.” Derrick slowly kisses the top of my head. “Good night,” he whispers before walking away.
I stare after him. Unabated joy flitters over me. Amid all the heartbreak and pain, I have a heartbeat of happiness. I allow the feeling to linger for only a second before survival demands I push it down and focus. I step back and run right into Samira and Jackie.
“Didn’t see that one coming,” Samira says, smiling. “Derrick’s a really great guy.”
I start to answer, but then, over Samira’s shoulder, I see Ryan staring at me from across the field. Alone, hands in his pockets, his face is expressionless. Without a word, his gaze travels toward Derrick, who is busy undoing his sleeping bag. Confused, I watch as Ryan settles in for the night, as far away from Derrick as possible.
“Harrison ordered me to befriend you, but he ordered David and Ryan to hurt you,” Jackie says, having caught the silent interaction between Ryan and me.
Still cautious with her, I nonetheless welcome the information. “Ryan told me he would have killed me if Harrison had ordered it.”
“He’s lying.” Jackie lowers her voice. Samira glances around to make sure no one else is listening. “He warned Harrison to stay away from you.” She pauses before saying, “And me.” When I remain silent, she says, “Ryan has been trying to protect you from the beginning. Even if that meant you believing the worst of him.”
“Why?” I ask, needing a reason to believe her words.
“Thank you for telling me what Gavin said. You didn’t have to do that. That’s why.” She pauses. “I know you have no reason to believe me, but believe in him. He has your back.”
Confused, I try to make sense out of all of it. Ryan has fought me from the beginning. He told me he would have killed me if given the order. And yet, every time I am at my weakest, he fights for me. Tries to save me. He told me himself he was trying to protect me.
That night, I toss and turn all night, replaying what I saw. Questions continue to gnaw at me even as I finally find sleep.
FORTY-NINE
The next morning, I awake to only our group. I search the area for the others as I gather my things.
“They left this morning,” Samira says when she catches me looking for them. “Without a goodbye.”
“David?” I assume he is responsible.
“Who knows?” She glances toward the tables, where our crew fills up on leftovers. “They’re angry. Gavin expected at least a goodbye.” Gavin stands to the side, staring into the distance. His face shows his disgust and depression.
“After last night and the dancing? It doesn’t sound like Jackie.” Or Derrick, I think.
“It does sound like David.” She signals for me to hurry. “Ryan wants to get an early start today.”
The directions included with the second crystal indicate that we need to head toward the mountains. Once there, we hope for more clues. I finish gathering my things a
nd walk with Samira to join the others.
“It’s about a three-mile walk from here.” Ryan points to the area on his map. “It’s early, so we will have plenty of daylight once we get there.”
If he’s angry or disappointed about Victoria leaving without a goodbye, he doesn’t show it. We stamp out the fire and gather what we can. Everyone is quiet as we start our trek. The loss of Henry lingers over us. The silence allows us to mourn individually.
We walk for over an hour. “I thought you said two to three miles,” Shane yells from the back. “Did you mean two to three days?”
“We should already be there,” Ryan murmurs. “The time doesn’t correlate with the distance.”
“There’s something ahead.” Cassia points to a small fence, barely knee-high. “A perimeter?”
“They marked it for us,” Shane says, excited they told us exactly where we need to be. “First food, now this.”
“You’re excited about a fence?” Hudson asks, surprised.
“It’s all relative, my friend,” Shane answers. “Like, normally, you wouldn’t get excited about a glass of water, but yesterday you looked ready to cry at the sight of one.”
A smile tugs at Hudson’s lips. “Touché.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means,” Shane answers, causing Hudson to shake his head with feigned frustration.
A mosquito bites my neck. I slap it just as another buzzes around me. I swat at that one before it can attack.
“Doesn’t make sense,” Phoenix says. “Mosquitoes only come out at dusk and dawn.” She peers at the sky. “We left right after sunrise, but it looks like the sun is getting ready to set.” Overhead, the sky twinkles brightly with an orange-and-purple haze.
“We’re here now,” Samira says. “Whether we walked two or ten miles, at least we made it.”
Shane throws a rock at the fence. It hits the exterior before falling. On our questioning looks, he shrugs. “In case we get electrocuted again.”
Ryan leads the way. Inside, we assess our surroundings. On first glance, it looks like the rest of the forest. Slivers of sunlight stream through the green pines. Dense fog rolls in from a distance, giving us a cloud cover from the heat. Moss grows on the base of the trees and travels up their sturdy trunks. Silence fills the air — our breathing the only sound breaking it.
