Now it truly frightened her.
What if the man came closer? What if she couldn't stop herself from doing as her vision commanded? She couldn't imagine touching another man, especially not with Erik around. And what if it went further than touching?
The idea that someone else could be involved in their love play made her stomach turn and tighten. She didn't want another lover, not in her dreams and definitely not in reality. She just wanted Erik.
Would Erik hate her if something happened in the visions and she couldn't stop herself from touching this man?
She screwed her face up and pushed away from that thought, turning sharply and heading back along the patio.
It didn't bear thinking about. She would fight it as much as she could and would try to make Erik understand that what happened in her visions wasn't what was going to happen in reality.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out, flipping it open at the same time. It was a message from Erik. She read it and smiled. He was on his way back with Sean, but more importantly than that, he'd told her that he loved her. Hearing, or just seeing, those words was exactly what she'd needed to brighten her mood.
But she still didn't have the energy to get ready like she knew she should be. She'd thrown on whatever clothes she'd come across first this morning and hadn't even bothered to shower, telling herself that she'd get ready once she'd had breakfast and was feeling a little better. The only trouble was, she didn't feel any better. If anything, she felt worse. She felt too lifeless and tired to even comprehend getting washed and ready for Sean's arrival.
“You'll catch your death out here,” Rose said, startling her. “You look troubled.”
Kim blinked to clear her head of the heavy thoughts dwelling there and forced a smile.
“I'll be all right.” She walked up to Rose.
The housekeeper's look turned to one of worry and she placed her hand over hers. Kim looked down at it. Hers were so pale compared to Rose's. Maybe she was too cold. She could feel the warmth from Rose's hand seeping into hers. Flexing her fingers, she realised how stiff they'd become.
“I've made biscuits and there's a fresh pot on the stove.” Rose smiled at her. “Come and warm yourself in the kitchen.”
Kim didn't need such encouragement to get back inside, but biscuits and tea did sound good. Nothing lifted her spirits like chocolate, and she got the feeling that the biscuits would be chocolate cookies. Rose always made them to cheer her up. She only hoped it would work today too. She was beginning to think that nothing was going to lift her mood and she didn't want to spend the whole of Christmas moping about things that might not even happen.
Even if Erik wasn't destined to be her mate anymore, she was staying put. Nothing was going to part them. Nothing. She'd bash the head in of whoever tried. Erik was hers, and she was Erik's, and that was final. She didn't need to mate with him to be his. They'd spent two very happy years together without being mated and nothing was going to change now.
She followed Rose into the house, wrinkling her nose as the heat of the rooms made it feel numb as it began to warm up. Her fingers felt hot and fat, and she flexed them again to get more blood into them.
Unzipping her fleece, she walked down the steps into the kitchen and closed her eyes briefly as the warmth of the room hit her. It was like a comforting blanket wrapping around her. She slid into a chair beside the old wooden table near the fire. Her eyes followed Rose as she went about placing cookies on a plate and gathering the tea things, her mind emptying.
“You and Erik have been very quiet today,” Rose said, setting the tray down on the table and taking the seat nearest her. “Nothing's wrong is it?”
Kim shrugged and then smiled when Rose put a cookie onto a small plate and pushed it towards her. She wrapped her hands around the tea cup as it came to stop in front of her and breathed a deep sigh as it warmed her up.
She picked up the biscuit and took a bite out of the corner of it. It was delicious, the chocolate chips still soft enough that they melted in her mouth. She took a sip of tea and stared at the table.
“You looked as though you were thinking hard out there... are you sure you're all right. Yesterday you both looked so happy.”
She couldn't miss the concern in Rose's voice and when she looked at her, it was written in her eyes too. Rose smiled at her, her face wrinkling with it, and Kim realised she was trying to coax her into talking. She supposed that talking about it to someone else, someone she trusted, might help her find her strength again and might chase away some of her fears.
“We just... I'm sure it's nothing really, but something just isn't right.” She toyed with her cup, turning it this way and that as she avoided looking at Rose.
“Neither you or Erik are in good spirits.”
Her throat tightened and went dry as she thought over the words she was about to say. She trusted Rose, and right now she needed someone she could talk to, someone she could be honest with. Her sister was no use at a time like this. She couldn't tell her that Erik was a shape-shifter and that their mating was potentially going horribly wrong.
She took another sip of her tea, wishing it was champagne or wine, because that always loosened her tongue. She smiled at the memory of all the times Erik had taken her out for dinner or to the club. He knew the effect wine had on her, making her shed her inhibitions and find her confidence. She always made the first move after a couple of glasses.
Erik.
Her heart clenched at the thought that she might lose him.
“I think something is wrong with the mating,” she blurted out and then stared wide-eyed at Rose, waiting for her reaction.
Rose's hand came to rest over hers.
“I was frightened once too,” she said, her voice gentle and soothing.
Kim couldn't hide how stunned she was. She'd never given it any thought before, had never even suspected that it could be true.
“You're a lycan?”
Rose offered her another cookie, her hand remaining on hers. She patted it in a way that made Kim think about her grandma. Whenever something had gone wrong when she was little, her grandma would pat her shoulders as she cried, telling her that everything was going to be just fine.
Would it be fine now?
Rose nodded. “I was human once, just like you, but a lot older. He was a beautiful snow leopard, mature in years like myself. I was so scared of the change.”
“Wow... I never knew. Erik never said anything.” She drank the remains of her tea and ate another piece of cookie before frowning. “What was it like?”
“The change?” Rose said and she nodded. “Frightening, but not as painful as I'd been expecting it to be. He was gentle with me. If Erik knows that... no, what am I saying, Erik will be gentle with you regardless. He loves you, Kim.”
She bit her tongue and then blurted, “I'm scared of losing him!”
Her gaze dropped to the table and she stared at the worn grain of the wood and the rings where hot cups had been placed on it without coasters. She heard chair legs scrape on the stone flags and then comforting arms were wrapped around her. She closed her eyes and silently thanked Rose as she drew all the reassurance she could from the hug.
“That's something that will never happen,” Rose whispered, hands smoothing her back.
Kim frowned when Rose sat back down and poured her another cup of tea. She didn't want to push the housekeeper into saying more, but she knew that there was definitely more to say. How did she know?
She gave her a questioning look, hoping to encourage her into saying what she was so obviously thinking about.
Rose placed her cup back down in front of her and offered her the sugar. She took two lumps and stirred them into the tea, waiting.
Rose sighed. “You've been all he's wanted for in life.”
Her heart leapt into her throat, pounding there as it began to accelerate. She'd heard Erik tell her countless times that he loved her, but she'd never heard anyone else t
ell her that he had feelings for her. It seemed strange to have Rose tell her, but good at the same time. Hearing these things from her was reassuring her more than having Erik tell her.
“He used to talk a lot when he was younger, about all kinds of things, about what he'd do when he met you. He was such a happy young man. He'd talk about you all the time at first, but then less when the years drew on and I think he began to lose hope of finding you, until the day his parents died and he became quiet.” Rose paused a moment and Kim saw the fleeting sadness cross her eyes.
She knew that Rose had come to see Erik as family, and that she must have loved his parents and his brother too. Erik saw her as family too. She couldn't imagine what they'd both felt when his parents had died. She couldn't imagine losing her parents. As annoying as their bickering was, she loved them both. Along with her sister, they were her only family.
“Now he's like he used to be. He thinks of nothing but you, Kim. I've never seen him so happy.”
Kim's heart lifted, feeling light for the first time that day, and she opened her mouth to say something but her words fled her lips when the door opened.
“I thought I'd find you down here,” Erik said as he walked in and she stood, rounded the table and buried her face against his chest.
He was still a moment, as though he was trying to figure out what had just happened, and then he sighed and wrapped his arms around her.
“Everything all right?” he whispered close to her ear and she thought about nodding, but knew that he'd see right through it. She shook her head. His arms tightened around her.
She pushed against him, wanting to look into his eyes and see his face. He was smiling at her as she looked up, but there was a lingering hint of sadness in his eyes. She touched his cheek, lightly caressing it, trying to silently show him that she loved him and there was no need to fear—she wasn't going anywhere.
His smile widened a little and his honey eyes brightened with it this time. He dipped his head and kissed her, his lips playing tenderly with hers. She kissed him a moment, enjoying the connection she could feel to him again, and then remembered that Rose was still in the room. Drawing back, she blushed ten shades of red as she looked from Erik to Rose and back again. He grinned and then gave Rose a look she could easily interpret. He was asking about her, asking Rose if she'd been all right without him. She looked at Rose and was thankful when the housekeeper nodded.
“There's more cookies and I can make more tea if your friend would like some,” Rose said, standing and moving over to the sink. She was already filling the kettle before Erik could answer her.
“I'm sure you and Sean are freezing after your trip from the airport. Tea would be great, Rose.” She held Rose's gaze a moment and then added, “Thanks.”
Following Erik from the room, she felt so much better than she had done all day and even managed a genuine smile when he looked at her. She didn't want him to worry.
“Where's Sean?” she said.
“In the lounge warming up. He's already complaining about the English weather. I told him it's a lot bloody warmer down here than it is in Scotland.” Erik grinned at her.
She wondered if he knew that she melted a little inside whenever he grinned, his eyes sparkling with it. She'd missed him today, badly. He'd only been gone a few hours, but it had felt like eternity.
Squeezing his hand, she was about to walk into the lounge with him when she remembered that she hadn't showered and was dressed like a pig farmer. She stopped dead and looked at herself and then Erik.
“You look fine, Kim,” he said in a bass melodic voice that made her swallow. She bit her lower lip as his eyes raked over her and she wondered how, with just a look, he could make her feel as though she was wearing a million pound designer dress and not jeans and a fleece. He stepped up to her, capturing her lips again. She got the impression from his tight grip on her waist that he'd missed her too.
She pushed him off her and waggled a finger. “We've got company now... and I need to change.”
She went to walk up the hall towards the stairs but he growled and grabbed her arm, pulling her back into his embrace. His arms were like steel bands around her, impossible to break free from, and she didn't want to when he kissed her with gentle force, his tongue tangling with hers as he bent her over backwards.
Her body went limp in his arms, her hands sliding up to hold the sides of his face as she began to kiss him back. He was right. So what if they had company. She still wanted him too. A moan pushed its way out of her as he deepened the kiss, one of his hands moving up to support her neck and stop her from falling. She knew he wouldn't let her fall. He'd never let her fall.
She frowned as the familiar heat settled in her belly, growing into an ache as Erik's tongue swept along her lower lip. She groaned, wishing that this could lead to what she wanted it to, but knowing that they didn't have time for it. If they did, Sean would know from their prolonged disappearance what they'd been up to and she'd never be able to face him.
“Erik,” she mumbled against his lips and he reluctantly pulled back. He didn't release her though. He kept her bent over backwards and held tight in his arms.
“Yes?” He smiled, passion in his eyes and seduction in his voice.
“Later,” she said with a smile of her own.
“I'll hold you to that.” He pulled her up and let her go. “Chop chop.”
She heard him laugh as she ran up the hall, obeying his command to hurry. She laughed too. It felt as though her thoughts from this morning were a million miles away now, gone.
Reaching their room, she hurriedly found something to change into. The blue jeans she was wearing would do but she needed a top that said casual, not loafing about like her fleece did. Besides, dressing up a little might put her in a more positive mood.
She slipped out of her boots as she searched for the right top. Was everything in the wash? She rummaged through her drawers and pulled out a black long sleeve top. It had a scooping neckline, low enough that it would show a little cleavage, but having Erik's attention with her tonight would probably be a good thing. The feeling of him watching her, wanting her, always made her more confident and happy.
She pulled the top on and sprayed herself with perfume before bounding out of the room and back down the stairs.
When she made it to the hall, she walked demurely down it, smoothing her hair back and hoping she at least passed for neat. She wasn't sure why she was bothering though. It had been a while since she'd seen Sean, but in all the times she'd met him, he'd never been anywhere close to neat with his straggling jaw length blond hair. It was no surprise that his animal form was a lion.
She couldn't help smiling when she walked into the lounge and saw Erik and Sean sitting on the couch by the fire. Both men turned to look at her. Sean gave her a wide smile, exposing perfect teeth and slightly sharpened canines. Erik would never tell her how old Sean was, but she'd gathered from this tiny sign of a change in his human form that he was very old. It seemed odd to think that he could be over one hundred years old when he looked as though he was in his late thirties.
He patted the seat next to him and she rolled her eyes, taking her place next to Erik instead. Sean pouted at her.
“Did you have a nice journey?” she said for want of something else to say.
He grinned and said in a thick Scottish accent, “If by that you mean, myself and lover-boy are having a little trouble and can you help shed a little light on what caused the hiccup, then the answer is yes.”
She looked at Erik for an explanation.
“It might have come up in conversation on the way back from the airport,” he said, an apology in his eyes.
She didn't mind that he'd already told Sean about their potential problem. Sean was, after all, Erik's best friend and they had known each other for years, ever since Sean had agreed to act as the managing director in the Scottish office of Erik's family's company. The two had apparently become fast friends and it wasn't surprising
when she compared their style, personality and backgrounds. They were incredibly similar, both of them exuding confidence and charm, both of them sharing a dry sense of humour.
Sean swept the tangled locks of his blond hair from his face and leaned back into the corner of the couch, crossing his legs as he did so. Erik leaned back too, his arm coming to rest around her shoulders and drawing her closer to him. She snuggled into his embrace, waiting to hear Sean's opinion on their mating.
“So, Erik tells me you've got a little love triangle problem...” he started and shrugged when Erik raised a brow and frowned at him. Kim frowned too. She didn't like him speaking about the other man as though he was already a part of their relationship. If she had anything to do with it, he was never going to become a lover of hers, not even in the visions. “I'm just saying it as I see it.”
“Erik told me that the mating was exclusive. It's what he was told. Is there a chance that it isn't exclusive now?” She placed her hand on Erik's thigh, hoping her touch would comfort him as she voiced her fears. She knew that he liked hearing them as much as she did, but she had to be honest with Sean and it was best that her and Erik were honest with each other too.
“I've been thinking about it ever since Erik told me and the only answer I have is that your failure to mate the first time around has resulted in Kim's call being picked up by another. I've only heard of something like this happening once in all my years.”
“But you have heard of it,” she said, leaning forwards.
“I have, and I'm sorry to say that the story goes that it wasn't pretty. Two contenders for one female in heat can only lead to trouble.” Sean's look filled with worry, his eyes darting between her and Erik. “It's best that you're prepared... and remember that you've got little control over the visions.”
Kim swallowed, her stomach dropping as he confirmed her worst fear. She looked at Erik, staring deep into his eyes as they met hers. She could see he was thinking the same as her and it cut her up inside to think that something could happen in their vision that could jeopardise their relationship. They both knew how little control they had, and that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from doing things with this other man, but it didn't mean that Erik wouldn't start to resent her if she did. If their roles were reversed and there were suddenly another woman involved in their visions, she'd be jealous as hell about it and would probably be angry with Erik even though whatever happened wouldn't be his fault.
In Heat: Mating Call (In Heat Shapeshifter Romance Series #2) Page 4
