She should've tried harder to stop it from happening. She shouldn't have let herself get lost in the moment. Her gaze fell to the bed and her knees. She couldn't bring herself to look at Erik as tears stung her eyes.
What had she done?
How was he going to be able to look at her now without thinking about what she'd done?
Had she ruined everything?
Her heart ached and raw emotion tightened her throat, making it hard to swallow. Tears blurred her vision and she tugged the blanket up, wrapping it around herself and hugging it to her chest. She wished it could cover up what she'd done, but he'd seen it all, been there when it was happening. She felt as though her indiscretion had been in this bed and in reality, not in something that was nothing more than a vivid dream.
She started as his fingers swept gently up her arm to her shoulder, clearing the rogue strands of hair from her throat. He slid his hand around the back of her neck under her hair and she bit her lip to hold the tears in.
The moment he applied a little pressure to the back of her neck, making it clear he wanted her in his arms, she dropped the blanket and almost threw herself at him. She focused on the soothing motion of his hand against her back, his arms wrapped tight around her, and listened to the quiet words he was saying to her.
“There's nothing you can do, Kim,” Erik whispered close to her ear, his cheek resting against the top of her head.
The way she'd looked just now made him ache inside. He hated this as much as she did, but it was so much worse for her, having to be the one in the middle. He frowned as he felt hot tears against his neck and held her a little tighter. He pulled the blanket up, covering her so she'd feel more safe and secure.
He sighed.
“They're not real, baby... just visions.” He kissed her hair, hoping his words were going some way towards comforting her.
“They feel real,” she mumbled against his neck.
“I know they do, but they're not. It's just a shared dream, that's all. It isn't reality...” He moved back slightly and took hold of her shoulders, peeling her off him and looking at her face. His right hand left her shoulder, thumb brushing away the tears on her flushed cheeks. He hated seeing her like this. He didn't want her to be hurting, he never wanted her to be hurt. It made him feel powerless to protect her when she was like this, as though he was a failure in his part in life as her man. He leaned forwards and kissed her, relief blooming inside of him when her mouth moved slightly against his in a tiny kiss. “This is reality.”
She was smiling when he pulled back but it was a fragile one and in her eyes he could see more tears coming. It would be time soon for them to initiate the mating, but even once that was done, there was still time for this mystery man to show up and ruin everything. Kim wasn't wholly his until he had changed her and sealed the bond.
“I need a shower,” she whispered, slipping from the bed and padding silently across the room. He watched her, sensing her sombre mood and wondering if there was anything he could do to cheer her up.
He was surprised when she paused at the doorway to the bathroom and looked back at him.
“Erik?” she said, her voice as tiny as she looked right now.
“Yes?”
She hesitated a moment, her eyes dropping to the floor briefly before they came up to meet his. She looked over her shoulder at the bathroom and then back at him.
“Bathe with me?” There was so much hope and fear in her voice that he was straight out of bed and walking over to her.
She'd told him once about her desire to get him into a bath with her but they'd never done anything about it. Did she want to share this moment with him because she felt it was something the other man couldn't do with her? Did she want the reassurance being so close to each other would bring her? He wanted it. He wanted it for himself and for her. If they were going to make it through this, they had to be open and as close to each other as possible. Last time, they'd both craved the connection the mating had placed between them, the closeness of being intimate and open. He'd missed it as much as she had when it had gone. Now it was coming back and it was just when they needed it most.
He filled the tub for her. It was a large whirlpool bath that he'd had installed a few years back. The motion of the water, swirling around his body, had always soothed him after a long week of work. He'd never really thought he'd have a girl in it with him, let alone his future mate.
He turned and looked at her, watching her as she toyed with the items on the bathroom shelf and around the basin on the washstand. She was nervous and he didn't know whether it was the dream that was making her this way, or what they were about to do. He was sure that she had some idea of how this was supposed to go in her head and he was going to have to read her closely to get it right. The last thing he wanted to do right now was cock something up. He wanted this to be perfect.
He wanted everything to be perfect.
When the bath was full, he held his hand out to her. She blushed, her cheeks tinting a subtle shade of rose. He wondered what she had to be shy about. They were both standing naked in front of each other and it wasn't as though they'd never seen each other's bodies before.
He looked at the bath and frowned.
Maybe there was more to this bath thing than he'd first guessed. Was it a fantasy of hers? He wished he knew what she was expecting so he could get it right. When she'd mentioned bathing with him all those months back, he should've asked for more details. At the time, he hadn't given much thought to it, hadn't realised how important it would be.
He came out of his thoughts when her hand slipped into his. He smiled at her, raising her hand to his mouth and pressing a light kiss to the back of it. She blushed again. He loved it when she did that.
He held her hand, steadying her as she stepped into the deep bath. His eyes raked over her legs and he groaned inside at the sight of her naked body. She was so beautiful, whether she saw it or not. He loved every inch of her, inside and out. Every part of her was beautiful.
Stepping into the bath behind her, he sunk down into the water and sighed as it enveloped him and Kim moved to sit in front of him, between his legs. She leaned back, her body against his. He flicked one of the switches to start the jets, keeping them gentle.
He swept her damp hair up, pinning it with the hair clip that had been on the side of the bath. She sighed when he placed soft kisses against her back, working his way along the curve of her shoulder. The water bubbled around them, hot against his skin, heating him through.
“You're not responsible for what happens in the visions,” he said and was surprised that she didn't tense.
She sunk a little further into the water and he bit his lip to stop himself from groaning when her backside rubbed against his crotch. Now wasn't the time for that. He'd figured out what she needed. She needed to be in control. He'd do whatever she said today, anything to make her happy again and comfort her.
Squeezing some soap out onto his hands, he lathered them and then gently moved them over her back. He massaged the soap into her skin and then washed it off. He pressed his thumbs into her spine, working the tension out of her and smiling as he remembered how he'd rubbed her shoulders for her in the lift that time. She moaned and it ended in a long sigh as he kneaded her shoulders and neck.
“It'll be time soon.” He worked his way back down, running his hands over her shoulder blades.
“How soon?” she said, a note of hope in her voice.
“Shortly after the ball tomorrow by my calculations.”
He squeezed more soap onto his hands and washed her arms for her. She sighed and leaned right back so her head was resting against his shoulder.
“I wish it was sooner.” She ran her hands over his knees and he closed his eyes, trying to keep a little self control so his body didn't respond to her touch as it wanted to.
“It's only a day or two,” he said, “but I wish it was sooner too. I wish it was now.”
She leaned to one side and looked up at him
, her eyes searching his.
He gave her what she wanted.
“It scares me as much as it scares you, Kim. I've waited so long to find you, most of my life. I can't lose you now.” His brows furrowed as he stared into her eyes.
She smiled and craned her neck to kiss him. It was soft, slow and spoke volumes about her feelings. She drew back a little, just enough that he could see her eyes again.
“I promise you that I'm not going anywhere.” She placed her hand against his chest and he closed his eyes briefly when he felt her heart beating along with his. “I'm staying right here with you. I love you too damn much, so much that it frightens me sometimes.”
He smiled broadly at her honest declaration and wondered if she knew that it was exactly what he'd needed to hear right now. Dipping his head, he kissed her, showing her without words how much he loved her and that he needed her more than anything.
When she broke away and leaned her back against him again, he put his arms around her waist. The hot water was soothing, tickling his skin as the jets made it bubble. He rested his chin on her shoulder and couldn't stop his eyes from dropping to her breasts.
They were just out of the water and were dewy, tantalising. He reached across for the soap and lathered his hands again. Kim shifted and he could see she was watching him.
A frown flickered on his brows when he cupped her breasts, his soapy hands slipping over them. His stomach tensed for a moment, the feeling of his fingers sliding easily over her flesh stirring desire in his veins.
He groaned when she moved against him, her backside nudging his balls and cock. He told himself to keep control, to keep it to nothing more than slow caresses and kisses.
Her skin felt divine beneath his touch, slick and warm. His eyes followed a patch of suds as they slowly inched down her right breast, catching on the nipple and stopping there.
He raised a hand and caught the underside of her breast with his fingers, bringing them up over the nipple to wipe away the soap. She moaned and then sighed, her hands coming to rest on his knees and sweeping up towards his hips, cutting through the turbulent water.
Dipping his hands into the water, he drew it up over her stomach, washing away the soap with a gentle caress. When her stomach was clear, he scooped more water up, bringing it to her breasts and letting it fall onto them.
The suds dashed into the bath and revealed her breasts, their nipples taut. He couldn't resist brushing the tips of his fingers over them, teasing them until they were as hard as possible.
She moaned again, her arms coming up above her and hooking around the back of his head. The shift in position made her breasts look so enticing that it was almost impossible to resist his urge to move her onto his lap and suck one of them into his mouth.
He didn't have to move her, she turned in his embrace, straddling his legs and coming to face him. He groaned and it turned it a low purr in his throat when she ran soapy hands down his chest. It was too much.
Bringing his hands out of the water, he supported her back and lowered his mouth to her breasts. He kissed them, not caring about the soapy water that coated them. She arched against him when his mouth caught a nipple, the tip of his tongue flicking it as he suckled. His hands lowered to her backside and he held her close to him as he continued his ministrations.
Her fingers buried themselves into his hair, clutching him to her as she moaned. He purred deeper, wanting to fan the desire he could sense in her. He knew that she loved it when he purred; she loved the way it felt as it rumbled through her and the power it made her feel.
She pushed against his shoulders and he frowned and closed his eyes as her mouth descended on his in a passionate kiss. He returned it with gentle force, probing her mouth with his tongue and loving the way hers slid against it.
Her teeth clashed with his and his cock stirred, desire boiling inside him as she poured out her hunger into her kiss and he realised how much she wanted him. He relaxed, letting her lead their dance, knowing that she needed to be in control at the moment and happy to submit to her again.
He could play the subservient one when she needed to feel in command of her life.
He'd do anything if it made her happy.
But he wouldn't lose her.
He'd kill the other man before that happened.
CHAPTER 7
Kim heaved a sigh as she put the phone down. She couldn't believe that she was still trying to arrange things for the ball on the day before. At least it hadn't turned out to be as impossible as she'd thought it would. With Rose's contacts and Sean's too, she'd been able to get everything together and by the looks of things it was going to be a great ball. Now she just had to spend half of her day tomorrow getting it all set up before everyone arrived in the evening. Rose had promised an early Christmas dinner to give her time to get the house ready and get her relaxed and into a party mood. She didn't want her whole day to be about the ball. It had to be about Christmas too—presents, bad television, too much food, and getting tipsy before it was even the afternoon. She just needed to segregate it. Morning through to lunch was Christmas Day. Everything after that was a headache.
She wondered if they'd have enough room at the house for people to park their cars and then remembered that Erik's parents had held the ball before so there had to be. Rose had spent the past few days furiously making up the bedrooms and taking the dust covers off everything. She'd helped whenever she'd had a spare few minutes.
Erik had been busy with Sean and work, and also inviting everyone. All the people he called seemed say yes and she was beginning to fear there were going to be far more people than the estimated one hundred.
She stopped in the hall when she heard Erik talking in his office. It sounded as though he was inviting someone to the ball and she couldn't help being nosy.
Walking into the room, she watched him staring out of the window, his pen tapping on the desk as he sat with his back to her.
“It'll be great to see you again. It's been too long,” he said and then paused for a moment.
She smiled at first but it quickly disappeared when he spoke next.
“I'll see you tomorrow then, Charlotte.” He placed the phone down and turned to look at her.
She stared into his eyes for a moment, trying to shake off the jealous thoughts crowding her mind.
Her heart jumped into her throat when the front doorbell rang and she thanked it for providing a much needed distraction.
She bounded down the corridor towards the door. She'd been listening for her sister for over two hours and had been starting to wonder what was taking her so long to arrive. She'd been starting to panic.
She pulled the door open and threw her arms around her sister, squeezing her tight. It seemed like forever since they'd seen each other. She wondered if that was why she was so on edge tonight.
No, it was probably the prospect of her sister meeting Sean. Erik, she could control and he knew not to do anything that might be suspicious. Sean, however, was a wild card and even though Erik had had words with him about his behaviour tonight, she wasn't prepared to let her guard down.
“Wow, either you really missed me, or something is horribly wrong. You're not dying are you?” Sherry said.
Kim pulled back and frowned at her sister. She'd always thought that her sister had got the better looks out of the two of them. Her bright green eyes contrasted well against her tanned skin and long dark hair. They added a sense of difference to her that she'd always wished she'd had. Her eyes were a boring brown. Not that Erik would let her believe that. Sometimes they'd lay in bed together for most of the day, just talking and kissing, and the odd caress. He'd always tell her how beautiful she was, and every time he did, her eyes were a different colour. Sometimes they were a rich chocolate satin with gold flecks, and others they were a dark sinful brown with a hint of green tracing their edges. Either way, he always made them sound exotic. She could never think of anything poetic to say about his eyes, even though they were the most u
nusual intense shade of honey with dark flecks in their depths.
“Don't be so ridiculous,” Kim said, stepping aside to let her sister into the house.
A cold draught came in with her and Kim quickly shut the door. The temperature had dramatically dropped since yesterday and tonight there was a sign of frost. One day she'd see a white Christmas, but she was beginning to get the impression it wouldn't be in this country.
“Oh my god!”
She turned quickly to see what the problem was and found Sherry standing with her mouth wide open. She was staring at the Christmas tree, her eyes shining with what looked like excitement.
Kim wondered if she looked like that when she was looking at the decorations. If she did, then it was little wonder Erik had been so amused by her reaction when she'd first seen it.
“This place is amazing, Kim.” Sherry turned to face her, her voice dropping to an almost whisper. “Tell me you're gonna marry this guy. You can't let all this get away from you.”
Kim frowned.
“Marry me, eh?”
Both her and her sister jumped and then turned to face Erik. He was grinning, his thick black roll-neck jumper conveniently covering the lovebite that she'd marked his neck with in the tub that morning. He looked good, even hotter after their lazy morning making love. When they'd come down, it had been to some seriously dirty comments from Sean.
She really hoped he didn't bring that up tonight. She'd die of embarrassment.
“Hi,” Sherry said, her voice shaking enough that Kim could hear how nervous she was.
Kim looped her arm around Erik's and smiled up at him. “So, how about it? Apparently I should marry you for your house.”
He shrugged. “Say the word and it's yours... without the ceremony.”
She smiled but it faltered enough that he frowned at her. She couldn't help reading into the double meaning of his words. He couldn't marry her, no matter how much she wanted that to happen. Lycans didn't marry. His parents hadn't officially married. The change of name took place but it was done through other means, one without a ceremony or a public announcement. One day his mother had had one last name, and then next it was different. It had just happened. No celebration of love, no wedding. No one knew about it unless they were a lycan. It was like her old self disappeared and a new person appeared.
In Heat: Mating Call (In Heat Shapeshifter Romance Series #2) Page 7
