The nurse shook her head. "The family issued a list of visitors. I don't see your name."
"The family issued a list? When?" Sean asked because Brenna was struck silent by the double blow. She stepped away from the desk white as a sheet.
"About an hour ago. Admissions dropped it off."
Brenna exhaled her question in a rush. "Does it say why Cassidy went into surgery?" Back to the matter at hand: news about Cassidy. She required it. Now.
The nurse returned to the chart. "Pericardial pressure. She had another Code Blue."
"But she was responsive when I was up here earlier with her son. She squeezed his hand."
"These cases can turn very quickly. I promise you she's under excellent care." The nurse picked up another clipboard. "Can I tell the family you stopped by?"
Brenna's eyes widened. Face Cassidy's family? "No. I...no." Brenna walked away from the desk.
Sean asked, "Is there any way she can see Cassidy? Just look at her?"
"Certainly not before she's out of surgery, but even then...CCU's policy is family only. She isn't a relative, is she?"
"As close as you can get. They've worked together sixteen hours a day for the last year and recently started a relationship."
"Perhaps she can speak with the family. Maybe they just overlooked her."
Brenna overheard and stormed over. "They didn't overlook me. They excluded me." Anger vibrated in her chest like a living thing as she lashed out. She shook her hand toward the empty room. "Her family wouldn't care if she dies!"
Anguished and astonished at her outburst in the face of the nurse's startled expression, Brenna moved away quickly and sat in a lone chair. Covering her face with her hands, she cried.
Sean tried again. "There has to be something."
The nurse returned her attention to him, clearly consternated by Brenna's reaction. "Yes, um...I...well, there's Patient Advocacy. They've been known to get domestic partners visitation rights when no other avenue was available."
"Are they open now?"
"There's always one rep on duty. The office is down next to the hospital chapel."
"Would you call down there when Cassidy returns from surgery?" He waved his hand to forestall her objection. "I know, there's regulations, but...one phone call can't hurt."
The nurse nodded, watching him walk to Brenna's side. He grasped her shoulders and pulled her to her feet. "I think I know where we can wait." Brenna looked toward the nurses station and he assured her, "She'll call."
"Where?"
"Patient Advocacy."
"They can get me in to see her?"
"It's the only possible option to being on the family list. And..." He frowned. "Was that, um, true about her parents?"
Entering the elevator, Brenna sagged against the wall. "I don't know. I'm just scared I won't see her again. It's wrong to think they would let her die, but Cass says that her father was not at all understanding over Christmas. He hit her. She left their house and told me she won't go back."
They stepped out on the first floor and followed the signs to the advocacy office. Noticing the chapel signs, she thought about how she had prayed, sitting on the bathroom floor. "Sean, wait."
She looked into the small room, which was softly lit with candlelight and a few halogens recessed in the ceiling. The far wall was dominated by a stained glass window, backlit by the night lighting outside. She entered, feeling the softness of the place seep into her. It was very different from the rest of the hospital. Light refracted through the glass and she found herself watching it dance through the air. She stopped at a table of candles near the front, some already lit, watching the tiny flames.
Using memory as her guide, Brenna selected a votive candle and lit it, setting it among the others in the box. Memories flowed over her, a soothing balm to the stresses of the day, of doing this with her mother at her side when she was a little girl and a relative was ill. Now she knelt with more purpose than she had in those young, naive years.
Through the litany of her memorized prayers, Brenna poured out her soul. In silent uncertainty, she questioned whether she even had the right to ask for intervention. She cried when Cassidy's face appeared in her mind's eye. She prayed earnestly that Cassidy would be whole and healthy soon, alive with the love they had found together. I didn't look for it, but it found me. She found me.
Brenna had to believe she and Cassidy had been brought together for a reason. She thought of how Cassidy had fled her husband and joined Time Trails. Cameron, yes, had done that, but then he had thrown it away. Everyone, it seemed, had taken Cassidy, used her, and thrown her away. Her husband, Cameron-She examined her own life and its choices. Driven by acting, she had left her home and struggled through a young adulthood in New York City. She had found what she thought was love, only to have it thrown back in her face when it produced a child. Unable to do anything less, she had carried the baby and then given it up for adoption.
It seemed she had been searching ever since for another heart to hold, to promise to take care of, to love her as much as she loved them. Tom, she thought first. He had proved inconstant, unable to offer her support or accept hers. Her relationship with Kevin had merely been grasping at something she thought she was supposed to have.
Then came a birthday invitation tucked shyly in a mirror, and Brenna had awakened to the realization that her impression of another person had always been colored by circumstance, not by who they really were. When she finally got to know Cassidy, she found the woman behind the cool exterior, replacing fear with something deep and cherished.
Her mind filled with images of their times together. She remembered being enveloped in intensity staring back at her from behind the veil of character. Remembering their earliest talk off-camera made her smile. She blushed at remembering when she had flirted. God, did I really do that? The memory filled her mind:
Brenna presented two pairs of slippers.
"Go on. Blue cotton or Bullwinkle J. Moose?" Cassidy laughed and reached for the brown character slippers. "I figured you for a Bullwinkle fan," Brenna commented when Cassidy settled to the sofa to slip them on her feet.
"Really?" Brenna heard Cassidy sigh.
"Really. Don't ask me how I knew. I just took one look at you and said, 'Bullwinkle.' But you can see I took the blue plain ones, just in case I was wrong."
"I find it odder that you would like Bullwinkle," Cassidy admitted.
Brenna shrugged. "I grew up with this earnest moose who seemed to mess everything up."
"But it usually came out right in the end."
"Serendipity." She smiled.
"Or his buddy Rocky," Cassidy chuckled.
She remembered now being struck silent by the woman's laughter, something heavy in her chest dislodging as genuine "like" shoved out wariness and replaced it.
Her mind skipped ahead to how much she had wanted to tear the store apart, helping Cassidy look for Ryan. She had also wanted to strangle the store manager for shattering Cassidy with his talk of kidnapping:
The manager asked one more thing before turning around to catch up the intercom microphone. "How long do you want to wait before we call the police and report a kidnapping?"
Cassidy's face went even paler at the blunt question. Supportively, Brenna wrapped her arm around Cassidy's waist. "Just make the announcement," she ordered sharply. The manager shrugged and turned around.
She remembered how good it had felt when Cassidy turned into her body, the feel of her hands on her hips, how that had broken every barrier she had ever established, shattering her need for distance from this woman like a stone wall being breached.
She remembered being absorbed in Cassidy's pain following Cameron and Will's fight:
Cassidy drew a ragged breath, and Brenna could see some of the blonde woman's composure slowly returning. Brenna helped her tug the inner top off her shoulders. "Thank you." With the intensity Cassidy had offered her, Brenna knew it was about more than the costume.
"You're welcome." She hoped Cassidy knew she meant more than just the costume, too. She leaned away, picking up a loose t-shirt. "Here." With a quick pull, Cassidy's chest was covered again, falling to her sofa and tugging off the lower half of her costume. Brenna settled next to her and slumped forward, a defeated posture.
"Brenna, I'm really sorry."
"You don't have anything to apologize for. Cameron should. Hell, Will needs to make a trip to a confessional. I've come to realize something," she said quietly. "All you've ever done is your best. And I admire that."
Cassidy was silent; Brenna easily read her surprise.
"You do?"
"Yeah. I do." Brenna smiled gently and patted Cassidy's leg, only realizing as she felt the warm skin beneath her palm, that Cassidy hadn't yet finished dressing.
She remembered the entire camping trip, every minute — from watching Cassidy as they drove down the highway, to setting up the tents, to swimming in the spring together, and that mountain climb. She recalled the days afterward — being in a daze from feeling so much. Every look they shared conveyed so much emotion, much more than she thought she could handle. But damn, she'd come alive then. Like being reborn. Cassidy had felt it too. She remembered being so alive when they tried a simple "popcorn and movie" evening and instead romped with passion on her bed. A laugh bubbled up, warming her insides and filling her with sunshine in the darkness.
Resolve and peace filled Brenna. She looked up at the stained glass images. Several of the panes together looked like hands reaching toward one another. She nodded in affirmation.
"Miss Lanigan?"
Brenna turned to see a spare man with brown hair and glasses wearing a dark suit and tie. She nodded. "Yes, I'm Brenna Lanigan."
"I'm Paul Heath with Patient Advocacy." He offered his hand. She took it, then withdrew. "Your friend said you might want to ask me some questions?"
She looked past Paul. "Where is Sean?"
"He said he had to go, but a Rachelle is waiting outside."
She nodded. "They're staying with me here in shifts. I don't know why. I can't get in to see her and her parents will be here in the morning and—"
He held up a hand. "Who is 'she' we're talking about?"
Brenna swallowed. "Cassidy Hyland. She's a patient in CCU."
She followed him out into the corridor. Rachelle put a hand on her shoulder as they all walked down the hall to Paul's office.
"You're involved with her?"
"I love her."
"Her parents don't approve and they left you off the list."
"Sean told you all that?"
He shook his head. "I've heard the story before." He sobered. "I've told the story before." Brenna's eyes widened, but he shook his head and returned to her. "Why don't you tell me your specifics?"
"Can you get her visitation?" Rachelle interjected. "Cass is in emergency surgery right now."
"I would like to be there for her," Brenna acknowledged.
"Now?" Paul questioned.
"Her ex-husband beat her with a baseball bat today." Brenna shuddered at the remembered horror.
Paul gave a low whistle. "She came out of the closet to him?"
Brenna shook her head. "I don't know. I don't think so, but he learned about it. About us."
"What makes you say that? Did you witness the fight?"
"Only the tail end of it."
"How long have you and...Cass, you said? How long have you been involved?"
"You mean...?" Brenna looked at Rachelle whose eyes sparkled with interest waiting for the answer. "Sexually?"
Paul nodded. "Yes."
"I...about a month." Brenna studied her hands in her lap.
"This is your first relationship?"
"I've been married twice." Paul looked at her startled. "Oh, you mean of a..." She blushed scarlet and sighed, "Yes. I...I didn't expect it."
"You're obviously struggling right now. I can hook you up with a local support group, but we can address your immediate problem." He smiled and took her hand. "Can't have such a promising start end prematurely."
Brenna sighed. "Is there anything you can do?"
"Have you at least seen her since she was admitted?"
"Twice. I accompanied her in the ambulance. I saw her in the ER, and once in her CCU room. I haven't left the hospital. I sent her son — he's five — to my home to stay with my sons. Another coworker took him over."
"You've certainly tried to tend to her business for her." He nodded and jotted something down.
"Will that help?" Rachelle asked.
Paul answered, "It could be shown as concern beyond some mere physical relationship or desire for personal gain." He turned back to Brenna. "How did you find out you weren't on the approved list?"
"I went up to check on her and talk to the doctor. When she wasn't in the room, I went to the nurses station and found out she was in emergency surgery and that I wasn't privy to any further information."
"Until then your questions were reasonably accommodated?"
"I think so. I know there are rules for the patients' privacy, but..."
"But you think Cassidy needs you."
"I brought her son up to visit and I know — I know — she responded to him, to us."
"Her son has seen her already?"
"Yes. He needed it. He'd seen her taken to the hospital. I learned with my own sons that you don't keep them in the dark. Give them an explanation, or show them something, and they'll deal with it."
Paul nodded again, making more notes. "Are her parents here in the hospital?"
"Not yet. They're due in the morning."
"Did you call them?"
"No. The studio did. I should be okay with that. They're her parents. But Cass said her father hit her when they argued at Christmas. I saw the bruises."
"I'll talk with them in the morning, but you have a pretty solid argument here for visitation. You have her son. What's his name?"
"Ryan," she answered with obvious warmth in her voice.
Paul smiled indulgently. "You've also tried to take care of other things. You filled out her paperwork when you arrived here, right?" Brenna nodded. "I think we can get you in to see her."
"Tonight?" Rachelle asked firmly. Brenna put a hand on her arm to quiet her. "No. Listen, you need to see her. She needs to see you. It will help."
Paul raised a hand. "I've heard enough for me to sign you in and let you spend the night up on the CCU floor."
"You're serious?" Brenna asked in astonishment. She really had not expected anything.
"You can take your friend here up with you." He patted her hands as her eyes went wide. "Give my best to Cassidy when she wakes up and sees you."
"I…I'll do that. Is it going to be all right to bring Ryan back in the morning?"
"He's her son. Even though you're acting only temporarily, you are watching out for him. Definitely make sure he continues to see his mother. It's important to his health as well as hers." He stood. "Come on."
Brenna stood, supported by Rachelle for a brief moment as she let the shock fade and the hope return. Paul held the door and led them out.
Chapter 14
Brushing back her dark hair, Rachelle watched as Brenna paced around the empty bed in CCU room 408 yet again. The agitated woman ran her hands over the silent monitoring equipment then paused to look out the window and hug herself.
"There's still a news van out there. I'll bet that reporter knows more about her condition than I do," Brenna commented mirthlessly, forlornly grasping the edge of the curtain.
"Paul said you would be updated. The doctor will visit after the surgery."
"It's been almost three hours." Brenna circled back and flopped onto a chair tucked up by the headboard. Her arms splayed along the chair's arms, and her head dropped dejectedly.
Paul had left them over an hour ago. Now, with the hour passing midnight, Brenna was agitated beyond anything Rachelle had seen on the set as they worked together. She had long since fallen s
ilent on the story of the attack.
"Do you want to talk?" Rachelle invited.
Brenna rolled to a more normal sitting position but then leaned forward over her knees and covered her face. "I'm becoming unhinged, aren't I?"
"I've never seen you like this," Rachelle assessed frankly.
"I don't think I've ever felt this helpless before."
"So let's not talk about this. Let's look forward. What are your plans after Time Trails?"
"Cass and I haven't worked that out yet, but I have an offer to do a film in England. Terry's also got his playhouse. Somehow we'd like to work it out as a family."
Rachelle smiled. "You really see yourself as a 'family'?"
"More than I did with either of my husbands, Chelle."
"Have you ever been attracted to women?"
Brenna shook her head. "Not that I'm aware of."
"Did you get this idea from Luria kissing her in 'Brains and Brawn'?"
Brenna groaned. "That did shock the hell out of me. I barely remembered my next line."
"Cass was surprised, too. Will had the idea; Sean liked it. I was game, so we blocked the scene that way. So, seeing her and me..."
"No jealousy. I didn't know what was what yet." Brenna looked at Rachelle with open curiosity. "How about you?"
"Nope. Like kissing a sibling. Stage kisses always are."
"Not for me."
"Not for Cass either, I think. I don't think she'd ever thought of kissing another woman."
"She has."
"Oh?"
"Just once, though, in college." Brenna paused.
"A little jealous?"
"Well, it did make our first time a little easier."
Rachelle laughed. "A little easier. Right."
"Can we change the topic?" Brenna was finding herself drifting into melancholy. Lovemaking was a nice topic, but not if her partner wasn't there to share it with her. "Catch me up on Rose? How is she doing?"
"Good. She wants to know what everything is, so she holds them out until we tell her then she repeats it. We have a little myna bird."
"Thomas was like that, always parroting. James, though...he seemed to wait forever. When he finally did talk, it was like he had a tape recorder. Everything was exact."
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