Tampons Aisle Five

by Rae Matthews

  Butterflies flutter when I read Liam’s simple text, he really is a sweet guy. Sue responds as expected. I can just imagine the wheels turning in her head. When I read the second to last message, I cringe. Mr. Joe mentioned... nope not gonna think about it! Sue’s grandma is a sweet old lady that is like a second grandma to me. So no, I am NOT going to let my mind go there.

  I force my mind away from Mr. Joe and Sue’s grandma back to my current situation. I still have no tampons and no interest in leaving my apartment today. This was going to be problematic. I have two choices: run back to the store or call Sue and make her run to the store for me when she is done visiting her grandma. If I go now, I’ll have them and won’t have to worry about leaking all over my couch. If I wait for Sue to get here, I’ll have to pray I don’t make a mess of this place.

  As I’m sitting on the toilet contemplating the choices in front of me, I hear my door buzzer. Confused as to who would be stopping by without calling, I quickly wipe then wrap some toilet paper around my hand to make a poor-girls period-pad. After pulling up my pajama pants, I flush and run to my closet to throw a shirt on over my tank top, because I am not willing to put on a bra for this. Once the girls are hidden under my oversized blue Nike sweatshirt, I run to the entry pad next to my door.

  “Hello,” I speak into the speaker while pressing the answer button.

  An official sounding voice asks, “Is this Ava Bennett?”

  “Yes."

  “This is Officer Bradley, we met last night.”

  “Oh! What can I do for you?”

  “I have a gift for you.”

  He has a gift for me, why? What kind of gift does a police officer give you and what reason would he have to give me a gift?

  “Ah, okay, do you want me to come down?”

  “Not necessary. If you buzz me in, I’ll be happy to bring it up.”

  I hit the door button on the entry pad that temporarily unlocks the security door. I unlock my door and peek my head into the hall to wait for Officer Bradley.

  Being on the second floor, I fortunately don’t have to wait long. I watch as he rounds the corner with a medium-sized package in his hand wrapped in pink polka dotted wrapping paper.

  “I don’t mean to alarm you, it’s just me and the guys thought we should thank you properly for your assistance last night.”

  He must’ve known I was nervous, given the fact that my eyes are about ready to pop out of my head.

  “Seriously, that really isn’t necessary.”

  “It may not be necessary but it’s what we felt we needed to do after what you did for us last night.”

  “It really wasn’t anything. I was just doing my part to help.”

  “Well, let’s be honest, it was a pretty dumb thing to do, but it helped us out a lot so we wanted to thank you.”

  I’m not really sure what to say. He both called me dumb and admitted it helped them, making it sound like a fool did a stupid thing and good thing at the same time.

  “You’re welcome?”

  He laughs. “Yes, just please just promise you’ll never do anything like that again.”

  “I promise on my honor I will not do anything that dumb again,” I say, giving him a three-finger salute.

  “Then I’ll leave you be. Hope you enjoy your day,” he says, handing over the package.

  Before I can say anything more, he turns on the balls of his feet and walks away.

  Curious to see what kind of gift they felt appropriate to give as thanks for my stupidity, I rush back into my apartment and place the box on my coffee table. Without skipping a beat, I start ripping off the paper to find a plain, brown cardboard box.

  The box is held closed by a single piece of scotch tape making it easy for me to slide my fingers through the flaps to pull them open.

  A card lays on top of white tissue paper. I waste little time ripping open the envelope. The front of the card has a cartoon dog drawn with him lying in a bed with a thermometer hanging out of his mouth. The caption says, “You’ll be back to yourself in no time...” I open the card “...Complaining, Get Well Soon!” I’m not sure they read what the card said before the signed it with a note “Thank you for your help tonight, it was entertaining. We noticed you didn’t purchase the tampons you said you needed, so we thought we could help you out. Enjoy. Oh, and we tossed in a few extra things we thought might help.”

  I toss the card onto the coffee table and rip the tissue paper out of the box. To my utter shock, I find three boxes of tampons, one box of light flow, one box of medium flow, and one box is super flow. Alongside the tampons are a box of Midol, a bottle of Advil, a heating pad, a bottle of bubble bath, and, I kid you not, three boxes of chocolate covered cherries.

  I want to hug them so hard right now, and then I’ll die from embarrassment.

  A Week Later:

  Well, I managed to survive yet another beaver fever week. I admit it was close. My middle of the night adventure could’ve ended differently and, looking back on it, Liam and Officer Bradley were right. I was an idiot for tackling Rhonda. I could’ve been hurt, Rhonda could have been hurt, and then I could’ve gone to jail for assault.

  Thank God none of that happened. I was extremely lucky, as Liam likes to remind me. Yep, that’s right Liam. We have been texting for the last week and talked on the phone twice. He seems like the man of my dreams so far, but tonight will be the true test. It’s date night!

  We’ve already learned so much about each other that I’m not sure what we’re going to talk about tonight. I found out that he only has a few months left before he graduates. Wait for it... He’s going to be a police officer!

  Working as a secret shopper has been one of his more interesting jobs. Before that, he driftied from job to job, not sure what he is going to do until he was pulled over while driving through La Crosse, Wisconsin by Officer Jesse Cox that he finally realized what he wanted to be.

  Apparently, Officer Cox could have arrested Liam since he was going twenty-three miles over the speed limit, Officer Cox chose to give Liam a lecture and a ticket for ten miles over the speed limit instead and made him promise to never do it again. If Liam had gone to jail that night I’m sure he would’ve ended up in a much different place in life.

  The other fun fact I learned was about Mr. Joe. Turns out he’s the founder of Bubba Joe’s, and he also owns the nursing home. He likes to spread his money around. He only charges the bare minimum for residents of the nursing home, and he also offers the residents a car service available 24/7, year round. I guess that’s where Jimmy comes in.

  I was not the first person he has given a large tip to. In fact, he enjoys doing it so much that he makes Jimmy wait in the car while Joe tries to see if someone will help him. I’d say it’s weird hobby, but if that’s what makes a guy happy who am I argue?

  So here I am an hour away from meeting Liam and hoping he is everything he seems to be.

  A Month Later:

  I can hardly believe that it’s been a month since Liam and I started dating. He has been everything I could possibly hope for. He’s a gentleman, he’s funny, he treats me with respect, and, most of all, I am in love with him.

  I know it’s too soon to have these feelings but I can’t help myself. Tonight is the night I’m going to tell him. I just hope he doesn’t think I’m one of those crazy psycho chicks that latches on and never lets go.

  Then again, maybe I should be worried whether he feels the same way.

  I’m in the final stages of getting ready for our date when my phone buzzes.

  Liam: I’m running a few minutes behind.

  Ava: NP, see you soon.

  Liam: Moving as fast as I can.

  Liam thinks he’s taking me out to dinner, but I have other plans. I have made him my favorite meal, I have candles lit, soft music, and Bella has a rawhide to keep her occupied. Tonight is the night I also hope to find out if Liam is more than just a good kisser. And if you don’t know what I mean, I can’t help you.

/>   When Liam arrives, I buzz him up with the excuse that I need a few more minutes. The look of shock and awe on his face when he comes to my door is worth all the effort I put into tonight.

  I immediately get my answer.

  “Ava, this is incredible.”

  “Oh, just a little something I whipped for us.”

  “This is amazing,” says looking around the room as he moves closer to me.

  “It was nothing, really. I just thought we could stay in tonight.”

  His eyes capture mine as he tips his head down to give me a soft kiss then his mouth moves to my ear.

  “I love you.” He whispers then kisses my neck.

  I melt in his arms, and with those three little words, I finally understand why the period gods tortured me that horrible night.

  It was so I could find Liam. He is everything I didn’t know I wanted in a guy and from this day forward I am all his and he is all mine.

  I never thought I would say this, but, thank god for periods and tampons!

  The End

  Rae Matthews is a Minneapolis, Minnesota native who moved to La Crosse, Wisconsin in 2002 for a guy, of all things. There she started as a bartender at a neighborhood bar, eventually moving into telecommunications. Years later, she is now a wife and a ‘wicked’ stepmother. It’s a good thing she is a good cook, or they may have tossed her out on her tushy years ago.

  Rae is also known for being a bit of a goofball. She loves to see people smile, and doesn’t mind if they are smiling and even laughing at her not with her. Her motto is, “Life is too short to not laugh as much as you can.” Rae regaled her friends with her stories for years, and she loves to tell them, even if her friends didn’t want to hear them. But now Rae is finally ready to share her stories with others.

  As time goes by, Rae hopes to find more time to travel and take on new challenges while continuing her joy of telling stories, crafting, cooking, and generally just having fun.