My mother drew closer. “But marriage is acceptable when approved by the Bruderrat.”
My heart pounded an erratic rhythm. “Have you already spoken to the other members of the Bruderrat?”
My father shook his head. “No. Unless you are willing to accept Carl’s marriage proposal, there is no reason to speak to them yet.” His brows lifted in an expectant arch.
“We would be required to wait at least a year, and Carl would likely be sent to another village during our engagement. You would be without him to help you with the work.”
“That’s not for sure,” my father said.
Had he forgotten the procedures ordered by the Grossebruderrat once an engagement was approved? The couple was separated for a year in order to make certain they truly loved each other. He and my mother had endured such a separation. Secretly, I thought it was because the elders hoped the couple would change their minds when faced with a year of separation.
“I believe the Bruderrat would agree there are circumstances that prohibit Carl from moving to another village. The elders know that I am in dire need of his help. Rules in our community are fitted to circumstances and can be broken when there is gut reason.”
From my father’s quick response, I surmised the three of them had been planning for longer than I cared to think about. I found the fact that Carl and my parents had taken it upon themselves to plan my future quite annoying, yet I wouldn’t be disrespectful. “I wish you would have talked to me before you gave Carl your permission, but . . .” I let my comment hang in the air for a long moment. Now might be a good time for some delicate persuasion. “If I agree to the courtship, would you give permission for me to visit Wilhelm in Chicago for a week or two?”
“Children do not bargain with their parents!” My mother’s sharp words further reflected her fear.
Could I ever convince her that a visit to Chicago didn’t mean she’d lose me? “I am your daughter, but I am no longer a child. I hope you and Vater will consider my request. I don’t want to go against your wishes.” Using the trunk of the tree for support, I pushed to my feet and shook the leaves from my skirt. An argument with my mother would only make matters worse. If I remained in the yard, I might say something I would regret. “We all need time to think on this. I am going to my room.”
My parents didn’t argue. I knew they were disappointed with my reaction, but what had they expected?
When Wilhelm had written to tell them he was getting married, my mother had cried for a week. Not continuously, of course, but she’d shed enough tears to sink a small rowboat. She’d thought marriage a terrible idea. Granted, Wilhelm had married a girl from the outside—a fact that they still had not completely accepted. I had hoped my agreement to court Carl would relieve their fears and they’d agree to let me visit Chicago. After seeing Mother’s reaction, I now doubted anything would change their minds.
When I stepped around the corner of the house, Carl was waiting on the front porch. He beamed at me. “Your parents talked to you?”
“Ja.”
“The arrangement suits you?” Another broad smile split his face.
Warmth flooded my cheeks. I wasn’t certain how I should answer. “We are still talking about some other matters, but I am willing to continue our friendship.”
“Friendship?” Carl rocked back on his heels. “I spoke to your father about more than friendship, Johanna. Did your father make that clear?”
“Yes, but there are other things . . .” My words trailed off in a whisper. I didn’t know what to say.
The spark in his eyes flickered and died. He squared his shoulders, but he dropped his gaze to the ground. “Did I misunderstand your feelings, Johanna? I thought you had grown to care for me.”
I bobbed my head. “I care for you, Carl. But I’m not yet ready for such a . . .” Once again, words failed me.
“Commitment?”
“Yes. A lifetime commitment. We’ve known each other such a short time.”
He relaxed his shoulders and clasped my hand. “That’s why I suggested we court for a time before we ask the Bruderrat for permission to marry. After that, we will have to wait another year.
I don’t intend to rush you, but I worried some other man might speak to your Vater and I would miss my opportunity.”
I didn’t miss the expectancy in his voice, but I needed to be honest. “Do you remember I told you I wanted to travel and see some large cities? Places like Chicago?”
Wrinkles creased his forehead. “Ja, I remember.”
“I still want to travel—at least to Chicago. I’ve asked my parents to give me permission to visit Wilhelm.”
Carl’s head jerked as though I’d slapped him. “For how long?”
“That’s yet to be determined, but we could speak of courtship when I return.”
“So your parents have agreed?”
“Not yet, but I believe they will. I told them I will return to live in Amana, but I’m not sure Mutter is convinced. She thinks I’ll be like Wilhelm.”
He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. “And will you?”
“No. I’ll return. Why doesn’t anyone believe me when I say I’ll return?”
He hitched his right shoulder. “Maybe because we know there is temptation in other places, things that are difficult to resist. You can’t be certain it won’t happen to you, Johanna.”
I couldn’t deny that possibility existed, but it didn’t change my mind. “Ja, you may be correct, but my heart tells me I will return to Amana.”
Carl’s smile made a slow return. “Then you should probably go to Chicago and see for yourself. It would be best to know this before we begin a courtship.” He gently squeezed my hand.
My heart fluttered at his touch—the same feeling I’d experienced when he’d held my hand at the river. He was the first to understand and agree with me. Perhaps I did love him. Nobody had ever explained how you’d know if you were in love with someone. It had been a natural occurrence to love my parents and brothers. But how did one know if they were truly in love with a stranger?
Two days later I settled my gaze on Brother Kohler while I served breakfast. We’d developed a routine. Each day when I looked at him, he would shake his head—his signal that no letter had arrived. But today he gave an emphatic nod—one that couldn’t be denied. Had a letter truly arrived? I bobbed my head in return, just to be certain. His broad smile told me what I’d hoped for.
The early morning chores seemed endless. For once I was eager to deliver the midmorning refreshments to the garden workers. I motioned for Berta to join me and then grabbed one of the baskets.
“Come on,” I urged when she dawdled longer than necessary.
“What’s your hurry? The quicker we leave, the quicker we’ll be back here preparing for the next meal.”
“We need to stop at the general store.” I kept my voice low and waited until we were away from the Küche before I said more.
“Brother Kohler signaled me during breakfast.”
“Did he say if there was any mail for me?”
“No.” I slowed my gait. “I didn’t know you were expecting a letter. Something important?”
“I wrote to that woman and told her my father no longer had any money. I said she should find a wealthy man—one without a wife. I thought she might respond, but she’ll probably write to my father instead.”
“Oh, Berta. If she writes to your father, you’ll be in a great deal of trouble.”
She kicked and sent a stone flying down the street. “What difference does it make? My parents ignore each other, and both of them ignore me. At least when my father is angry, he remembers I’m alive.”
Compassion stirred in my breast. Even though my parents wanted to control my future, there had never been a time when I felt unloved or ignored by either of them. I could always count on their help and comfort whenever needed. They were dependable, caring, and above all else, truthful. I couldn’t imagine parents who lived with lies
and deceit—parents who would hide painful secrets.
“I doubt she will write to you, either. We should pray for her.”
“Pray for her?” Berta stopped in the middle of the road. “If I pray for her, it will be that she dies and goes to hell.”
“Berta! You should never pray for such a thing. We are supposed to pray for our enemies. If God would touch Caroline’s heart and make her realize what a terrible thing she has done, it would change everything. She would become a different person and wouldn’t want to be with your father. She’d be sorry for her sin.” I touched Berta’s sleeve. “And we should pray for your father, too.” I doubted she wanted to hear me speak against him, yet he bore responsibility, as well.
“I know he is wrong, too, but it’s easier to blame her. I’ll pray for my father, but I’m not yet ready to pray for Caroline.”
“Then until you’re able, I shall do it for you,” I said.
I saw my mother wave from the far side of the garden as we approached. I gestured in return but continued into the shed, where we placed the baskets and jugs on the table and then hurried off. If we remained for even a short visit, there wouldn’t be time to stop at the general store. Returning down the path at a near run, we didn’t slow our pace until we were outside the store. Only then did fear descend and hold me in an unyielding grip. My feet wouldn’t move.
Berta grabbed hold of my arm and tried to tug me forward. “Come on!”
There was no denying the urgency in Berta’s voice, but my feet wouldn’t follow my brain’s command. Once more she yanked my arm. My torso bent forward, but my shoes remained stuck to the ground. If I didn’t move them, I’d fall flat on my face. That thought seemed to do the trick. I did a quick shuffle that brought my body into alignment with my feet just as I neared the step leading inside. With a slight hop I entered without mishap.
Brother Kohler stood behind the counter and waved the letter overhead. I wended my way between shelves filled with calicos and woolen fabric while Berta forged ahead of me. Had it not been for Brother Kohler’s quick reflexes, she would have snatched the letter from his hand.
“This isn’t addressed to you, Berta.” He stretched forward, and I accepted the missive.
The minute I set eyes on the writing I knew it was from Wilhelm. Finally! “Danke, Brother Kohler.”
“You’re welcome.” He tucked his thumbs beneath his suspenders and grinned. “There is one for your parents, as well, but I will give it to your father.” He glanced at Berta. “I don’t want to be accused of giving mail to the wrong person.”
She ignored his comment and gestured toward the boxes behind him. “Is there anything for me or my family?”
“Nothing has come for your father except one of those medical journals he is so fond of receiving.”
“May I see the letter to my parents, Brother Kohler?” I asked. When he hesitated, I said, “I only want to see if their letter is from the same person.”
He pulled the envelope from the box and placed it alongside mine. “Ja. You see, the writing is the same.” And so was the return address. Both of the letters were from Wilhelm.
“You won’t mention my letter when my father comes in, will you?”
He shook his head. “I gave my word. Your secret is safe with me.”
Fingers trembling, I opened the envelope and scanned the contents as we exited the store.
Berta danced in front of me, her excitement contagious. “Tell me what it says, please.”
I continued to scan, but I couldn’t resist her request. It was the most animated I’d seen her for days. There didn’t seem to be any mention of my coming for a visit, but then I stopped in my tracks. “He’s coming! Wilhelm is coming for a visit. He’ll arrive next Wednesday.” I clapped my hand to my mouth. Beneath his signature, he’d added that we would discuss a visit to Chicago once he arrived in Amana. “Oh, Berta! He’s going to bring his wife with him. Finally I’ll meet Larissa.” I grabbed her hands, and the two of us swung around in a circle. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
“It is wonderful. I hope you’ll introduce me to them.”
The breeze tugged on the strings of my lightweight bonnet as I tucked the letter into my skirt pocket. Until I knew for certain I would make the journey to Chicago, there was no need to tell Berta. “The letter says he also wrote to my parents and told them he was coming for a visit, but he didn’t tell them I had written to him.”
“Do you think your mother will write to him again and tell him he must wait even longer?”
“I don’t think so. It would be very rude, since he plans to bring his wife along. What would his wife think of us? My mother isn’t pleased Wilhelm married an outsider, but she wouldn’t want his wife to think we are rude.”
“Do you think they will bring you presents?” Berta asked.
“Maybe,” I said, but I didn’t care if they brought me a gift. More than a present, I wanted to meet my brother’s wife and have time to visit and make plans with Wilhelm and Larissa—alone.
CHAPTER 16
Carl appeared at our door the following evening after I had returned from the Küche. Hair damp and freshly combed, he sat down in the parlor.
Soon after, my mother made an excuse to go outside. “I think I will sit on the porch. The fresh air will be nice.”
Once she’d made her exit, Carl nudged me. “She wants to give us time alone, I think.”
I laughed. “Since she’s been outdoors working in the garden all day, I think you’re right. I doubt she needs more fresh air.” I kept my voice low.
“She hopes I will convince you the best thing is to get married and never again think of the outside world.”
“She told you that?”
He shook his head, his damp hair flying in all directions. “No, but your Vater asked me if we had talked.”
“What did you tell him?” My heart picked up speed.
He hesitated. “I hope you won’t think me a coward, but I told him it would be better if he spoke to you.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said he respected my wish to keep our conversation private. I’m sure he wants to know what you told me, so you should be prepared with your answers.” Carl brushed a thread from his pant leg. “It would be good if you let me know what you tell him.
I want to avoid any confusion.”
“So you didn’t tell him anything? Not about my going to Chicago or waiting until I return to discuss our courtship—nothing?”
“Nothing. If you tell your Vater of our talk, you can assure him I have agreed to wait until you come back from Chicago. Perhaps that will help him make his decision.”
“Thank you, Carl. You’re very kind.” His thoughtfulness touched me. I wanted to squeeze his hand, but I could never be so bold. “My brother Wilhelm and his wife are coming for a visit very soon. I hope to return to Chicago with them. I don’t know if Wilhelm or my parents will agree, but I am hopeful.”
A light breeze drifted in the window, carrying the scent of spring flowers. He leaned back as if to capture the smell. “To have them as travel companions would be a gut thing. And the sooner you go, the sooner you will come back home. At least that is my prayer.”
“Ja. And then we can learn more about each other.” I offered a tentative smile. “I don’t know much about your life before you came here.”
He glanced at the clock. “We don’t have to wait until then. There is time for us to begin to know each other right now.” His smile deepened and revealed a dimple in his right cheek that I’d never before noticed. “I think it is most important that a husband and wife always tell each other the truth. That is why I’m pleased you told me about Chicago. Even though I don’t want you to go, it pleases me that you were honest. What do you think is most important in a marriage?” Head held high, blue eyes seeking, he waited for my answer.
“Love. They must love each other very much.”
He leaned a little closer. “Ja. Love for sure, but what else?”
>
I’d never given much thought to such a question, but the sound of footsteps in the rooms overhead were a reminder of Dr. Schu-macher and his woman in Chicago. “Trust. I think trust is very important in a marriage.”
“That is gut, too. People in love should always be able to tell the truth and trust each other. Such love builds strong families, ja?”
A flash of heat warmed my cheeks. The mention of family meant children, and I didn’t want to discuss children when nothing had yet been settled about a courtship. I searched my mind for something, anything, that had to do with families but nothing to do with children. Finally I said, “I was surprised your Mutter didn’t come with you when you moved here.”
He rubbed his palm across the light growth of stubble that shadowed his jaw. “I would have liked that, but she didn’t want to leave High. It has been her home ever since the move from Buffalo. She is comfortable with her friends and knows everyone in High. It would be hard for her, but she encouraged me to move. She knew it was best.”
“Because of working with my Vater?”
“Ja, that and something else, too.”
His jaw twitched. What else was there that would make him want to move away from the village where he’d lived all his life? I arched my brows, anticipating whether he would tell me.
He clasped his sizeable work-worn hands together. “I have said truth is important. I also think it is gut if there are no secrets between a man and woman.” His voice faltered, and he cleared his throat. “Since you told me about your secret wish to see other places, maybe I should tell you something more about me. About my past few years in High.”
I didn’t realize I’d been holding my breath until I inhaled a deep gulp of air. His somber eyes made me even more curious. “Only if you want to.” Yet, for some unknown reason, I secretly wanted him to confide in me.
“Through all of my years growing up in High Amana, my parents were close friends with another family. Their rooms were in the same house as ours. They had a daughter, Karin, who was a few years younger than me.”
Judith Miller - [Daughters of Amana 01] Page 15
