But then the reality of her situation struck again, and Summer couldn’t keep it in anymore. She hugged her aunt as tight as her arms would allow and began to cry huge crocodile tears.
Aunt Iris wasted no time in fishing a hankie from her duffel and dabbing at Summer’s wet eyes. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong, my beautiful girl?”
“Everything. Everything is wrong. I’ve messed up so bad, Aunt Iris. So bad.” She accepted the handkerchief and blew her nose.
“C’mon, c’mon. Let’s get you home, and on the way you can tell me everything.”
Summer burst into tears anew. Home. How she wished Sweet Grove could be that to her, but no. Everything in the tiny town fit just so, and now that the rightful owner of Morning Glory’s had returned, there was no place for Summer—or at least no job.
How could she explain to her aunt everything that had happened these past few months? Now that Iris was here at last, Summer just wanted to go home—to her home, Iris’s home, not Summer’s. Not Summer’s. Not Summer’s.
“You know I love you very much, right?” Iris said as she sank behind the driver’s seat and transitioned the car into drive.
“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” Summer croaked, but Aunt Iris wouldn’t have any of that.
“Oh, honey. Love is always enough.”
Chapter 24
Brave. Ben needed to be brave. Not just about trivial things like his choices in reading or trying an exotic new food, but he needed to find the courage to take his life by the reins and steer it to the place he needed to be.
No more wallowing in misery. No more giving up. A lot had changed in the past few months, and it had all been because of the answer God had given to his once desperate prayer. It had all been because of Summer.
Feeling desperate once more, he now dropped on his knees to talk to the God who was no longer a stranger. “If it is Your will, God,” he prayed, “guide me. There isn’t much time.”
He knew that he’d need to be patient. God wasn’t a magic eight ball in the sky, after all. His will would be revealed in time. And though Ben put his faith first and foremost in Heaven, there was also a person on Earth who had expertly guided him in his relationship with Summer—and she was only a quick phone call away.
He waited for a few moments after placing the call while the nurse went to fetch his mother.
“Hello?” she answered at last. A wave of relief washed over him, just from hearing her voice.
“Mom, how are you doing?” And calling her Mom felt good, right at last.
She chuckled softly. “It gets easier every day.”
How would he broach this topic with her? He didn’t want to upset her, nor did he want it to seem as if he wasn’t also concerned with her recovery. He needed to be delicate. “So it stops hurting after a while, giving up the thing you love?” he said.
“Oh, Ben.” His mother sighed. “I didn’t love the booze, and the booze definitely didn’t love me.”
“What do you mean?” He waited for her to explain herself.
“I mean that I used it to hide from the things I really, actually do love—like you, like Stephen’s memory.”
Here it was, the opening he’d been waiting for—and so he asked, “How can you love a memory?”
“I’m pretty sure you already know exactly what I mean. Just because someone goes away, that doesn’t mean the love you felt for him goes away too. Feelings never die, Ben. Even if people sometimes do.”
“Mom, I didn’t mean to—”
“I know, son. I know. But you don’t have to handle me with kid gloves any longer. I’m getting the help I need here, thanks to you. I’m learning to live with the pain rather than hiding from it. But this call isn’t about me, is it? It’s about Summer.”
“How did you…?”
“She called a few days back. Told me about a job she’d interviewed for in Portland. Asked me not to say anything until she had the chance to talk to you herself. I take it she got it, huh?”
Ben broke down, feeling sorrow but also relief—relief that he could finally turn to his mother for strength, that she could now lift him up instead of always weighing him down. “Mom, what am I going to do?” he said, choking back a sob.
Susan didn’t seem as upset as he’d expected her to be, though her words remained kind, steady. “You’re going to stop her, obviously.”
“Stop her? But how?”
She let out a slow breath. When she spoke again, he could hear a smile behind her words. “I don’t know that, but I have a feeling you do.”
He shook his head, studied the linoleum on the kitchen floor. “I actually have no idea how I’m going to ask her to give everything up and stay with me.”
“Yes. You. Do. I’m going to teach you a trick the staff here has taught me. Ben, I need you to close your eyes.”
He complied immediately. He didn’t have any time to waste wondering what his mother was up to. He needed a solution, and he needed it now. “Okay.” Ben took a deep breath.
“Now picture your life five years from now,” his mother said. “If you keep going exactly as you are today, what will that life look like?”
Well, this thought exercise was easy. It’s something he’d thought of constantly since Summer had said she needed to go. “I’ll be alone, working at the grocery store, doing nothing with my life.”
“Okay, so that’s your reality if you don’t make a change today. Mine was that I’d still be drunk or possibly dead. Neither sounds so great—your future or mine. We both need a change.”
“I agree, but…” He wanted to argue, but he didn’t know what else to say. It was time for him to stop talking and just listen.
“Close your eyes again. Now think about your best possible life. Try to picture yourself five years from now, having achieved your dreams and being exactly the person you want to be.”
“Okay, I’m picturing it.”
“Are you alone, working at the grocery store, doing nothing with your life?”
He smiled, trying his best to hold onto the beautiful mental image he’d conjured. “No, I’m with Summer, and I’m happy.”
“What else?” his mother prompted.
“I don’t work at the grocery store anymore. I’m finally a teacher, like you.”
“Are you happy?”
“Yes, very.” He opened his eyes again and looked around the barren kitchen, the old house that had been the prison of his unhappiness for so many years past and would be for so many years to come. Just like that, he felt hopeless once more. He watched as his vision of Summer sank deeper and deeper beneath the surface. He groaned and said, “But I can’t—”
“Eh, eh, eh!” His mother corrected him. “Saying but, saying I can’t is why you haven’t made a change. It’s why you’re stuck, Ben. It’s why I was stuck. I can’t get through the day without a drink. I’ll give up booze, but I’ll do it tomorrow. I can’t. I can’t. But, but, but. You can. You will. Period.”
“It’s great you have so much faith in me, Mom, but I still don’t know what to do.”
“Yes, you do. Picture those two different lives again. What do you have to do to turn the first vision into the second? Can you just snap your fingers and make it so?”
“No, but—”
“Ben,” she warned. “No buts. You have to be confident, be brave to make a change. Don’t second guess yourself. Don’t second guess God’s plan. Think about it. Think about how you can turn that first future into the second, better one. You don’t need a Band-Aid, Ben. You need a cure. I can’t just say I’m going to stop drinking, and—poof—I’m cured. I need to do the work. I need to get at the source of why I drink and tackle that problem. That’s what I have to do to uncover my second future. Do you understand now?”
“I have to fix the reason why I’m losing Summer if I want to keep her?”
“Bingo. So go do it. You haven’t got any time to lose. And, Ben?”
“Yeah, Mom?”
“I love you, and y
ou can do this.” And with that simple affirmation, Ben knew he could make that second future a reality. He could make it his future. He just needed to be brave. Needed to stop finding problems and start making solutions.
He could, and he would.
Summer was leaving early the next morning, flying out of Texas and into Oregon—not sure when she’d ever manage to return. Because this was her last full day in Sweet Grove, she planned to spend the entire thing with Ben at her side. After all, she’d be leaving the biggest piece of herself behind in his care—her heart.
She’d spent the following evening catching up with Aunt Iris. It still felt odd, even today. She’d spent so much time living inside her favorite relative’s life, but hadn’t been able to actually spend any time with her in the flesh until now. Summer only wished she had more time with Iris, with Ben, and with trying to figure things out.
She’d shouted into the night sky all those weeks ago, saying she wasn’t afraid—but that had been a lie, or at least that’s the way it seemed now. She was terrified, actually, but she needed to keep moving forward. The future was now. Or at least as soon as she could pull herself out of bed.
A soft knock sounded on her door. Aunt Iris called from the other side, “Good morning, dear. Are you up?”
“Yeah, come in!” Summer sounded as if she had a frog stuck in her throat.
Aunt Iris padded in, Sunny Sunshine perched atop her shoulder and a steaming mug of tea in each hand. “Hard day already?”
Summer groaned. “I just keep wishing that if I shut my eyes hard enough I could go back to yesterday.”
Iris laughed in response. “If you figure that out, let me know how, too. We’d both be filthy rich!” She motioned for Summer to sit up. “Here, tea.”
Summer accepted the warm mug of what turned out to be English Breakfast with plenty of milk and sugar. The mug had a smiling sun on its front, but Summer didn't want to smile today—not for that sun or anyone else.
“Drink up,” her aunt urged. “It’s good for the soul. Good for the heart too.”
Summer turned the mug around so she didn’t have to look at the smiling sun anymore. She sighed and asked, “If you could go back in time, Aunt Iris, where would you go?”
“I’d stay right here,” Iris said without hesitation.
Summer thought about this for a moment. “But your whole life you saved up for that cruise, and now that it’s over, don’t you feel sad?”
“No, I’m happy that I got to go. I’ll keep those memories with me forever.”
“Are memories enough, though?” She frowned, but Aunt Iris continued to smile.
“Sometimes they have to be.”
“Did you ever fall in love?”
“My, lots of questions today!” Iris chuckled. “Of course I’ve fallen in love. A bunch of times. It’s impossible to go through life without finding it at least once.”
“Then how come you ended up alone?” Oh, she hoped that hadn’t come out rude.
Her aunt just winked at her, took another sip of tea, then said, “Who says this is the end, huh?”
“You know what I mean.” Summer had her whole life laid out before her. Why couldn’t she be happy like this? Maybe she had taken after her mother more than she’d thought.
Iris placed a hand on Summer’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Sometimes God gives us obstacles so we can prove to ourselves how much we really want the things we think desire.”
“So leaving means I didn’t want to be with Ben badly enough?”
“Oh, darling. It’s not over until you’re six feet under. Give it time. You’ll get there.”
Summer sighed. “I wish I was there already, wherever that is.”
“Don’t wish your life away. The best is yet to come.” Summer was pretty sure she’d seen both of those sayings on one of her aunt’s many coffee mugs, but decided not to point that out.
Iris held up an index finger and cocked her head to the side.
A moment later the doorbell gonged.
“I’m not ready to say good-bye,” Summer whispered. She also hadn’t made any effort to put herself together for the day, but that seemed less important now.
Iris shrugged. “Then don’t.” And with that, Iris breezed away, leaving Summer more confused than ever.
Chapter 25
Ben waited in the living room with Aunt Iris and Sunny Sunshine while Summer got dressed. “Did you have a good trip?” Ben said, doing his best to make small talk with a woman he hardly knew, though he’d been acquainted with her his whole life.
“You know it. In fact...” Iris grabbed her tablet from the coffee table, unlocked it, and handed it to Ben. “Pictures will make the waiting go by faster.”
They scrolled through beach after beach punctuated with pictures taken all over an elegant cruise ship. Iris was no stranger to the selfie and seemed to have invested in a selfie stick for the trip. She’d clearly made lots of friends during her trip, mostly with other middle-aged and elderly ladies, but a certain gentleman kept popping up in several of the shots…
“A little summer romance?” Ben marveled at how easily talking with Iris had become in the span of a few short minutes. She was Summer’s family, after all, and the reason his dream girl had turned up to Sweet Grove in the first place. That made her his own personal hero.
“You’re one to talk,” she teased. A smile spread across her face, and her eyes became unfocused as if looking into the past instead of the brightly decorated living room around them. “That’s Monty. A fancy name for the most down-to-earth man I’ve ever known.”
Ben wanted to ask more, but Summer stepped into the room and everything else in his world was immediately forgotten. She wore a bright yellow sundress and had her hair swept up into a bun. Not a speck of makeup showed on her face, and Ben liked it that way. He could even see the adorable freckles she tried so often to cover up.
He shot to his feet and pulled her into a hug.
“Kiss her!” Iris called, and Ben didn’t hesitate to follow instructions.
“Well, good morning to you too,” Summer answered.
“Are you ready to go?” Ben stole a quick look at his watch and realized that they were already a bit late for what he had planned.
“What’s the rush?” Summer looked toward her aunt, who simply shrugged and passed Sunny Sunshine from one hand to the other.
“If this is my last day with you, then I’m not going to waste a single second.” He kissed her again, then asked, “Remember that night when we jumped off the bridge at the Cider Mill?”
“Of course, I do. That’s one of my favorite memories of us.”
“Well, I thought we could head back one more time. Maybe throw a penny or two down the old wishing well while we’re at it.”
“Only if you promise me one of those delicious apple turnovers while we’re there.”
“Oh, Summer, I would never deprive you of that.”
“Then let’s go.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door. It seemed she didn’t want to waste a single second either.
At the cider mill, they walked hand in hand down the path that led to the old bridge.
“I can’t believe this is our last time here together,” Summer whispered. As if saying it louder would somehow make it even truer.
Ben reminded himself not to be sad, that it wasn’t over yet and if his plan worked, it wouldn’t be over at all. He asked, “You’ll come to visit your Aunt Iris sometimes, right?”
“Well, yeah, but probably not more than once a year.” She kicked at a pebble as they continued to forge ahead.
Ben stopped walking and pulled her to his chest. “Then visit me, too.” He only needed to keep his surprise for another five minutes or so, and to do that he had to act natural.
“Ben,” she warned.
“Yeah, I know, I know. Can’t blame a guy for trying though, right?” He gave her what he hoped looked like a sad smile.
“Thank you.” She pulled away fr
om him to continue down the trail, but he held tight to her hand. He gave her another kiss before allowing her to continue toward the bridge.
“Ben?” she asked once they were walking again.
“Yeah?”
“Why did you choose to bring me to the bridge today?”
He shrugged. “Why not?”
“Is it because we both promised to not be afraid and took that leap of faith?”
“Maybe.”
“And you think that by taking this job, I’m being afraid?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you do.” Summer frowned, then bit her lower lip.
“Hey, those are your words, not mine.”
“When promises run out, words are all we have left.”
“Who’s Confucius now?” he joked, recalling another memory from that night.
“Ben, I mean it. What else is there left to say other than good-bye?” Even though the day had only just begun, tears already threatened to tarnish her beautiful face. No, he couldn’t keep this from her for another second. He couldn’t let her cry, if there was any way to avoid it.
Ben pulled her back to him and kissed each of her eyelids in turn. “Summer, I’m not the only one who’s going to miss you. I’m not the only one who needs to say his good-byes.”
“What?” she sniffed.
“Look.” He pointed into the distance. “You should be able to just see the bridge from here.”
“Are those… balloons?”
“Maybe.”
“Ben, what did you do?”
“I don’t know,” he answered with a smile. “Race you to find out?” He took off at a slow jog, reaching out for Summer’s hand as he went. This time they reached the bridge together, hand in hand. The entire town of Sweet Grove—or, at least, just about—had crowded onto and around the bridge. A hand-painted banner hung from the railing they’d once jumped off. Bon Voyage, it read.
Balloons flanked the entry point of the bridge. Tables had been set up with food and drink and presents—all the proper fixings for a party. And in that moment, Ben thanked his lucky stars for a friend like Maisie. She’d arranged everything to his specifications and then some, giving him the chance to prepare the other part of the surprise for Summer.
Love's Prayer (The First Street Church Romances Book 1) Page 14
