Her muscles buzzed as she approached the vampire, the fight-or-flee instinct running through her like liquid lightning. A few feet away she picked up a foul smell, a rotting smell coming from the vampire. She stopped and swallowed hard.
“What exactly is it that you want?” she asked.
The vampire didn’t move. His face was covered by the high collar of his overcoat.
She took another step forward. “What am I supposed to be doing?”
The smell was stronger now. She concentrated on the vampire’s hands, trying to sense some movement that would warn her of an attack. There was none.
“Answer me!” she demanded. She stepped up and pulled the collar away from his face. She saw the glazed eyes and a bone jutting from the neck just as a hand clamped across her face and jerked her back off her feet.
She tried to reach behind her to claw her attacker’s face but he jerked her to the side. She opened her mouth to scream and two of his fingers slipped into her mouth. She bit down hard. There was a scream and she was free.
She wheeled on her attacker, ready to fight, his severed fingers still in her mouth.
The vampire stood before her, cradling his bloody hand.
“Bitch,” he said. Then he grinned.
Jody swallowed his fingers and hissed at him. “Fuck you, asshole. Come on.” She fell into a crouch and waved him on.
The vampire was still grinning. “The taste of vampire blood has made you brave, fledgling. Don’t take it too far.”
His hand had stopped spurting blood and was scabbing over as she watched. “What do you want?”
The vampire looked at the sky, which was turning pink, threatening dawn.
“Right now I want to find a place to sleep,” he said too calmly. He ripped the scab from his fingers and slung a spray of blood in her face. “Until we meet again, my love.” He wheeled and ran across the street into an alley.
Jody stood watching and shaking with the need for a fight. She turned and looked at the dead bum: the decoy. She couldn’t leave him here to attract police—not this close to the loft.
She glanced at the lightening sky, then hoisted the dead bum onto her back and headed back to the loft.
Tommy ran up the stairs and burst into the loft eager to share his discovery about Simon’s illiteracy, but once through the door, he was knocked back by a stinging rotten odor like bloated roadkill.
What’s she done now? he thought.
He opened the windows to air the place out and went to the bedroom, careful to open the door just wide enough to slip through without spilling sunlight on the bed. The smell was much stronger here and he gagged as he turned on the light.
Jody was lying on the bed with the electric blanket pulled up to her neck. Dried blood was crusted over her face. A wiggling wave of the willies ran up Tommy’s spine, stronger than any he had felt since his father had first told him the secret of ball-park hot dogs. (“Snouts and butt holes,” Dad had said, during the seventh-inning stretch. “I’ve got the willies,” said Tommy.)
There was a note on the pillow by Jody’s head. Tommy crept forward and snatched it off the pillow, then backpedaled to the door to read it.
Tommy,
Sorry I’m such a mess. It’s almost dawn and I don’t want to get stuck in the shower. I’ll explain tonight.
Call Sears and have them deliver the largest chest freezer that they have. There’s money in my backpack.
I missed you last night.
Love,
Jody
Tommy backed out of the room.
CHAPTER 18
BUGEATER OF THE BARBARY COAST
Tommy woke up on the futon feeling as if he had been through a two-day battle. The loft was dark but for the streetlights spilling through the windows and he could hear Jody running the shower in the other room. The new freezer was humming away in the kitchen. He rolled off the futon and groaned, his muscles creaked like rusty hinges and his head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton—like a low-grade hangover—not from the few beers he had shared with the Animals after work, but from the verbal beating he had taken from the appliance salesman at Sears.
The salesman, a round hypertensive named Lloyd, who wore the last extant leisure suit on the planet (powder blue with navy piping), had begun his assault with a five-minute lament on the disappearance of double knits (as if a concerted effort by a Greenpeace team in white vinyl shoes and gold chains might bring double knits back from the brink of extinction), then segued into a half-hour lecture on the tragedies visited on those poor souls who failed to purchase extended warranties on their Kenmore Freezemasters. “And so,” Lloyd concluded, “he not only lost his job, his home, and his family, but that frozen food that could have saved the children at the orphanage spoiled, all because he tried to save eighty-seven dollars.”
“I’ll take it,” Tommy said. “I’ll take the longest warranty you have.”
Lloyd laid a fatherly hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “You won’t regret this, son. I’m not one for high-pressure myself, but the guys that sell these warranties after delivery are like the Mafia—they’ll call you at all hours, they’ll hound you, they’ll find you wherever you go and they will ruin your life if you don’t give in. I once sold a microwave to a man who woke up with a horse’s head in his bed.”
“Please,” Tommy begged, “I’ll sign anything, but they have to deliver it right now. Okay?”
Lloyd pumped Tommy’s hand to start the flow of cash. “Welcome to better living through frozen food.”
Tommy sat up on the futon and looked at the behemoth freezer that was humming in the half-light of the kitchen. Why? he thought. Why did I buy it? Why did she want it? I didn’t even ask for an explanation from her, I just blindly followed her instructions. I’m a slave, like Renfield in Dracula. How long before I start eating bugs and howling at night?
He got up and walked, in his underwear and one sock, into the bedroom; the smell of decay was strong enough to make him gag. It was the smell that had driven him to sleep on the futon in the living room rather than crawl into bed with Jody. He’d fallen asleep reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula to get some perspective on the love of his life.
She’s the devil, he thought, staring at the steam creeping out from under the bathroom door. “Jody, is that you?” he asked the steam. The steam just crept.
“I’m in the shower,” Jody said from the shower. “Come on in.”
Tommy went to the bathroom and opened the door. “Jody, we need to talk.” The bathroom was thick with steam—he could barely make out the shower doors.
“Close the door; it smells in there.”
Tommy moved closer to the shower. “I’m worried about the way things are going,” he said.
“Did you get the freezer?”
“Yes, that’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“You got the biggest one they had, right?”
“Yes, and a ten-year extended-service agreement.”
“And it’s a chest model, not an upright?”
“Yes, dammit, but Jody, you didn’t even tell me why I was buying it and I just did it. Since I met you, it’s like I have no will of my own. I’ve been sleeping all day. I’m not doing any writing. I hardly even see daylight anymore.”
“Tommy, you work midnight to eight. When do you think you would sleep?”
“Don’t twist my words. I will not eat bugs for you.” She’s the devil, he thought.
“Will you do my back?” She slid the shower door open and Tommy was transfixed by the water cascading between her breasts. “Well?” she said, cocking a hip.
Tommy slipped out of his briefs, pulled off his sock, and stepped into the shower. “Okay, but I’m not eating any bugs.”
After a mad naked dash through the bedroom they sat on the futon toweling off and looking at the new freezer.
“It certainly is large,” Jody said.
“I bought a dozen TV dinners so it wouldn’t look so empty.”
&nbs
p; Jody said, “You’ll have to take them out; put them in the regular fridge.”
“Why? I don’t think they’ll fit.”
“I know, but I have something to put in there and I don’t think you’ll want your TV dinners in there with it.”
“What?”
“Well, you know that bad smell in the bedroom?”
“I was going to mention that. What is it?”
“It’s a body.”
“You killed someone?” Tommy slid down from her on the futon.
“No, I didn’t kill anyone. Let me explain.”
She told him about the bum, about creeping up on him thinking he was the vampire, and of the battle that ensued.
Tommy said, “Do you think he was trying to kill you?”
“I don’t think so. It’s as if he wants to show me how superior he is or something. Like he’s testing me.”
“So you bit off his fingers?”
“I didn’t know what else to do.”
“What was it like?”
“Honestly?”
“Of course?”
“It was a rush. It was an incredible rush.”
“Better than drinking my blood?”
“Different.”
Tommy turned his back on her and began to pout. Jody moved to him and kissed his ear.
“It was a fight, Tommy. I didn’t come or anything, but I swear, I felt stronger after I…after I swallowed.”
“So that’s why you were all crusty with blood when I got home?”
“Yes, it was almost dawn when I got the body upstairs.”
“That’s another thing,” Tommy said. “Why did you bring that stinky thing up here?”
“The police already found one body at the motel, and they have my name. Now they find another that was killed in the same way right next to where we live. I don’t think they’d understand.”
“So we’re going to keep it in the freezer?”
“Just until I figure out what to do with him.”
“I’m not comfortable with you calling it ‘him.’”
“Just until I figure out what to do with it, then.”
“There’s a big bay out there.”
“And how would you suggest that we get it down there without being seen?”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jody stood, wrapped a towel around herself, and walked back to the bedroom. “I’m going to put it in now; you might want to transfer your TV dinners.” She paused at the door. “And I’m out of clean clothes. You’re going to need to go to the Laundromat.”
“Why don’t you go?”
Jody regarded him gravely. “Tommy, you know I can’t go out during the day.”
“Oh no,” Tommy said. “Don’t pull that. I don’t know of a single Laundromat that’s not open all night. Besides, I can’t be your slave full-time. I have to have some time to get some writing done. And I might be taking on a student.”
“What kind of student?”
“A guy at work—Simon—he can’t read. I’m going to offer to teach him.”
“That’s sweet of you,” Jody said. She shook her hair out, let her towel fall to the floor and struck a centerfold pose. “Are you sure you don’t want to do the laundry?”
“No way. You have no power over me.”
“Are you sure?” She licked her lips sensually. “That’s not what you said in the shower.”
I will resist her evil, Tommy thought. I will not give in. He stood and started gathering his clothes. “Don’t you have a body to move?”
“All right then,” Jody snapped. “I’ll do the laundry while you’re at work tonight.” She turned and went into the bedroom.
“Good. I’ll be out here looking for some tasty bugs,” Tommy whispered to himself.
Midnight found Jody trudging down the steps with a trash bag full of laundry slung across her back. As she stepped onto the sidewalk and turned to lock the door she realized that she hadn’t the slightest idea where to find a Laundromat in this neighborhood. The rolling steel door to the foundry was open and the two burly sculptors were working inside, bracing a man-sized plaster mold for pouring. She considered asking them for directions, but thought it might be better to wait and meet them when she was with Tommy. The interior of the foundry was glowing red with the heat from the molten bronze in the crucible, making it appear to her heat-sensitive vision like hell’s own studio.
She stood for a moment watching waves of heat spill out the top of the door, to swirl and dissipate in the night sky like dying paisley ghosts. She wanted to turn to someone and share the experience, but of course there was no one, and if there had been, they wouldn’t have been able to see what she saw.
She thought, In the kingdom of the blind, a one-eyed man can get pretty lonely.
She sighed heavily and was starting toward Market Street when she heard a sharp staccato tapping of toenails at her heels. She dropped the laundry and wheeled around. A Boston terrier growled and snorted at her, then backed away a few feet and fell into a yapping fit that bordered on canine apoplexy, his bug eyes threatening to pop out of his head.
“Bummer, stop that!” came a shout from the corner.
Jody looked up to see a grizzled old man in an overcoat coming toward her wearing a saucepan on his head and carrying a wickedly pointed wooden sword. A golden retriever trotted along beside him, a smaller saucepan strapped to his head and two garbage-can lids strapped to his sides, giving the impression of a compact furry Viking ship.
“Bummer, come back here.”
The little dog backed away a few more steps, then turned and ran back to the man. Jody noticed that the little dog had a miniature pie pan strapped over his ears with a rubber band.
The old man picked up the terrier in his free hand and trotted up to Jody. “I’m very sorry,” he said. “The troops are girded for battle, but I fear they are a bit too eager to engage. Are you all right?”
Jody smiled. “I’m fine. Just a little startled.”
The old man bowed. “Allow me to introduce myself…”
“You’re the Emperor, aren’t you?” Jody had been in the City for five years. She’d heard about the Emperor, but she’d only seen him from a distance.
“At your service,” said the Emperor. The terrier growled suspiciously and the Emperor shoved the little dog, head first, into the oversized pocked of his overcoat, then buttoned the flap. Muffled growls emanated from the pocket.
“I apologize for my charge. He’s long on courage, but rather short on manners. This is Lazarus.”
Jody nodded to the retriever, who let out a slight growl and backed away a step, the garbage-can lids rattled on the sidewalk.
“Hi. I’m Jody. Pleased to meet you.”
“I hope you will forgive my presumption,” the Emperor said, “but I don’t think it’s safe for a young woman to be out on the street at night. Particularly in this neighborhood.”
“Why this neighborhood?”
The Emperor moved closer and whispered. “I’m sure that you’ve noticed that the men and I are dressed for battle. We are hunting a vicious, murdering fiend that has been stalking the City. I don’t mean to alarm you, but we last saw him on this very street. In fact, he killed a friend of mine right across the street not two nights ago.”
“You saw him?” Jody asked. “Did you call the police?”
“The police will be of no help,” the Emperor said. “This is not the run-of-the-mill scoundrel that we are used to in the City. He’s a vampire.” The Emperor lifted his wooden sword and tested the point against the tip of his finger.
Jody was shaken. She tried to calm herself, but the fear showed on her face.
“I’ve frightened you,” the Emperor said.
“No—no, I’m fine. It’s just…Your Majesty, there are no such things as vampires.”
“As you wish,” the Emperor said. “But I think it would be prudent for you to wait until daylight to do your business.”
“I need to do my
laundry or I won’t have any clean clothes for tomorrow.”
“Then allow us to escort you.”
“No, really, Your Majesty, I’ll be fine. By the way, where is the nearest Laundromat?”
“There is one not far from here, but it’s in the Tenderloin. Even during the day you wouldn’t be safe alone. I really must insist that you wait, my dear. Perhaps by then we will have exterminated the fiend.”
“Well,” Jody said, “if you insist. This is my apartment, right here.” She dug the key out of her jeans and opened the door. She turned back to the Emperor. “Thank you.”
“Safety first,” the Emperor said. “Sleep well.” The little dog growled in his pocket.
Jody went inside and closed the door, then waited until she heard the Emperor walk away. She waited another five minutes and went back onto the street.
She shouldered the laundry and headed toward the Tenderloin, thinking, This is great. How long before the police actually listen to the Emperor? Tommy and I are going to have to move and we haven’t even decorated yet. And I hate doing laundry. I hate it. I’m sending our laundry out if Tommy won’t do it. And we’re going to have a cleaning lady—some nice, dependable woman who will come in after dark. And I’m not buying toilet paper. I don’t use it and I’m not going to buy it. And something has to be done about this asshole vampire. God, I hate doing laundry.
She had gone two blocks when a man stepped out of a doorway in front of her. “Hey momma, you need some help.”
She jumped in his face and shouted, “Fuck off, horndog!” with such viciousness that he screamed and leaped back into the doorway, then meekly called “Sorry” after her as she passed.
She thought, I’m not sorting. It all goes in warm. I don’t care if the whites do go gray; I’m not sorting. And how do I know how to get out bloodstains? Who am I? Miss Household Hints? God, I hate laundry.
The clothes jumped and played and dived over each other like fabric dolphins. Jody sat on a folding table across from the dryer watching the show and thinking about the Emperor’s warning. He’d said, “I don’t think it’s safe for a young woman to be out on the street at night.” Jody agreed. Not long ago she would have been terrified if she’d found herself in the Tenderloin at night. She couldn’t even remember coming down here during the day. Where had that fear gone? What had happened to her that she could face off with a vampire, bite off his fingers, and carry a dead body up a flight of stairs and shove it under the bed without even a flinch? Where was the fear and loathing? She didn’t miss it, she just wondered what had happened to it.
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