by Laura Winter
Which is why I was completely confused when he parked the car right in front of the library.
I watched the librarian shutting off the lights inside the building before I turned to Nate. “You’re taking me on a date to the library? After it has already closed?”
Nate rolled his eyes. “I love you, but trust me for once. Shut up and get out of the car.”
I laughed and complied. Nate waited at the front of the car to hold my hand as we walked up to the front doors. The librarian was waiting for us with a smile.
“Oh, Nathaniel, you were right about this one. She is gorgeous.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Gilchrist,” he said, winking at me. I felt my face get warm.
“You two have a nice evening,” she sang as she handed Nate a ring of keys and propped the door open. “Nathaniel, lock up when you’re done please.”
“Will do, Mrs. Gilchrist. Thanks again for this,” he said, smiling as she patted his hand.
“Anything for you, dear.” She gracefully slid past us and left the library in the hands of two teenagers.
I was too busy staring off at her to notice Nate had already stepped inside. He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.
“How do you know her?” I asked as we got inside.
I almost forgot my question the moment we walked in. The smell of books immediately calmed me down. I closed my eyes and let it rush over me. I had forgotten how much I loved that smell when I had spent months locked away in House’s library trying to find ways not to die. There were no bad memories, no panic attacks, just complete calm. I missed that feeling. I opened my eyes to Nate staring at me, smiling a truly happy smile.
“Mrs. Gilchrist used to watch me when my parents were out of town,” he said, looking around. He seemed excited, like a kid in their imaginary world. He ran his free hand over a few of the shelves. “She always brought me here so I could read and play hide and seek between the bookcases.”
Nate walked along before pulling me around the corner into the fiction section. He stopped walking at one of the shelves, took a breath, and made three small but calculated steps forward. He knelt, pulling a couple books off the shelf as I sat down next to him. Underneath the books, scratched in small block letters, were the initials ‘NB’.
“Don’t tell Mrs. Gilchrist these are here. She would kill me,” he laughed.
“So, you were a troublemaker after all? We really were made for each other,” I said, leaning closer to him to hide my face.
I felt a lonely guilt all of a sudden. Here was Nate showing me his childhood, a part of me that was missing. Even more so, here was a piece of him I didn’t know before. In fact, there was a lot about him I didn’t know, yet he knew everything about me. Clara had only been around for eight months, and most of that time had been focused on her.
“Oh, I was a troublemaker, alright,” he said, pulling me out of my trance. “One time, this bad boy fed vegetables to Mrs. Gilchrist’s dog so I wouldn’t have to eat them.” Nate stood up and pulled me along with him.
“That is the exact definition of a bad boy,” I laughed.
“Totally backfired though. The dog had the worst gas.”
Nate used the keys to open a door in the back of the library. He led me up two flights of stairs and opened the exit to the roof, but let me step outside first.
My smile faded as my jaw dropped in complete awe. It was a beautiful evening, but this rooftop outdid it. There was a small garden out to the left, delicately lit with string lights, and at the edge of the building, a table was set up facing toward downtown Forest Hills. In the background, I could hear his speaker already playing music.
Heaven (All Around You). Apollo LTD.
“So,” Nate said, sliding in front of me. “How did I do?”
I opened my mouth, but couldn’t find the right words. I think he realized I was happy with it because his smile grew even bigger. Finally, I forced something out. “You did this? All of this?”
He scrunched his nose through his smile. “As much as Glitch claims he taught me everything I know, I think I can come up with a date night that’s perfect for my girlfriend.” He pulled me toward the table. “Pizza on the library roof, overlooking downtown so you can people watch without being around them, followed by the real night sky so you can update your ceiling art.”
I stopped him before we got to the table and pulled him into my kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. I only pulled away because I had forgotten to breathe.
“How are you possible? How does a perfect guy like you exist?” I stared up at him, completely and madly in love.
“Shit, if you keep kissing me like that I’ll take you on this date every night for the rest of our lives,” he said, out of breath too as he leaned down and kissed me again.
Karaoke. Smallpools.
The night was perfect. Blue Soul connection or not, Nate and I really did love each other. I made him share more about his childhood, making sure I didn’t let my empty mind wander off. I didn’t have to feel lonely anymore, even if part of me was missing. I had him by my side, always forever.
We pulled the cushions off the garden furniture and leaned back to stare at the sky. I waved my hand through the air, forgetting that I couldn’t actually control the night sky like the paintings I did on my ceiling. It didn’t make it any less beautiful.
Nate sighed. “So, I’ve been thinking…”
“I wouldn’t know what you’ve been thinking since you’ve kept me out of your head,” I cut in, dropping my hand out of the air.
“Remember this morning when you said you wished we lived together?” Nate reached over and pulled my hand into his chest.
“Yes…?”
“Well, it got me thinking more about our future. I know we still have prom and all that college stuff to do, but what would you think about marriage? Is that… something you’d be interested in?”
I could feel his heart pick up in his chest, and I guess I understood why. With my apathy toward dates and other romantic things, he was probably nervous I wouldn’t like that idea. Actually, I had never thought about that before, but I knew the answer without question.
“Nate, I love you. Of course I want to marry you,” I said, leaning up to look at him. “Wait, are you asking me?”
“Yes and no,” he replied. He leaned up and ran his hand through my hair. “I mean, yes, I want to marry you. But also no, I’m not asking you right now. I’d do a proper proposal.”
“What in the world is a ‘proper proposal’?” I asked, slightly concerned.
He laughed. “Nothing crazy. I just wasn’t sure if marriage was something you’d like. I love you, and I love what we have, but marriage is something I’d want with you. Also, I have to make sure guys know you’re not available.”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have anyone to be jealous of, Nate. I like the idea of marrying you.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, well, it’ll still take time. I can’t really afford a ring right now, and definitely not one you deserve.”
“You better not buy some expensive ring that I’ll most definitely lose. I can hardly keep track of these two necklaces and they literally hang on my neck.”
“I guess you’ll just have to wait and be surprised by it,” he said, winking.
I groaned. “Ugh, that means I have to keep wearing real clothes, huh? You won’t propose to me in sweats, will you?”
“I don’t know, I kind of like it when you look like a hobo.” Nate pushed forward and dug his face into my neck, sending a shiver through my spine.
“That’s the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me. Marry me now.”
I lifted his face up into mine, changing the song with my other hand.
Fashion. The Royal Concept.
5
Clara
It was almost comical to see Luci’s face when Nate and I walked out of his house Tuesday morning. She was stunned that we had spent the night together, and more so that our parents allowed it. I was going
to have to do a better job blocking out Luci’s thoughts. It wasn’t fair to keep listening to her when she didn’t know I could hear her, but it was hard to resist knowing secret first impressions.
Though it was hard not to be offended that she was disappointed she wouldn't get to see House. Whatever trick House used to protect me had faded from people’s minds. They no longer saw a dingy cabin, yet couldn’t remember why they ever saw it that way. I’m sure if we were in danger, House would revert back to protecting us.
“Fight with your mom?” Glitch asked, looking at me through the rear view mirror. Or nightmares?
I loved that I had friends and family that looked out for me, but I hated that they were always put in a position to worry about me.
“Fight with my mom,” I said, shaking my head to answer his thought. After last night, I was actually in a better mood and had almost forgotten about the fight. It helped that I had slept through the night too.
“How was your date?” Luci asked, turning around in her seat to smile at us.
“It was perfect,” Nate replied, squeezing my hand.
I winked at him. “Clearly, because I still slept with you.” The embarrassed reactions I got from Nate and Luci were totally worth it.
“Gross. Get a room,” Glitch groaned, rolling his eyes before focusing on me in the mirror. C, I think Luci wants to be your friend. Will you do me a solid and talk with her?
Yikes, I’d need to be on better behavior to actually get Luci to like me. I didn’t want to drive her away, and besides, I owed Glitch. I smiled and nodded at him and he relaxed. Now I’d just have to figure out how to make a new friend.
I didn’t have to wait long.
“Hey, I’m gonna go fix my hair,” she said, pulling a bobby pin from her ponytail as we walked into school. “Care to help?”
I thought about the giant purple and messy bun I had on top of my head before remembering that was something girls said so they could gossip or something in the bathroom. This is what I get for only hanging out with guys. At least she was going to make the first friendship move.
“Yeah, sure,” I said, giving my best smile. I could hear Nate laughing in the back of my head as I followed Luci into the bathroom.
She leaned against the sink and pulled her hair out of her ponytail. It was a lot shorter than mine, and significantly less curly, but it still hung around her shoulders. Luci pulled a brush out of her bag and started combing through her hair. Is this what girls usually did in here?
“So, um, you and Nate are…” Luci sounded really uncomfortable as I just stood and stared at her. I wasn’t quite sure what to do.
“Are dating? Love each other? Are sleeping together?” I raised an eyebrow, fighting the urge not to listen to her thoughts.
“Yeah, that last one. How are you so comfortable talking about it like you do?” she asked, gathering her hair back into a ponytail while eyeing me in the mirror.
I shrugged. “I don’t really care what other people think.” When you could hear everyone’s thoughts, including what they thought about you, you had to develop a thick skin. Sometimes I wasn’t great at not letting those things bother me. “Plus, I love him so it’s easy. And it’s fun to watch him get all nervous about it.”
Luci laughed. “Yeah, I noticed that.” She turned to face me. “I just think it’s interesting how relaxed you are about that stuff. I wish I could do that. I’m so nervous around Glitch. Don’t tell him, but I’ve kind of had a crush on him for a few years.”
“Wait, that’s adorable,” I said, leaning against the wall. “Now I’m officially even with Glitch because I told him to talk to you.”
“So maybe I’m the one who owes you,” she replied, sticking the bobby pin into her hair to hold up a loose strand. So that’s what those things were for. I could actually use some of those for my tangled mess.
“How about you repay the favor this weekend? Nate’s mom and my mom are making me go prom dress shopping on Saturday and I need saving,” I begged, slumping my shoulders.
“Wait, really?” Luci looked surprised.
“I mean, if you don’t mind being seen with me in public. Or are you surprised that I’m going to wear a dress?” I laughed and gestured to my outfit. I had worn my jeans from yesterday and stolen one of Nate’s oversized long sleeves this morning. I looked like a train wreck.
Luci hesitated. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
I shook my head. “I know, you don’t have to be sorry. I’m kinda new to this whole ‘other friends’ thing and I’m not really sure how to act except like this. I already told you I don’t really care what people think of me. Clearly I don’t care about my outfits or hair either.” We both laughed and Luci relaxed.
“Well,” she said, standing a little taller. “If you are still offering, I’d be happy to go with you. I don’t have a dress yet, so this is perfect.”
“Trust me, this is the best favor ever. I’d rather get your opinion and help than get it from Angie and my mom.”
Luci slid her arm through mine as we walked out of the bathroom. Wow, making friends was easy.
“Don’t take this the wrong way either, but you’re actually really nice,” Luci said, smiling.
“You better not go around telling people that. I have a reputation around here,” I jeered, bumping her hip as we walked.
Nate and Glitch were both surprised when Luci and I walked up to them arm in arm.
“C, you literally take everyone away from me,” Glitch said, shaking his head and pointing to our arms together. “First Nate, now Luci. How is it that you hate people but are so good at that?”
I handed Luci over to Glitch to help her out a bit. Her thoughts were a mixture of nervousness and thankfulness while her face just showed she was embarrassed.
“Luci is saving me from the horrors of dress shopping on Saturday, so I have to be nice,” I said to Glitch, winking at Luci next to him.
“You aren’t going to prom in my old sweatshirt?” Nate asked, reaching out to pull me over to him.
I grinned and pressed my chest into Nate, leaning up toward his face. “It’s comments like that that really turn me on. I love you.”
“Oh my god, we’re leaving before you two start making out,” Glitch groaned, dragging Luci away to walk her to class.
6
Nate
Clara wasn’t happy to go back to House, but I finally convinced her to go home. She was hoping to avoid her mom a little longer.
I knew all of this was hard on both of them, but they refused to have a civil conversation about their issues. Clara struggled because no matter what she tried, she couldn’t remember her past, so she just stopped trying. She decided to give up on Finnley.
Ellie, on the other hand, was still trying to relate to her daughter. She wanted Clara to be Finnley, and you could tell she was hurt that Clara didn’t go by her real name, but Ellie didn’t quite get what that name felt like to Clara.
On top of that, Clara wouldn’t talk to her mom about her nightmares. She was haunted by Richard and her death but tried to hide it because, at one point, Ellie had loved Richard. Still, I wished Clara would at least talk to her mom about dying, especially because Ellie had done it too. It was surprising that Ellie didn’t seem to have any issues after that. Maybe she had a method to cope with it that Clara could use.
When House let us in, Ellie was sitting on the couch flipping through some old library books. She looked up and gave us a weak smile.
“How was your date last night? You didn’t come home so I’ve been waiting to ask.”
“Amazing,” Clara answered, trying hard to change her mood toward her mom after their last conversation. “We had pizza on the library roof and watched the stars.”
Ellie seemed to be trying too. “That does sound amazing, and very much your style. What all did you talk about?”
“A lot of things. A bit of Nate’s past and some about our future and getting married and stuff,” Clara shrugged,
casually brushing over the topic of marriage. Did she really want to marry me or was she only saying that because I was interested?
Of course I really want to marry you, idiot. Clara leaned her head on my shoulder. After spending the last day hiding my thoughts from her, I had a slight headache and couldn’t focus to keep them blocked.
Ellie’s smile faded into confusion. “‘Getting married and stuff’? Did Nate propose to you?”
“No, not yet,” I said, wrapping my arm around Clara’s shoulders. “We were just talking about it.”
